Sober since September, 2016. Booze has no place in my life. I finally switched my thinking from "I'm missing out" to "I'm free." My recovery journey has taught me so much. I wish I had started it a long time ago, but I'm here now.
@liberty@newstart@freedom1025@frog@jr getting back to people’s perceptions about those who have quit drinking, I recall something @daveh once said to me; something to the effect that we wish others, those without an alcohol use disorder, understood better what we are going through, but that they are unlikely to research it, because its our problem, not theirs. It was something to that effect. And given that, if they are unlikely to understand our problem, then we probably should think carefully about the situations in which we want to reveal that problem. Funny, “be careful” seems to be a pretty common suggestion about anything. Something I remember my parents saying; and that, my friends, was a long time ago.
@tom4500@freedom1025 That is what I thought you meant so thank you for clarifying….and agree, there is a stigma of “what happened to you that you can no longer drink, you must have been BAD” thinking. and I just look at my wisdom and what I have learned is why I dont want to drink. It makes me sad that they don’t see it yet.
@freedom1025 THANK YOU! I needed that and have saved it in my favorites to continue to reference. It is so easy to forget some of this stuff even though I’ve been through treatment. My forgetter breaks. Such good information and it’s spot on in my experience. 🙂 xoxoxo
@freedom1025 and @WakingOwl thank you for responding. I’ve gone for a walk already and am considering a swim. I’ve got my knitting and embroidery out and am about to start another episode of Intervention while I pay a few bills. Accomplishing unpleasant tasks will help me feel better about myself, so that’s high priority today. I don’t usually listen to podcasts but I’ll give it a try!
@freedom1025 that’s why I tend to caution the newly AF now about outing themselves…I did early, and don’t regret it. I felt an urge to do it, to get it over with. I’ve seen that in others, but as you know, there could be ramifications. Hope you & yours are well, my friend.
@JM@freedom1025 and I just learned one more, although she does drink on occasion, her mojo really is from good food and sleep over alcohol any day – Charlize Theron. She has a very sad story growing up about an abusive, alcoholic father and her mom shot him to death in self-defense. She said her fear was never knowing what her day would be like as a little girl as it was dictated by whether her dad drank or not. ….and to think alcohol is marketed as make life all great and happy. Such lies!
Ouch! Sorry to hear about getting bashed up, but I’m glad you found joy in it the way that you did! I totally would have, too. It’s been a fun mommy/son weekend. I hope you’ve been having a good weekend, too. Hugs to you! @freedom1025
@jennah@WakingOwl@freedom1025@Ro@Lars@lynnelowe@MalibuStacey@Juliana@robynb@whynot@Jocord (Hopefully didn’t forget anyone) This outpouring of support and love and encouragement is what I need right now. Thank you so much for all of your kind words. Today is a fresh day. Tonight will be a sober evening. I keep reminding myself how badly I do NOT want to go through those first two weeks of sobriety again where I was constantly obsessing over not drinking. It had already gotten so much easier to be alcohol free, I don’t want to repeat that phase. Doing my very best to stay centered today and focus on the positive. Thank you thank you thank you for all of the support <3
thanks @suzkep and @freedom1025 humor is one of my walking sticks– If i can’t laugh at myself- and find some joy in this sometimes brutal life, i won’t make it! hope today is GREAT for both of you. thanks for the support.
Enjoy your time with your kids! 🙂 I had a great little mini-date with my 10-year old last night. Lots of open talks about my past drinking, how it made him feel, how it was for me, etc. It was a healthy and loving conversation. I just can’t go back to how it was. I can’t believe I let it get to where it was. I cringe and my heart breaks. It was so not me! I’m trying to frame it as a huge lesson learned, not dwell on it, make sure I keep my promise to myself and my kids each day, use my experiences to teach them as they get older, and make the future as awesome as possible for us all. I’m still listening to podcasts and/or reading sober books daily. I realized when you wrote yesterday that I haven’t checked in on LS lately! I should still make that a daily activity. Hugs to you!!!
@freedom1025 Shoutout to my favorite “up in the city” sober buddy. I always think of you when I am up there and will again today as I am visiting friends soon. Your consistent kindness on here has meant a lot to me these past 2 plus years, and continue to brighten my days. You give so much on here to others. We’re lucky to have you here. Just got back from a walk and now gym and some house-keeping work…..(laundry…cough). Then off avoiding potholes and hopefully not a lot of traffic up there.
Aww what a sweet message to come home to! I’m so grateful our paths have crossed on this site and wow do I benefit from your insight. Next time you’re up here and have a free afternoon, we’ll need to meet over coffee. Wouldn’t that be epic?! Stay cool. It’s a scorcher out there today. I spent the afternoon at my sisters pool and we kept ourselves submerged in the water the whole time. We were like alligators haha. ❤️❤️ to you too @jocord. You both are the BEST!
I’m relieved and happy to be on this wagon with you all @freedom1025 and that my last bout with alcohol was a short test. And if a few words can prevent someone else from having an unnecessary lapse @Liberty, then it’s all worthwhile. Getting this stuff out is so helpful and healthy as well. Sometimes, I think, we need to come clean with ourselves. Those old ideas come creeping in. They need to be shut and shot down somehow. This place is gold and the best sober tool I’ve yet found.
Hi @freedom1025! Feels great to be back. And to get back to your comment yesterday, yes I am still in school. I went all in and have been taking as many courses as I can. Happy to report I am about to begin my final year. Graduating Spring 2020! Kids are doing wonderfully; working, driving, and enjoying the summer break. How are things with you?
DAY 30! It’s the first milestone of many and the longest I have gone without alcohol in a many years. I am so much happier, healthier and more knowledgeable than 30 days ago. I am so thankful my mind has finally (mostly…) clicked over from “I’m missing out” to “I’m free”. 🙂 Thank you @freedom1025 for helping me begin to see it. I can say that I still have moments of feeling like I’m missing out, though. Just brief moments. In the moment…for just a moment, like a moment I had last night, for example…that slight sad feeling that I’m not allowing myself to enjoy a cold sauvignon blanc on a warm summer night while eating a nice dinner next to a river in a gorgeous Colorado mountain town. I can easily play it forward, how I’ll feel mentally and physically, even after one glass – that tired, bogged down feeling. I can objectively play it forward to that feeling and realizing “what was the point of that” with even one glass of something…yet stupid society has me trained still that it’s what I am supposed to sip on when enjoying a nice moment of any sort. Of course I chose to have a fun, cold bubbly drink with lime, and I enjoyed it…it’s just that annoyed moment at the beginning. Does anyone have any thoughts or comments based on your experience? From all that I have read it seems that it will fade over time, and I’ll keep reading to help that subconscious programmed part of me relearn how to perceive this topic. Hugs to all, no matter where you are on your journey!
I actually am feeling this exact same way. You nailed it! I’ve finally clicked over to “I’m free” too! Never in a million years when I started 21 days ago would I have EVER thought this was possible. The never ending “I’m missing out” conversation that I was having with myself was real and constant. What has 100% helped me is this site and also the book This Naked Mind.I’m so happy for you!
Congrats on 30 days! That is fantastic! I think in time the acceptance that drinking is not something we can do, even just 1, will become more ingrained and natural. Continuing to play it forward and refrain from romanticizing the drink is the best thing you can do to build sober muscles and teach your brain that alcohol is a poison not a treat. Keep on going! You are doing great!
Thanks! @soberheart I like how you said “refrain from romanticizing the drink” …that’s exactly what I keep occasionally doing. I’ll keep working on it! As a funny note, when I was at a big work dinner event recently (where they gave out FOUR drink tickets per person for one evening!) I ordered club soda in a wine glass. A lady behind me excitedly asked the bar tender “oo, what is THAT?!” thinking it was some fancy alcoholic drink. When he told her it was club soda she looked deflated. 😉 It made me giggle that my drink could look so romantic and enticing!
Hi @jmtn! Congrats on 30 days! Lucky you, being in Colorado for the summer – do you live there or are you visiting? I’ve been sober for more than 4 years, and I still have those thoughts once in a while. But it’s easier to swat away like a pesky fly. I know that one would become 1000, and I would have deep regrets. Fantastic work on one month sober!! xo
@jm “swat away like a pesky fly” 🙂 I like that. Awesome about 4+ years sober! Well done. I appreciate you sharing your perspective. I live in the Boulder area and love it. This week I “had to” go to Steamboat Springs for work. I stayed an extra night to hike and relax in the mountain air. So gorgeous up there right now! Let me know if you ever get to Colorado…I’m happy to give tips or meet up! Where are you located?
Hi again @jmtn! Lucky you, living in Boulder. I’m going to google images of Steamboat Springs right now – wow, what a paradise. I live in Toronto. We’re having a hot, beautiful summer. That’d be fun to meet, if I make it there next summer. I like that our screen names are so similar. : )
Congrats on D30!!! Doing a happy dance for you. That missing out feeling is so normal and pops up quite frequently in the beginning. But as you grow your sober muscles and see through the lies alcohol tells us, it diminishes in strength. I will occasionally have that feeling crop up now but to use an analogy of @Prudence I take a fly swatter and beat the hell out of it. Haha I think she says she shoos it away. Well done!! 😊
yes, love that i am hitting a year soon. I plan on just a massage and some relaxation, calm, peace and a long walk. the photo on your profile looks like the flat irons. The other one looks like st mary’s glacier. i used to live in boulder some time ago. enjoy your mountains. they never get old.
Thanks for sharing @lucy. It’s hard to retrain those old habits, isn’t it? Great job working hard on it though. What did you chose to do yesterday afternoon instead? It is beautiful here. Cutting out booze has allowed me to enjoy the gorgeous outdoors even more than I had been the last 5 or so years. And the high I get from a run along a mountain river or a hike surrounded by high altitude wildflowers is million times better than a dulled out alcohol buzz…and lasts a hell of a lot longer! xox
@kitten Yep, the flat irons and the other one is Mohawk Lake. I haven’t been to St. Mary’s Glacier yet, but I’ll put it on the list! My husband and I are headed up to the Alma area to do some 14ers this weekend. Maybe we’ll check it out on way home. 🙂 Enjoy your massage and relaxation. Sounds like a great plan!
@jm Crested Butte is another gorgeous mountain town in CO. If you go mid-late July the wildflowers are incredible! And I hadn’t noticed that our screen names are so similar! j is for my first name and mtn is short for mountain. 🙂 Hugs!
Thanks @aprilsfool@freedom1025@jocord@lucy@leslielily Hang in there @lucy! Keep checking in. Yesterday was another challenging day for me, too. I went camping for one night with a friend group and I was the only adult not drinking. Others ranged from just having one to having many. I was more frustrated and annoyed at myself for getting stuck in the alcohol trap in the first place, but at the same time I didn’t want the effects of alcohol and couldn’t see the point in even having one. I’m happy with my change, but annoyed our society is so obsessed with it. Definitely using this learning experience of mine to educate my kids so they make more educated decisions on this topic as they get older.
It’s beautiful on that side of the Mississippi @freedom1025!! I saw a lot of that country taking a road trip to Cincinnati the week of the 4th. Unfortunately we didn’t get a chance to stop at any of the state parks but if we go on another tournament cross country I’ll make sure to fit in some hiking stops. Such a beautiful country we have xo
@freedom1025 I love this analogy with Wizard of Oz, and stopped beating myself with guilt of drinking in my past, because I realize it was something I had to experience to know what I don’t want. I am a hands on learner – ha! Love seeing your name on here!
I’m fine, @enzedgirl, thanks for asking. Wrote that after a tiring day, trying to find my way through a big city where I don’t speak the language. Have to adjust how I tour, as the legs don’t take me as far in a day as they once did. But, they have tours to help with that. Does all sound a bit flat, I know, but we’re having a good time. This is the first time we took our new big travel trailer on a trip, and as you might expect, there are lessons to be learned….it’s like anything else. You improve as you gain experience, We’ve seen some nice places. No regrets. As for my AF life, I’m solid in my never drinking again. I’ll admit to some widely scattered moments lately when there is a feeling of missing out, but I know that’s horseshit. @freedom1025 reminded me of the gruesome picture that results from playing it forward, so true.
@jr I just read that chapter of This Naked Mind with the chart in it last night. I totally agree. @freedom1025 Great Oz analogy. @dixiemama Thanks for sharing that passage. 🙂 Happy day to you all! Feeling content with the gorgeous Colorado weather today. 🙂
Sounds like such a lovely weekend @freedom1025! Enjoy your long hike today and looking beautiful in that dress tomorrow! 😊 I’m doing well! Thanks for asking. I enjoyed food and NA drinks yesterday, and observed friends being affected by their alcohol consumption. I played it forward and was so happy to have had a sober 4th. Not only did I enjoy seeing the kids have fun setting off our fireworks, but I was present to help my husband prep for our backpacking trip we’re about to head off to do today, and I feel great this morning. It’s also nice to not care about lugging booze on a two night backpacking trip! Who needs that added weight to carry in?! Hugs to you. ❤️
Thanks @kitten and @freedom1025. I’m emotionally exhausted! I haven’t been this tearful in a very long time. 😜 We had a fun family night out tonight, wandering around town in the beautiful summer weather. That helped a lot and I’m feeling things lighten again. Thanks for the encouraging words and reinforcing the positives of this journey. 💗 I hope you both are well.