• JaneyM posted a new activity comment 3 days, 1 hour ago

    Hi, welcome! : )

  • JaneyM posted a new activity comment 3 days, 1 hour ago

    Some days are just strange, but you’re doing amazingly Lucy!! : )

  • JaneyM posted a new activity comment 3 days, 1 hour ago

    Hi, welcome! : )

  • JaneyM posted a new activity comment 3 days, 1 hour ago

    Happy birthday @kjpeche! And you’ll be on day 105! I don’t remember how to do emojis on my laptop for this site but imagine these: fireworks, happy face, birthday cake. xo

  • JaneyM posted a new activity comment 3 days, 1 hour ago

    Fantastic @Jennah! : )

  • JaneyM posted a new activity comment 1 year, 9 months ago

    I am so sorry for the loss of your friend. What a difficult time you must be having. The anxiety will subside after some time after you stop drinking. Big hugs, you can do this.

  • JaneyM posted a new activity comment 2 years, 8 months ago

    Hi cloudnine!! : )

  • JaneyM posted an update 2 years, 8 months ago

    Hi All! Can I ask how you guys approach sobriety – do you think you’ll have a drink one day in the (far) future or never as I know @Mrs. D has said with conviction. I’m on the fence about this. I know it’s one day at a time, and I’m good with that, just curious how you consider your own sobriety. Thanks and have a beautiful day! x

    • I’d never have *Just one*.
      For me it has always led to much more, and really not worth it!
      Last time I had a couple of drinks feeling sad about a close friend’s funeral, it too me six MONTHS to get off the booze even though I knew I hould, long before that.

      I’ve heard this in AA a number of times as well, that we will always end up where we were before, if we start boozing.
      There is now NOTHING that will entice me to *have a drink* It’s lost all of it’s appeal. 🙂

    • I think I am with Odette, although I was quite a moderate but dependent drinker, the mental struggle to keep it that way was an exhausting battle – and, I didn’t even realise!
      As time went on, 160/ 200 days was a turning point, I found the taste of alcohol was repulsive, chemically and very off putting, so that helped lots!
      I also continue to feel younger, better, happier fitter, thinner (792 days), so going back to a toxic, highly carcinogenic poison, to have a fuzzy head and less control and clarity over my thinking would be very punishing; strange; ridiculous.
      That is not to say the long term brainwashing and mental patterning doesn’t sometimes kick in strongly and order me to give in and grab a ‘relaxing’ drink, but the best strategy ever, play it forward, cures that thought pretty fast now.
      Tell us how you get on with your thoughts and plans 🙂
      Everyone is a bit different.

    • When you are pregnant for the first time everyone tells you about the horrors of childbirth and gives you all sorts of baby advice. No one thinks to warn you of the absolute and unconditional love you will instantly feel for that child. And I believe it’s a bit like our sobriety. We have all the fears of what life will be like without our precious drinkies, and no one warns us that we will end up absolutely loving living on a higher plane in all ways. The idea of drinking again takes care of itself. It’s like why would ya.?

    • I view my sobriety as a wonderful permanent and deliberate part of my life, Day 928 here and absolutely no regrets!
      Great that you have joined us, happy day one to you!

    • I have gone in with the ‘never again’ approach. I’m only on Day 120 though… I gave up smoking the same way. Knowing I won’t have to stress about having a drink again gives me great relief. I know everyone is different but I think that if you thinking that you may have a drink ‘one day in the future’ then it’s always going to be in your mind and subconsciously you’ll be waiting for that day. I have proved to myself I can’t moderate my alcohol intake (much to my annoyance) so it really is easier (for me) to just know that I won’t drink anymore. Good luck.

    • Honestly you couldn’t drag me back into that ridiculous life. I won’t be drinking again. Absolutely not. I don’t have the moderation button. Here’s how it would go for me. Let’s say today is the day I have the first drink.
      Decide I’m going to moderate (that sentence is so ridiculous it’s actually funny). Have one glass of wine tonight. Feel all happy with myself that I had just one. Decide I could have another one again the next day. Well it’s a long weekend and I did only have one the first time. Successfully have just one (although slightly larger) on Sunday night. Start telling myself I’ve got this moderation thing sussed. Don’t drink anything on Monday night so I can crow about how bloody clever I am. Tuesday, first day back of a short week. There is some wine left in my fridge… just one. I have to get rid of it anyway. Finish the bottle. Wednesday, feeling a bit shit actually. Mentally and physically. Push through that. Thursday I make sure I create dinner plans for the weekend. I’ll be able to have wine with my meal now that I’m moderating. Go shopping on Thursday for the dinner and buy some wine. Just one bottle. No need to be silly about it. Drink half of that on Thursday night. Bugger. Drink second half on Friday night. Buy more for the dinner. Drink an entire bottle on Saturday night. Feel like a total bag of shit all day Sunday. Ugh. I’d forgotten about this hangover stuff. Spend Monday, feeling uncomfortable in my skin. Tuesday buy a bottle of wine. That’ll last me all week, because I moderate now (ha hahaha idiot) Thursday, buy two bottles because actually, that Tuesday bottle is already gone. Pop into the supermarket on Friday after work and grab another bottle for the weekend ‘just in case’.
      Two weeks into my moderation journey I would be ‘organized’ again. There would always be a bottle of wine in my fridge. Probably two. I would be back in the world of regret and hangovers. By week three I would be back to drinking a…[Read more]

    • I think in the very early days I couldn’t imagine never drinking again so I focused on each day, then reaching that first week, then two weeks, thirty days. As I read about others achieving the milestones of 60 days, 90 days, six months, I set my sights on reaching those as well, and all the while working on coping with life and emotions without alcohol. In the back of my mind I still thought “let’s see where I’m at in five years, or maybe when I retire I’ll have done enough work on myself that alcohol won’t be a thing for me anymore.” I think those thoughts are normal for many. Now I’m approaching 600 days and 99 percent of the time I think alcohol is a useless drug that would add nothing to this wonderful life I have and it has absolutely no appeal for me. Maybe in another 600 days I will be 100 percent sure of that. Bottom line is removing alcohol has been the best gift I could give myself and I don’t see why I would ever want to change that.

      • Awesome! I was thinking last night, as I was walking my dog (INSTEAD of drinking alcohol), “I can’t wait to get to 30 days, then 90 days, then 180, then 360!” So, now that I have set my sights on that, that has become another motivator!

    • Its has taken me a long time but I have reached a place in my heart now where I am at peace and like myself and know that introducing a glass of ethanol alcohol poison scientifically proven to increase cancer risk and no doubt put me back on the path of self loathing has no place in my life. I would never of imagined in a thousand years I would feel this way at the beginning of this journey.

    • Hi I stopped drinking about May— 4 months – then recently decided to have a drink when out with friends… Last week.. I relaised it was creeping back up…… I don’t like the feeling, I don’t like how my brain works even after a drink… so I guess for me it is best if I don’t drink at all. Always had quite a low tolerance for alcohol which has increased as I got older. No one around me cares if I drink or not— there is no pressure….. I guess it’s just up to me…. to be clear…. obviously not quite there yet.
      It’s that social thing…..

    • I’m on day 7 of a 100 day challenge. I know it needs to be forever but that is so daunting right now. I’ve taken my 7 days day be day and I’ll continue that way, atleast until I hit 100. I feel like I need to do a lot of work on my thinking between now and then. I know I want to keep going beyond 100 but it stresses me out to think about it. I’m really looking forward to feeling happy about ‘forever’ 🙂

      • You are doing the hard yards right now! I found that focusing on what I was gaining from not drinking, rather than what I felt I was losing, really made the difference for me. Everyday I would think about how good I felt, and how free I was! I could drive any time I liked after 6:00pm! I didn’t HAVE to follow my craving and swere into the bottle shop on my way home from work every day! I didn’t wake up with heartburn and regret at 3:00 am every morning, and then rise at 6:30 with a bloated face and dry mouth. I remembered the end of every movie, and didn’t have to worry about what I may have said to someone that I couldn’t remeber! I felt GOOD! Hang in there, and you will start experiencing such great rewards that you truly won’t want to drink again. Day 345 for me, and loving it! x

        • Thanks @Deb65. I believe everyone here when they say that and I’m holding onto it for dear life 🙂 you’re almost at one year! Amazing 🙂

    • Great question and responses here @JaneyM. I think a lot of us have these creeping thoughts about ‘just one’. It’s a bit annoying to think there’s something I ‘can’t’ do that I used to be able to do. I find it hard to think about forever, so I don’t. I think that I want to find out what life is like without alcohol. Now, 7 months in, I’m finding that it is a whole lot better in every way without alcohol. It really wouldn’t add anything. I suppose I could try to have a glass here and there, but the risk of that, the loss of momentum, the way my thinking would again start to revolve around alcohol, for the gain of a glass of wine….really doesn’t seem like much of a gain.
      I just listened to a Belle One Minute message about the urge to think we’re ‘cured’ this morning. She said, she really likes her life now without alcohol, and she didn’t like her life with it, so why try drinking again. That’s how it is for me. It just doesn’t add anything, so I keep choosing not to add it in.

    • I know that having 1 or 2 would lead to me being back in my old habits within a week. So I’m trying not to indefinitely. I’ll never say never again but that is what I am aiming for. At the moment all is going well but it seems a bit sad to think of never having a glass of wine again so I just don’t think too far ahead. Am really enjoying sobriety though, even though it’s early days. (41 actually) My first goal was a week, then double figures, then 2 weeks then the twenties, then 3 weeks, then 4 weeks, then the thirties, then 5 weeks, then the forties, now looking forward to 6 weeks tomorrow. That’s how I roll!

    • So many great comments from such a great question. I just don’t think I can drink again because I would go down that slippery slope that @ylang-ylang described so well. It’s just too good at 119 days and I don’t want to risk going back down that road. I don’t think forever, I just think of the person I want to be. And that’s not a whisky smashing cowgirl that I thought I was, when in reality I was a slurring, antagonistic drunk. No, the person I want to be is just plain happy, and that means being sober today.

    • I choose to not think about it. It serves me no purpose. Heck, I might get hit by a bus tomorrow, actually that is highly unlikely because I will be fishing – but I guess I could get eaten by a shark.

      Since my life is hanging by such a precarious thread with the likely outcome death by shark, having a drink 10 years from now is the least of my worries 😉

    • A great addition there @KayLee. I was in a hurry and did a brief version, leaving out your important input. 🙂

  • JaneyM posted an update 2 years, 9 months ago

    Hi, I’m interested in knowing what people on this site think about smoking a little weed. I am staying sober with alcohol. I haven’t smoked in years but another friend in AA smokes a little. But am thinking about whether it would violate my own sobriety. It would likely, but I’d like to hear if you have any thoughts on this? thanks, happy week-end

    • I guess it depends on the intent behind using it, is it the same reason you turned to drinking?
      tending to think its prob not a good idea but if it doesn’t trigger an addictive tendencies and it helps in some way – like my antidepressants are really helping me

    • For me I would be swapping one addictive substance for another. One that is harder to get hold of, is currently illegal, and which also causes cancer and depression (like alcohol).

      I also remember the days when irould always have “a little weed” in the house, and I would never leave it alone. More like smoke it till it was all gone.

      So no. I don’t think it’s a good idea. Sorry if that’s not what you wanted to hear @janeym

      • I’m the same as @enzedgirl. If it’s there I smoke it (or swallow it – I used to do quite a mean hash brownie:) ), – in my very early sober days my step daughter left some weed in the house after a visit and it was like a toxic magnet.

        But then, I don’t seem to be very good at taking any mind altering substances on a ‘casual’ basis. You might be different. If it was me I’d stay well clear @JaneyM.

    • First off think it may depend on whether it’s legal or not where you live. Secondly would be if you could be trading one addiction for another. I guess for me the biggest issue would be the legality.

    • I guess my question is, if you haven’t smoked in years, then why are you thinking of going to the trouble of buying it and smoking it now @JaneyM? Now, when you’ve stopped drinking.

    • You know the answer to this one. Listen to your conscience.

    • I have a different perspective on this @janeym I wouldn’t encourage smoking it but maybe a bit of baking? I guess that for me, i dont think that alcohol and weed compare, totally different effects and consequences.

  • JaneyM became a registered member 2 years, 9 months ago