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  • Iowadawn posted an update 1 month, 1 week ago

    626 days. Honestly, I am on strong antibiotics for sinus infection. And steroids. That is what’s keeping me from the “fuck its” with drinking
    That feeling when you reach out and no one responds. Because I assume klnoone knows what to say kinda thing
    I feel so terribly pissed rebellious right now. All the u fairness you old timers know I’ve gone through and jeep going through…well I’ve avoided it and been successful. But today something cracked. I am alone kids with ex. No one responds to me via text and I am over everyone’s head. No one knows what to say to me. Its so sad as I am of a pure heart, resilient, work hard, wear my heart on my sleeve. But I am in the hole of unfairness. And I’m done. I ran and did self care and yard work(hacking a lung) lol. I’m just not meant to have that karma of justice. Worse…no one reaches out to me. I sound so immature, I know. Yet its how this day is going. I would love to get smashed. And I don’t even care if I’m sick and hungover. I won’t but it scares me I feel this so I came on here. Sorry

    • Been there. Horrible place to be. I used wine – didn’t help in the slightest – well, maybe the first hour? Probably not, so one has more, then some more, hoping.

      I don’t know what the drive behind needing that contact is; especially that someone reach out to us for a bloody change!!! I think I was always seen as so strong and together, and later, for a while, too broken and distraught to bear.
      Maybe we were left too long as babies – as was recommended, get us into a routine. Routine trauma more like it. A lifetime’s message: “no one is coming, no one cares, I will die here”.. Pre language damage, we can never really know, (though I think I have an early memory of a hospital nursery, fluorescent light glaring into my face, alone, ignored… as they did then).

      Can you get in touch with your strength, your amazing self who gets out for a run, does the yard work, and all this when ill (really!??? was this best?!) This is your time to make or break being able to nurture yourself alone. It does happen – almost to a fault; now I am apprehensive about living with my man, my own space and rhythm is so precious and lovely.
      Keep posting. Rant and rave, anything but set back your wonderful progress toward freedom.

    • Hey there, @Iowadawn. Sounds like a crappy pile-up of stuff today, hu?? 626 days…ain’t nobody can take that away from you!!! As for that lousy sinus infection, your GP isn’t muckin’ around with it, aye. Those strong biotics will slam your system back in order…as for those STEROIDS….take as prescribed. They’re POWERFUL, tricky farkers and well known for causing ‘roid rage’. They make me mad and confused, every time. Like PMS X 100. Your frustrations are totally understandable. (Adding to it all ~ might want to be ‘aware’ of the antibiotics & steroid effects)…alcohol doesn’t bear mentioning.

    • I think too sometimes we reach out to the wrong people, and take it personally when they don’t respond. But it tells us more about them. Hope you feel better tomorrow

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