• gage posted a new activity comment 1 week, 3 days ago

    I am so sorry for your loss @wakingowl. The world is a lesser place for your mum’s passing from it. She sounded like a wonderful human.

  • gage posted a new activity comment 4 weeks, 1 day ago

    Hi @daisym I agree with all the other comments. Get a quick check up if you can but in the meantime watch your blood sugar levels and your hydration.

  • gage posted a new activity comment 4 weeks, 1 day ago

    Welcome @cctrjkrfan

  • gage posted a new activity comment 4 weeks, 1 day ago

    Dear @bisok you have no need to apologise to anyone on this site. Just about everyone, including me, has been and are where you are now. There are those who come here with an alcoholic drink in their hands and most of us are struggling to get sober or to stay sober. This site is one of the most supportive places I know and no one judges. The fact that you come here is a step in the right direction. The self loathing is a vicious circle and one that is hard to break and there comes a time, at least I found it to be so, when it is hard to separate the self loathing which we drink to numb from the self loathing we feel because we hate what drinking does to us and that we feel powerless to stop. Try to be as gentle with yourself as you would be with someone else on this site who wrote a comment similar to yours. As @whynot wrote “slipping is part of recovery”. Just try and set yourself small goals – I won’t drink today or I won’t drink this week, as sometimes the big ones seem unreachable.

  • gage posted an update 1 month, 1 week ago

    af day 145. LIfe is well….life, some good, some bad. On the way home from work I briefly fantasised about the 3/4 bottle of red in the pantry left over from the casserole but was so busy cooking dinner when I got in I forgot it – just as well. Maybe I should throw it out or just treat it as a test of my determination. Work is busy. The future seems confusing as I’m not sure what direction to take. Still, I’m taking pride in my 145 days – nearly 21 weeks. Soon it will be half a year…. all milestones on my sober journey. Blessing everyone. Stay strong, come here when you need some support.

    • gage, you’re doing so well! 145 is a pretty cool and strong number in my books!!!
      And someone wise on here told me to let time do what time does when it comes to the future feeling a bit confusing and even scary at times maybe.
      oxoxoxo
      Give yourself permission to be here now. The rest will come.
      And it will be ok.

    • Day 145, congrats. @gage, so confused about where I am going to be in six months myself, but have to just relax and live into my future.

    • You’re doing great, Gage. All of those first year milestones are important, and in fact, I still make up milestones. Wouldn’t it seem to make sense that all of those strong feelings associated with the first 100 days would settle down some. I’m still learning about it though, not as often, not as intense, but sometimes, quite wonderful little things. If that bottle of cooking wine really is a problem, then throw it out. But I’ll tell you that we have one cabinet in the kitchen that still has an assortment of liquors…but they just aren’t for me. There are five stores within five minutes of here where those bottles could be replaced. So it’s always going to be all around me, but it’s just not for me. Ever. You’ve every right to be very proud of your 145 days, and I’ll add five months as a good milestone to celebrate. We’re building sober muscles.

    • Congrats on 145! Hmmmm, me thinks don’t tease the tiger. Dump out that wine.

    • Well done – I can’t wait to be where you are at with your sobriety!

  • gage posted a new activity comment 1 month, 2 weeks ago

    Hi @robynb You’re right I think a hangover might have been the final straw. At least I know my falling had nothing to do with alcohol

  • gage posted a new activity comment 1 month, 2 weeks ago

    Hi neighbour @aprilsfool. I have to confess I’ve put my 3/4 of a bottle of red at the back of the pantry so psychologically I feel it’s out of reach. I’m thinking, or maybe hoping, the bad days help train our mind into the understanding that we can manage without the alcohol crutch – mind you I fell so hard I thought for a minute I might need a real crutch! Thanks for the kind words. Let’s stay strong.

  • gage posted a new activity comment 1 month, 2 weeks ago

    Thanks @whynot I’m a bit sore.

  • gage posted a new activity comment 1 month, 2 weeks ago

    Hi @lee Those dark pit, fuck-it moments can be challenging. The one thing I really hate is the feeling that I’m jut not in control because if I was I could have one glass of wine and walk away. I’m just too scared that one would turn to two and the next night two would be three and then it’s a bottle. I too have turned to the dark chocolate.

  • gage posted a new activity comment 1 month, 2 weeks ago

    @Tom4500 Thanks

  • gage posted an update 1 month, 2 weeks ago

    Day 139 AF. Still get moments when I desire a glass of wine. I have 3/4 of a bottle in the pantry – used a quarter for a casserole on Sunday. First time I’ve dared buy one in case I succumbed to temptation. Ok so far. Had the day from hell yesterday though. My gall bladder is playing up as it does periodically and I couldn’t get a mobile signal in the house to call to make an appt with the doctor (live in a bad reception area), so went out onto the wet deck and slipped and fell whacking the arm against a small wall pulling all the muscles I have just spent six months patiently waiting to repair after getting injured in late December in an accident at work. I just lay on the deck and thought…no way… but despite feeling like hell, I had to go into work. Still I haven’t attacked that bottle of wine!

    • Well done, the wine won’t help your arm muscles. Sorry about your maladies. Sounds as if you’ve had quite a stretch.

    • Hi @Gage. Brave you are. I’d have to pour out the remainder of that bottle or it would get drunk and so would I! Day 123 here and I have also had a few “fuck it” moments when I considered drinking. Started falling into the poor me pit. Yesterday was a big one but I resorted to dark chocolate, salty chips and cheese instead. the 3 C’s. ha. Was so glad not to have drank when I woke this morning. Have to keep reminding myself that “This too shall pass” but if I begin drinking again everything is bound and given to get shittier.

      • Hi @lee Those dark pit, fuck-it moments can be challenging. The one thing I really hate is the feeling that I’m jut not in control because if I was I could have one glass of wine and walk away. I’m just too scared that one would turn to two and the next night two would be three and then it’s a bottle. I too have turned to the dark chocolate.

    • oh my gosh. That sounds terrible. I hope you didn’t injure yourself too badly. Wine won’t make it better. Good for you for staying strong.

    • Hi there @gage. Greetings from your neighbor here at day 135. Sounds like you had a real suck of a day – but a win for you not falling for that wine trap. Definitely would have made a bad situation a lot worse. I still have 4 full bottles left over from the last case I bought back in February when I boarded this train – but thankfully no desire to crack and open. I hope you’re feeling better. Good work pushing ahead – I’m following in your wake.

      • Hi neighbour @aprilsfool. I have to confess I’ve put my 3/4 of a bottle of red at the back of the pantry so psychologically I feel it’s out of reach. I’m thinking, or maybe hoping, the bad days help train our mind into the understanding that we can manage without the alcohol crutch – mind you I fell so hard I thought for a minute I might need a real crutch! Thanks for the kind words. Let’s stay strong.

    • Sheesh! Well, you wouldn’t want to add a hangover an self reproach on top of all that!

      • Hi @robynb You’re right I think a hangover might have been the final straw. At least I know my falling had nothing to do with alcohol

    • So sorry for your injury, sounds really painful!! Really proud of you for not using it as a reason to drink though. Good work.

  • gage posted a new activity comment 1 month, 4 weeks ago

    Hi @freebreezi Yes it’s the not knowing that is the hard part. Could I have just one glass of wine or even just two a couple of times a week, I’d love to think I could but I don’t know so I don’t dare. Someone like you who has gone almost five years a/f is my hero. Well done.

  • gage posted a new activity comment 1 month, 4 weeks ago

    @Suze99Definitely tough news, i hope something comes up for you soon. Stay positive, easy to say, harder to do, I know.

  • gage posted an update 2 months ago

    Day 126, 18 weeks today but who’s counting….? Me of course. In a few days I can start dry July already sober…bonus.
    Have a lovely day everyone.
    I’m off to work now, oh joy

    • Excellent Gage and I love that you are already geared up for a dry July!

    • congrats, @gage. Day 126 is phenomenal. i remember @daveh, did a great dry October (or was it september) back when I started, it was great to check in, to be held accountable daily, read his great advice. keep on.

    • Congrats on the days! Impressive!

  • gage posted a new activity comment 2 months ago

    365 plus congrats @supercath You are a legend

  • gage posted a new activity comment 2 months ago

    Lovely post @timetobesober

  • gage posted a new activity comment 2 months ago

    Dear @annie keep pushing through and one day you will wake up an realise everything in your life is better because you are sober. It might not happen overnight but it will happen and as @kitten said your ex can’t take away your sobriety. And you are allowed to rant here as much as you want because most of have at some point and we’ve all known tough times. Stay strong sister.

  • gage posted a new activity comment 2 months ago

    Welcome @mange

  • gage posted an update 2 months ago

    Day 119. Still think about a glass of wine – a bit like an ex lover you know was really dysfuntional but hangs around in your memory, at least the good bits do.
    This site is still my lifeline. Always know it’s just a few key strokes away when I need a sober fix and I gain such strength from everyones’ stories.

    • JM replied 2 months ago

      Hi @gage! I know, I had fleeting thoughts of wine yesterday as things have been heavy in my life lately. And then I sweep them away, ‘how ridiculous, I don’t drink’. Congrats on day 119!! : )

    • Hi gage. Thanks for the post. In 7 days we are going on my first vacation to the beach – sober. I am a bit nervous. However, I have this site with friends like you posting, treats and reminder that I have 53 days sober, and I do not want to start again at day 1. I dream about day 119….

      • Hey @Deester, I’m going to give you my tag line for not drinking on vacation, or the beach, or boating, or around the campfire. I don’t see a problem with drinking on vacation if one can stop or manage to remember the vacation. But I won’t stop. So my line is “we don’t drink on vacation because the vacation ends but our drinking doesn’t”. Same for the beach! xo

    • I’m with you @gage. I’m at day 116 (you must have started your journey BEFORE a weekend you brave soul, you!) Yes. This site is my lifeline as well. I feel so empowered knowing that I’m not alone. And that others have felt and experienced the same things that I have because of alcohol. Congrats on day 119.

    • Good morning @gage! We can remember fondly the good times and smile. Then follow up with the crushing bad times and be grateful we are done with all that. xo

      • Totally agree with @jocord! The bad overrules the good, especially towards the end! Big congrats on 119!

    • Great job on Day 119! I’m only on Day 3 of my first goal of 100 days, but this time truly feels like the legit Day 3 without a new Day 1 coming anytime soon. Hearing how you still think of wine and still come to this site for a sober fix will help me remember that as time goes on for me. Wishing you a wonderful day!

  • gage posted a new activity comment 2 months ago

    Dear @amorerose Lucy is definitely on the right track. You need lots of self care and to be gentle with yourself. It would also be good for you to consider getting some medical help to help you with possible withdrawal and what you have experienced. It might be hard for you to do but there’s no shame in needing help. Meantime keep here with us. This is one of the most wonderfully supportive, non judgemental places you will find

    • @gage I know, today I almost caved but I got through it. I’m glad I found this place and therapy would be good for me. I’m just glad I finally realized how bad it was getting and it’s time to start a new life. :]

  • gage posted a new activity comment 2 months ago

    Hi @kaydee You are so right. Non alcoholic wine is disgusting. Can’t drink beer, hate the smell reminds me of the smell of my dad when he had drunk too much. I drink tart cherry juice with soda water as my sober drink of choice and only drink it in the evening like I would with wine so it remains special for me.

  • gage posted a new activity comment 2 months ago

    Well done @ladyhawke Being sober is much simpler. I’m slowly getting my head around it. Great to have inspiring people like you to remind us.

  • gage posted a new activity comment 2 months ago

    @Annie You are doing so well. Stay strong sister

  • gage posted a new activity comment 2 months, 2 weeks ago

    @agirl Thanks I also will adopt this happy strategy for today.

    • Well good news @gage– it’s worked really well for me today! How are you getting on? It seems happiness breeds happiness ☺️

  • gage posted a new activity comment 2 months, 2 weeks ago

    Hi @kitten, You’re right about missed opportunities but there are no time machines (at least not that I know of) so we can only go forward – onward and upward – from where we are now and try and be the best we can be. I’ve decided I need to go to step 2 which is to grow a bit more as a person spiritually (not in a religious way because that’s not me, but in a greater understanding of how I can be a better person, more compassionate, more connected with the universe, more life-embracing). The one thing alcohol is guaranteed to do is to adversely affect our spiritual growth. As I said, onward and upward. Thank you for taking the time to respond to my post. It’s so wonderful to know that I’m not alone on this journey but there are wise people at every step of the way just holding up words of wisdom and compassion.

    • @gage, i have read in more than one place and heard on sober podcasts that one starts with healing the body, then heals the mind and then finally heals the spirit. I suppose we all get to the next step in our own time. be well.

  • gage posted a new activity comment 2 months, 2 weeks ago

    Congrats on day 4 @pattyw and thanks for your understanding. This sobriety business is certainly a rollercoast ride – you have the hard slog followed by the exhilerating thrill of achievement followed by another hard slog at least that’s how it seems to me. Part of me knows that this is a life affirming decision and yes I say to myself I could try moderation but then I feel that constant monitoring of myself – “I’ll just have one drink well ok two is fine, better not have any tomorrow or the next day, if I’m good I can have a couple at the weekend, OMG am I back to where I was 109 days ago,” would just be too exhausting. Did some reading last night after I posted and went to hip sobriety at the recommendation of another LS member and found some pearls of wisdom about choice and about labelling. I found them valuable. Will persevere on working on my thinking about myself and who I want to be.
    I thank everyone on this site for your unfailing support.

  • gage posted an update 2 months, 2 weeks ago

    Day 109AF Still feeling like I’m doing penance. Still working on how resentful I feel that I can’t enjoy a glass of wine in moderation without sliding back to a bottle a night. Haven’t found anything that really fills the void, and there is a void. I know my health is probably benefiting although I’ve had a really shxxxy cold this week with along with a huge workload has also left me exhausted, but unlike many people who post here, I don’t feel sharper or more together. If anything I feel sadder and more vulnerable. I’ve been trying to learn how to knit an Aran cable afghan – pulled it out more times that I care to mention.
    Better head off to bed at least sobriety means no hangover in the morning. Night all, thanks for being there.

    • Hi gage……huge congrats on day 109!!! I feel kinda silly replying to your post as today is only day 4 for me. I hope the merry-go-round with alcohol that has been my life for the last 30 years is over. I can only pray it is. I feel stronger each time I decide “this is it”…as I continue to realize the ZERO benefits to drinking. And I know you know it too….but the resentment is there…I get it. My husband wants to plan a vacation and I moaned “what for? I won’t be able to drink”. I don’t even want to go out to dinner or be with people….so completely screwed up is my relationship with alcohol. It’s going to take a while, that I know. But something pretty profound (I think anyway) hit me rather hard the other day. I was feeling so sorry for myself that I couldn’t drink…have that glass of wine or several summer cocktails. Life just seemed at that moment so depressing and hard. And I realized with some amount of sadness that life will just suck from here on out. Accept it. And then I had this other thought just as quickly….but wasn’t it hard when you were drinking??? Didn’t it suck to wake up each morning full of self-loathing yet again because you just couldn’t seem to get a grip on alcohol? Didn’t you hate the way you felt, the way you looked, the lie that you felt was your life? Not to mention the constant worrying about your health? Relationships with family? And on and on and on. It hit me that life is going to have problems. All kinds of problems…some big, some small. But there WILL always be some problems and things to work on and work out. SO…. I honestly asked myself this question OUT LOUD…which life would you rather have? The drunk life with problems and also……feeling lousy all the time and being truly robbed of precious time with family, always planning the next drink, and for me the worst, the vicious circle of fear and worry that accompany problem drinking? Or do want the sober life with problems……waking each day feeling…[Read more]

      • Congrats on day 4 @pattyw and thanks for your understanding. This sobriety business is certainly a rollercoast ride – you have the hard slog followed by the exhilerating thrill of achievement followed by another hard slog at least that’s how it seems to me. Part of me knows that this is a life affirming decision and yes I say to myself I could try moderation but then I feel that constant monitoring of myself – “I’ll just have one drink well ok two is fine, better not have any tomorrow or the next day, if I’m good I can have a couple at the weekend, OMG am I back to where I was 109 days ago,” would just be too exhausting. Did some reading last night after I posted and went to hip sobriety at the recommendation of another LS member and found some pearls of wisdom about choice and about labelling. I found them valuable. Will persevere on working on my thinking about myself and who I want to be.
        I thank everyone on this site for your unfailing support.

      • Your off to an amazing start @pattyw!

    • hello, @gage, many of us do feel good, but it goes in cycles. i, for one, have not always felt good. I am resentful not for not being able to drink, but bc i have wasted so much time wasted, i feel as though i have had missed opportunities, but perhaps they would have existed the same as with alc, who is to say. What i can say is that it took years for me to become a daily drinker and then i did it for decades, so trying to undo it is not going to take just a minute. no hangover for me is no small thing and NEVER gets old. Best.

      • Hi @kitten, You’re right about missed opportunities but there are no time machines (at least not that I know of) so we can only go forward – onward and upward – from where we are now and try and be the best we can be. I’ve decided I need to go to step 2 which is to grow a bit more as a person spiritually (not in a religious way because that’s not me, but in a greater understanding of how I can be a better person, more compassionate, more connected with the universe, more life-embracing). The one thing alcohol is guaranteed to do is to adversely affect our spiritual growth. As I said, onward and upward. Thank you for taking the time to respond to my post. It’s so wonderful to know that I’m not alone on this journey but there are wise people at every step of the way just holding up words of wisdom and compassion.

        • @gage, i have read in more than one place and heard on sober podcasts that one starts with healing the body, then heals the mind and then finally heals the spirit. I suppose we all get to the next step in our own time. be well.

  • gage posted an update 2 months, 3 weeks ago

    Day 99 AF. Still wishing I could be a moderate drinker. Still miss a glass of wine. Still know one would become two, then the next night three and the next night four.
    Haven’t posted here for a while as I’ve been feeling quite down and didn’t want to impose my negativity on all you.

    • Release that negative stuff right here @gage. We often think in bullshit terms that need to be called out. We shut down that nagging addicted voice through positive reinforcement that often needs to come from others. Notice, I said WE! Maybe stop thinking about the one thing, the life destroyer, that you can’t do, which is drink and think about all of the wonderful things that you can do because your sober. 99 days is fantastic!!!

    • You are doing the right thing @gage by playing it forward. So glad you reached out and posted here. Connection and community is the best way to retrain our brains. Hang in there, the pink cloud will come back. It always does. Xo

    • Thanks for posting about his Gage, we’re definitely not just about the good stuff here. Getting sober can be a roller coaster, it’s good to get it out and have a good look at what’s going on for you. Is there other stuff going on for you as well? Triggers that you are finding hard to shake?

    • Congrats @gage! Forget the drink . It’s a romantic lie and remember moderation doesn’t work. Also people who have no problem with alcohol never think about it and nor do they ever have to think about moderating. That opens up a huge number of people with an alcohol problem in various stages of denial. Scary eh! ❤️❤️

    • I’m sorry @gage. I wish I could wave a magic wand and remove your heartache. Don’t worry about imposing negativity on this group. We’re here to help bear that burden so you don’t have to go it alone. xoxo

    • Hi @gage. I’m at day 96 – right behind you. I still have fleeting feelings too …. but I know that the truth is there’s no such thing as moderation for me. I don’t want just one drink – and one drink would never satisfy me. I want the whole bottle. So if moderation means I can only have just one, why the hell bother?? Alcohol is not our friend. Keep going. Being sober is always going to be better than drinking.

    • @gage like you I have always a bit of a problem sharing my woes, whether that is here or even in person, the times I have everyone has been supportive, so you can share. Just think of it how much you like to be the one to help when someone else has a woe, we love to give our two pennies of advice or just listen. Here is important not just for celebrations.

  • gage posted a new activity comment 3 months, 2 weeks ago

  • gage posted a new activity comment 3 months, 2 weeks ago

    @jmtn Hi why not try thinking of this in a different way. How about saying this is my first birthday since deciding to truly stop drinking…..yeah that great, a wonderful milestone I can plan to be sober for another year till next birthday and I’ll have given myself the absolutely best birthday present, a clear mind, a healthy body , a life in more control. I’ll toast myself with the nicest non alcoholic drink I can, I’ll make heaps of wonderful plans for my life. I’ll use my AF birthday as an affirmation of having a great life.

    • @gage Well said. Thank you. 🙂 I love the positive view of it. I’ll do that. I really appreciate you sharing those thoughts.

      • Yep I definitely play it forward ….. I struggle when I’m out in social situations and think just one BUT I know that what will follow later that evening or in the morning will be regret, frustration and disappointment in myself…… this then spoils the potentially good memories of a nice evening out . Make sure you order yourself a special non alcoholic cocktail or something …..or even if it’s tonic water/lemon lime bitters I always ask them to put it in a wine glass !! Otherwise they give you a tall glass and a bloody straw and I feel like a child 😂

  • gage posted a new activity comment 3 months, 2 weeks ago

    @kyleed Welcome, this is a very supportive place.

  • gage posted a new activity comment 3 months, 2 weeks ago

    @MissFreedom Thousand and more congrats

  • gage posted a new activity comment 3 months, 2 weeks ago

    Hi @rubyroo I’m so sorry you had such a horrible experience that scared you so much. Staying sober is not easy but the rewards are immense. I battle with it every day – I’m only day 79AF but there are others on this site who I’m sure will back me up, the more alcohol has been part of your life the harder it is to lose such a crutch.
    I’m afraid of what alohol was doing to my health – there’s clear evidence of its links to dementia, mouth and throat cancer, stomach cancer, diabetes, heart disease and liver disease and breast cancer.
    So yes I miss it, i really really do, but I’m focussing on what being sober is doing to benefit my health and I hope I haven’t left it too late. Like you I was great at hiding my drinking from everyone but myself.
    Stick with us here, most of us have been where you are or somewhere very similar. I haunted this site in my early days and always found something to boost my flagging fortitude. I also made a point of replacing my unhealthy drinking habit with something – a healthy reward drink – juice and soda water after work when I was making dinner and sitting down to dinner. If I could get to 8pm I was safe so I put that healthy drink in my hand the moment I walked through the door and kept topping it up till I was safely out of temptation time.
    You can do this.

  • gage posted a new activity comment 3 months, 3 weeks ago

    Huge congrats

  • gage posted a new activity comment 3 months, 3 weeks ago

    thankyou @truthangel

  • gage posted a new activity comment 3 months, 3 weeks ago

    I actually love the taste of wine @jacord so I Really miss it. I love having a glass or two – one before dinner while I’m cooking and one with dinner and I really enjoy those. It’s the fact that two turns into a bottle. So yes I can justifiably say I really resent the fact that I can’t have a glass of wine (which I love to do) without it becoming a bottle.

  • gage posted a new activity comment 3 months, 3 weeks ago

    Hi @buckeyeone. I set myself a new habit for my drinking temptation hour – which was when I got home from work usually badly stressed. I chose to make myself a tart cherry juice and soda water and would drink that so I had something in my hand while I was making and eating dinner. I knew that if I got to about 8pm I wouldn’t feel the urge for an alcoholic drink so much. When I did late shifts I just made sure I didn’t have any alcohol in the house as I had seen myself get in at 12 or 12.30 and then polish off a bottle of wine before bed.

  • gage posted an update 3 months, 3 weeks ago

    Day 69 AF. Can’t believe I’m just one day off 10 weeks. Haven’t been sober this long since I was pregnant with my triplets 19 years ago. Still getting a craving for a glass of red wine now and then and resent myself that I can’t have one like a social drinker. Am really tired today so am off to bed even though it’s only 9.30pm. Am really enjoying the better sleep I get now that I’m sober and I definitely don’t miss the 3am anxiety attacks.

    • Good for you! 10 weeks seems like a lifetime way for me. What would you say is your number one thing you did to resist the urge when you first began this journey 69 days ago?

      • Hi @buckeyeone. I set myself a new habit for my drinking temptation hour – which was when I got home from work usually badly stressed. I chose to make myself a tart cherry juice and soda water and would drink that so I had something in my hand while I was making and eating dinner. I knew that if I got to about 8pm I wouldn’t feel the urge for an alcoholic drink so much. When I did late shifts I just made sure I didn’t have any alcohol in the house as I had seen myself get in at 12 or 12.30 and then polish off a bottle of wine before bed.

    • Congratulations on 10 weeks and isn’t sober sleep the best?

    • Hi @ gage! 69, what a great number! May I suggest you sit with resenting yourself because you can’t have just one glass of wine? Is there a buried trigger in there just waiting to trip you up when your guard is down? Do you really want the wine or is it the escape? I honestly don’t know a single person who drinks a glass of wine for the taste. I know people who go to wine tastings with a designated driver who wish they could drink but say “next time it’s my turn”, and people who have a glass of wine before they eat for that instant letdown but then they eat and are able to let go of the buzz. I know people who sip 1/2 glass of wine, get a buzz and hate it, and don’t finish the glass. None of these scenarios sounds appealing to me. Just sad. So be grateful to yourself for not being able to drink just one glass! You are free of all the decision making around drinking and that is to be celebrated! xo

      • I actually love the taste of wine @jacord so I Really miss it. I love having a glass or two – one before dinner while I’m cooking and one with dinner and I really enjoy those. It’s the fact that two turns into a bottle. So yes I can justifiably say I really resent the fact that I can’t have a glass of wine (which I love to do) without it becoming a bottle.

  • gage posted a new activity comment 4 months, 1 week ago

    Love the quote and I’m spending some time meditating on it. You sound in a great space @mari135 Congrats on your 734 days

  • gage posted a new activity comment 4 months, 1 week ago

    @rise2015 How dreadful for both of you. With your permission I’ll send positive energy in the hope that your boy recovers quickly

  • gage posted a new activity comment 4 months, 1 week ago

  • gage posted an update 4 months, 1 week ago

    Day 59. I’ve been agonising over whether to apply for a new job. There’s one I sort of want with the state government, it pays really well but I don’t feel I have enough confidence. Anyway, first step and I’ve commissioned someone to help me redraft my resume. I’m pretty sure I could do the job, but it’s scary, I know I would be way out of my comfort zone, but it would mean I would only have to do one job and not the two I do now to make ends meet. But I’m 64 and I know I’ll be competing against much younger and more confident candidates. I’m also, I guess, a bit comfortable with the two jobs I do now, even if I’m really unhappy with one of them. I can do them with my eyes closed. This new job would be more travel, I’d have to dress better, seem more clever, it would be more high powered. Then what if I fail or can’t do it then I’ll have no job at all and how will my kids go to uni and how will I pay the bills.
    Do I want it? do I not want it? I’m telling myself I should try and if in some strange universe I should get it and I don’t want it I could always turn it down,
    What do you guys think? Am I just being crazy stupid.
    I told my teenage kids about the job and they all go after it and I suppose I have to because if I don’t I’m setting a poor example of not being brave enough to have a go, but sometimes, you know, everything is just one more thing on a plate already swimming with gravy.
    Had some cravings for wine a few times. Just a glass or two. I thought about getting some non alcoholic wine, but it still has a small amount of alcohol in it and I felt it was a bit like admitting defeat so have resisted. I feel a bit like I’m mourning the loss of an old friend and can’t quite believe they’ll never be able to come back.
    Hope everyone is having a lovely Easter break.

    • I too have been thinking about changing jobs to look for more of a challenge. At the same time I’m 56 years old and know that I’d be running up against much younger candidates for anything I looked at and that’s very daunting. I do like the little niche I’ve carved out for myself and know I’m an integral part of something everyday which is comforting. Why not apply just to see where you get in the process? As you said you always have the choice to say no and stay where you are.

      • Good idea @wakingowl. You can always dip your toe in the water and not accept the job if that’s what you choose? You are absolutely not being crazy stupid!!! What do you think- do you want the job or not?
        I’m sorry about your friend :(.

    • What’s the harm in applying @gage? If it’s anything like here It’s a bit of a process and you’ll have time to think about it.
      Yes there are all those if’s and and’s and it’s daunting…but something in you wants that job. What is it you want about it?
      How might you feel in a month if you hadn’t applied.
      PS: Just be aware that some parts of the process might be a bit of a trigger to drink, so be prepared.

    • @gage reading your post it’s so crystal clear that you want this job. Go for it! If it doesn’t work out then you know you gave it a shot and the timing wasn’t right. If you get it and it works out…well, the positives there are many and you’ve listed them all. I am a firm believer in reaching for the stars. Try try try. There is no shame in failing: that is often down to things beyond your control (another applicant was more qualified for example) but – not trying? That is you defeating yourself. Don’t hold this too tightly. Just apply, release and then let go. At that point, what will be will be. I wish you luck

    • Watch Brene Brown on Netflix right now about Daring Greatly, or something like that. She talks about getting into the arena of life and failing. I haven’t watched it all yet but it might help you make up your mind. You are brave for even considering a change! xo

  • gage posted a new activity comment 4 months, 2 weeks ago

    Thanks for the lovely words @tim I’m just about to go to bed, I’ll meditate on them as I sleep and hopefully have beautiful dreams

  • gage posted a new activity comment 4 months, 2 weeks ago

    Just whip up a meal for an extra 40 people!….you are amazing

  • gage posted a new activity comment 4 months, 2 weeks ago

    Walking along that sober road with you today @Buckeyeone We can do this…. and the sleep does get better. You’re doing great.

    • @Gage, I am counting on sleeping well tonight since I had very little last night. Now that I am at work, I think the melatonin that I took is finally kicking in. 🙁

  • gage posted a new activity comment 4 months, 2 weeks ago

    Hi @daisy It’s early days for you and you need to decide whether your sobriety can withstand the temptation of going out with friends and not drinking. However you also have to ask at some point in time whether your friends are so boring that you can’t bear their company without a drink of alcohol. Ask yourself what do I get out of being with my friends – and the answer of course is their friendship and their companionship and the pleasure you get being with them and the laughs and the tears and those feelings don’t need alcohol to be enjoyed. So maybe tonight cry-off and then next time when you’re feeling stronger go out with your friends and enjoy the evening sober. Many people here will tell you they’ve learned to socialise with friends alcohol free and it hasn’t damaged their relationships, in fact often in strengthens them as you re-find what you really liked about that person.

    • @gage I ended up going and Im gad I went. Funny I did not make a big deal of not drinking nor did anyone else but was asked a couple of times if I wanted a drink-no no, no, thank you…but will not do that often fr a while- prefer to meet a gym or go out for coffee.

  • gage posted an update 4 months, 2 weeks ago

    Day 49 – seven whole weeks. Not been super easy, but not been super hard either. Much gratitude to all here who have helped me and understood and not judged. You guys are just amazing. It’s so good to have somewhere to just vent, good days, bad days, good feelings, bad feelings. Thanks and here’s to the next minute, hour, week etc…

  • gage posted a new activity comment 4 months, 2 weeks ago

    Hi @michael6 All the suggestions here are great. For me I found that a new “habitual behaviour” was what helped me through the wine witching hours – 5pm – 9pm. I decided on my new drink of choice – tart cherry juice and soda water and I would drink that while I made dinner. It was a special drink which I didn’t drink at any other time. Cherry juice is also good for you and helps you sleep so I felt I was doing my body good. I came on this site and that helped as well and I kept focussing on a hangover free morning. Oh and I did heaps of reading.

  • gage posted a new activity comment 4 months, 2 weeks ago

    @jm Clarity and boundaries – great description. Enjoy your Easter on your terms, surrounded by your peace, whatever you want to do. Walk, read, meditate . Very liberating.

  • gage posted a new activity comment 4 months, 2 weeks ago

    @buckeyeone I’ll stay sober with you.

  • Load More