I was born in Scotland but immigrated to Canada with my family when I was four. I had my first drink at thirteen. I have always struggled with my drinking, moving from boasting about how much I could drink to hiding how much I was drinking!In my early twenties I spoke to an older coworker who was in recovery about my drinking and he told me not to go looking for trouble. I took that to heart and continued my drinking until I was forty. By this time I was what I would consider a functioning alcoholic. I was successful at work but it was a slippery slope and my drinking was picking up speed even though I wasn’t drinking every day I was binge drinking once a week and on weekends. When it cost me my second marriage I stopped for exactly one year and then was back drinking like before. That year of sobriety was awful but I white knuckled my way through it, proving to myself I didn’t have a problem and could quit if I wanted too. That year of white knuckling put off my sobriety another 15 years. I could not imagine living the rest of my life like that.I met my current wife when I was forty and moved to Southern Manitoba to start my life over. My wife had just started her career in nursing and was working shift work. I didn’t have any friends in town and that’s when I started drinking on my own and that turned into daily drinking. I started seriously thinking about quitting when I was in my late forties but that year of white knuckling kept me trying to find a way to moderate. It took a note from my wife on April 24, 2018, that said I had to choose between her and drinking. I was passed out on the couch for the hundredth time and she was dreading coming home to me. This was finally enough for me I was exhausted trying to moderate and looking for my next drink. I couldn’t imagine my life without my wife, who is the kindest most supportive person I have ever met. That evening I went for a walk and my wife phoned to apologise for the note, I told her I that I had made up my mind and I was going to stop drinking but I needed her support.That was a year ago, my one year soberversary is April 25, 2019. The difference between this time and last time, I just decided drinking was not an option. Last time was for one year and that made it like a prison sentence always knowing that I was going to get to drink again. This time I had to come up with a strategy, that included sober podcasts. On the Recovery Elevator podcast a guest mentioned this site and this site has changed my life. I now know I am not alone, that other people have the same struggles that I have. The support, advice and love shown on this site has shown me that I can live a happy and full sober life!If you are lurking here that is enough proof that alcohol is disrupting your life. Stop poisoning yourself and start dealing with your problems, stop drowning them in booze. You can live your own great, authentic life! A lifetime of sobriety starts with one AF day!
Today’s thought from my big comfy chair: “Thank you for the support”
I was scrolling through the profiles this morning when it dawned on me how many people on this site have touched me in some way. A comment on my post or something that they posted that resonated with me, something that made me laugh or sometimes cry. What a wonderful supportive, safe place this has become for me. So I will leave you with this Bruce Springsteen lyric that has been running through my mind over the last couple of days. From the song “Into The Fire”
May your strength give us strength May your hope give us hope May your faith give us faith May your love give us love
Thanks for the mention @hammer123. We are all in this together and the support we give one another is truly a blessing. Each one of us has a different story as to how we went off the rails and started abusing alcohol. We are not bad people we just got addicted. This is what we all share and deal with on this journey to live an AF life. We are all very fortunate to have stumbled on to this wonderful community that @Mrs-D started at the beginning of her journey. Thanks to everyone of you for being here! May you all have a great AF day!
Nicely said and widely shared @hammer123. I too am extremely grateful for this place and for all the warm, supportive, non-judgemental, empathetic (I could go on…) people here. To know that there are people just like me, all over the world, struggling with the same issue and experiencing the same emotions – and willing to reach out to help others along has been quite a humbling, yet empowering experience. Sending out sincere thanks to all – and wishing everyone a peaceful AF day.
I totally agree! This has been tough but also at times easier than I imagined and I think that has a lot to do with this community. It is my touch stone first thing in the morning and last thing at night and it reminds me what I am doing and why. So grateful x.@hammer123