Day 1. Feeling pretty horrible and scared of what I’ve done to myself, being so dependent on alcohol. How its impacted my family. I can hardly look at my husband today, after consuming too much wine at Easter as usual. He looks so disappointed and grossed out by me. I dont even have anything to say. Hoping the day will be a good one. Thanks for being here.
Oh, @Izzy. You don’t sound so good. Today might not be the day to ‘set the record straight’ with your husband. That’s hard enough to do with yourself, and may very well be the place you begin, with you. Drinking the way we have to, wrecks our kind. You’re right. I’ll never forget what a friend said last year, he said alcohol will ruin your life, then it comes back for you. Alcohol is the king-pin of liars.
Oh Izzy that’s no good 😕. Please take care of yourself today, leave the self- flagellation behind- it’s not going to help. Be kind to yourself, kind to your husband – and do the best thing you can for both of you: don’t drink. Alcohol is such a bastard, you will get through this. Comfort and warmth to you….
Hi Izzy ….. day one is a great start ….. the wheel of change means we sit in the contemplative stage until something triggers us to the next stage which is Action …….and here you are now doing it well done …..be kind to yourself xx
@izzy good for you that you are here. I have been there many times with my partner looking at me like I am shit. We already feel all the shame and guilt so don’t need to be kicked further down than what we are. They don’t understand that we didn’t mean to, when we made the promise not to drink we really did mean it, we are not setting out to deliberately hurt and deceive them and we do truly love them. I said all this to my partner when we had a long into the night heart to heart about my drinking. I know that when I have got that disgusting look from him and the days of not talking to me that how crushed he felt when I drank, how he felt he was loosing the woman he loves and how bloody scared he was about our future as a couple. I bet your husband does too. You are on the right road now, keep slowly walking down it one confident step at a time. If you haven’t already have a long talk with him, be truthful about your addiction, the more raw and truthful you are the better, he will be able to understand and support you. Keep posting and stay strong. X
Exactly. We never mean to! Yet he tells me how he doesnt like who I become when I drink too much but always plan to keep my shit together next time I open a bottle. He doesn’t fully understand my addiction and I dont know that I’ll ever be able to fully explain it to him. Your encouragement means alot and I will try when the time is right. This morning when I was crying he said “it’s ok people make mistakes” which made me feel relieved but also like no….this is not ok, you have no idea how un-ok this is. Anyways thanks so much for sharing @kissingmyrainbow
HI Izzy. No, it’s not okay. It really sucks! But it will get better. The thing is, for me opening the bottle starts the shit falling apart EVERY SINGLE FREAKING TIME. I tried moderating for a long time but I finally figured out that I only have 2 speeds – full throttle kick-ass all in “ON” – and STOP. For me, opening one bottle is just as good as opening 2. If I open the 1st, I’ll eventually get to the 2nd. Climb back up. Get through day 1. Day 2 will follow and you’ll be on your way. Be patient and kind to yourself. You’ll get through this.