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  • Gola01 posted an update 2 weeks, 5 days ago

    Feeling really low. And I know this is the only place for genuine support. So I stupidly hid alcohol from my partner again and he caught me after me saying I wouldn’t do it again 😞 we are now on the brink of breaking up as he said he now simply cannot trust me. He said he’s tried to support me but then I just go behind his back when he thinks I’m sober and I’m not. When I do stop drinking our relationship is absolutely wonderful (obviously with no alcohol involved) and I’m the most patient loving calm girlfriend however give me some alcohol and I’m a moody mess who starts arguments and can’t think of anything else but the next drink. I obviously have to do my absolute best and really stop for good for myself and my relationship with others. I feel so different this time as I know I will lose him and all my self confidence has gone because of the demon. What can I do to prove I am serious? 😞 He doesn’t understand I don’t do it to hurt him intentionally it’s just part of addiction I guess. I won’t let this beat me. People also say if you loved you’re partner you would just simply stop if he made you so happy but it’s not as easy as that as we all know. My family don’t know I sometimes hide alcohol only my partner and I’m not ready to tell people that’s how bad it’s got. What can I tell people why I have stopped? Day 1 again. Support so appreciated.

    • For now let’s focus on YOU. You don’t have to tell anyone anything. For now simply say your counting your calories and can’t afford booze calories or you started new allergy medicine and the booze doesn’t agree with it or you have acid reflux and the booze burns. But. Now we need to figure out why you are drinking. Why are you hiding booze? (Btw. I actually hid empty bottles in my boots in my closet until I could sneak them out of the house when no one was home) This is a personal journey for all of us and for me the switch finally came after my 1000 day one when I began asking myself “WHY” I was drinking? Great life with hubby and 4 kids, Blah, blah blah. But why was I self sabotaging? I had to figure this out. I started this journey for me and a year and a half of no booze now. Your bf doesn’t get it nor will he probably ever. It’s only us here that truly get it. We also are figuring out how to stop it. Read the sober stories on here, start reading all the books that others have read. You are worth it. You are worth your best life. Make a goal – do Dry July. You’ll have support from everyone everywhere since it’s a thing. And see how much better you feel without the poison in your mind and body. Stay close to us. We have all been where you are now. For now don’t worry about bf or what you need to tell anyone about your drinking. Just focus on YOU and getting through this entire day without booze. Xoxoxo

      • Thankyou for that lovely comment it makes me feel immediately better. And yes I know it’s the question of why I self sabotage the only thing I can relate this too is I’ve been hurt in all my previous relationships and every time one ended I would block out all my feelings by drinking as much as I could and I’ve just continued with this ever since even tho I have met the one. I don’t know if he’s going to take me back I know I need to focus on me completely but I’m so ashamed and angry at myself ☹️

    • It might be helpful to think of specific things that you are going to *do* differently this time to help yourself quit. I never found wanting to quit to be enough. Firm resolutions not to drink on a particular day or at a particular time weren’t enough either. I had to start to do things differently, to make specific plans about how I was going to avoid certain situations and how I was going to handle other situations without drinking.

      As for what I tell people, I tell them that I was having problems with asthma. I could just as easily have told them that I’m on a diet, or whatever. That will stop the questions. People don’t want to hear about your diet 😉

      • Wow that makes me feel better already Thankyou. I do actually have asthma so could use this but what have you said that you can’t drink because of asthma? And yes I agree it’s not enough to justness say I’m stopping I need to change it up. I also have no hobbies at all because all the money and time I do have is spent on booze. Just awful 😀

        • I tell them I can’t drink alcohol because it exacerbates my asthma. That’s true (it’s just not the whole truth). I get it about the hobbies. The addict wants you all to itself and nothing but drinking seems fun. You might read “the Naked Mind” to get more insights into how alcohol is affecting your thinking. My hobby lately is this website, sober blogs, and quit lit.

          I’ve noticed that, after two months sober, there are many many fun things to do. And alcohol wasn’t really the source of the fun that I thought it was responsible for. There are good times ahead, good sober times.

    • I think you need to sit down with the bf and discuss the challenges, the difficulties and the hell you go through. If you are totally honest about your actions and problems he may show more empathy and celebrate your huge successes. I know the lies and deception are tough but you obviously revel in sobriety, let the good times dominate.

    • Oh boy, @Gola01, have I experienced the same thing many times with my hubs! I wanted to stop for him, for me, for my son but all the love I had for us couldn’t stop me. I first tried naltrexone which allowed me to drink only tiny amounts of alcohol because it doesn’t allow your brain to get high. You still get drunk but you can’t feel it. That experience showed me how “normies” drink. I simply did not want to finish a drink. But eventually I wanted to feel high so stopped the drug. But that whole experience took away any shame or questions about quitting drinking. My brain was different than my husband’s who could stop at 1 drink and switch to coffee or water. He didn’t get me but now I got him. My brain can’t handle alcohol. At all. Ever again. It’s not built the same as “normies”. I’m like you. Give me one drink and I want 10. I lie, I hide empty bottles, I scour the house looking for full bottles, partial bottles, I sigh with relief if I find more alcohol. Then I cry the next day for yet again letting everyone down. But there is HOPE for you! Like me you can stop today. Just make the decision to stop. Giving up the first drink everyday is easier than stopping after one. I gained back the trust over time and it didn’t take very long. I know it’s depressing today but with every sober day your self-confidence and pride will increase eventually leading to joy again. You can do it!

    • It’s not your fault.
      oxoxoxo
      It really is not. Alcohol abuse is like diabetes, an illness. You can’t snap yourself out of diabetes either, and most people can’t just make their drinking addiction go away. It takes time, and above all accepting one has a problem and wants to heal for oneself, and nobody else. Then, either we heal by ourselves but more often than not external help is needed, such as AA, forums like this, a chat with your GP and a counselor for example.
      Hang in there.
      Your essence is pure goodness.
      Alcohol is shit and used to make me a terrible girlfriend and wife.
      oxox

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