I was born in Scotland but immigrated to Canada with my family when I was four. I had my first drink at thirteen. I have always struggled with my drinking, moving from boasting about how much I could drink to hiding how much I was drinking!
In my early twenties I spoke to an older coworker who was in recovery about my drinking and he told me not to go looking for trouble. I took that to heart and continued my drinking until I was forty. By this time I was what I would consider a functioning alcoholic. I was successful at work but it was a slippery slope and my drinking was picking up speed even though I wasn’t drinking every day I was binge drinking once a week and on weekends. When it cost me my second marriage I stopped for exactly one year and then was back drinking like before. That year of sobriety was awful but I white knuckled my way through it, proving to myself I didn’t have a problem and could quit if I wanted too. That year of white knuckling put off my sobriety another 15 years. I could not imagine living the rest of my life like that.
I met my current wife when I was forty and moved to Southern Manitoba to start my life over. My wife had just started her career in nursing and was working shift work. I didn’t have any friends in town and that’s when I started drinking on my own and that turned into daily drinking. I started seriously thinking about quitting when I was in my late forties but that year of white knuckling kept me trying to find a way to moderate. It took a note from my wife on April 24, 2018, that said I had to choose between her and drinking. I was passed out on the couch for the hundredth time and she was dreading coming home to me. This was finally enough for me I was exhausted trying to moderate and looking for my next drink. I couldn’t imagine my life without my wife, who is the kindest most supportive person I have ever met. That evening I went for a walk and my wife phoned to apologise for the note, I told her I that I had made up my mind and I was going to stop drinking but I needed her support.
That was a year ago, my one year soberversary is April 25, 2019. The difference between this time and last time, I just decided drinking was not an option. Last time was for one year and that made it like a prison sentence always knowing that I was going to get to drink again. This time I had to come up with a strategy, that included sober podcasts. On the Recovery Elevator podcast a guest mentioned this site and this site has changed my life. I now know I am not alone, that other people have the same struggles that I have. The support, advice and love shown on this site has shown me that I can live a happy and full sober life!
If you are lurking here that is enough proof that alcohol is disrupting your life. Stop poisoning yourself and start dealing with your problems, stop drowning them in booze. You can live your own great, authentic life! A lifetime of sobriety starts with one AF day!
Thoughts from my big comfy chair “Someday is right now”
I am happy to say that I woke up sober this morning and took the time to enjoy my yoga practice! In the past I would have been trying to figure out what happened last night, piecing it together slowly, assessing how hungover I was, was I going to be capable of golfing in a cou…[Read more]
Man, I love your posts!!! Keep’em coming!
This here…is gold: “In the past I would have been trying to figure out what happened last night, piecing it together slowly, assessing how hungover I was, was I going to be capable of….(insert activity).”
Yes…..yes to all of that. Same here. Wondering if I was capable of going to work…or…[Read more]
When you wrote ‘I still have that note in my wallet’ it reminded me of my water bottle that I used to fill with rum and keep in my nightstand drawer so I could go sneak shots. It is empty now, but it is still there as a reminder of how bad I had become. Keeping that little reminder helps to bring my mind back from lala land when the wine witch…[Read more]
So much gold in there Mari! Like you, I value so many people in this community and couldn’t start to thank them for what they have added to my sobriety and my life in general! Just so you know, the way you speak about your therapist has encouraged me to look for one of my own. I need help to sort out some of the issues I was drowning in booze! T…[Read more]
Congratulations on the upcoming anniversary, well done! You will know when it is time to kick the sweets, when you feel uncomfortable enough you will do it and you will feel great and pick up some momentum!
Morning thoughts from my big comfy chair: “Make every day count”
As I approach my 56th birthday in a couple of weeks I realize that I have burned hundreds if not thousands of days in a drunken/hungover stuper! Well no more, sober me is “kicking the darkness till it bleeds daylight” (Bruce Cockburn)! I am trying to find the balance…[Read more]
Happy Belated Birthday Mari! I can think of no bigger compliment than “you inspire me to be a better person!” The honesty with which you share your past, present and future challenges make me take stock of my own plight and get busy living! I see now that stopping the boozing was just one change I needed to make to be happy. I have other thi…[Read more]
My thoughts from my big comfy chair: “Use your words”
Today my words tell me how grateful I am to be sober!
Yesterday took my mom to the airport in the city and did some shopping. Got back about 5:00pm and still had the energy to walk 18 holes of golf. There is no way I would have gone golfing when I was drinking, the 3 hour tri…[Read more]
Great post @Ro, we just had our last daughter move into her own apartment last Monday but she has been in a transition house since November! I still love having the house to ourselves but realize now that it is too big for just the two of us. We will probably find a condo in the next few years and down size once we are sure they won’t be moving b…[Read more]
Today’s thought from my big comfy chair: “No regrets “
I sure don’t have any regrets about giving up drinking! My life is calmer and more peaceful, I am more intentional in everything I do and I am way less angry with myself and others!
I don’t really regret that I didn’t find a way to be a normal drinker, I read that a lot here.…[Read more]
Aww great post @hammer123! I’m the same way. Since my first drink i have had very little control over my drinking. Who am i kidding though, i have never really had any control. The nights where my attempts at moderating my alcohol intake were successful were really just an unpredictable fluke! They gave me false hope. And they were ALWAYS followed…[Read more]
Another great post @hammer123 . Thanks. I have no regrets also, I’m so pleased that I finally figured out that drinking isn’t necessary, I think having regrets would make it that much harder in the beginning. Enjoy your day. 🙂
I had to work hard at being addicted to alcohol, I used to just only ever drink socially. To excess of course but only when I was ‘going out’. Wasn’t until I started living with my partner and him drinking daily that was the catalyst for me to start. And my drinking increased incrementally until I was addicted to alcohol. I have many regrets. But…[Read more]
Thoughts from my big comfy chair: “Hello beautiful day “
The sun is shining over my big comfy chair and I am having an early Mother’s Day brunch with my wife, mother and daughter today! Hello beautiful day!
Going to call bingo at the Legion tonight, I know it sounds like a big Saturday night out! It’s not really but there are som…[Read more]
Thank you 🙂 Sounds like you have a warm and loving family time! I had a girls’ evening with my teenage daughters with a film, sweets and tea, nail polish and face treatment. Now we’re all pretty and pretty tired and go to bed. And as always since 113 days I will wake up rested and clear – a beautiful Mother’s Day morning is waiting for me.
Holy shit you have a lot going on in your life! I like that you are staying vigilant on all fronts! I am starting to wean myself off the coffee as I realize that it has been giving me headaches and that I am getting addicted to the caffeine! Have a great weekend!
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