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  • Hammer123 posted an update 3 weeks ago

    Day 429
    6:27am
    Thoughts from my big comfy chair: “could I have just one“

    Months, years before I actually quit drinking, I would wake up hungover and disappointed in myself. I would think of new ways to moderate.
    #1 Don’t drink during the week, next thought, well except Tuesday golf
    #2 No drinking on Sundays, that would help start the work week off on the right foot, next though, except if our spiritual group got together, then wine would be ok
    #3 Don’t start drinking until after 8:00pm, next thought, except if your making supper, because that is sophisticated
    #4 No hard liquor because they give me terrible hangovers, next thought except scotch because I love scotch
    #5 No more than 3 drinks in an evening, except once I had 3 drinks I felt fine and sober and was having fun and well just fuck it!

    Moderating was a myth to me, like a unicorn, I have seen a picture but didn’t believe it existed! Even when I could moderate it was only for one or two evenings and it was exhausting. All the fun was taken out of the evening, while I checked my watch to see if I could have one more, how could it only be 10:00pm and I already had my 3 drinks, people offering you more drinks and constantly looking for the courage to say no thanks.
    Even now after 429 days, I know I can’t have an icy cold beer after cutting the grass, or one glass of wine with supper with my wife and then there it is, how about a scotch after supper, hmmm maybe I could do that?

    Take a moment play it forward, that would lead to a 2nd scotch. A few days later, this thought, you have this figured out you could have a beer after golf, then of course a nice glass of Chardonnay with a lovely dinner! At the end back to hiding my drinking from my wife, worrying about smelling like booze at work, 14 months of progress down the shitter for one wee dram of scotch! Not on my watch, these thoughts are fleeting, get up do something else and they will go away!
    Keep on the path and gain your life and self respect back!

    • Thank you Hammer123 for this post. Your honesty and clarity is are like bread crumbs for me to follow as I journey down this path. Just completed day 60. It is posts like yours that keep me going.

    • Always ends up more that’s for sure! Love the wisdom from the big comfy chair! I know better for myself personally that I will never be able to have just one. It’s so great feeling self respect and to be grounded.

      • Thanks @sober4real, I took a little break from my morning routine but I am feeling a little more rejuvenated lately, so hopefully I will have more I feel like sharing. Self respect and grounding were 2 things I was hoping for when I quit drinking and for the most part I have found them.

    • Great post and resonates so well for me at the moment. Having similar conversations in my head even though I know I have tried and eliminated the moderation path many times over.

    • Lucy replied 3 weeks ago

      I bloody love this @Hammer123 it’s exactly how my mind works.. it’s this time of an evening 5pm that the wine witch screams at me to drink.. because that’s how I started my evenings, but didn’t stop until blackout … I struggle through till and by 7pm i’m ok.. thanks for posting you’ve helped me today xx

      • Thanks @lucy we are all so similar, it was one of the things that I love about being part of this community, I don’t feel alone!

    • Moderation is a myth……my thoughts and reflections mirror this perfectly. The old saying one is not enough and one is too many because it would be the end of this lovely clear headed journey. I love posts like this. Thank you and bon voyage.

    • Great post. I used to try and keep to the rules I imposed on myself but it never worked. * No drinking during the week, except Thursday because it’s Thirsty Thursday. *Only drink beer as you’ll drink less. *No drinking until 5pm unless it’s the weekend. Etc etc. How tiring it was trying to moderate. The good thing about all though was that it led me to realise that it doesn’t work and from there I made the decision just to stop drinking completely. What a relief! 🙂 I really enjoy your thoughts from the big comfy chair. 🙂

    • The rules game didn’t work for me either. It’s so much less exhausting to not drink rather than try to moderate. What gets me is all the time it takes up in a day just for that 1-3 hours of buzz. Glad we have our days free now!

    • 429….Legend!!!!!!!!
      Also loved this part in particular:
      “Keep on the path and gain your life and self respect back.”
      Boom.

      oxoxo

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