• Izzy posted a new activity comment 1 month, 1 week ago

    Welcome! What can we do to help right now? Yes there is more than just you in your picture but you are just as important as your baby. You can do this, even though it will be hard at times. Xo

  • Izzy posted a new activity comment 1 month, 1 week ago

    Hi @getclear just seeing this now I’m so sorry I wish I could have responded sooner. 23 days is a big deal and it still matters. Please try not to hate yourself. You’re clearly very strong for just being here let alone getting through all those days af. I am doing ok but I have had a couple restarts since we first connected so you did far better than I. I definitely blew it too but so what. Were still good people trying to fight a horrible illness. We didn’t choose for our brains to be the way they are. I’m going to try and get through the weekend af (again). Thinking of you and never be ashamed to write about the tough stuff. Life is hard!! What’s your plan for the wknd?

    • @Izzy….Not sure what happened there…I replied but it didn’t show. Anyway I can’t say how much I appreciate you checking on me. Means so much! I’m trying again ! Really want to make this happen!

  • Izzy posted a new activity comment 1 month, 1 week ago

    Welcome back and how great to feel it in your soul. You deserve it! Xo

  • Izzy posted an update 1 month, 1 week ago

    @getclear – been thinking about you! How are you doing?

    • @Izzy…….sorry I’ve just been a lurker lately. Actually I’ve not been great. And sadly I got to 23 days and had a meltdown of a day…and blew it. I was feeling so proud and now hate myself again This weekend is full of shitty things I don’t want to do but have to so…..life is not great here. How are you? Hope you’re doing well!

      • Hi @getclear just seeing this now I’m so sorry I wish I could have responded sooner. 23 days is a big deal and it still matters. Please try not to hate yourself. You’re clearly very strong for just being here let alone getting through all those days af. I am doing ok but I have had a couple restarts since we first connected so you did far better than I. I definitely blew it too but so what. Were still good people trying to fight a horrible illness. We didn’t choose for our brains to be the way they are. I’m going to try and get through the weekend af (again). Thinking of you and never be ashamed to write about the tough stuff. Life is hard!! What’s your plan for the wknd?

        • @Izzy….Not sure what happened there…I replied but it didn’t show. Anyway I can’t say how much I appreciate you checking on me. Means so much! I’m trying again ! Really want to make this happen!

  • Izzy posted a new activity comment 1 month, 2 weeks ago

    Shit on toast LOL that’s a pretty accurate description! Great job on day 2. And really, it’s so much more than two days…you’ve done a ton of the work just to be here. Let’s not drink today 😊 @teenybronco

    • Thanks, Izzy! Good reminder, that there was a lot of thought that led up to this, and a lot of research, etc. We need to take some credit once in a while for the hidden work.

  • Izzy posted an update 1 month, 3 weeks ago

    Hi LS crew. I woke up today and reminded myself of some of the great advice that’s been given here. One thing that sticks with me is to be kind to ourselves. So this morning I woke up and I told myself I was going to do as many kind things as I could fit in to one day, for me. Kind of hard with two little kids but I will when I can. Already had a workout and instead of rushing to the next task. ..I’m soaking in the hot tub outside listening to the birds. Let’s all pledge to do something really good for ourselves and of course have an AF day. Have a wonderful day everyone. Xo

  • Izzy posted a new activity comment 1 month, 4 weeks ago

    Me too @heidi19! Day 6 is among us and a good day to be sober. Stay strong xo

  • Izzy posted a new activity comment 1 month, 4 weeks ago

    Yahooo! Amazing. YOU did it 😁

  • Izzy posted an update 1 month, 4 weeks ago

    I have caught myself randomly smiling lately, for no real reason and I feel like I’m smiling on the inside too for the first time in a long time. What a feeling. For those just reading and trying to get the courage to try a sober life- you can do it!!! Believe in yourself and believe me when I say you WILL feel better, sometimes even right away. Good night/day all xo

  • Izzy posted a new activity comment 1 month, 4 weeks ago

    @getclear you’re doing so well! I haven’t messed up since I last told you :p sober and feeling great. Definitely maybe a good idea to avoid those pps and surround yourself with those who make you feel good and are not triggers. You deserve all the love. Day 10 here you come. Xo

  • Izzy posted a new activity comment 2 months ago

    That makes me smile @Seni !

  • Izzy posted a new activity comment 2 months ago

    Yes! @Agirl

  • Izzy posted a new activity comment 2 months ago

    That’s what I’ve been thinking of all day! Xo

  • Izzy posted an update 2 months ago

    What a feeling – to have a clear head, no regrets, a weekend evening with all things remembered, genuine smiles exchanged with loved ones. So grateful to be able to share thoughts and feelings with all of you.

  • Izzy posted a new activity comment 2 months ago

    You did it!!!! So amazing @getclear.

    • @Izzy. I did get to 7 days. Headed onwards. It was super hard and not fun at all but I feel super good inside You can do this too! Pledge now…. no more hamster wheel. No more poison

  • Izzy posted a new activity comment 2 months ago

    Good of you to come here. Feel free to vent if you need to, and remember its ok to not be ok all the time. @truthangel how great you’re still AF!

  • Izzy posted a new activity comment 2 months ago

    @soberwifenewlife Your story also sounds a lot like mine, and I’m just jumping on the sober train as well after so many day 1s. You’re not alone and you can do this….amazing to take the first step.

  • Izzy posted a new activity comment 2 months ago

    Welcome @Fred! You’ve found a wonderful sanctuary

  • Izzy posted a new activity comment 2 months ago

    You’re so sweet and I appreciate your kindness so much @getclear. Definitely will not give up! Have a great day and thank you again xo

  • Izzy posted a new activity comment 2 months ago

    Amazing @Dylan!! You must be so proud. Keep going!

  • Izzy posted a new activity comment 2 months ago

    @getclear I failed you and myself. Today should be D7 but I had a few on Friday. I was so depressed and of course thought it would be ok to drink just on Friday. I’m a loser and need no pity! My husband has decided to cut booze out and is doing a “6 week” challenge so I’m hoping my next attempt will be more successful. I’m so proud of you and know it wasnt easy for you. I will continue to look forward to your updates which will inspire me!

    • @izzy you absolutely did not fail anyone! You simply slippped up and will try again , and it will happen! It’s soooo hard. If your hubby is stopping for a while that should make it easier. I’ve had so many day 1 s. As have so many others, important thing is you don’t give up trying. Xoxo

      • You’re so sweet and I appreciate your kindness so much @getclear. Definitely will not give up! Have a great day and thank you again xo

  • Izzy posted a new activity comment 2 months ago

    Wow @rise2015 and tomorrow is one whole year. Incredible. Sorry to hear about your Dad, but glad you have your brother and your sobriety xo

  • Izzy posted a new activity comment 2 months ago

    Wow @AprilsFool even dealing with those emotions and you still stayed ok track. You should be so proud of yourself. Huge hurdle. I am sorry you’re feeling down, that must have pulled at the heart strings feeling alone in that moment. You’re right, tomorrow is a new day and hope your spirits are up a bit! Xo

    • Thank you @Izzy. I appreciate your kindness. I snoozed and had some comfort food. I’m feeling a bit brighter. (Nothing turns things around like a nap and peanut butter & jelly on an English muffin, right?)
      It’s funny how sometimes things happen when you need them most. When I turned on Netflix tonight the first thing that popped up was Ellen Degeners’ new stand up concert called Relatable. Perfect antidote for me tonight – along with some encouraging words from a kindred spirit. Thanks for caring.

  • Izzy posted a new activity comment 2 months ago

    Good job @getclear ! I hear you on the triggers – and yes let’s push forward through and report back on Monday. I know how horrible the last 3 or 4 Monday’s have been for me and I do not want to feel that again. Thinking of you and feel free to reach out over the weekend if you need a pal!!

    • Many thanks @Izzy! I’m here for you as well. I’m focusing on “ think past the “drink”. Think back to those bad Monday’s or for me could be Tuesday’s as well. Not going back to that!

  • Izzy posted a new activity comment 2 months ago

    I like that @Lee@ – trip back to hell. Pretty much! Thanks for the words of encouragement.

  • Izzy posted a new activity comment 2 months ago

    @Gola01 I can relate so much to this. My husband isnt one to Express his emotions but boy is he upset and hurt by the ‘lies’ about drinking. It’s scary to hope that we can make it up to them and that they will not give up on us. They have to be our motivation to remain sober. To think of losing people so special to alcohol is scary. If we got to that point we would regret it immensely.

  • Izzy posted an update 2 months ago

    Starting on day 4! Sometimes a hard day coming closer to the weekend and thinking I’ve done good so far and deserve a reward….not far enough I will tell myself. If I can get to day 8 that will really be something. Thanks for all of the support xo

    • Great job @Izzy! It’s great to have goals and rewards as long as your not considering alcohol to be one. We all know to well that it is not a reward, it’s a trip back to hell in disguise!

      • I like that @Lee@ – trip back to hell. Pretty much! Thanks for the words of encouragement.

    • I agree @Izzy. I’m on day three so right behind you. I’ve got a weekend full of triggers but I feel different this week. Very determined. Let’s both report in after the weekend that we stayed AF! We can do this!

      • Good job @getclear ! I hear you on the triggers – and yes let’s push forward through and report back on Monday. I know how horrible the last 3 or 4 Monday’s have been for me and I do not want to feel that again. Thinking of you and feel free to reach out over the weekend if you need a pal!!

        • Many thanks @Izzy! I’m here for you as well. I’m focusing on “ think past the “drink”. Think back to those bad Monday’s or for me could be Tuesday’s as well. Not going back to that!

    • Hey @Izzy, you will get to day 8! And 9! And 10… Think about a reward that really makes you happy for a longer time. Some luxury, something that smells good, looks good, feels good, whatever it is – you deserve to enjoy it!!!

    • each day gets better and better and though i was told that a million times, i really did not know what it meant until the day 1 turned to 2 to 3, etc. best. day by day.

    • You can create a reward for any stage you want – 1st sober weekend, 2nd sober weekend, any milestone. Doesn’t have to be big it could be going to a movie buying a new cup for herbal tea etc. celebrate everyday sober 😁

  • Izzy posted an update 2 months ago

    I have become stronger after finding this place and have had so much support, I feel the need to give back. Maybe it will inspire or help one person. . I am finishing day 3. I almost drank a handful of times today because it was an insane day. Like ..insane, and i wont get into it but very stressful and scary, even though everything was fine in the end. A day where at the end you think OMG it’s a wine night. But nope…I fought the urges all day, while home alone with alcohol in the house. And then into the evening. Even when you think you’re too weak to keep going, keep fighting, push through each thought and just don’t drink. Distract, remind yourself why you need to be free, remember alcohol NEVER makes things better. Anyways, who knows what tomorrow will bring but I’m clear and here. Goodnight or good day xo

    • Awesome!!
      Might be easier to remove the booze from your home? It’s nice to have a ‘safe’ place, no booze around. Keep staying strong, you have a couple more tough days then before you know it you will find it so fricken good!!!

    • Cool @Izzy!

    • Awwwww that’s wonderful Izzy! Tomorrow’s stuff will be all the more easy to deal with thanks to your sober evening. Well said – alcohol NEVER makes things better.

  • Izzy posted a new activity comment 2 months ago

    @gglover be kind to yourself. Drinking is not kind. Make the decision to stop now, it’s not too late. You WILL feel better if you commit to the decision to stop.

  • Izzy posted a new activity comment 2 months, 1 week ago

    Wow. This post will probably save my life. Thank you so much. I intend to read it over and over. Everything you say makes sense. Thank you @DaveH you’re a smart man!

  • Izzy posted a new activity comment 2 months, 1 week ago

    Way to go Daisy!!! Three whole days being so so strong. Sleep well xo

  • Izzy posted a new activity comment 2 months, 1 week ago

    @getclear definitely wonder the same. Am I that good hiding it? My husband can always tell when I’ve reached “that point” but doesnt understand the extent of the addiction and also that I dont choose to get shitfaced when I do. I wonder too other family members who I’ve been around while having drank – like you think that’s me being normal? Dont you smell it? But…we can only save ourselves!

    • You may be right @pooks45. And yes agreed @Izzy. I’ve had it on my breath so often and no one calls me out. It’s just kinda sad to me. But I suppose you’re right. We have to save ourselves I’ve been strong and handing out encouragement to others here and then slipped up last night myself. So back at it ! I’ll get it right one day!

  • Izzy posted a new activity comment 2 months, 1 week ago

    I feel the same way @Seni . I’m only a few days in after many attempts to stop but I know what you mean about feeling all the feelings. Thank you for sharing.

  • Izzy posted a new activity comment 2 months, 1 week ago

    @DaveH you always have the most helpful, sincere posts that just click!

  • Izzy posted a new activity comment 2 months, 1 week ago

    Me too @mommapez . I disappointed and hurt my husband (with words) very badly yesterday. Let’s end these vicious cycles and grab our life back!

  • Izzy posted a new activity comment 2 months, 1 week ago

    Thank you so much. Yes day 1s are pretty shitty. Youd think there would only be one of them because they are so bad! I’m sure tomorrow will be better xo

  • Izzy posted a new activity comment 2 months, 1 week ago

    Yes definitely have done it before. And felt so good!!! Thanks for the kind words.

  • Izzy posted a new activity comment 2 months, 1 week ago

    Thank you so much . I like that quote. I will try to give love to myself.

  • Izzy posted an update 2 months, 1 week ago

    Day 1 (again) and think my husband might leave me. I have never felt this low….and scared. I have ruined so much. How does this even happen? I just want to fight this and truly feel I can. I’m scared to lose my family. Hating myself badly right now..

    • You have come to the right place @Izzy – instead of this relapse spiraling into a full blown drinking spree you have decided to come here and get support and get right back on track. Well done. Read this beautiful quote today and want to share it with you ‘Don’t be afraid to start over. This time you’re not starting from scratch, you’re starting from experience.’ Big hugs and lots of love to you – sobriety is born from feelings of love, not feelings of hate. Please don’t hate yourself, you are worthy of all of the gifts of sobriety. xoxo

    • @Izzy you’re here and talking so you know change has to happen. Don’t be so hard on yourself, just manage to not take that first drink today. It’s hard but you’ve done it before.

    • Day one is always the worst, and our goal is to move as far away from it and this feeling so we can begin to heal our lives. Take it easy today. Cry if you need. Nap if necessary. At the end of the day, make sure you have an af drink – I like bubbly water and tea – and cheers yourself for not drinking. And tell yourself that you never want to feel like this again, and dedicate yourself to X amount of af days (30, 100, 180, etc.). You’ve got this. xoxo

      • Izzy I’m with you here take it easy and try to be kind to yourself. Step by step. Day by day.

      • Thank you so much. Yes day 1s are pretty shitty. Youd think there would only be one of them because they are so bad! I’m sure tomorrow will be better xo

  • Izzy posted a new activity comment 2 months, 2 weeks ago

    I wonder the same things. I imagine some do, some don’t. One thing I wonder about is..IS it possible to be sober for a period of time, work on our souls, and then incorporate alcohol back in in a HEALTHY way. Lots of us admit to not being able to moderate, but does that mean we will never be able to drink responsibly again? Even if we try hard? When I recently opened up to my counselor about my relationship with alcohol, she explained that I am one of the chosen people who process/are impacted differently by alcohol. I will have to spend the rest of my life being careful if I chose to drink. I will go through periods where I am fine and periods where I may over do it. It is scary to think this is a lifelong battle. So I guess my answer is probably no – I will never be able to moderate consistently if I chose to drink down the road. Sorry….rant over.

    • Hi @izzy This is a really great question, and one that gives us sooo much trouble… “Lots of us admit to not being able to moderate, but does that mean we will never be able to drink responsibly again? Even if we try hard? “

      Unfortunately the answer to this is not the one we want. No, we will never be able to drink safely again. We are no more able to control our drinking after a sober spell than we were before; it feels like we have gained control, but we have not… this is an illusion.

      What happens when we stop drinking for a significant period (more than a month or so) is that we successively don’t drink when confronted by the cravings launched from a lot of drinking triggers. When we deny these triggers they lose their power and the cravings they induce become less compelling. It feels as though we’ve got better at manging the cravings, and that is the illusion… in fact it is the cravings that have changed, not our ability to overcome them.

      To explain what happens if we drink again takes a bit, but here goes.

      The reason we can’t drink again safely is down to how the “reward system” in our brain works. The reward system is an incredibly successful evolutionary advance that motivates us to do things that are beneficial to survival and discourages us from doing harmful things. It is such a significant advantage that almost all animals living today have this mechanism; anything with a brain in two hemispheres has it. The reward system works by recognising experiences that were good and encouraging us to do them again. It does this with brain chemistry that motivates us to behave in a certain way… that is what a craving is, and cravings are launched when we meet the circumstances again that were “good” and remembered. In us the reward system latches onto alcohol as being something good for us and we establish a huge number of “drinking triggers”; circumstances that yielded alcohol in the past. When we meet one of these circumstances again then the…[Read more]

    • For me it’s trying to drink ‘sensibly’ that’s the battle @izzy. Once you get used to being AF it’s freedom.

  • Izzy posted a new activity comment 2 months, 3 weeks ago

    Glad you’re feeling better today. I was sad today too and hoping for a better tomorrow. Sounds like a beautiful day you’ve had. One day at a time…..keep your head up!

  • Izzy posted a new activity comment 2 months, 3 weeks ago

    @Jocord – yes! A free naked mind. Thank you so much xo

  • Izzy posted a new activity comment 2 months, 3 weeks ago

    Thank you @MissFreedom ! So many great thoughts you’ve shared. Self love is so important and I need to work on it

  • Izzy posted a new activity comment 2 months, 3 weeks ago

    This is such a good, positive point! Thank you so much @Sober4real

  • Izzy posted a new activity comment 2 months, 3 weeks ago

    Love it!!!

  • Izzy posted a new activity comment 2 months, 3 weeks ago

    @Juliana thank you! That is so true – everyone has challenges, this is ours. Not drinking today….going to try some meditation later when kids go to bed. I just want to be the best version of me.

  • Izzy posted a new activity comment 2 months, 3 weeks ago

    Thank you so much for the resources and words @JM. It’s funny, all I read is how life gets so much better and shouldnt that be enough motivation to counteract the thought of drinking! Ahhh thanks so much for making me feel not so alone xo

  • Izzy posted an update 2 months, 3 weeks ago

    I’m sorry in advance for the negativity but I need a place to vent. I feel hopeless…scared of the damage I’ve done. Cant stop thinking about alcohol and how after a break I will be able to moderate again (ha, ya right). I have been working hard all day thinking of reasons why I should not have alcohol and abstaining. I feel like I’m plagued. Why me? Why us? Why cant I just be normal and cope differently. Ugh. Shucks. Thx for listening.

    • Vent away @Izzy! That’s why we are all here – to help each other. Try to just concentrate on today, because you can’t know how you will feel in the future. What can you do to distract yourself when you are tempted to drink today? You’re right that it’s not fair that alcohol is hard for us, but other people have different challenges. Staying sober is something we all have struggled with. Keep posting whenever it helps. You’ve got this!

      • @Juliana thank you! That is so true – everyone has challenges, this is ours. Not drinking today….going to try some meditation later when kids go to bed. I just want to be the best version of me.

      • @Izzy sweetheart you are not odd or alone. Have you seen how many members this site has? Over 8,1000 and it’s growing by the day. Alcohol is a problem for so many people. I’m starting to think the ones that can drink with no negative consequences are the strange ones!!
        Sending you light and luck. You can do this, I know it. And so can I x

    • Hi @Izzy! I think a lot of people can relate to how you’re feeling, I definitely can, I think it’s a stage along the way – realizing that I’m not a ‘normal’ drinker, can’t moderate. It’s hard to wrap your head around, but then when you do, and become really clear that it’s not for you, there’s a wealth of online info that can help you, and your life becomes way, way better. Honestly. It gets so that it’s the easy choice, not to drink. These are some of my favourite sites – thesoberschool.com, lauramckowen.com, hip sobriety.com, tiredofthinkingaboutdrinking.com. Some of the sites will try to sell you stuff, and I did buy audios from Belle on the last site listed, and it helped me to rewire my brain, 4 years later, best decision I made. And I was someone who loved alcohol at one point, but that day had passed, and I knew with certainty that it would destroy my life. Hang in there, keep reading, keep posting. You can do this. : )

      • Thank you so much for the resources and words @JM. It’s funny, all I read is how life gets so much better and shouldnt that be enough motivation to counteract the thought of drinking! Ahhh thanks so much for making me feel not so alone xo

      • @izzy giving up alcohol has a grieving process for sure! It’s normal to be sad about it and go through denial, bargaining and acceptance. I like what Juliana stated that all people have challenges…it’s good that we know exactly what ours are so we can deal. Many people have challenges and have no idea what they are!

    • Yeah it sucks and it feels not fair not to be normal .
      But .
      There is nothing wrong with us . Alcohol is highly addictive and we got addicted and it is not doing us any good , au contraire , that is why we know in our heart of heart that not drinking is the only good and sane solution for us . How can something means so much to us and so little to them normal people ? How can something that use to be so innocent and fun make us now feel so miserable and desperate ?
      I am at day 406 and sometimes i think bouhou it is not fair but then i just know how much better my life is without the booze and how much more i respect and love myself and how much life is so much better in so many small and grandiose ways and i think to myself it is a blessing to be sober and free and doing something that really doesn’t require a messy drug like alcohol , something called living . Free , raw and badass soberness . @izzy you deserve to be alive and free .

    • I hear u @izzy. Some days just suck. Today i had massive computer problems while taking an online class. I wanted to throw my computer in the canal and buy a bottle of wine. Which then in my fantasy turned into a box of wine cuz, well that’s just how i roll😉. I still feel blah but I am riding it out. These feelings always pass and there is happiness on the other side. Without the sucky moments how would we appreciate the awesome ones? Ill stay strong with u tonight!💪(or whatever time of day it may be for u!✌)

    • Yep, I went through that too until I learned more about brains and addiction. I think everyone not given coping skills and given enough alcohol would become addicted. Except we can’t go back. A pickle can’t become a cucumber. Our tricky brains already know all the reasons to not drink. Try flipping it to a good reason TO drink. There is none except our addiction. Everyday at witching hour I’d ask myself for a good reason to drink that day. My cynical brain would say, there is no reason to drink today except you want an excuse to get high. I’d admit that, feel bad, and that would get me past the witching hour. I think someone noted a craving never lasts longer than 30 minutes at the most. The ruminating about it can last months, though. Stay wth us. We’ll help you through!

    • Yep, I asked myself this same question, why me? Here is my answer to myself, you had the same opportunity to be a normal drinker as everyone else and one of two things happened. 1) I chose to over indulge or
      2) my brain & body don’t allow me to drink normally

      Either way I have given moderation every conceivable chance to interact in my life and it has not worked, not even a little. I think of it like this if moderation was my girlfriend I would have broken up with her long ago with no looking back!

      The other thing I realize now that I have educated myself a little is that drinking poison was killing both my spirit and my body! When I decided to quit smoking I did’t try to moderate and have just one a day. I knew it was killing me and kicked it to the curb!

      You can do this just stick with it!

    • Maybe not drinking is normal and those who drink are abnormal 😊 Labels are just that and can be turned on their heads 🤪

  • Izzy posted a new activity comment 2 months, 3 weeks ago

    Dead life is right! No more.

  • Izzy posted a new activity comment 2 months, 3 weeks ago

    Good call @DaveH. It really is like were abusing ourselves by drinking. TY.

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