• Hammer123 posted a new activity comment 15 hours, 45 minutes ago

    That’s the beautiful thing about this site, we are a living testimony that sober weekends can be achieved! For the longest time I was a binge drinker, Thursday to Saturday and then I slipped into daily drinking. When I decided to quit I never thought I could get through a weekend but that was wrong, weekend days are just other days in a 7 day week! You do get a shit ton more accomplished and enjoy them more. The thing I love about sober weekends is that I am not rushing through the day trying to get to my drink! Getting AF is a process not a test. There is no pass or fail and there is no limits to the number of times you can try. You are making it through 5 days, try to stretch that out to 6 days and then 7 days and before you know it you have weeks and then months!
    I now have kind of stopped counting days and now count months and looking forward to counting years! You can do this, stick close!

    • Thanks @hammer123, I like that you said AF is a process not a test because I surely have failed that. Seems the more I say don’t drink I do! I’m trying again, I’ll try what you said, try to get 6 days….then maybe 7. I do so want to remove the shit feelings from my life

  • Hammer123 posted a new activity comment 16 hours, 19 minutes ago

    Great rambling post! LOL!! I especially related to the “I didn’t try many things in life “. I know I didn’t give many things a 100% effort because if I failed (and I new I would fail) then I left myself an out and some how I would save at least some self esteem!
    I am going to ponder that thought this week, thanks for giving me something to think about.

  • Hammer123 posted a new activity comment 1 day, 10 hours ago

    Sending you positive vibes @ro. I know the drill both of our kids are in a good place at the moment but that could change in the blink of an eye, especially if we book up for a holiday, that seems to trigger a crisis for them!
    The worst part for me is when they can’t see logic and the everything is blamed on my wife, she is terrible mother and person and then there is a lot of name calling. This is just not true my wife is a great person and mother and her only fault is doing too much for the girls. I think this may have stunted their maturity! There were certainly times I did not like either of them but still kept the flame of love flickering in my heart!

  • Hammer123 posted a new activity comment 1 day, 12 hours ago

    Well you are doing better than I when I was in your shoes! My stepdaughter and her girlfriend found me passed out on the floor of m6 home office one Friday night and took pictures of me and helped me to bed. My wife made them delete the pics in the morning. It took me another 4 years to decide to get sober and that was after my wife found me passed out on the couch and left me a note that it was me or the booze! I stil” have that note in my wallet! My wife was very supportive when I stopped drinking and it sounds like your husband will also support you. I would have a very frank conversation with him about needing his support to stop and then check in here every day, try AA or smart recovery, read books, listen to podcasts. Throw the kitchen sink at this problem. It is only a problem and problems have solutions, moderation is not a solution sobriety is the best solution! You can do this, if you have had enough of living in this hell!

  • Hammer123 posted a new activity comment 1 day, 12 hours ago

    I find that I get full on about 2 AF beers and stop there, which is strange because 10 regular beers never had that effect on me! Never had any trouble in the morning with the AF beers though.
    I have some relatives coming from Glasgow in a few weeks really looking forward to it!

  • Hammer123 posted a new activity comment 1 day, 12 hours ago

    Mindset, attitude and effort, love it! Congratulations on both of your anniversary’s!

  • Hammer123 posted a new activity comment 2 days, 15 hours ago

    Robyn, congratulations on getting close to financial independence! I really loved this part of your post and I want to add my encouragement to those who need it today! “ Much love to anyone struggling today “ This is why this is a special community and you are an important leader in it!

  • Hammer123 posted a new activity comment 2 days, 15 hours ago

    What growth you have shown, very well thought out decision!

  • Hammer123 posted a new activity comment 2 days, 15 hours ago

    I am glad you are back, you have been missed! Congratulations on all the positive things that are happening in your life, it is very inspiring! Nice to see that life starts after giving up on the booze!

  • Hammer123 posted a new activity comment 4 days, 14 hours ago

    Once again @daveh, a great message and the truth! Especially I am not a bad or weak person, I am an ill person! That’s gold,

  • Hammer123 posted a new activity comment 4 days, 15 hours ago

    Congratulations on all your positive stuff! Very cool to see, getting close to the one year mark!

  • Hammer123 posted a new activity comment 4 days, 15 hours ago

    I totally agree with Marmite, 100 days no matter what! No excuses, not after this birthday, anniversary, long weekend, 2 week vacation.
    I said those very words to my wife I can’t live sober, life will be boring, I will be boring. I won’t look forward to the weekend, like I was only drinking on the weekend!
    It will be hard to go out socially, it really isn’t, it was harder trying to stay sober when everyone else was a normal drinker.
    You can do this I am over 400 days AF and it does get easier, just keep trying!
    Unfortunately I will tell you this, you have not made up your mind otherwise you would be doing it. You are giving yourself outs, leaving some wiggle room, I will start again tomorrow!
    I know this time I left no outs, zero chance to pick up. My wife tried to let me off the hook and I told her I need her 100% support on quitting, zero tolerance! This time just felt different, it wasn’t a pink cloud, though that did arrive. What worked for me and many others here was just deciding I don’t drink no matter what!
    You can do this you are stronger than your thoughts, you are a non drinker make it happen!

  • Hammer123 posted a new activity comment 4 days, 15 hours ago

    777AF days that’s a pretty sexy number! I hope tomorrow is better for both you and your kids! Being a parent is a tough job, my step kids both didn’t like me until they moved out and now I am super dad! Sometimes it takes time.

  • Hammer123 posted a new activity comment 4 days, 15 hours ago

    Sorry things have taken a turn for the worse @janus2. I am holding positive thoughts for you and hope something great happens for you shortly. I have missed you and your posts!!!

  • I spent the last weekend with a bunch of high school buddies. We rented 3 cabins at a golf course and played a couple of rounds. There was a ton of drinking and old stories and ball busting. This is just the kind of fun that I miss since I moved away from Winnipeg. The one exception I was sober for the whole thing.
    I made to bed Friday at 11:30 and easily up for our 10:00 am tee time and then Saturday in bed by 10:00 pm and up early to come home. Now just about everyone else was suffering from a hangover and started drinking early as a cure! I sure don’t miss the hangovers or wondering how big an ass I made of myself. There is evidence every where now because of the phones, you can’t deny how out of control you where. This year they started giving out an award named after one of my buddies, for the person who was most out of control. I’m glad I don’t have to be involved in that anymore!
    There were some awkward moments about me not drinking but for the most part those guys want me to be happy. One of our friends who was very successful in business is now homeless in Vancouver, having lost everything to coke and meth, so most of those guys understand addiction. Somehow they don’t quite see alcohol as the same addictive drug because it is legal.

    The weekend was fun but there is only so much drinking and nonsense a sober person can put up with. I will do it again next year and will be more prepared!

    • Sounds like a great week-end! Sorry about your friend, really sad. Enjoy the beautiful Canadian summer! : )

    • You did great it must have been very challenging with all that drinking going on. I’m not a great golfer but I always found my golf was much better if I didn’t drink the night before. Better concentration and better putting. Well done you 🙂

    • Such a great experience @hammer123 I remember having groups of friends like that. I’m glad you didn’t win the award! hahahaha! Man, I am also glad that when I drank too much and socialized it was before cell phones. I made an ass out of myself MORE THAN ONE TIME! I would be the not so proud recipient of that award for sure. Thanks for bringing back the memories of why we are where we are!

  • Hammer123 posted a new activity comment 6 days, 12 hours ago

    Happy Belated Birthday, so happy your co-workers gave you a nice surprise! You deserve it, and congratulations on 165 days!

  • Hammer123 posted a new activity comment 6 days, 12 hours ago

    So happy for you! With Distinction!

  • Hammer123 posted a new activity comment 6 days, 13 hours ago

    Welcome here @purplehaze, you will find lots of support and skills that will help you with your sobriety!

  • Hammer123 posted a new activity comment 1 week, 1 day ago

    20 days is awesome, but 525 days is out of this world! Congratulations!

  • Hammer123 posted a new activity comment 1 week, 1 day ago

    Great job on 1200 days, I am so glad you are here and helping all the newcomers with your posts!

  • Hammer123 posted a new activity comment 1 week, 1 day ago

    Great post @robynb, I love that things are changing for the positive, but also you are changing. Love reading your posts!

  • Hammer123 posted a new activity comment 1 week, 4 days ago

    So sorry that you are going through this rough patch @jesss, I hope you can find some relief from the sadness and depression. My depression really kicked in about a year after going AF. Eventually I talked with my wife and some friends and that helped turn things around, just having people to talk too, actually just them listening helped. I will hold good thoughts for you in my mind and heart. I am so glad you are here and I value you and your posts!

  • Hammer123 posted a new activity comment 1 week, 4 days ago

    That is some serious sober time, glad to here the cravings are few and far between!

  • Hammer123 posted a new activity comment 1 week, 6 days ago

    Lucky 13 congratulations!

  • Hammer123 posted a new activity comment 1 week, 6 days ago

    Congratulations on handling a difficult situation and the 225 days!

  • Hammer123 posted a new activity comment 1 week, 6 days ago

    Hi @kathryn, I have heard this many times and been through it myself where this time just feels different. Take advantage of the momentum and add more sober tools to your toolbox. If you put some solid AF days under your belt, it sounds like your partner will be supportive of that! My wife was on my side as soon a# I had a month AF, she al so realised this time was different!

  • Hammer123 posted an update 2 weeks ago

    Day 433
    6:16am

    Today’s thought from my big comfy chair: “you’re here for a reason”

    I am here in this cyberspace for many reasons.
    To get support in my sobriety
    To connect with people
    To realize I am not alone in this struggle
    To help others on this path
    To support people when they stumble
    To celebrate members when the succeed
    To learn more about myself, my strengths and weaknesses
    To give myself options, AF drinks, socialising sober, getting through the witching hour
    To be inspired

    If you are here it is because you are struggling with alcohol, whether it is day 1 or 433. If you are like me you just lurked for a month before you posted anything. I did’t set up my profile until I had about 9 months AF. It was about that time I realised I could really do this sober thing and I could share how I felt and what I had learned. Everything I have achieved would not be possible without this site and the community built up around it.
    There are a lot of new members joining and I hope you stick with it no matter how many day ones it takes, even if you stumble after day 7 get back on the path, you are 7 days smarter and know that it is possible!
    My hope for everyone is that you get your life back and realize that we are all on this planet for a reason and once you are sober that reason becomes much clearer.

  • Hammer123 posted a new activity comment 2 weeks ago

    I have been thinking the same thing, lots of new people, I am happy they are here and hope they find the support I found when I got here. I do miss those old familiar people who made this a safe place to tell my truth. Hopefully some of the new people will fill that void and we will build new relationships!

    • You second my thoughts there, Hammer123!!! I am so happy for them and hope they have a similar experience like the one I had over 2 years ago. It’s just a bit odd when I think of how a lot of the old faces went away or barely stop by anymore. Good for them as moving on is healthy. But a wee bit sad at the same time. Plus, I am a sucker at change. Hate it. I get it’s part of life. Still hate it. Lol.
      oxoxoxox

  • Day 431
    6:34am

    Today’s thought from my big comfy chair: “Thank you for the support”

    I was scrolling through the profiles this morning when it dawned on me how many people on this site have touched me in some way. A comment on my post or something that they posted that resonated with me, something that made me laugh or sometimes cry. What a wonderful supportive, safe place this has become for me. So I will leave you with this Bruce Springsteen lyric that has been running through my mind over the last couple of days. From the song “Into The Fire”

    May your strength give us strength
    May your hope give us hope
    May your faith give us faith
    May your love give us love

    Thank you to the following people and sorry to anyone I may have missed.
    @stevef, @jm, @liberty, @morgan, @ro, @winner, @malibustacey, @happyness, @kitten, @mari135, @timidwarrior, @robynb, @freedom1025, @k1w1, @chasingthedandelion, @kit, @jocord, @mrs-d, @daveh, @danthedev, @agirl, @enzedgirl, @prudence, @soberstylist,@rise2015, @missfreedom, @tom4500, @trace, @wildchild, @ylang-ylang, @janus2, @iowadawn

    • I echo the thanks!! I’m grateful to the folks further along in the journey who take the time to turn around and extend their hand and show us the way. So glad you’re here @hammer123!

    • Thanks for the mention @hammer123. We are all in this together and the support we give one another is truly a blessing. Each one of us has a different story as to how we went off the rails and started abusing alcohol. We are not bad people we just got addicted. This is what we all share and deal with on this journey to live an AF life. We are all very fortunate to have stumbled on to this wonderful community that @Mrs-D started at the beginning of her journey. Thanks to everyone of you for being here! May you all have a great AF day!

    • A safe place for me to x

    • Nicely said and widely shared @hammer123. I too am extremely grateful for this place and for all the warm, supportive, non-judgemental, empathetic (I could go on…) people here. To know that there are people just like me, all over the world, struggling with the same issue and experiencing the same emotions – and willing to reach out to help others along has been quite a humbling, yet empowering experience. Sending out sincere thanks to all – and wishing everyone a peaceful AF day.

    • I totally agree! This has been tough but also at times easier than I imagined and I think that has a lot to do with this community. It is my touch stone first thing in the morning and last thing at night and it reminds me what I am doing and why. So grateful x.@hammer123

    • 🤗

    • Xxx

    • It’s a wonderful thing we have here @hammer123. Very very precious to me. Thank you for your support too. 🌹🌹🌹

    • Love that song 💚

    • Hey @hammer123 !!! You have inspired me too . 🌻

    • thanks @hammer123 – and back at ya 🙂 xx

  • Hammer123 posted a new activity comment 2 weeks, 3 days ago

    Glad to hear that everything is going well! Good luck with the job!

  • @timidwarrior, hope things are good on your end!

  • Hammer123 posted a new activity comment 2 weeks, 3 days ago

    Have missed your wisdom over the past couple of weeks!

  • Hammer123 posted a new activity comment 2 weeks, 3 days ago

    I totally get what you are saying Kitten, I was at a friends last night and I was telling them how lucky I am to have friends that are social drinkers. All of my friends from Winnipeg are party drinkers and that would have made quitting harder! Also my wife quit drinking about six months after me and that has made my life easier!
    We were in Kelowna last year and went to a brewery/restaurant and they had 4 or 5 non alcoholic beers, some I had never tried and it made it so that I felt like fit in.
    At my golf club no nonalcoholic beers, when I brought it to their attention they ordered some in for me.
    So progress is being made!
    Have a great weekend!

  • Hammer123 posted a new activity comment 2 weeks, 3 days ago

    Congratulations @kjpeche, things will start to get a little better from here! Keep the momentum going!

  • Hammer123 posted a new activity comment 2 weeks, 4 days ago

    Thanks @happyness, I love the golden but was tired of breaking my own self imposed rules!

  • Hammer123 posted a new activity comment 2 weeks, 4 days ago

    Thanks @andian, that is correct one is never enough!

  • Hammer123 posted a new activity comment 2 weeks, 4 days ago

    Thanks @lucy we are all so similar, it was one of the things that I love about being part of this community, I don’t feel alone!

  • Hammer123 posted a new activity comment 2 weeks, 4 days ago

    So true, @chasingthedandelion, moderation is the devil!

  • Hammer123 posted a new activity comment 2 weeks, 4 days ago

    Thanks @sober4real, I took a little break from my morning routine but I am feeling a little more rejuvenated lately, so hopefully I will have more I feel like sharing. Self respect and grounding were 2 things I was hoping for when I quit drinking and for the most part I have found them.

  • Day 429
    6:27am
    Thoughts from my big comfy chair: “could I have just one“

    Months, years before I actually quit drinking, I would wake up hungover and disappointed in myself. I would think of new ways to moderate.
    #1 Don’t drink during the week, next thought, well except Tuesday golf
    #2 No drinking on Sundays, that would help start the work week off on the right foot, next though, except if our spiritual group got together, then wine would be ok
    #3 Don’t start drinking until after 8:00pm, next thought, except if your making supper, because that is sophisticated
    #4 No hard liquor because they give me terrible hangovers, next thought except scotch because I love scotch
    #5 No more than 3 drinks in an evening, except once I had 3 drinks I felt fine and sober and was having fun and well just fuck it!

    Moderating was a myth to me, like a unicorn, I have seen a picture but didn’t believe it existed! Even when I could moderate it was only for one or two evenings and it was exhausting. All the fun was taken out of the evening, while I checked my watch to see if I could have one more, how could it only be 10:00pm and I already had my 3 drinks, people offering you more drinks and constantly looking for the courage to say no thanks.
    Even now after 429 days, I know I can’t have an icy cold beer after cutting the grass, or one glass of wine with supper with my wife and then there it is, how about a scotch after supper, hmmm maybe I could do that?

    Take a moment play it forward, that would lead to a 2nd scotch. A few days later, this thought, you have this figured out you could have a beer after golf, then of course a nice glass of Chardonnay with a lovely dinner! At the end back to hiding my drinking from my wife, worrying about smelling like booze at work, 14 months of progress down the shitter for one wee dram of scotch! Not on my watch, these thoughts are fleeting, get up do something else and they will go away!
    Keep on the path and gain your life and self respect back!

    • Thank you Hammer123 for this post. Your honesty and clarity is are like bread crumbs for me to follow as I journey down this path. Just completed day 60. It is posts like yours that keep me going.

    • Always ends up more that’s for sure! Love the wisdom from the big comfy chair! I know better for myself personally that I will never be able to have just one. It’s so great feeling self respect and to be grounded.

      • Thanks @sober4real, I took a little break from my morning routine but I am feeling a little more rejuvenated lately, so hopefully I will have more I feel like sharing. Self respect and grounding were 2 things I was hoping for when I quit drinking and for the most part I have found them.

    • Great post and resonates so well for me at the moment. Having similar conversations in my head even though I know I have tried and eliminated the moderation path many times over.

    • I bloody love this @Hammer123 it’s exactly how my mind works.. it’s this time of an evening 5pm that the wine witch screams at me to drink.. because that’s how I started my evenings, but didn’t stop until blackout … I struggle through till and by 7pm i’m ok.. thanks for posting you’ve helped me today xx

    • Moderation is a myth……my thoughts and reflections mirror this perfectly. The old saying one is not enough and one is too many because it would be the end of this lovely clear headed journey. I love posts like this. Thank you and bon voyage.

    • Great post. I used to try and keep to the rules I imposed on myself but it never worked. * No drinking during the week, except Thursday because it’s Thirsty Thursday. *Only drink beer as you’ll drink less. *No drinking until 5pm unless it’s the weekend. Etc etc. How tiring it was trying to moderate. The good thing about all though was that it led me to realise that it doesn’t work and from there I made the decision just to stop drinking completely. What a relief! 🙂 I really enjoy your thoughts from the big comfy chair. 🙂

    • The rules game didn’t work for me either. It’s so much less exhausting to not drink rather than try to moderate. What gets me is all the time it takes up in a day just for that 1-3 hours of buzz. Glad we have our days free now!

    • 429….Legend!!!!!!!!
      Also loved this part in particular:
      “Keep on the path and gain your life and self respect back.”
      Boom.

      oxoxo

  • Hammer123 posted a new activity comment 2 weeks, 4 days ago

    Great post @liberty, congratulations on 1190 days!

  • Hammer123 posted a new activity comment 2 weeks, 4 days ago

    Great recovery, I love when the common sense kicks in! So hard to stop once poured, good on you!

  • Hammer123 posted a new activity comment 2 weeks, 4 days ago

    Congratulations on the day count @kitten!

  • Hammer123 posted a new activity comment 2 weeks, 5 days ago

    Hi, @missfreedom, I have convinced myself no drinking until retirement and that is still 5 years away, but that thought keeps most of the drinking thoughts at bay!

  • Hammer123 posted a new activity comment 2 weeks, 5 days ago

    @ro that sounds delicious and fairly simple to make, I would need to bu6 some of those ingredients!

  • Hammer123 posted a new activity comment 2 weeks, 5 days ago

    Congratulations @sober4real, next up 9 months and then a year AF!

  • Hammer123 posted a new activity comment 2 weeks, 5 days ago

    No experience with Naltrexone, but I found the first 6 months difficult, always thinking about drinking and what I was missing out on. Overtime I realized I was not missing out but was getting back. Getting my life, my time, my energy and myself back from the brink. You are on the right path and it will become easier!

  • Hammer123 posted an update 3 weeks ago

    Day 426
    7:07am
    Thoughts from my big comfy chair: Love your decisions

    I have a young acquaintance that I used to work with who just completed his GED for high school and just organised the first Pride parade in our small town. I thought it would be a nice treat to lend him my red convertible for the weekend to take to his graduation.
    So I washed and vacuumed it all up and he picked up Saturday night, he was very excited and nervous to drive it. Well he got 15 minutes away and couldn’t get the top back up. No big deal, I drove over to see what the problem was but I couldn’t fix it either. So we brought the car back to my house with the idea that I would google it and he could have it Sunday, his grad is Monday. I am pretty sure it is something minor, I hit a little tab while vacuuming the trunk and it probably needs to be reset. Unfortunately the only Lexus dealer is in Winnipeg and I can’t get it in there for his grad.
    Now I feel bad because I feel like I set this expectation and let him down and he feels bad because he feels like this was his fault, which it totally isn’t. He also said he should have known that he didn’t deserve to have something nice, now that breaks my heart!
    It makes me question my decision but in reality I tried to do something nice for someone who deserves it! I have been trying for weeks to not get attached to results and stick with intent and effort. This is a tough one though.
    On the other hand I do love my decision to stop drinking 426 days ago!
    Peace to you all!

    • What a lovely thing for you to.do, and that intent must warm your.friends heart, and in years to come you will both laugh about this incident. sounds like a great decision to me, and the one to put the drink down? Priceless:).

  • Hammer123 posted a new activity comment 3 weeks ago

    Happy Birthday and congratulations on your day count!

  • Hammer123 posted a new activity comment 3 weeks ago

    Great analogy @jocord, deal with the pain until it goes away! I haven’t had an urge to pick up since my winter vacation. I thought the warm weather would start that craving for an icy cold beer but I have lots of AF options that work just as well!

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