• Happy2019 posted a new activity comment 1 day, 3 hours ago

    Perfect @DennyD!

  • Happy2019 posted a new activity comment 1 day, 3 hours ago

    Hey @Bobby, I also go to the city for some shopping today and my holidays will also end in 5 days. I’m glad that I will start work without “celebrating” the last free evening with some wine. That’s what I always did before and then started working with a headache and sooo tired, then as a “reward” for the first hard day I drank in the evening and the second day was hard too and so on. This time will be different. Go on and have a wonderful AF day!

  • Happy2019 posted a new activity comment 1 day, 3 hours ago

    Hey @SandyB, that’s great: Not only the evenings are nice, the mornings will be, too! Have a nice weekend!

  • Happy2019 posted a new activity comment 1 day, 3 hours ago

    Great selfcare, that screen time rule @DavidFS!

  • Happy2019 posted a new activity comment 1 day, 3 hours ago

    Hey @JSAC, well done although it’s not easy for you at the moment. Look after yourself as good as you can, reduce your to-do-lists and take a cup of sleep whenever possible. Be proud of a birthday without alcohol, that’s really wow! Try to find a self confident attitude towards others if it’s difficult for you to explain why you don’t drink. Perhaps you can call it a challenge (that’s what I did: “One year without alcohol”) or a fasten period of some month without alcohol, junk food and so on? People often admire that, it sounds better that “I have a drinking problem” and white lies make it easier sometimes. Hold on! πŸ™‚

  • Happy2019 posted a new activity comment 1 day, 17 hours ago

    Big changes are often exhausting @helsmi, for body and soul. I compare it to this situation: After a heavy time in my job vacation is there and EVERY TIME I am disappointed: I have been looking forward to that free time! I thought I would be relaxed soon, sleep well, enjoy the free time, BUT: I’m tired, depressed, not able to enjoy anything for days or sometimes for even one or two weeks. Every time it goes like this and I notice – aaah, okay, I first have to get rid of all that stress, and after that recovery begins… I think it’s similar with stopping to drink (how long did you, did everyone of us drink and torture our bodies and minds? we can’t shake it of in a few hours or days) – the benefit comes later, but it very surely comes!!!

  • Happy2019 posted a new activity comment 1 day, 22 hours ago

    Hey @Lucy, seems you’re much farther than those old voices in your brain – great! That’s just an old program sometimes popping on but you have saved the new, better, highly topical version of the sober program very successfully πŸ™‚

  • Happy2019 posted a new activity comment 1 day, 22 hours ago

    Hey @DaveFS, that’s great to hear! I always thought about that voice as Lord Voldemort (you know he dies when he can’t drink unicorn blood anymore) – it dies the more, the less I drink – HAAAA take this, Voldi!!! I remember walking through the alcohol isle in the first time, it was exiting, I was proud and a little bit antsy, as if those bottles would live… I felt so much negative power in every bottle, so much power to destroy people’s lives. Today I don’t even see them anymore, I pass as if they weren’t there. Hold on and be well!

  • Happy2019 posted a new activity comment 1 day, 22 hours ago

    Hey @Sobermommy1013, visualizing is THE thing! It’s not so useful to think about what I WON’T do (drink), what makes me nervous (being home), what I SHOULD do (think positive) but what you WILL do. Scientists and psychologists say, that visualizing has an unbelievable great effect on what will happen (even for very sick people it sometimes makes a difference between recovering or their situation getting worse). Interesting too, it doesn’t matter if you believe in visualizing or not – it works, studies showed that! Many very successful people do it (for example sport stars or even lawyers) So just sit down and visualize yourself in the evening, doing what you like to do. Imagine this absolutely exact in every detail!!! See yourself NOT drinking alcohol, but tea, lemonade, chocolate, whatever. Create that scenery in your mind, repeat that several times, it should really help you to be less antsy and to do, what you imagined. YOU create your reality, it’s like a very detailed plan that you burn into your brain. So in your brain the drinking issue automatically has to take the back seat. It’s something one must train a little bit but it becomes easier and it’s great for many different cases!

  • Happy2019 posted a new activity comment 2 days, 18 hours ago

    Hey @Michael6, somehow I got the feeling we should not talk about a “new start” after a relapse. It sounds like everything was in vain and you have to do IT ALL again. That’s not right, I believe. You had your sober time and you learned how to stay sober for over two weeks, day by day! It’s so much more as if you didn’t have one sober day at all. If a runner stumbles in the middle of his run, does he go back and make a new start? No! Why should he? He has come that far, and at this stumbling point he gets up and goes straight on! So you get up again from day 16, take a deep breath and GO ON, perhaps with a new watchfulness or with new ideas how to protect your sobriety!

  • Happy2019 posted a new activity comment 2 days, 18 hours ago

    Hey @sobermommy1013, the most important thing for you is to go your way strong and confident – you KNOW what it’s good for you beyond all those “side effects”. Perhaps one can’t expect that others – husband, family, friends – fully understand the meaning of this becoming-sober-thing. But of course it’s wonderful to have someone protective by your side. A good therapist would always work with you AND your husband, for it’s important for him to understand the process you’re going through. Without an expert it would be very helpful if he was informed about the adicition issue in other ways. Perhaps he could read biographic books, watch documentaries, listen to podcasts, read the posts in this community…? The more he knows, the more he is involved and able to support you!

  • Happy2019 posted a new activity comment 2 days, 18 hours ago

    Hey @tipsytoegal, isn’t it crazy? As a teacher I know how important it’s for children to learn to live with boredom and perhaps even use it to get some inspiration for what they like to do with their time and their talents. And what about us adults? We can’t stand to be bored, we push our natural feelings up or down to get a kick by destructive relations or addiction and call this an exiting life?! We should learn what we teach our children: Get to know yourself! Enjoy the small things and the opportunities life gives to you! Notice the nuances of your life and wait for things to come! Be good to yourself and don’t cover your feelings with false happiness, drama or the illusion of being someone else. Be yourself, love yourself πŸ™‚

    • Me too! Boredom is a trigger but I hate drama. I get physical and that helps, getting older tho so get very sore some days lol

  • Happy2019 posted a new activity comment 2 days, 18 hours ago

    Hey @Helmsi, I tell you something I found out about the wine witch: She shrinks. The less you mention her, the smaller she becomes. After a while you can hardly hear her anymore. One day she will be gone; perhaps she will remain in an unexpected moment and you will get angry and shout at her “What the hell are you doing here in MY sober brain? You were fired a long time ago so hit the road (let’s call her Jack) and don’t you come back no more!” It’s important to know about the wine witch – or however you may call that voice – because it is NOT YOU. Your body and mind absolutely DON’T WANT to be poisoned with ALCOHOL. YOU don’t want that. It’s adestrucitive influence that came from outside and took place in your brain like a foreign matter, creating an addiction. Be proud getting rid of it now!

  • Happy2019 posted a new activity comment 2 days, 18 hours ago

    Oh yeeeees, @Lars, chocolate is a friend! I guess you won’t wake up tomorrow and moan “Gosh, I had twenty-four bars of chocolate last night, just couldn’t stop until I had to vomit. Such a headache, how am I supposed to work today…” But even if it goes like this, you will not repeat this experience I bet πŸ™‚

  • Happy2019 posted a new activity comment 2 days, 18 hours ago

    Hey @MrsD, oh yes it’s a roller coaster with job, kids and all that stuff. Wasn’t able to stand it with alcohol in my life, too! But isn’t it great to see in the end we get it done with such an energy and love to all those things that make life rich? I’m not an author but I guess, that a rich life full of this beautiful madness also gives inspiration to write, doesn’t it? And of course if there is a husband to jump into the lions cage, let him do it and take your time, great decision! πŸ™‚

  • Happy2019 posted a new activity comment 2 days, 19 hours ago

    Thanks, be well too @Noodle71

  • Happy2019 posted a new activity comment 2 days, 19 hours ago

    Oh yes, we shouldn’t focus on failure, that’s so destructive @savtadon’tdrinknomore!

  • Happy2019 posted a new activity comment 2 days, 19 hours ago

    Oh thanks, so happy to read your comment @sobermommy1013!

  • I read a book called “Everything could be different” it’s a little bit philosophic, saying IMAGINE… Imagine how your life and your feelings would change if you decide to wear fair produced clothes. To eat organic food and less meat. To buy less and sustainable and to keep and repair the things you still have. And so on. The author wants us to be less pessimistic (How should I stop the climate change, improve the life of people in Bangladesh, change how animals are treated in factory farming? I’m not important, I’m only ONE person, can’t move anything…) He says: Be optimistic! Be aware that first of all every change brings a positive effect in YOUR life. Even if it doesn’t change the world, for YOU it will be better, healthier, satisfying to live a sustainable life. So MAKE A CHANGE! Make a change every time you have the possibility. Decide: Fair or not fair? Conventionell or organic? Buy or not? Car or bike? And for me I added: Drink or not? When I read this and I thought about it, I realized how many, many times in the past month I made a change! Every time I decided NOT TO DRINK it was a wonderful, strong, healthy and self-loving decision. Every single time I made a change – for me, but also for my family. I wish I would have made a tally sheet and a stroke for every time I decided not to drink. Wow, that would look really impressing to me now and would be a good reason to be proud, I guess. And at least it would show, for weaker moments in the future, how often I have been able to be strong. I love that idea πŸ™‚

  • Happy2019 posted a new activity comment 3 days, 2 hours ago

    If you don’t feel ready, don’t go. The time will come, you will feel more secure πŸ™‚ Think about it like you had a heavy flu and no you have to recover, still feeling weak – you would stay in bed and wait for better days.

  • Happy2019 posted a new activity comment 3 days, 2 hours ago

    I am flashed by that number, want to go there too!

  • Happy2019 posted a new activity comment 3 days, 2 hours ago

    You’re right @leslielily, if you moderate (even if we suppose it works) it’s there again – the shit is in your life again. Will never be a friend, a help, a joy, will always be a problem, danger, a threat. No gain in it at all!

    • You know what it makes me think of?? A mentally abusive relationship. When someone we love or care about is with a person that is mentally abusive to them – do we tell them “oh, stay away for a while but then ya know, see if you can just have coffee together or see each other once in awhile. See how that goes. It will be different this time.” NO. We tell them get out of the relationship and break the cycle and don’t look back, even though we know that’s a painful process. Because that is what is healthy for the person we love. This is the same. Alcohol is abusing your mind and body and when you let it back into your life moderately, you’re opening that door right back up and allowing the possibility for it to control you again. I considered moderating too – now I’m not sure why I’d risk what I’ve gained.

  • Happy2019 posted a new activity comment 3 days, 3 hours ago

    Welcome, @Mamoo!

  • Happy2019 posted a new activity comment 3 days, 3 hours ago

    Welcome here @GinaArtist!

  • Happy2019 posted a new activity comment 3 days, 3 hours ago

    Welcome @Chiara!

  • Happy2019 posted a new activity comment 3 days, 3 hours ago

    Hey @jrdry, I’m sure you’ll make a good way with the support of these people here! Everyone has their story, experiences, ups and downs and lots of understanding for failures and troubles. So post everything as often as you deserve, it helped me so much to be sober for 8 month now and as happy as I can be!

  • Happy2019 posted a new activity comment 3 days, 3 hours ago

    Oh @leslielily, it is the ONE BIG GREAT THING at least that you didn’t drink, hat off to you. This rough times are really dangerous and exhausting and you are fighting so tough, wow! And then good – bad – old wine witch sees her chance has come and she says DRINK! Well, fortunately you’re so much smarter than her and you went on your way. I hope times will get better soon, be well!

  • Happy2019 posted a new activity comment 3 days, 4 hours ago

    Perfect πŸ™‚

  • Happy2019 posted a new activity comment 3 days, 6 hours ago

    @elais, yes, yes, yes, there will be that point!!! And it won’t remain a point, it will become a period becoming longer and longer, it will last for month, years!!! I also quit smoking before I quit drinking and althoug that are different addictions on thing is similar: it takes some time for de-programming the path in your brain and this is a time with some doubts and weaknesses here and there but hold on! The new path becomes more and more solid, time is working for you just like it was when you quit smoking. I’m 8 month sober now and it became really easy in 99% of time! Go on πŸ™‚

  • Happy2019 posted a new activity comment 3 days, 6 hours ago

    Hey @Narley, I’m just amazed about your post, could be mine, too! Here it also seems like autumn in the mid of summer, but I must admit I love autumn with it’s wind, rain, candles, reading and knitting, it is so cosy! I’m 8 month sober now and like you I don’t want to go back to the old times, but I also must remind myself about how awful my drinking was, like you I’m concerned to “forget” πŸ™ ! For me it was also easier to tell that I’m trying a challenge of one year without alcohol, don’t know if I will manage to be honest after that year… I absolutely understand what you feel. I read a book written by a journalist, she made that challenge “One year without” and she says, she didn’t have a problem with drinking but wanted to know, what her life would be without (the social issue). After that year she had learned a lot about herself and about society’s alliance with alcohol and she decided not to drink anymore. She told everybody who asked (also “Are you looking forward to your first drink after that year?”): “I don’t drink alcohol anymore because I recognized that it’s no use for me”. I will keep that in mind for everyone who asks, if I don’t dare to be honest. I think it’s everyone’s decision and right to tell the truth or to modify it, it’s such an accomplishment, you don’t have to justify it you don’t want to πŸ™‚

    • Wow that’s amazing @happy2019 I feel like saying β€œsnap!” πŸ™‚ but actually it’s nice to know i’m not alone in this! So thank you for replying ? yeah I think that’s a nice route to go down, my initial thought was to say actually i’m Enjoying being alcohol free so much that I don’t want to start drinking just yet, or say that i’d decided to do another year both of which wouldn’t be far from the truth πŸ™‚ I guess I want to strengthen my resolve going into my second year, it’s interesting a lot of ppl warn about anniversaries being trigger points, and I think I get it now, that goal that I set myself a 9 months ago is coming up and I need to have my new goal firmly in place and be as motivated if not more to honour it than when I first started this journey. Looking back, looking at me now and looking forward to who I want to be, and what I want my relationship with alcohol to be.

  • Happy2019 posted a new activity comment 3 days, 6 hours ago

    That’s a good way, @SandyB, for me it worked exactly like that! Go for it!

  • Happy2019 posted a new activity comment 3 days, 6 hours ago

    Thank you @Ro, I’m really able to enjoy again, wasn’t for a long time

  • Happy2019 posted a new activity comment 3 days, 6 hours ago

    Thank you @Deester!

  • Happy2019 posted a new activity comment 3 days, 6 hours ago

    @suzkep, I was exited like a child before we started! Emotions are coming back…

  • Happy2019 posted a new activity comment 3 days, 6 hours ago

    Thanks @LeslieLily!

  • Happy2019 posted a new activity comment 3 days, 6 hours ago

    Thank you @sobermommy1013

  • Tomorrow my family and I are going on a city trip to a wonderful big old city not so far from my home town. We’re going to see the castle which now is the university, an art museum with wonderful old oil paintings (August Macke, Franz Marc, Edvard Munch, Otto Dix, Gerhard Richter,… wow!!! I’m gonna get me a poster for the living room), visit the old churches and the historic center, do a little shopping and sit in one of the very nice cafes under the trees and watch the people… I’m so looking forward to that and once more I thank for being able to enjoy that day without hangover, headache and tiredness. Weather will be fine but not to hot, train ticket is bought yet. Jippieh!

  • Happy2019 posted a new activity comment 4 days, 19 hours ago

    Thanks for that @LeslieLily

  • Happy2019 posted a new activity comment 4 days, 19 hours ago

    happy to hear that @tipsytoegal πŸ™‚

  • Happy2019 posted a new activity comment 4 days, 19 hours ago

    such a simple and wonderful truth @cascadeclimber!

  • Happy2019 posted a new activity comment 4 days, 19 hours ago

    Yes, @Jocord and as Brooke McAlary says, balance isn’t a solid condition, it’s stop – go, in – out, back – forward, high – low… as long as it’s not only one of that it’s okay

  • Happy2019 posted a new activity comment 4 days, 19 hours ago

    Thanks @kitten, yes it is OUR choices now, great to remind that from time to time. be well too πŸ™‚

  • Happy2019 posted a new activity comment 6 days ago

    Thank you @AprilsFool. Aimless, that’s the right word for me at the moment, too. I decided to stay idle as long as I feel that way and just – wait. I read about a musician, she had a burnout (nothing to do with alcohol, but too much work, always action, always a plan…). One day she laid on her sofa starring at the ceiling. She stayed there thinking “I should…” (get up, do the dishes, work, tidy up, do my job…). She did nothing, stayed on that sofa for 4 hours, starring… It was a great experience for her. Now she says she tries to be “useless” as often as possible. So the answer to “Now what???” sometimes is “Nothing.” This is what our mind and body need sometimes – just nothing. We worked hard. We deserve NOTHING. In former times the “walk in idleness” was a benefit leading poets and artists to new inspiration (and as we know a little melancholy was also necessary, like the French say “Bonjour tristesse!”). Wonderful idea!

  • Happy2019 posted a new activity comment 6 days, 1 hour ago

    Like today for me… πŸ˜‰

  • Happy2019 posted a new activity comment 6 days, 1 hour ago

    Thanks for your words @JM!

  • Happy2019 posted a new activity comment 6 days, 1 hour ago

    Thank you @freedom1025 πŸ™‚

  • Weekends teach us about the average life. While reading some of your posts I thought: Becoming sober is not a full time job for some of us anymore. The exiting first days and weeks have past, some of us are not counting the hours or days anymore, and although we’re so grateful for sobriety the focus changes. Life becomes normal. Especially on weekends this can mean you feel melancholic, bored, depressed. Nothing to do, nobody to call, no motivation, no energy. Be careful – the first time of becoming sober was a very active and exiting time, you perhaps created new habits, started doing yoga, reviewed your relationship to friends or family, cleaned up the house – what ever! And now life is not black or white anymore, it turns to grey some days. Be careful and stay patient. This is what everyone’s life is like. Has nothing to do with boozing or not boozing. We won’t walk an sunshine all the time. We don’t have to perform all the time. We don’t have to feel happy and grateful all the time. We don’t have to be smart and do useful things all the time. Sometimes we may just be lazy, weepy, useless. And after every down there will come an up again.

    • Well said!!

    • Very true! I like that, have felt a little weepy, lazy + useless this week. But that’s okay, 2 weeks more of holidays. : ) Thanks for your post @Happy2019!

    • I like these thoughts. Very useful for days when we think we are not enough πŸ™‚

    • Just what I needed to hear this morning. I’m exactly in that place – almost 6 full months sober and definitely in those β€˜gray’ days. Gotten through the hour to hour urges … distracted myself through the daily 5 o’clock wine time chimes … organized the closets, cleaned out the draws, walked myself silly … and now what?? A bit lonely, bored, feeling a bit aimless. Looking for a new direction. Your post reassures me that it’s part of the process. It reminds me that 6 months of sobriety is mere blip after 20+ years of numbing my own senses. Thank you. Inspiration for my day.

      • Thank you @AprilsFool. Aimless, that’s the right word for me at the moment, too. I decided to stay idle as long as I feel that way and just – wait. I read about a musician, she had a burnout (nothing to do with alcohol, but too much work, always action, always a plan…). One day she laid on her sofa starring at the ceiling. She stayed there thinking “I should…” (get up, do the dishes, work, tidy up, do my job…). She did nothing, stayed on that sofa for 4 hours, starring… It was a great experience for her. Now she says she tries to be “useless” as often as possible. So the answer to “Now what???” sometimes is “Nothing.” This is what our mind and body need sometimes – just nothing. We worked hard. We deserve NOTHING. In former times the “walk in idleness” was a benefit leading poets and artists to new inspiration (and as we know a little melancholy was also necessary, like the French say “Bonjour tristesse!”). Wonderful idea!

    • well said, @happy2019, so true. quitting alcohol just gives me the chance to make choices, those choices are not always exciting, and all you said, but they are my choices. be well.

    • So true! We aim for an even forward trajectory over time, balancing the highs and lows.

      • Yes, @Jocord and as Brooke McAlary says, balance isn’t a solid condition, it’s stop – go, in – out, back – forward, high – low… as long as it’s not only one of that it’s okay

    • I am so happy to be at this point, sure I know how many days it’s been but that’s not the focus. There’s so much out there to experience and none of it is diminished by not having alcohol in my life.

    • I needed to read this today. THANK YOU!!!!

    • A really good reminder. Thank you <3

  • Happy2019 posted a new activity comment 6 days, 3 hours ago

    Hey @Erica375, there are those weepy, lazy days sometimes. I think that is okay and perhaps even important to show us some things: We’re not perfect. We manage to live sober, feel very positive about this fact, collect all those benefits and wonderful new feelings and experiences. That’s great but that’s not life. Life isn’t black or white, it’s grey. So we must face from time to time being depressed, sad, lonely, weak, whatever. There’s no special reason for this. It’s just life, sometimes up, sometimes down. So we’re in a sort of training – standing this dumb days. Just wait and see. Be nice to ourselves. Not expect to much. Realize, that this perhaps doesn’t even have to do with the alcohol issue but that it happens to everyone sometimes – you go through a valley and there will be a hill again. So here’s my advice: just drift through that valley, don’t think too much, do what you want to or do nothing at all, don’t set yourself under pressure, wait and trust in time. I’m convinced that we have to learn one thing: I don’t have to perform all the time. Sometimes I just may BE. Nothing more, nothing less. πŸ™‚

  • Happy2019 posted a new activity comment 1 week, 2 days ago

    I’m so sad of your loss @wakingowl

  • Happy2019 posted a new activity comment 1 week, 2 days ago

    I haven’t seen it yet but planning to start soon. Sounds like I’d better prepare lots of fruity water and strong coffee to hold on…

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