I feel that alcohol has stolen so many hours from me. Hours spent sitting on a sofa, watching television with a glass of wine. Years of poorly contrived sleep, irritably ejecting me into the morning as a slow, dull wraith of myself. As I leave home, I’d like to have more time for kindness and smiles for folk on the street, but that thief had me hurrying to work, tired, head down, not caring.
I want to experience more of the subtle filamentary structure that lies on top of the world, the web that says: “this is me, that is you” and the strands, broad or whisper-thin that link ourselves to each other. I’m tired of feeling unraveled.
I used to stand on a cliff by the Ocean and watch the colourful city that lies over the horizon, listening to its music, before I drank daily. I knew that it wasn’t there and that it most certainly was, realer than the rocks around me, and I understood why.
All people are seekers, I suppose, but I haven’t been looking much for a very long time. I don’t want answers, I want better questions, and I want to be the one who poses them.
Good morning everyone! If you covered your garden with salt to kill the weeds, you’d likely be successful. However, you’d also kill all of the flowers.
So don’t use alcohol to relieve pain, stress or boredom. You’ll “relieve” joy, love and wisdom right along with them.
This is hard, really hard. You are not responsible for the consequences of someone else’s depression, @Picklegirl. You are a valuable, unique, warm human being. The world needs you, and wants you to be healthy.
One thing that can be very handy is to write a letter to you next depressed self, @Lucylocket, telling her how much better things feel after a short time passes. She can then read it while she’s down and find an anchor in reality, rather than the distorted perceptions that she can have when depressed.
I really hope that you have a great get-together. I’m sure that everyone wants to put the past behind them and move on to a loving family reunion = it that’s not what the season is about, then I don’t really know what it is about!
Hi @Soberheart, you’re really beating yourself up! Sometimes, a human being just needs to veg, even when sober. It’s a good thing; your minds needs to work in the background and organise itself.
On social awkwardness, my life got a *lot* easier when I said to myself: “Hey, I’m social awkward. Own it!”. I would even tell people – they love it,…[Read more]
Not having any in the house is the key, @blessed. You’ve identified buying as the immediate behaviour to change. You could try forcing yourself to pause before you go to the store, or even while you’re in there. Think about drinking the first, how you’ll feel afterwards (you’ll just want another) and how wrong it feels the next day. It worked for…[Read more]
A bit short of time today – I ran six miles this morning, taking me up to twenty miles since Saturday! Can you imagine getting up and running six miles if you’ve been drinking? The big plan is that there’s a half marathon the week after my sixtieth birthday, and I plan to run it. Not my first one – but it’s four years since my last big run (the NY…[Read more]
@islandone that is a great goal! I’ve actually run lots of runs after a night of drinking and it’s no fun to say the least. It’s so much nicer to wake up sober to get an early morning run in. I am planning to do a half marathon in the spring possibly!
Happy birthday young lady, and and happy Day 161, @lucylocket. Depression is a horrible experience. I have been there and counselling / appropriate medication did do the trick for me. I hope that you start to see the hidden sparkly bits in your life very soon.
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