• hikermom posted a new activity comment 5 days, 4 hours ago

    @WakingOwl My husband is the same with chocolate ice cream. It’s so funny. I am stocked with ice cream and herbal tea now like I used to be stocked with wine. And if either are low in stock, I’m heading to the store!

  • hikermom posted a new activity comment 5 days, 4 hours ago

    That’s awesome! And “a ten-tier shit sandwich all saturated in the booze-game” is the best expression I’ve heard all week! 😂😂😂

  • hikermom posted an update 5 days, 5 hours ago

    I just read Love Warrior by Glennon Doyle. It resonated with me so deeply that I was literally crying as I ran on my treadmill while reading this book. Just thought I’d share in case anyone is looking for a great book to read about overcoming all things we use to numb out. Its so inspiring. For me, it hit so close to home in so many ways, I could not put it down.

  • hikermom posted a new activity comment 5 days, 5 hours ago

    Chocolate peanut butter. Always chocolate peanut butter!!! 👌

    • @hikermom, believe me if there had been real ice cream I would have gone for it! It’s kind of funny but the only way I do not like chocolate is chocolate ice cream, chunks of chocolate in other flavors like peanut butter or some such I love.

    • @WakingOwl My husband is the same with chocolate ice cream. It’s so funny. I am stocked with ice cream and herbal tea now like I used to be stocked with wine. And if either are low in stock, I’m heading to the store!

  • hikermom posted a new activity comment 5 days, 5 hours ago

    Ah, you’re so much healthier than I am, lol! But thank you, and enjoy it!

  • hikermom posted a new activity comment 5 days, 5 hours ago

    😂 I love it!

  • hikermom posted a new activity comment 5 days, 5 hours ago

    Thank you!

  • hikermom posted an update 5 days, 6 hours ago

    350 days! The one year countdown is on!!! Too bad I hadn’t stashed all that money saved away. But whatever. I have been treating myself with books and clothes and whatever else makes me feel good as I go along. I went down a size in jeans AND eat ice cream almost every night now, lol! That’s pretty amazing! I’ll choose that over alcohol and sleeplessness and anxiety any day of the week!

  • hikermom posted a new activity comment 1 week, 3 days ago

    ❤ Great job on 75 days!!!

  • hikermom posted a new activity comment 3 weeks ago

    Congratulations!! You’re one day ahead of me!!!

  • hikermom posted a new activity comment 3 weeks, 1 day ago

    Welcome! Congrats on making the decision!

  • hikermom posted a new activity comment 3 weeks, 1 day ago

    Congrats on day 44! For me too, recovery has everything to do with learning healthy coping skills! Keep up the good work!!!

  • hikermom posted a new activity comment 3 weeks, 4 days ago

    I love that response @Tom4500. Its definitely true and I wouldnt worry about being judged saying it. Thank you! I’m sure I’ll use that in the future! I recently moved to a new neighborhood filled with young families who want to have block party get togethers and I’ve been trying to figure out what I’d say if anyone asked about my not drinking. Now I know!

  • hikermom posted a new activity comment 4 weeks, 1 day ago

    I am so proud of you. I also completely relate. I’m 326 days in and often feel a bit sad when I want to feel excited and proud. I do feel proud, no doubt, but there is that lingering sadness. For me, I think it’s taken nearly a year to acknowledge the wake of shit I left behind me and I’m still processing the time lost, the abuse to my body, and the trauma that I had never fully dealt with until I got sober. It’s been a long grieving process. I’m not sure why you are having sadness but I know it’s easier to see how great other people are doing around you and not so easy to see it in yourself. But, I see you and all of your hard work. This whole community does. You have a lot to celebrate! You are inspiring so many people by sharing your journey!

  • hikermom posted a new activity comment 1 month ago

    Great post! Congrats on day 10. I love the idea of adding up the drinking days to compare when slipping up. It’s a great way to still feel motivated and proud. I’m 325 days in and still this speaks to me…”Now, after having had numbed everything out for many years, bad things feel worse than they really are, as we are somewhat raw and vulnerable.” Its a great reminder that we are learning healthy coping skills right now, and it doesn’t just happen instantly. Being human comes with a lot of emotion. Thanks for the reminder!

  • hikermom posted a new activity comment 1 month ago

    Well done! It sounds like your head is in the right place! Sadly, I relate to your experience with family get togethers all too well. I’m proud to be on the outside of it now, but it is really scary to witness just how normalized the drinking culture is.

  • hikermom posted a new activity comment 1 month ago

    I’m right behind you at 324! You said it @Ladyhawke ! Not easy but so worth it! Congrats to you!

  • hikermom posted a new activity comment 1 month ago

    Congrats on a year! Well done!!!

  • hikermom posted a new activity comment 1 month ago

    Me too @Jocord. I also hate the way play dates, moms night out and everything about being a mom is drowned with alcohol therapy as a way to get through it.

  • hikermom posted a new activity comment 1 month ago

    It really is! I have a huge wine glass too that holds a bottle of wine still in its box. My sister gave it to me at my bridal shower. I believe she said something like that I’d need to fill it up on the nights I was planning my wedding. Its gross, in my opinion. And its everywhere.

  • hikermom posted a new activity comment 1 month ago

    😂😂😂 I’m proud to say that I have never used the bottle popper!

  • hikermom posted an update 1 month ago

    So I was getting dressed this morning and picked up a belt I bought for hiking at a local outfitter. Guess what’s built in to the buckle? A bottle opener. Cuz obviously you need to have a beer when you go hiking. It’s a survival tool, right?
    It’s pretty sad how deeply rooted alcohol is in our world and how normalized it is. When I was teaching yoga, and still now, theres a big trend to teach at breweries and have your beers after your practice. Wtf is going on in our world. Seriously. I’m so glad I woke up to the truth!

    • Hahaha get a few coke zeros and flex that opener😂

      • 😂😂😂 I’m proud to say that I have never used the bottle popper!

    • In 2017 Newsweek published an article about a study that said 40% of Americans drink too much now, defined as 14 drinks per week for a man and 7 for a woman. I know some of us used to do that many on a bad night, but my point is that’s a HUGE target group to sell to. They buy up merchandise that gets tied to alcohol. And you’re right, it’s awful.

      • It really is! I have a huge wine glass too that holds a bottle of wine still in its box. My sister gave it to me at my bridal shower. I believe she said something like that I’d need to fill it up on the nights I was planning my wedding. Its gross, in my opinion. And its everywhere.

    • I really hate the marketing of wine and yoga, wine and art, wine and book clubs, etc…

      • Me too @Jocord. I also hate the way play dates, moms night out and everything about being a mom is drowned with alcohol therapy as a way to get through it.

      • Me too @jocord. I was never good at art anyway so adding wine is not going to make it better. It has gotten so bad now it’s wine and get your hair done as well over here in the PNW!

  • hikermom posted a new activity comment 1 month ago

    Haha! This makes me laugh. I’m the same way. But ice cream has become my vice!

  • hikermom posted a new activity comment 1 month ago

    Congratulations on 5 years! Your celebration sounds amazing and well deserved!

  • hikermom posted a new activity comment 1 month ago

    Thank you @LeslieLily
    Fear is such a shitty thing to deal with. You are right though. I need to be there as much as possible for my family. I’m not drinking and still checked out, just because my mind is focused on all of this garbage. Thank you for your support. It certainly helps bring things back into perspective. ❤

  • hikermom posted a new activity comment 1 month ago

    Thank you @kitten. I’m doing my best!

  • hikermom posted a new activity comment 1 month ago

    Thanks @Prudence, I wouldnt be surprised at all if my story is similar. I’ll have to read it. I’ve always had a little bit of anxiety and even OCD 2hich calmed right down when I was drinking. Go figure! I’ve also read alot about post partum anxiety and other women going through fear of death after having a child. I guess it’s kind of a perfect storm. Thank you for your back story and advice. I agree with you about stress causing illness and sometimes I have anxiety that my anxiety IS going to get me sick. Kind of crazy, I know. But thank you. I’m doing my best to let the fear go. Your words are helpful.

  • hikermom posted a new activity comment 1 month ago

    I don’t mind you asking at all. I’ve been seeing my latest therapist since I stopped drinking. At first I thought the anxiety was from detox..But it just kept going. Therapy doesn’t seem to be helping and I’m not big on meds so I started taking CBD. Unfortunately it doesn’t really help me except for sleep. Funny, I was told i had anxiety in the very early years of my alcoholic drinking. I guess the alcohol just numbed it out and now it’s back in full! Thanks for all of your support! Wish you lived closer, we could meet up for a hike! I’m up in Maine so the White Mountains in NH are my playground!

    • Hi Hikermom, have you read the sober story of our @emjaycee ? He found that when he stopped drinking other issues like anxiety came to the surface, things he had unwittingly blocked with booze all his adult life. He got some help and is so much happier now than he ever was, and fit too, sheesh! he even paddled 67 K’s down a ferocious river doing the coast to coast here in New Zealand. He is writing a book too. He’s a hero really. All I can say about your fears is to try to let them go. Your future is beyond your control, your fears do not serve you, or your husband and child. You should be celebrating your wisdom and courage in giving the shit up and being your best self. It will be great if you allow yourself to be happy and proud of what you have achieved. Give yourself a break! Enjoy NOW! I drank like a fish for 40 years and I’m 63 and gave up 5 years ago tomorrow, and I haven’t been diagnosed with anything at all….I smoked for 40 years as well! You’ll be fine, especially if you stop worrying. It is worry and stress that are more likely to cause illness. Try and let all that fear go. Huge Congratulations on your 320 days. Awesome xx

      • Thanks @Prudence, I wouldnt be surprised at all if my story is similar. I’ll have to read it. I’ve always had a little bit of anxiety and even OCD 2hich calmed right down when I was drinking. Go figure! I’ve also read alot about post partum anxiety and other women going through fear of death after having a child. I guess it’s kind of a perfect storm. Thank you for your back story and advice. I agree with you about stress causing illness and sometimes I have anxiety that my anxiety IS going to get me sick. Kind of crazy, I know. But thank you. I’m doing my best to let the fear go. Your words are helpful.

  • hikermom posted a new activity comment 1 month ago

    Thanks @jmtn. Congrats on 31 days! I haven’t asked my doctor much more than for bloodwork and ultrasound. As it was, she thought I was overreacting since my body is in good shape from hiking and yoga (externally). But my insides? She cant see that! She had no idea I ever had a problem. I am likely going overboard but I’ve read stories about people who gave up alcohol getting diagnosed years later with cirrhosis. I relate to your fear about cancer and brain damage, but especially to the joy of hiking without having to sweat it out for the first few miles! Hangover hiking was a norm for me! Mountains are still my favorite place to be, but so much better clear headed!

    • jmtn replied 1 month ago

      I relate to all of that! @hikermom On the outside, my doc thought I was in good shape because of hiking, yoga, running and cycling. Good point though…I hadn’t heard of people being diagnosed with cirrhosis years later after stopping drinking. I understood that it would stop in its tracks if drinking stopped. I’ll look into that more. At this point, the best we can do is be as healthy as we can be and be the best parent we can be. Worrying can’t help us. I have to ask you something because my husband was recently diagnosed with anxiety…have you seen a therapist about anxiety? I hope you don’t mind me asking. I wonder if it could help you calm the worried part of your brain down? Just a thought to throw out there! Hugs from Colorado!

  • hikermom posted an update 1 month ago

    I am 320 days sober today. Im a 39 year old mom to a toddler and she is my reason.
    Not drinking has been easy all along. But for me there was no pink cloud, no optimism or joy about my sobriety. Fear has been my companion on this journey.
    I was a big drinker throughout college and never really stopped. With the company I kept, daily drinking (even heavy to binge) was normal and blackouts were never a concern. To me and my friends, they were just part of the experience. Right out of college I get into a 6 year alcoholic relationship and keep up the heavy drinking. When I finally leave the relationship I spiral even further out of control. I blackout more again. I get an oui. I’m surprised that’s the worst of what happened.
    Then I meet my husband who rarely drinks. I cut back. I think my drinking is under control. He thinks nothing of it so why should I?
    We get married. I get pregnant. I have no trouble not drinking so I must not have a problem. I have no trouble moderating after shes born…
    I see people, young people, die from liver failure.
    320 days ago, I wake up scared. I need to stay alive for my daughter. I stop drinking. I get a therapist. I go to my GP and tell the truth (almost) about my history with alcohol. Since then I’ve had bloodwork twice and an ultrasound (all with normal results), and still I wake up afraid, waiting for something terrible to be revealed, to learn that I wont be here for my family…. At this point, my husband is having a hard time dealing with my fears.
    I have been reading this feed every day and reading every sober story that’s published. Those of you who post so openly inspire me. I’m reaching out because I need this community now more than ever and not just to be watching on the sidelines. I need support. If you’ve been here before I’d love to hear about it to feel maybe just a little less alone. ❤

    • jmtn replied 1 month ago

      Well done on 320 days!! I finally stopped drinking 31 days ago, I’m 44, I binge drank and blacked out often. I’m not too worried about liver failure because if I have stopped, my understanding from what I have read is that the body will start to heal once we abstain. If you haven’t been diagnosed with it yet, it should only get healthier now. Have you asked your doctor about that? I have health concerns, but mostly about how my brain has been affected long term and cancer. I hope others can help you feel less alone. It helps to hear similar stories. I hope you’re feeling physically well and can start to find joy in sobriety, too. I just had an amazing hike yesterday and was so thankful to be able to fully enjoy the beauty around me and the health I felt. I’ve gone on way too many hikes with a hangover…so nice to not have that any more! xoxo @hikermom

      • Thanks @jmtn. Congrats on 31 days! I haven’t asked my doctor much more than for bloodwork and ultrasound. As it was, she thought I was overreacting since my body is in good shape from hiking and yoga (externally). But my insides? She cant see that! She had no idea I ever had a problem. I am likely going overboard but I’ve read stories about people who gave up alcohol getting diagnosed years later with cirrhosis. I relate to your fear about cancer and brain damage, but especially to the joy of hiking without having to sweat it out for the first few miles! Hangover hiking was a norm for me! Mountains are still my favorite place to be, but so much better clear headed!

        • jmtn replied 1 month ago

          I relate to all of that! @hikermom On the outside, my doc thought I was in good shape because of hiking, yoga, running and cycling. Good point though…I hadn’t heard of people being diagnosed with cirrhosis years later after stopping drinking. I understood that it would stop in its tracks if drinking stopped. I’ll look into that more. At this point, the best we can do is be as healthy as we can be and be the best parent we can be. Worrying can’t help us. I have to ask you something because my husband was recently diagnosed with anxiety…have you seen a therapist about anxiety? I hope you don’t mind me asking. I wonder if it could help you calm the worried part of your brain down? Just a thought to throw out there! Hugs from Colorado!

    • I don’t mind you asking at all. I’ve been seeing my latest therapist since I stopped drinking. At first I thought the anxiety was from detox..But it just kept going. Therapy doesn’t seem to be helping and I’m not big on meds so I started taking CBD. Unfortunately it doesn’t really help me except for sleep. Funny, I was told i had anxiety in the very early years of my alcoholic drinking. I guess the alcohol just numbed it out and now it’s back in full! Thanks for all of your support! Wish you lived closer, we could meet up for a hike! I’m up in Maine so the White Mountains in NH are my playground!

      • Hi Hikermom, have you read the sober story of our @emjaycee ? He found that when he stopped drinking other issues like anxiety came to the surface, things he had unwittingly blocked with booze all his adult life. He got some help and is so much happier now than he ever was, and fit too, sheesh! he even paddled 67 K’s down a ferocious river doing the coast to coast here in New Zealand. He is writing a book too. He’s a hero really. All I can say about your fears is to try to let them go. Your future is beyond your control, your fears do not serve you, or your husband and child. You should be celebrating your wisdom and courage in giving the shit up and being your best self. It will be great if you allow yourself to be happy and proud of what you have achieved. Give yourself a break! Enjoy NOW! I drank like a fish for 40 years and I’m 63 and gave up 5 years ago tomorrow, and I haven’t been diagnosed with anything at all….I smoked for 40 years as well! You’ll be fine, especially if you stop worrying. It is worry and stress that are more likely to cause illness. Try and let all that fear go. Huge Congratulations on your 320 days. Awesome xx

        • Thanks @Prudence, I wouldnt be surprised at all if my story is similar. I’ll have to read it. I’ve always had a little bit of anxiety and even OCD 2hich calmed right down when I was drinking. Go figure! I’ve also read alot about post partum anxiety and other women going through fear of death after having a child. I guess it’s kind of a perfect storm. Thank you for your back story and advice. I agree with you about stress causing illness and sometimes I have anxiety that my anxiety IS going to get me sick. Kind of crazy, I know. But thank you. I’m doing my best to let the fear go. Your words are helpful.

    • Is this guilt @hikermom? So ok you drank heavily for a while, but as you say we live in cultures where heavy drinking is very normalised. (So much so that people think we’re strange to stop drinking.) We all make choices we later think weren’t the best for us. We’re all a product of our time. I think humans can have a mistaken idea of our responsibility for things. We’re flawed and we make mistakes, we’re not perfect, we can’t control it all through what we choose. It’s frightening but also ok; even a relief to accept this.
      You have maximised your options for health now and that’s as much as anyone can do. Beyond that – not in our control. Not to be trite but we all have to go of something at sometime and most of us don’t know what or when. We could live very healthily and die early, we could live like reprobates and manage a long life.
      Would it help to go back to your Dr and ask for a referral to a hepatic (liver) specialist to check you out. I thought blood tests did show whether liver enzymes were working correctly. But I do think you might want to ask yourself whether that would truly set your mind at rest or not. It almost sounds like it’s not about that.
      I drank heavily for decades as well as indulging in various other vices when I could, and oops, am still here. I relate to feeling very anxious and guilty about what I was doing to myself, and ashamed, and that continued for a while after I stopped. Ultimately anxiety gets in the way of us being present and it’s not much fun to stick with it. I’ve done what I can, I’m human, I need to forgive myself for being flawed. xx

    • @hikermom. Great day count. It seems like u have some good advice here. I can only say that for a few months I just could not get out of a funk because of all the time I wasted so I wasted more time worried about that time I wasted. Anyway. Today is what u have got. If u need help like prudence references , look into it. If not do ur best to enjoy each day. Be well.

    • @hikermom Your history with alcohol is almost 100% identical to mine. I felt like I was reading a summary of my own life. I’m so sorry to hear about the intense fear/anxiety you are experiencing right now and glad you reached out for support. It’s going to be okay. You are 320 days sober… do you know how much healing your body must have done during all those days!? Life is life and alcoholic or not, we could all be taken out in a split second. Live in the present and be there for your daughter and husband. You can do this.

      • Thank you @LeslieLily
        Fear is such a shitty thing to deal with. You are right though. I need to be there as much as possible for my family. I’m not drinking and still checked out, just because my mind is focused on all of this garbage. Thank you for your support. It certainly helps bring things back into perspective. ❤

    • Greetings from one learner in this lifetime to another 🙂
      Even if I have done damage to myself physically by drinking (and for a while I really fretted I had & perhaps I have), a) I can’t do much about it now, and b) I don’t think any Dr would give me as hard a time about it as I’ve given myself. But it does seem almost like a grief stage. Take care, you are doing so well. xx

  • hikermom posted a new activity comment 1 month, 1 week ago

    My heart goes out to you. Stay strong.

    • Thanks. I am pretty good just a tad angry and bitter. However expressing that and saying I am an alcoholic has been my most difficult hurdle. Thank you x.

  • hikermom posted a new activity comment 1 month, 1 week ago

    This is beautiful. It’s exactly what I needed to start my day. Thanks for sharing your thoughts!!

  • hikermom posted a new activity comment 1 month, 3 weeks ago

    I dont really count the days either, but I do check in on my progress. I knew my quit date when I set up my account here and I look at that every now and again. I get more and more proud as the number gets bigger. That’s part of what keeps me from wanting to have “just one” or any for that matter. But whatever works for you.

  • hikermom posted a new activity comment 3 months, 1 week ago

    I love this! Congrats on uncovering who you are. I’m with you. It’s a much better life and so much more fulfilling.

  • hikermom posted a new activity comment 3 months, 1 week ago

    These are exactly the reasons I decided to stop. I was so scared for my health, above all else. I watched through Facebook as a friend of a friend of mine died at age 33 from liver failure. One of my good friends sisters died the year before from the same cause. One of my close friends lost her father to liver cancer. I saw all of this happen within the course of a year. Suddenly I started reading about physical damage, seeing the articles coming out about it, paying attention when the news hit about the drunk driver who crossed the line and killed a mother and child….. and that’s just some of what can happen. Once I saw it, I couldn’t look back. I couldn’t unsee it. I’ve been AF ever since. I want the best odds I can get at living a long and happy life. When I was drinking, I was taking years away and living the ones I had in depression and hopelessness. I’d rather be sober and happy, even if it sucks sometimes. I just read a book that said something along the lines of “I want to feel all of my feelings, not just the happy ones.” It went on to say that making that choice was one of the most courageous things a person could do. I like that. It empowers me and motivates me. Thanks for the post @daveh

  • hikermom posted a new activity comment 4 months ago

    Thank you!!

  • hikermom posted a new activity comment 4 months ago

    So much easier. Thank you!

  • hikermom posted a new activity comment 4 months ago

    Supersober star! I like it! Thank you!

  • hikermom posted a new activity comment 4 months ago

    Thank you!

  • hikermom posted a new activity comment 4 months ago

    That’s great! Congrats!!

  • hikermom posted a new activity comment 4 months ago

    Thank you so much! Family, at least for me, can be so triggering. I’m from a big drinking family and now Its just me whose decided to actually break the cycle. I feel so much pride about this (especially when I think about the life I can give to my daughter and the wife I can be to my husband). That to me is enough to watch them drink their wine, while I hold my ground and just hope to inspire change somewhere along the line.

  • hikermom posted a new activity comment 4 months ago

    Thank you! It’s certainly isn’t always the easiest path, but it certainly is the most rewarding. I’m so much happier than I’ve ever been. Now I’m unwilling to give my happiness!

  • hikermom posted an update 4 months ago

    233 days sober and I just threw a huge birthday party for my husband with all of his family and friends. That day was so much easier than I had expected. No one even asked me why I wasn’t drinking (and the party was at a brewery).
    As if this wasn’t enough, the day after I had a gathering for Easter at my house and my sister (who I thought had gone AF in January) showed up with her new fiance plus 3 bottles of wine.
    The beauty in all of this was that in both of these situations I was at peace not joining everyone else in drinking and, to my surprise, no one really cared that I didn’t.
    I haven’t posted on this site, until now. I’ve just been reading it, almost daily, for so many months. Today, I’m proud. It really does feel like a powerful way to live in making a very conscious choice to stay sober and 100% clear.

    • Amazing. Congrats on getting to where you are today. You ought to be so proud!!!

      • Thank you! It’s certainly isn’t always the easiest path, but it certainly is the most rewarding. I’m so much happier than I’ve ever been. Now I’m unwilling to give my happiness!

    • welcome to posting, @hikermom – sounds like you deserve to be way proud of yourself. i was with family this weekend both evenings. i just get, oh, you’re still not drinking? I’ll take it. Making a conscious decision to be sober is a great way to live. amazing what nothing sick can do and not planning when you are going to have your next drink. 233 is a wonderful amount of time. be well.

      • Thank you so much! Family, at least for me, can be so triggering. I’m from a big drinking family and now Its just me whose decided to actually break the cycle. I feel so much pride about this (especially when I think about the life I can give to my daughter and the wife I can be to my husband). That to me is enough to watch them drink their wine, while I hold my ground and just hope to inspire change somewhere along the line.

    • I’m so glad you posted, you super soberstar! Yep, it seems only people who have a problem query us about not drinking. Others simply don’t care.

    • Super awesome congrats! It is much easier once you make the decision eh! ❤️❤️

    • Good for you!! You certainly should be proud of yourself. I know I’d be patting myself on the back right about now if it were me. Congrats!! Thanks for sharing. People like you inspire me. Thanks!!

    • And you should be proud! That’s a huge achievement, well done.

    • So happy to hear from you and about your sober success! Please keep posting and keep us all updated on your progress! Congratulations on 233 days!

  • hikermom posted a new activity comment 4 months, 4 weeks ago

    Fantastic! Thank you!

  • hikermom posted a new activity comment 4 months, 4 weeks ago

    Hi there! Thank you!!

  • hikermom became a registered member 4 months, 4 weeks ago