• gage posted a new activity comment 1 week, 3 days ago

    @agirl Thanks I also will adopt this happy strategy for today.

    • Well good news @gage– it’s worked really well for me today! How are you getting on? It seems happiness breeds happiness ☺️

  • gage posted a new activity comment 1 week, 3 days ago

    Hi @kitten, You’re right about missed opportunities but there are no time machines (at least not that I know of) so we can only go forward – onward and upward – from where we are now and try and be the best we can be. I’ve decided I need to go to step 2 which is to grow a bit more as a person spiritually (not in a religious way because that’s not me, but in a greater understanding of how I can be a better person, more compassionate, more connected with the universe, more life-embracing). The one thing alcohol is guaranteed to do is to adversely affect our spiritual growth. As I said, onward and upward. Thank you for taking the time to respond to my post. It’s so wonderful to know that I’m not alone on this journey but there are wise people at every step of the way just holding up words of wisdom and compassion.

    • @gage, i have read in more than one place and heard on sober podcasts that one starts with healing the body, then heals the mind and then finally heals the spirit. I suppose we all get to the next step in our own time. be well.

  • gage posted a new activity comment 1 week, 3 days ago

    Congrats on day 4 @pattyw and thanks for your understanding. This sobriety business is certainly a rollercoast ride – you have the hard slog followed by the exhilerating thrill of achievement followed by another hard slog at least that’s how it seems to me. Part of me knows that this is a life affirming decision and yes I say to myself I could try moderation but then I feel that constant monitoring of myself – “I’ll just have one drink well ok two is fine, better not have any tomorrow or the next day, if I’m good I can have a couple at the weekend, OMG am I back to where I was 109 days ago,” would just be too exhausting. Did some reading last night after I posted and went to hip sobriety at the recommendation of another LS member and found some pearls of wisdom about choice and about labelling. I found them valuable. Will persevere on working on my thinking about myself and who I want to be.
    I thank everyone on this site for your unfailing support.

  • gage posted an update 1 week, 3 days ago

    Day 109AF Still feeling like I’m doing penance. Still working on how resentful I feel that I can’t enjoy a glass of wine in moderation without sliding back to a bottle a night. Haven’t found anything that really fills the void, and there is a void. I know my health is probably benefiting although I’ve had a really shxxxy cold this week with along with a huge workload has also left me exhausted, but unlike many people who post here, I don’t feel sharper or more together. If anything I feel sadder and more vulnerable. I’ve been trying to learn how to knit an Aran cable afghan – pulled it out more times that I care to mention.
    Better head off to bed at least sobriety means no hangover in the morning. Night all, thanks for being there.

    • Hi gage……huge congrats on day 109!!! I feel kinda silly replying to your post as today is only day 4 for me. I hope the merry-go-round with alcohol that has been my life for the last 30 years is over. I can only pray it is. I feel stronger each time I decide “this is it”…as I continue to realize the ZERO benefits to drinking. And I know you know it too….but the resentment is there…I get it. My husband wants to plan a vacation and I moaned “what for? I won’t be able to drink”. I don’t even want to go out to dinner or be with people….so completely screwed up is my relationship with alcohol. It’s going to take a while, that I know. But something pretty profound (I think anyway) hit me rather hard the other day. I was feeling so sorry for myself that I couldn’t drink…have that glass of wine or several summer cocktails. Life just seemed at that moment so depressing and hard. And I realized with some amount of sadness that life will just suck from here on out. Accept it. And then I had this other thought just as quickly….but wasn’t it hard when you were drinking??? Didn’t it suck to wake up each morning full of self-loathing yet again because you just couldn’t seem to get a grip on alcohol? Didn’t you hate the way you felt, the way you looked, the lie that you felt was your life? Not to mention the constant worrying about your health? Relationships with family? And on and on and on. It hit me that life is going to have problems. All kinds of problems…some big, some small. But there WILL always be some problems and things to work on and work out. SO…. I honestly asked myself this question OUT LOUD…which life would you rather have? The drunk life with problems and also……feeling lousy all the time and being truly robbed of precious time with family, always planning the next drink, and for me the worst, the vicious circle of fear and worry that accompany problem drinking? Or do want the sober life with problems……waking each day feeling…[Read more]

      • Congrats on day 4 @pattyw and thanks for your understanding. This sobriety business is certainly a rollercoast ride – you have the hard slog followed by the exhilerating thrill of achievement followed by another hard slog at least that’s how it seems to me. Part of me knows that this is a life affirming decision and yes I say to myself I could try moderation but then I feel that constant monitoring of myself – “I’ll just have one drink well ok two is fine, better not have any tomorrow or the next day, if I’m good I can have a couple at the weekend, OMG am I back to where I was 109 days ago,” would just be too exhausting. Did some reading last night after I posted and went to hip sobriety at the recommendation of another LS member and found some pearls of wisdom about choice and about labelling. I found them valuable. Will persevere on working on my thinking about myself and who I want to be.
        I thank everyone on this site for your unfailing support.

      • Your off to an amazing start @pattyw!

    • hello, @gage, many of us do feel good, but it goes in cycles. i, for one, have not always felt good. I am resentful not for not being able to drink, but bc i have wasted so much time wasted, i feel as though i have had missed opportunities, but perhaps they would have existed the same as with alc, who is to say. What i can say is that it took years for me to become a daily drinker and then i did it for decades, so trying to undo it is not going to take just a minute. no hangover for me is no small thing and NEVER gets old. Best.

      • Hi @kitten, You’re right about missed opportunities but there are no time machines (at least not that I know of) so we can only go forward – onward and upward – from where we are now and try and be the best we can be. I’ve decided I need to go to step 2 which is to grow a bit more as a person spiritually (not in a religious way because that’s not me, but in a greater understanding of how I can be a better person, more compassionate, more connected with the universe, more life-embracing). The one thing alcohol is guaranteed to do is to adversely affect our spiritual growth. As I said, onward and upward. Thank you for taking the time to respond to my post. It’s so wonderful to know that I’m not alone on this journey but there are wise people at every step of the way just holding up words of wisdom and compassion.

        • @gage, i have read in more than one place and heard on sober podcasts that one starts with healing the body, then heals the mind and then finally heals the spirit. I suppose we all get to the next step in our own time. be well.

  • gage posted an update 2 weeks, 5 days ago

    Day 99 AF. Still wishing I could be a moderate drinker. Still miss a glass of wine. Still know one would become two, then the next night three and the next night four.
    Haven’t posted here for a while as I’ve been feeling quite down and didn’t want to impose my negativity on all you.

    • Tomorrow is 100 days! Very cool @gage!😊

    • Release that negative stuff right here @gage. We often think in bullshit terms that need to be called out. We shut down that nagging addicted voice through positive reinforcement that often needs to come from others. Notice, I said WE! Maybe stop thinking about the one thing, the life destroyer, that you can’t do, which is drink and think about all of the wonderful things that you can do because your sober. 99 days is fantastic!!!

    • You are doing the right thing @gage by playing it forward. So glad you reached out and posted here. Connection and community is the best way to retrain our brains. Hang in there, the pink cloud will come back. It always does. Xo

    • Thanks for posting about his Gage, we’re definitely not just about the good stuff here. Getting sober can be a roller coaster, it’s good to get it out and have a good look at what’s going on for you. Is there other stuff going on for you as well? Triggers that you are finding hard to shake?

    • Congrats @gage! Forget the drink . It’s a romantic lie and remember moderation doesn’t work. Also people who have no problem with alcohol never think about it and nor do they ever have to think about moderating. That opens up a huge number of people with an alcohol problem in various stages of denial. Scary eh! ❤️❤️

    • I’m sorry @gage. I wish I could wave a magic wand and remove your heartache. Don’t worry about imposing negativity on this group. We’re here to help bear that burden so you don’t have to go it alone. xoxo

    • Hi @gage. I’m at day 96 – right behind you. I still have fleeting feelings too …. but I know that the truth is there’s no such thing as moderation for me. I don’t want just one drink – and one drink would never satisfy me. I want the whole bottle. So if moderation means I can only have just one, why the hell bother?? Alcohol is not our friend. Keep going. Being sober is always going to be better than drinking.

    • @gage like you I have always a bit of a problem sharing my woes, whether that is here or even in person, the times I have everyone has been supportive, so you can share. Just think of it how much you like to be the one to help when someone else has a woe, we love to give our two pennies of advice or just listen. Here is important not just for celebrations.

  • gage posted a new activity comment 1 month, 1 week ago

  • gage posted a new activity comment 1 month, 1 week ago

    @jmtn Hi why not try thinking of this in a different way. How about saying this is my first birthday since deciding to truly stop drinking…..yeah that great, a wonderful milestone I can plan to be sober for another year till next birthday and I’ll have given myself the absolutely best birthday present, a clear mind, a healthy body , a life in more control. I’ll toast myself with the nicest non alcoholic drink I can, I’ll make heaps of wonderful plans for my life. I’ll use my AF birthday as an affirmation of having a great life.

    • @gage Well said. Thank you. 🙂 I love the positive view of it. I’ll do that. I really appreciate you sharing those thoughts.

      • Yep I definitely play it forward ….. I struggle when I’m out in social situations and think just one BUT I know that what will follow later that evening or in the morning will be regret, frustration and disappointment in myself…… this then spoils the potentially good memories of a nice evening out . Make sure you order yourself a special non alcoholic cocktail or something …..or even if it’s tonic water/lemon lime bitters I always ask them to put it in a wine glass !! Otherwise they give you a tall glass and a bloody straw and I feel like a child 😂

  • gage posted a new activity comment 1 month, 1 week ago

    @kyleed Welcome, this is a very supportive place.

  • gage posted a new activity comment 1 month, 1 week ago

    @MissFreedom Thousand and more congrats

  • gage posted a new activity comment 1 month, 1 week ago

    Hi @rubyroo I’m so sorry you had such a horrible experience that scared you so much. Staying sober is not easy but the rewards are immense. I battle with it every day – I’m only day 79AF but there are others on this site who I’m sure will back me up, the more alcohol has been part of your life the harder it is to lose such a crutch.
    I’m afraid of what alohol was doing to my health – there’s clear evidence of its links to dementia, mouth and throat cancer, stomach cancer, diabetes, heart disease and liver disease and breast cancer.
    So yes I miss it, i really really do, but I’m focussing on what being sober is doing to benefit my health and I hope I haven’t left it too late. Like you I was great at hiding my drinking from everyone but myself.
    Stick with us here, most of us have been where you are or somewhere very similar. I haunted this site in my early days and always found something to boost my flagging fortitude. I also made a point of replacing my unhealthy drinking habit with something – a healthy reward drink – juice and soda water after work when I was making dinner and sitting down to dinner. If I could get to 8pm I was safe so I put that healthy drink in my hand the moment I walked through the door and kept topping it up till I was safely out of temptation time.
    You can do this.

  • gage posted a new activity comment 1 month, 2 weeks ago

    Huge congrats

  • gage posted a new activity comment 1 month, 2 weeks ago

    thankyou @truthangel

  • gage posted a new activity comment 1 month, 2 weeks ago

    I actually love the taste of wine @jacord so I Really miss it. I love having a glass or two – one before dinner while I’m cooking and one with dinner and I really enjoy those. It’s the fact that two turns into a bottle. So yes I can justifiably say I really resent the fact that I can’t have a glass of wine (which I love to do) without it becoming a bottle.

  • gage posted a new activity comment 1 month, 2 weeks ago

    Hi @buckeyeone. I set myself a new habit for my drinking temptation hour – which was when I got home from work usually badly stressed. I chose to make myself a tart cherry juice and soda water and would drink that so I had something in my hand while I was making and eating dinner. I knew that if I got to about 8pm I wouldn’t feel the urge for an alcoholic drink so much. When I did late shifts I just made sure I didn’t have any alcohol in the house as I had seen myself get in at 12 or 12.30 and then polish off a bottle of wine before bed.

  • gage posted an update 1 month, 2 weeks ago

    Day 69 AF. Can’t believe I’m just one day off 10 weeks. Haven’t been sober this long since I was pregnant with my triplets 19 years ago. Still getting a craving for a glass of red wine now and then and resent myself that I can’t have one like a social drinker. Am really tired today so am off to bed even though it’s only 9.30pm. Am really enjoying the better sleep I get now that I’m sober and I definitely don’t miss the 3am anxiety attacks.

    • Good for you! 10 weeks seems like a lifetime way for me. What would you say is your number one thing you did to resist the urge when you first began this journey 69 days ago?

      • Hi @buckeyeone. I set myself a new habit for my drinking temptation hour – which was when I got home from work usually badly stressed. I chose to make myself a tart cherry juice and soda water and would drink that so I had something in my hand while I was making and eating dinner. I knew that if I got to about 8pm I wouldn’t feel the urge for an alcoholic drink so much. When I did late shifts I just made sure I didn’t have any alcohol in the house as I had seen myself get in at 12 or 12.30 and then polish off a bottle of wine before bed.

    • Congratulations on 10 weeks and isn’t sober sleep the best?

    • Hi @ gage! 69, what a great number! May I suggest you sit with resenting yourself because you can’t have just one glass of wine? Is there a buried trigger in there just waiting to trip you up when your guard is down? Do you really want the wine or is it the escape? I honestly don’t know a single person who drinks a glass of wine for the taste. I know people who go to wine tastings with a designated driver who wish they could drink but say “next time it’s my turn”, and people who have a glass of wine before they eat for that instant letdown but then they eat and are able to let go of the buzz. I know people who sip 1/2 glass of wine, get a buzz and hate it, and don’t finish the glass. None of these scenarios sounds appealing to me. Just sad. So be grateful to yourself for not being able to drink just one glass! You are free of all the decision making around drinking and that is to be celebrated! xo

      • I actually love the taste of wine @jacord so I Really miss it. I love having a glass or two – one before dinner while I’m cooking and one with dinner and I really enjoy those. It’s the fact that two turns into a bottle. So yes I can justifiably say I really resent the fact that I can’t have a glass of wine (which I love to do) without it becoming a bottle.

  • gage posted a new activity comment 2 months ago

    Love the quote and I’m spending some time meditating on it. You sound in a great space @mari135 Congrats on your 734 days

  • gage posted a new activity comment 2 months ago

    @rise2015 How dreadful for both of you. With your permission I’ll send positive energy in the hope that your boy recovers quickly

    • Thank you @Gage. I always accept others positive energy. How nice of you. I’m happy to see your day count growing.

  • gage posted a new activity comment 2 months ago

  • gage posted an update 2 months ago

    Day 59. I’ve been agonising over whether to apply for a new job. There’s one I sort of want with the state government, it pays really well but I don’t feel I have enough confidence. Anyway, first step and I’ve commissioned someone to help me redraft my resume. I’m pretty sure I could do the job, but it’s scary, I know I would be way out of my comfort zone, but it would mean I would only have to do one job and not the two I do now to make ends meet. But I’m 64 and I know I’ll be competing against much younger and more confident candidates. I’m also, I guess, a bit comfortable with the two jobs I do now, even if I’m really unhappy with one of them. I can do them with my eyes closed. This new job would be more travel, I’d have to dress better, seem more clever, it would be more high powered. Then what if I fail or can’t do it then I’ll have no job at all and how will my kids go to uni and how will I pay the bills.
    Do I want it? do I not want it? I’m telling myself I should try and if in some strange universe I should get it and I don’t want it I could always turn it down,
    What do you guys think? Am I just being crazy stupid.
    I told my teenage kids about the job and they all go after it and I suppose I have to because if I don’t I’m setting a poor example of not being brave enough to have a go, but sometimes, you know, everything is just one more thing on a plate already swimming with gravy.
    Had some cravings for wine a few times. Just a glass or two. I thought about getting some non alcoholic wine, but it still has a small amount of alcohol in it and I felt it was a bit like admitting defeat so have resisted. I feel a bit like I’m mourning the loss of an old friend and can’t quite believe they’ll never be able to come back.
    Hope everyone is having a lovely Easter break.

    • I too have been thinking about changing jobs to look for more of a challenge. At the same time I’m 56 years old and know that I’d be running up against much younger candidates for anything I looked at and that’s very daunting. I do like the little niche I’ve carved out for myself and know I’m an integral part of something everyday which is comforting. Why not apply just to see where you get in the process? As you said you always have the choice to say no and stay where you are.

      • Good idea @wakingowl. You can always dip your toe in the water and not accept the job if that’s what you choose? You are absolutely not being crazy stupid!!! What do you think- do you want the job or not?
        I’m sorry about your friend :(.

    • What’s the harm in applying @gage? If it’s anything like here It’s a bit of a process and you’ll have time to think about it.
      Yes there are all those if’s and and’s and it’s daunting…but something in you wants that job. What is it you want about it?
      How might you feel in a month if you hadn’t applied.
      PS: Just be aware that some parts of the process might be a bit of a trigger to drink, so be prepared.

    • @gage reading your post it’s so crystal clear that you want this job. Go for it! If it doesn’t work out then you know you gave it a shot and the timing wasn’t right. If you get it and it works out…well, the positives there are many and you’ve listed them all. I am a firm believer in reaching for the stars. Try try try. There is no shame in failing: that is often down to things beyond your control (another applicant was more qualified for example) but – not trying? That is you defeating yourself. Don’t hold this too tightly. Just apply, release and then let go. At that point, what will be will be. I wish you luck

    • Watch Brene Brown on Netflix right now about Daring Greatly, or something like that. She talks about getting into the arena of life and failing. I haven’t watched it all yet but it might help you make up your mind. You are brave for even considering a change! xo

  • gage posted a new activity comment 2 months, 1 week ago

    Thanks for the lovely words @tim I’m just about to go to bed, I’ll meditate on them as I sleep and hopefully have beautiful dreams

  • gage posted a new activity comment 2 months, 1 week ago

    Just whip up a meal for an extra 40 people!….you are amazing

  • gage posted a new activity comment 2 months, 1 week ago

    Walking along that sober road with you today @Buckeyeone We can do this…. and the sleep does get better. You’re doing great.

    • @Gage, I am counting on sleeping well tonight since I had very little last night. Now that I am at work, I think the melatonin that I took is finally kicking in. 🙁

  • gage posted a new activity comment 2 months, 1 week ago

    Hi @daisy It’s early days for you and you need to decide whether your sobriety can withstand the temptation of going out with friends and not drinking. However you also have to ask at some point in time whether your friends are so boring that you can’t bear their company without a drink of alcohol. Ask yourself what do I get out of being with my friends – and the answer of course is their friendship and their companionship and the pleasure you get being with them and the laughs and the tears and those feelings don’t need alcohol to be enjoyed. So maybe tonight cry-off and then next time when you’re feeling stronger go out with your friends and enjoy the evening sober. Many people here will tell you they’ve learned to socialise with friends alcohol free and it hasn’t damaged their relationships, in fact often in strengthens them as you re-find what you really liked about that person.

    • @gage I ended up going and Im gad I went. Funny I did not make a big deal of not drinking nor did anyone else but was asked a couple of times if I wanted a drink-no no, no, thank you…but will not do that often fr a while- prefer to meet a gym or go out for coffee.

  • gage posted an update 2 months, 1 week ago

    Day 49 – seven whole weeks. Not been super easy, but not been super hard either. Much gratitude to all here who have helped me and understood and not judged. You guys are just amazing. It’s so good to have somewhere to just vent, good days, bad days, good feelings, bad feelings. Thanks and here’s to the next minute, hour, week etc…

  • gage posted a new activity comment 2 months, 1 week ago

    Hi @michael6 All the suggestions here are great. For me I found that a new “habitual behaviour” was what helped me through the wine witching hours – 5pm – 9pm. I decided on my new drink of choice – tart cherry juice and soda water and I would drink that while I made dinner. It was a special drink which I didn’t drink at any other time. Cherry juice is also good for you and helps you sleep so I felt I was doing my body good. I came on this site and that helped as well and I kept focussing on a hangover free morning. Oh and I did heaps of reading.

  • gage posted a new activity comment 2 months, 1 week ago

    @jm Clarity and boundaries – great description. Enjoy your Easter on your terms, surrounded by your peace, whatever you want to do. Walk, read, meditate . Very liberating.

  • gage posted a new activity comment 2 months, 1 week ago

    @buckeyeone I’ll stay sober with you.

  • gage posted a new activity comment 2 months, 1 week ago

    Not the end of the world or the road @sobere Tomorrow is another day.

  • gage posted a new activity comment 2 months, 1 week ago

    Hi @js123 I’m at day 46 and I can relate to your feelings. I still have the odd craving coming at me in the form of a voice saying why not just have a glass of wine tonight, you deserve it and you can handle one, but of course tomorrow would be two and the day after three. I also no longer feel preoccupied with alochol. For example I’ve just finished work and come home it’s 10.27pm and before I would have cracked a bottle ofwine and probably drunk it before I went to bed but now here i am writing. But I feel more raw. Greviances I have at work which I obviously anaethnetised with alcohol are haunting my thoughts and making me horribly unhappy but I also fear it’s my post sober brain at work and I’m over reacting. I also feel deprived – not of alcohol but of something in my life – as I haven’t found a new reward and being clear-headed in the morning just isn’t enough to fill the void. I see other people with fulfilling lives and I wonder where my fullfilment is now. I used to think of that glass of wine at wineoclock as my reward for surviving another day.
    I almost feel desolate at times. Sorry I’ve rambled a bit. I’m not quite sure of what I’m trying to say other than you’re doing awesome, congrats on your 44 days and here’s to the long haul.

    • Thank you @gage for your post. Yes, that is what I’m feeling too, a void. For me too, all the benefits of not drinking and there are many, do not fill this emptiness I feel at times. Alcohol did fill certain needs, albeit with horrible side effects. I am absolutely certain we are far better off all things considered. But that void is there and it helps to recognize and realize its a shared experience-so I appreciate your post. I am going to try to just acknowledge and accept the feeling as it arises, resist the urge to figure it all out right away (my MO) and have faith that I will work it through overtime. That would be quite novel for me, patience. Oh and self trust.

  • gage posted a new activity comment 2 months, 2 weeks ago

    Oh I don’t know how many top knot trimming conversations I’ve had in my life – hours I’ll never get back LOL. Thanks for the imagery @islandone

  • gage posted a new activity comment 2 months, 2 weeks ago

    Six months is wonderful @beehappy. Be proud you have done soo well and lucky you having such a supportive husband, give him the biggest hug

  • gage posted a new activity comment 2 months, 2 weeks ago

    Here in NSW Australia we’re into Autumn, glorious day today. Enjoy your beautiful spring isn’t nature wonderful @kitten

  • gage posted a new activity comment 2 months, 2 weeks ago

    Inspiring @robynb

  • gage posted a new activity comment 2 months, 2 weeks ago

    So Sorry for your loss @mrs-d

  • gage posted a new activity comment 2 months, 2 weeks ago

    I agree with you @ro I don’t want to feel that my past relationship with alcohol will define me for ever so meetings like you mention are also not for me but I can see the attraction for many because staying AF can be a lonely old road. That why I find this site so empowering. I never come here without getting something positive out of the things members post, some insight. Have a lovely Sunday.

  • gage posted a new activity comment 2 months, 2 weeks ago

    Maybe you could make your sobriety a stepping off point for new interests and new friends. If your BP and cholesterol are through the roof how about using this time as a way of getting fit, set some goals, join an exercise or yoga class, write a blog. Alcohol doesn’t make life less boring. Really it”s just a drink, something we put in our body it just happens to be poison and it makes us think we’re having a good time when we’re really having a lousy time.

    • True. It does stop me from overthinking. And yes, I’m planning to get off my arse and get some exercise and maybe do some yoga or meditation too. Lacking motivation today though… still hungover!

  • gage posted a new activity comment 2 months, 2 weeks ago

    @mirror
    Congrats on your 30 days

  • gage posted a new activity comment 2 months, 2 weeks ago

    @lee This is all his sickness, his issues, his toxicity. Alcohol, drugs (maybe), bitterness and failure colour his world and his words and make them cruel and black. You stay strong and true to yourself. Stay in your positive strong space. If you can avoid the meeting for a while do so and/or speak to someone about your concerns. No one should go to a meeting of AA (or anywhere) and experience what you have. If you feel you must go back to that meeting and he’s therealways put up some mental and psychic barriers between you and him. Keep someone else physically between you and him at all times. If he starts talking walk away. Tell yourself this is his fucked up, mentally sick alcohol ridden reality speaking, Say “I will not be affected by it. I am strong, I am sober I am true to myself and that is the only person I can really be true to. “

    • @gage you are spot on about his character and everything else. He will be confronted about his behavior and asked to leave me alone and if he doesn’t then further action will be taken. I’m not going to let this steal my thunder by any means. I’ve worked to hard to get to this point.

  • gage posted a new activity comment 2 months, 2 weeks ago

    @DaveS Lovely words XXX

  • gage posted a new activity comment 2 months, 2 weeks ago

    @timidwarrior
    One minute at a time dear sister. We’re all here for you and sending you love. Don’t know what happened but you didn’t fuck up, know you are a lovely ,strong woman. XXX

  • gage posted an update 2 months, 2 weeks ago

    “In terms of cancer risk, that bottle of wine may be like smoking 10 cigs-a-week ladies Five for men”

    Forgot to post this – quite scary really. It’s a report of some research which was sent to me , if you need an excuse to go sober here it is.

    In terms of cancer risk, that bottle of wine may be like smoking 10 cigs-a-week ladies
    Publicly released: Thu 28 Mar 2019 at 1200 AEDT | 1400 NZDT
    The cancer risks of alcohol are not as well understood by the public as the risks from smoking, so UK scientists set out to calculate the number of cigarettes represented by drinking alcohol, just in terms of cancer risk. They say drinking a bottle of wine is roughly equivalent to smoking 10 cigarettes-a-week for women, and five for men. They also calculated that drinking three bottles of vino in a week is equivalent to smoking 23 cigarettes-a-week for women, and eight for men. However, the authors state that drinking alcohol in moderation is not equivalent to smoking, and note the many other health issues that are caused by tobacco.
    Journal/conference: BMC Public Health

    Organisation/s: University of Southampton, UK

    Media Release
    From: Springer Nature
    New study calculates alcohol cancer risk in cigarette equivalents to help communicate risk

    The well-established link between cancer and tobacco may provide a way to help communicate the links between moderate levels of alcohol and cancer, and raise public awareness of alcohol-associated cancer risks, according to a study published in the open access journal BMC Public Health.

    A team of researchers at University Hospital Southampton NHS Foundation Trust, Bangor University and University of Southampton have estimated the risk of cancer associated with drinking moderate levels of alcohol, and compared this to the risk of cancer associated with smoking.

    Dr Theresa Hydes, the corresponding author said: “Our study describes the percentage increase of the risk of cancer within the UK population associated with different l…[Read more]

    • Yip. And it’s only been more in the public domain for the last few years really.

    • I remember watching Insight’s wine o’clock programme – from memory they quoted that if you drank a bottle of wine per day it increased your chances of getting breast cancer by either 50 or 60%. It made me feel a bit differently about the amount of alcohol I was thinking was ‘okay’. I have attached the link if you haven’t already seen it – it has been shared here before but there are always new people who might like to see it. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=9chnLKRSF20

    • How do I know I am an alcoholic? My first reaction wasn’t “Oh Jeez, booze is so bad!”
      Nope.
      My reaction was: “Oh wow…ONLY ten cigarettes??? It might be worth it if only I can manage to stick to a bottle of wine per week and moderate.”

      ***

      Thanks for sharing this! I teach at a university and love information based on peer-reviewed research. I also read studies that talked about breast cancer/other cancer risks caused by “just” one glass of wine per day, so luckily people are looking into it more and more.

      oxoxoxox

    • Thank you for sharing.

  • gage posted an update 2 months, 2 weeks ago

    Hi all my lovely sober buddies. Day 44 AF. Had a couple of drive homes from work this week when my addict brain said “ummm..a glass of red wine would be nice tonight with dinner, go on just one or two,” It was sooo tempting but whereas I thought I could probably stop at a couple I was pretty sure that would have been my excuse for a couple of glasses the next evening then half a bottle the next and then a bottle and I would have been back where I started.
    It’s a lovely morning here in NSW and I don’t have any work today which is so strange, I haven’t had a Saturday off for so long. So I’m going for a walk, then housework, then shopping and then start on my tax – yes I haven’t done it for 2017-18 but I’m determined to take it to the accountant this coming week. Then I’m going to veg out this evening and work on my afghan rug which I’m knitting.
    Have a lovely sober day everyone, enjoy every minute.

    • Congrats on 44 days @gage!! Your day sounds lovely. : )

    • Day 44 and a lovely day in beautiful NSW!!!! I LOVE QLD and NSW and would move back there today if I could. I lived on North Stradbroke Island for a year and soaked up every second of it. Bliss! Forster is a town I always wanted to see as well but didn’t make it down there. oxoxox Enjoy your day off, so well deserved! And well done on not buying into those wine witch voices. I still get them too. The other day it told me to “just get smashed once more like in the good old days because itll be fun.”

      Yeah right….as if I ever had fun puking my soul out of my mouth the next day. Thankyouverymuch.

      oxoxox

  • gage posted a new activity comment 2 months, 2 weeks ago

    Hi @maryh. So sorry to hear about your son’s health issues. I hope he gets well soon. Instead of thinking of day 100 as being the completionof your sobriety goal maybe you should think of it as the start of stage two. The fact that you say you are struggling with what to do next maybe is an indication that moderation is not for you yet or maybe ever. I sometimes think, ummm a glass of wine would be nice but what is it really, it’s just our brain telling us it wants something it feels it’s been missing even if that thing is not good for us and it’s such a transitory pleasure. I’ve tried moderation but the fact is I really like wine, not one glass, but two, three….. whoops make that a bottle. You’ve done so well getting to almost 100 days, you’ve proved you can. Why not set another challenge until your decision is no longer a struggle and you really feel it’s unquestionaly the right path for you. Then you’ll know. Good luck and with your and your son’s permssion I’ll send healing energy to your son.

  • gage posted an update 2 months, 2 weeks ago

    Hi all you lovely sober people and those thinking of going sober. Day 38. I’m only a few minutes off going to bed. Got to give the dog his medications first then hopefully sleep. It’s my day off work tomorrow. I only get one a week. Just come off seven shifts in six days and I’m wondering how I managed this pace when I drank. I don’t even have to be mum’s taxi in the morning as not one of my children is going to uni. so don’t need driving to the train station at 6.15am (bliiiiissss). So tomorrow I think I’m going to cook up several meals so I don’t have to during the week after work and I was thinking of starting a knitting project – I want to make an afghan- so might meander off to the shops and look at yarn. It’s just started to get cooler here in New South Wales and the idea of a cosy blanket to wrap myself up in sounds good and I have been saving from not drinking. Or I might do nothing at all……so many choices so little time. No cravings at the moment. Being sober rocks. Good night all.

    • Sleep well @Gage and enjoy a well deserved day off

    • You are sounding 10,000 times better than the other day, what happened? How did you manage?
      I almost got a day off die to all sorts of muck ups ( grrrr) but a little work needed close by so I can rush back to pretend I have time off. Enjoy your day!!! Bulk cooking is the best! I never managed to cook every night – doubled up + a freezer meal every time.

    • Wow seven shifts in six days! That’s insane! Well deserved day off!!!

  • gage posted a new activity comment 2 months, 2 weeks ago

    welcome pi@notanymore

  • gage posted a new activity comment 2 months, 2 weeks ago

    That was certainly your subconscious telling you about the “demon” drink in a big way. Great work on 37 days

  • gage posted a new activity comment 2 months, 2 weeks ago

    Hope your meeting helped @MissFreedom Your partner is not in the right space yet but you are. Stay strong and positive Hopefully he’ll come to see what sobriety is doing for you and will want to follow.

  • gage posted an update 2 months, 3 weeks ago

    Can’t sleep so I’m sitting up with toast and hot chocolate. Had a bitch of a day at work, but who am I kidding they’re all bitch days. We’re only a small office but it’s divided into those who matter and those who don’t – even though I can honestly say my productivity is greater than anyone else’s I am one who doesn’t matter and that sucks.
    There’s a particular woman I work with who is so destructive but is clever enough not to let anyone in power see. Then there’s a man who for years I would drive home – it’s on my way – listen to his problems, support him when he was emotionally down, I even took his sick cat to the vet, then I find out he’s dissing me behind my back with the destructive woman – the low life snake in the grass, back stabber and there’s a younger woman who treats me like I’m some sort of geriatric ignoramous.
    Lost it at work today told my boss there were two staffs not one and we weren’t a team and that I hated going in to work – not the brightest thing to do eh? She said oh we need to do some team building. Would have loved a drink when I got home in tears this evening. But didn’t. No one appreciates anything I do either at work or at home. I work 50 hours a week at two jobs so my teenage kids can go to uni. No one says thanks, good job we appreciate what you are doing.
    I’m just trapped and so exhausted and I so hate my life. I used to have a drink as a reward for surviving another day but now I don’t even have that. Sorry for venting

    • Sorry to hear you’re having to deal with that shit at work. You need to have a plan b I reckon. Hearing you on the teenagers. They don’t have the capacity to understand what we do for them until it’s usually too late to thank us. Well done for not drinking. I hope you’re sleeping like a babe. Go into work with a different attitude. Otherwise it’s going to be hard not to hate it. Fuck the lot of them- put on your game face mate. They don’t know shit by the sound of it. Rise above it.
      Its a great place to unload so no need to apologise 🙂

      • Plan b as in, start looking around for something else. Maybe even something radically different?

    • good on you for venting! You have a lot on your plate. It’s time to be your own best friend… Suek a contributor to this site wrote a great piece on just this subject. If you search box it , it will come up.
      Nobody behaves perfectly under too much emotional pressure. You have used the short term solution of drinking in the past and that hasn’t worked but think about something you love, something that makes you feel good and give it to yourself.
      Its so not easy, but also I think youd be surprised to find that your kids would really respond if you told them about the pressure youre experiencing, let them know how youre feeling about doing all this without acknowldegement … And treat yourself with the greatest of kindness and trust… you are you, there are not 2 ‘you’… we need you, your family needs you and work … well, if it knocks you around so badly to be there maybe take a day and recharge before you go back. Being sober gives you choices that drinking never could.

      all best for what’s next!

    • Vent any time! One important thing to remember: people will 98% bow to the nasty dominant one, try to please them in order not to become a victim. The worker you have been good to was probably doing this and may have high regard for you. Perhaps now you have spoken out, you can carefully ask about what you have heard and give an ‘I’ message about being hurt but wondering if he really meant it. Nothing to lose? Others who feel the same may also speak to you about it now you have raised the issue. Brave!
      Trapped an exhausted, hating your life, is a very hard place to be. Please do vent – this is the place. You are brilliant to stop drinking – in the end it makes so many hate their lives more.

    • Yes vent away, these things need out @gage. Incredibly brave of you to speak up actually and surely you can’t be the only one who has found this woman’s behaviour awful? I found your Manager’s response a bit lame; it sounds like they didn’t hear you as clearly as is needed. Team building’s important but a team sport or whatever is not going to sort such deep distrust. Also I feel like such change has to come from the top and involves people feeling heard and having a sense of inclusion and potential in their workplaces. Anyhow, hearing you loud and clear – you’ve had enough of not being appreciated. Thank goodness you’re listening to yourself and not drinking – all that would do is numb that feeling again. Difficult though it is it’s important. What do you need to change? What better rewards can you give yourself I wonder.

    • That sounds horrendous @gage – the backstabbing, hating your job. Good that you can see it for what it is. ‘Don’t let the bastards get you down’. I would often drank when I had a bad day, but why punish yourself more – because you’ll feel awful the next day. Hang in there, keep venting…could you look for another job?

    • At my job I’m one of the ” out crowd” and it’s damn hard sometimes.

    • oxoxoox Never apologize for venting. This is how you feel today, this very moment. You deserve to be heard and seen. You have my compassion. 50 plus hours of work and paying for college for your kids and all that….it’s a LOT. A toxic work environment can literally be dePRESSing. No wonder you feel the way you do right now! Anyone would.

      Maybe time for the young adult kids to take out some loans and share some of that financial responsibility?
      Just an idea. oxoxoxox

      My husband’s dad didn’t have a single cent to give him and hubby is paying off student loans still, but almost done. It never bothered him. It actually forced him to grow up faster and not waste money on typical student stuff like parties or skipping class. Not saying your kids do that, but there is an option where not everything falls onto the parent. If it comes to that, please don’t feel bad. One human can only do so much.

      oxxooxxo

  • gage posted a new activity comment 2 months, 3 weeks ago

    @kitten Congrats on your 249 days, I totally understand the stress

    • thanks, it was the weirdest thing. When I quit drinking, I just had no idea how I did it all, then I realized, I just came home and drank so I wouldn’t have to think about it. thanks for the encouragement.

  • gage posted a new activity comment 2 months, 3 weeks ago

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