• @hodge posted a new activity comment 6 months, 1 week ago

    Congratulations @beehappy such an amazing achivement. Keep at it. I hope to join you there soon. Second real attempt. Can’t wait to get back to 100!

  • @hodge posted a new activity comment 6 months, 1 week ago

    Hey @takingabreak. I got – A happier hour by Rebecca Weller. Caroline Knapp Drinking a love story. Drunkard, Blackout and Lily Allen story. One down. Four to go 😀

  • @hodge posted an update 6 months, 1 week ago

    Just purchased 5 new sober memoirs/books to read. Really excited to get stuck in xx

  • @hodge posted a new activity comment 6 months, 1 week ago

    So sorry to hear you are feeling down. I’m
    Sure thecsession on Monday will help and until then just focus on the massive achievement so far. 80 days is huge! Things would feel a whole lot worse if you was drinking. Thinking of you xx

  • @hodge‘s profile was updated 6 months, 2 weeks ago

  • @hodge‘s profile was updated 6 months, 2 weeks ago

  • @hodge posted a new activity comment 6 months, 2 weeks ago

    So sorry for your loss @agirl a dog is part of the family . Thinking of you xx

  • @hodge posted an update 6 months, 3 weeks ago

    It felt so good waking up this morning hangover free. A very chilled night and no stress over how much I’m drinking or how much extrani could drink, hide and get away with. So peaceful in my head. Celebrated the new year this morning dancing in the front room with my 4 year old. Can’t say I would have been present enough to do that if I’d been drinking last night. Happy New Year everyone xx

  • @hodge posted a new activity comment 6 months, 3 weeks ago

    Stay strong @timidwarrior. You got this! X

  • @hodge posted a new activity comment 6 months, 3 weeks ago

    Amazing!

  • @hodge posted an update 6 months, 3 weeks ago

    30 days. So happy to be here. Amazing how much better you feel when you are not ashamed. Very grateful for all the support I have received from people here. Thank you and best wishes for 2019 xx

  • @hodge posted a new activity comment 6 months, 3 weeks ago

    Sorry to hear this @oceania, well done for fighting the urge despite it being strong as in sure you would feel a lot worse now if you hadn’t. We all have bad days. Hope you are feeling better now but if not it’s a new day tomorrow xx

  • @hodge posted a new activity comment 6 months, 3 weeks ago

    That’s absolutely amazing @malibustacey you should be so proud of yourself xx

  • @hodge posted a new activity comment 6 months, 3 weeks ago

    Haha I want to change mine too as doesn’t make complete sense and out of date but @robynb that is very amusing. You should keep that even if it gets fixed 😀

  • @hodge posted a new activity comment 6 months, 3 weeks ago

    Sorry to hear you are having a rough time today @timidwarrior. I got some af bubbles for Christmas Day and was pretty pointless although the drink with fuzz in a wine glass did help as others were drinking around me. Key thing is it stopped you getting the real thing. Focus on that and congratulate yourself on it. Tomorrow is a new day and hopefully you will feel a big better. I had a terrible day yesterday but definite improvement today. Stay strong you can do this and it’s worth it xxx

    • Thanks @hodge that’s what I am hoping for! New day, fresh start x

      • @timidwarrior sorry to hear you are struggling. It seems to be different for everyone but I must say AF wine and beer are what’s kept me sober. I really really struggled with feeling isolated and left out when I have up, but having a af beer or a glass of af wine meant I still had a drink to cheers my hubbie with or having a bottle of af beer in the pub with friends meant I still felt included. I can understand it may be a trigger for some. I detested the first red wine I tasted and felt so sad and longed for the real thing, but, I kept trying until I found one I liked, it’s not perfect but I like it and it helps me. I also have been doing a lot of positive thinking. So if I say to myself this is not real wine and it’s going to taste crap, then of course it will, it’ll be horrible. So I started saying to myself, this is a glass of something nice, taste it slowly and don’t gulp, have it with a nice steak or pasta and enjoy it. It doesn’t always work and I’ve had days where I’ve cried with frustration but for now it keeps me content. Some AF beers you honestly can’t tell! Just some thoughts, hope you are feeling better x

  • @hodge posted a new activity comment 6 months, 3 weeks ago

    Amazing @soberheart so lovely to hear you had a great break. I’m right behind you Day 28 here xxx

  • @hodge posted a new activity comment 6 months, 3 weeks ago

    It’s ok to feel sad and have a lie in @sober4real like others say sounds like you have awareness around it. Sometimes we have to sit and enjoy this time and not give ourselves a hard time for it xx

  • @hodge posted a new activity comment 6 months, 3 weeks ago

    Lovely post @saoirse xx

  • @hodge posted a new activity comment 6 months, 3 weeks ago

    Trust @lowadown that drinking will make everything so much worse. You will not be able to think clearly to make rationale decisions which is important right now but also if you drink it won’t just be knew it will go on and on and on xx

  • @hodge posted a new activity comment 6 months, 3 weeks ago

    Great post @morgan. I also picked up on that comment from@beehappy. This is so important to me. Alcoholic father here and I grew up seeing that drinking tovexcess was the norm andxwau to deal with things. Desperate for my kids not to see/think this and to use other strategies. Breaking the cycle truly is the most important thing we can do…..

  • @hodge posted a new activity comment 6 months, 3 weeks ago

    Sounds absolutely amazing @rosey x

  • @hodge posted a new activity comment 6 months, 3 weeks ago

    Congratulations @annec what an amazing achievement. Hope to follow in your footsteps xx

  • @hodge posted a new activity comment 6 months, 3 weeks ago

    Thanks @soberstylist so true, it literally is only the first few that’s fun and then complete nightmare. Good thoughts to hagevin your head! X

  • @hodge posted a new activity comment 6 months, 3 weeks ago

    Thank you @jocord for sharing your story. So true that after a few months there will be no ammunition for a fight. I need to give it that and get my head straight. Once I go back to work in feb and the gym I’ll hopefully get some more structure and positivity. I suspect our story will be different as he takes no responsibility for his behaviour however despite how I feel making an impulse decision right now is not the right thing. Just wish he wasn’t so mean. Thank you for your kind words xx

  • @hodge posted a new activity comment 6 months, 3 weeks ago

    Thanks @morgan for such a lovely message. You are right today has been tough but the responses I have got have made me feel that little bit better. My children are 4.5 and 8months. I have my mum but no one else really she is great but also suffers with depression and also as she is so close to the situation it’s hard. She is just telling me to walk away but I just don’t feel strong enough yet I need to get myself in a better place first so I can be rational. Thanks again xx

  • @hodge posted a new activity comment 6 months, 3 weeks ago

    Thank you @01oceanbreeze I’m sure you are right once I am more solid it will all work it’s way out one way or another (hopefully) xx

  • @hodge posted a new activity comment 6 months, 3 weeks ago

    Thanks @agirl good advice

  • @hodge posted a new activity comment 6 months, 3 weeks ago

    Thanks @agirl he would never go to counseling he doesn’t think his behaviour is an issue which to be honest is half the problem I’m the first place!

    • Ah well just you then. He’s not sounding like dad of the year at the moment. When I first came on this site (92 days ago!) someone said not to make any big changes in the first year of sobriety. This has made me look at all of my crises in a different light. But you will know if you really do need to do something urgently, or if there is just no future in the relationship. If you can stay safe and hang in there for financial reasons alone that might be a good short term solution. And you can still look after yourself at the same time XXXXX

    • Thanks @agirl good advice

  • @hodge posted a new activity comment 6 months, 3 weeks ago

    Thank you for saying that @saoirse I’m in Sydney . They do have something similar but it’s only part funded so still $100 out of pocket for each session. I think I will go back I’ll just have to wait a bit xx

  • @hodge posted a new activity comment 6 months, 3 weeks ago

    Thank you @oceania I think you are right I need to get straight and stronger and then decide xx

  • @hodge posted a new activity comment 6 months, 3 weeks ago

    Thanks @malibustacey things have been bad for quite a while but I think when I was drinking because I was so down on myself and always shameful/regretful I think tolerated too much. I really don’t know what to do. I’ve had enough but I’m at a crossroads and think I need to be stronger before I do anything rash xx

    • Exactly right, @Hodge. You’re doing the right thing just by working on yourself. From my experience, anyway, stopping all alcohol consumption takes a drastic measure of self-love, a needed amount of self-centeredness, and a whole pile of other ‘self’ steps just to readjust the brain department into its’ new home. In the meantime, you bet, other relationships will go through a jangled energy phase. I’ll bet you might come up with a few new ways to interact with your husband with keeping your spiritual safety paramount to all else. Well, this is a reality of social interaction anyway. Great you’re noticing such sharp changes so clearly so soon. Here’s to day 27.

  • @hodge posted a new activity comment 6 months, 3 weeks ago

    Thanks @timidwarrior for sharing. That is very brave and I think I need to think about what I really want. I just need to try and get a bit stronger first I think. My kids are 4.5 and 8months xx

  • @hodge posted a new activity comment 6 months, 3 weeks ago

    Thanks for the message @timidwarrior I did used to see a great guy after my dad died and I would like to go back but just literally can’t afford it right now. I do think it would help so maybe once back at work in February. Even though the urge to drink is strong I do feel solid that I won’t as I really need a clear straight head right now and know from past experience I’m better without it

  • @hodge posted a new activity comment 6 months, 3 weeks ago

    Hey @runningirl just read your post. I literally just posted about how my marriage is a mess and I feel so stuck. I think what you have done is very brave. Interested if you don’t mind me asking how you decided. Not sure you will even know how to answer that but I also have 2 young kids and feel like there is no way out. Congrats on 9 months that’s amazing!! Xx

    • Hey @hodge I left my husband two and a half years ago and I have two kids also. We became strangers, avoided spending time together, we we’re like flatmates instead of husband and wife. I just decided one day that I could no longer live like that. I felt terrible for the kids and splitting up the family but they are very perceptive and I’m sure knew things weren’t in a good space. I decided it would be better off to have a mum and dad who were actually happy and living apart than miserable and living together.
      Kids are very resilient and will surprise you. I don’t know how old your kids are, mine were 5 and 1 and a half at the time.

      • Thanks @timidwarrior for sharing. That is very brave and I think I need to think about what I really want. I just need to try and get a bit stronger first I think. My kids are 4.5 and 8months xx

  • @hodge posted an update 6 months, 3 weeks ago

    I feel so confused. I understand I have messed up in the past and hubby doesn’t have a great deal of respect for me and it will take time to get this back. However, he literally speaks to me like I’m a piece of rubbish the whole time and I literally do everything for the 2 kids whilst he acts like a single man doing what he wants the whole time. If I stick up for myself he twists it and says it’s me causing the problem. I feel broken. I want to rebuild my marriage but feel like it’s completely one sided. I’m so sick of him being mean to me. The urge to drink is strong but I’m not going to. I need to work out what to do with my life. I’m on mat leave at the moment so have no income and can’t leave right now plus I feel like I need to be on a stronger head place. I just don’t know what I want or what to do. Not really sure why I’m posting this on here but just feel so alone and sad 😞 I’m only day 26 so hoping things may be clearer after a few months

    • Can you go and see a counselor to help you make sense of all your thoughts and figure out where your head is.
      Don’t let him be a reason to drink, you have to put yourself first right now xxx

      • Thanks for the message @timidwarrior I did used to see a great guy after my dad died and I would like to go back but just literally can’t afford it right now. I do think it would help so maybe once back at work in February. Even though the urge to drink is strong I do feel solid that I won’t as I really need a clear straight head right now and know from past experience I’m better without it

    • That sounds pretty hard-going, @Hodge. Not knowing the exact in’s & out’s of it all, do you suppose you & your husband might be going through a transitional stage, where he’s expecting you to behave and react the same as when you were drinking (old behavior stuff)? There’s nothing like sobriety to throw the cat amongst the pigeons (as it were). Bravo for you maintaining your heading no matter what. (Ah, now I see Runningirl’s post..snap)

      • Thanks @malibustacey things have been bad for quite a while but I think when I was drinking because I was so down on myself and always shameful/regretful I think tolerated too much. I really don’t know what to do. I’ve had enough but I’m at a crossroads and think I need to be stronger before I do anything rash xx

        • Exactly right, @Hodge. You’re doing the right thing just by working on yourself. From my experience, anyway, stopping all alcohol consumption takes a drastic measure of self-love, a needed amount of self-centeredness, and a whole pile of other ‘self’ steps just to readjust the brain department into its’ new home. In the meantime, you bet, other relationships will go through a jangled energy phase. I’ll bet you might come up with a few new ways to interact with your husband with keeping your spiritual safety paramount to all else. Well, this is a reality of social interaction anyway. Great you’re noticing such sharp changes so clearly so soon. Here’s to day 27.

    • Hi @hodge , aw love that sounds so hard , I honestly feel like getting sober and looking after yourself is top priority for you at the moment , you need to take things one step at a time and I just know the further you go in this journey the more clarity you will gain and more confidence , you need to find a way to fill your cup xxx take care and 26 days is amazing keep posting here we are all in this together xxx

    • Hi there @hodge. I am sorry to hear you are having a rough time. You deserve to be treated and spoken to with respect. You are doing an amazing job for your family. If you are in NZ most GP practises can access funded counselling for their clients so I would look into that as an option. I think you need someone to offload to who can offer practical support and help you rebuild your self worth. Continue to be AF because alcohol will only make your situation much worse. Sending you big hugs, you are doing great. ❤️

      • Thank you for saying that @saoirse I’m in Sydney . They do have something similar but it’s only part funded so still $100 out of pocket for each session. I think I will go back I’ll just have to wait a bit xx

    • Oh sweetheart that sounds really tough. I agree with the counselling suggestions- for either just you or both. This stuff is so much easier with an impartial and skilled person in the room. And you know that drinking would make it so much worse. Well done you for being there for your kids- raw and hard though it is. Hugs to you XXXX

      • Thanks @agirl he would never go to counseling he doesn’t think his behaviour is an issue which to be honest is half the problem I’m the first place!

        • Ah well just you then. He’s not sounding like dad of the year at the moment. When I first came on this site (92 days ago!) someone said not to make any big changes in the first year of sobriety. This has made me look at all of my crises in a different light. But you will know if you really do need to do something urgently, or if there is just no future in the relationship. If you can stay safe and hang in there for financial reasons alone that might be a good short term solution. And you can still look after yourself at the same time XXXXX

        • Thanks @agirl good advice

    • @hodge. You are smart not to make any decisions now. Take some time to find yourself and regain your respect for yourself and self esteem etc. whatever path that takes you on. Once you are in a better self respecting place comforted by self love, others will see the change in you, your boost of confidence will radiate. Others will start acting and treating you differently as you will be treating yourself differently. One day at a time. It’s only early days, don’t overwhelm yourself with planning or wondering about years in advance. (Day 17).

    • Please do post here whenever you want some encouragement. You can ask for that as many times a day as you like! Don’t hesitate. While we can’t do much, I know from experience, some friendly responses can lighten an hour.
      Being treated like that is completely unacceptable no matter what you have done. It feels terribly lonely to be with someone who is disrespectful let alone unhelpful – how old are your children? I know the situation all too well. I hadn’t been drinking, but had I been, support and love is the only way to bring healing and success.
      SO, you have a big job, supporting and loving yourself, and the children… Who else is on your side, loving and understanding?

      • Thanks @morgan for such a lovely message. You are right today has been tough but the responses I have got have made me feel that little bit better. My children are 4.5 and 8months. I have my mum but no one else really she is great but also suffers with depression and also as she is so close to the situation it’s hard. She is just telling me to walk away but I just don’t feel strong enough yet I need to get myself in a better place first so I can be rational. Thanks again xx

  • @hodge posted an update 6 months, 4 weeks ago

    Merry Christmas everyone. Thinking of all you lovely sober people everywhere and knowing I’m not alone is a great help. Wishing everyone a lovely peaceful day xxx

  • @hodge posted a new activity comment 7 months ago

    Well done @clairet for coming back. I’m the same. Day 22. After 8months sober I unsuccessfully tried TJ moderate and it took me nearly a year to start again after several mess ups. Onwards and upwards . Hoping to have learnt my lesson this time. We can do this! X

  • @hodge posted a new activity comment 7 months ago

    Well done @01oceanbreeze that’s amazing! I feel the same at the moment and hope it stays that way. I’ve got some af bubbles for Xmas day so I don’t feel left out xx

  • @hodge posted a new activity comment 7 months ago

    @camelia01 😀 one day at a time. Day 19 here

  • @hodge posted a new activity comment 7 months ago

    Haha 😂 @sunshinestace

  • @hodge posted a new activity comment 7 months ago

    Yes do everything to not let it go @sunshinestace. I got to 150 days and then messed it all up. Feels harder this time round after many false starts and mess ups! Xx

  • @hodge posted a new activity comment 7 months ago

    Ah shame at @01oceanbreeze. I was up that way not too long ago. If I am again I’ll let you know and do the same if you come to Sydney xx

  • @hodge posted a new activity comment 7 months ago

    Congrats on day 25. It’s ajacing how good you feel once you get past the first couple of weeks. Keep strong xx

    • Thank you dear @hodge!! It really is. And now I appreciate the benefit of sober momentum. I don’t want to let it go! xox

      • Yes do everything to not let it go @sunshinestace. I got to 150 days and then messed it all up. Feels harder this time round after many false starts and mess ups! Xx

  • @hodge posted a new activity comment 7 months ago

    Welcome @davmo 😀

  • @hodge posted a new activity comment 7 months ago

    Maybe I’ll come visit at some point next year @enzedgirl 😀

    • that would be awesome @hodge – if you decide to email me remember to tell me your first name, and your LS name 🙂

  • @hodge posted an update 7 months ago

    Are there any other people that live in Sydney on here? Would love to connect more on here and potentially meet up for a coffee/cake 🤗 thought it was worth asking? Love to everyone xx

  • @hodge posted a new activity comment 7 months ago

    @01oceanbreeze Haha I know right! I have 2 small kids so trying to fit as much in as I can but surrounding yourself in the beginning is the best way xx

  • @hodge posted a new activity comment 7 months ago

    Good on you @01oceanbreeze. I completely understand wanting to have something to tell people especially in this first difficult part. First time round I done the 100 day sober challenge with belle check out http://www.tiredofthinkingaboutdrinking.com I still get daily emails/stories come through from her. She also does inspiring one minute messages. I’ve found being connected with her really helpful. Another tool to help maybe xx

    • Thanks @hodge. Yet another great resource. I had no idea all this help was out there. This was the first forum I found so it feels like ‘home’ lol. I’ll check out belle, just had a quick glimpse and looks great! I joined that alcohol experiment mainly to use as my reason for not drinking over festive season. It’s almost a full time job now researching and reading the books I’ve purchased! Lol

      • @01oceanbreeze Haha I know right! I have 2 small kids so trying to fit as much in as I can but surrounding yourself in the beginning is the best way xx

  • @hodge posted a new activity comment 7 months, 1 week ago

    Well done! Amazing. I’m here second official attempt too can’t wait to get back to 100 days

  • @hodge posted a new activity comment 7 months, 1 week ago

    Congratulations @samartee on 100 and pursuing your dream. It’s amazing what you can do sober 😀

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