Sober since September, 2016. Booze has no place in my life. I finally switched my thinking from "I'm missing out" to "I'm free." My recovery journey has taught me so much. I wish I had started it a long time ago, but I'm here now.
Agree with April. Your boss wouldn’t have approached you if he didn’t think you were good enough. When I get overwhelmed at work and start having those same thoughts of “I’m a fraud,” I focus on the tasks immediately in front of me and just start working through them one at a time. Once you hit your stride with the new job, you will be knocking it out of the park! Stay cool in this heat.
@shells7 I can relate with so much that you have written. The never ending loop of promising myself I would take it easy and then drinking too much. First step is to make the decision you are not going to drink and clear your house of alcohol. Next you need a plan for your trigger times. The cravings will strike so you need to know what you’ll do … the dinner hour was my trigger time so I’d go to the gym or get my nails done. I’d also play it forward. I’d envision getting into bed that evening into clean fresh sheets, laying my sober head down for a full 8 hours of sleep, waking up and not cringing at what I had done the night before. Next you need support. This place is great for that. Post any time and people will help. You’re not alone. Blogs and podcasts are great too. I still read and listen to them. And finally you need to love yourself and treat yourself with kindness. Treats, bubble baths, a facial. Be so, so good to yourself because you’re doing something amazing. We’re here for you. You CAN do this.
Yay! Mari135 is back. You’ve had quite the whirlwind … long vacation and then boom right into a work conference. Those are exhausting – you’re “on” all day but it sounds like you handled it beautifully. Well done friend. I bet you’re glad to be home. I think we’re a bit alike … live to travel but love our at-home routines, our food, our workouts, our walks around the neighborhood. Congrats on the new role. Your approach is spot on … settle in, keep doing the next right thing and see where it leads you. 🙂
It had been building up over time for me too. I had many, many Day 1s that never stuck. The longest I had ever gone was 9 months and then I returned to drinking with excuses that I wasn’t that bad, and everyone has a few drinks after a stressful day. I finally woke up one morning (hungover again) and I was just so sick of feeling that way. I was tired of the headaches, and the nauseous stomach, and the recrimination and the terrible shame. I was tired of wasting entire days recovering from a hangover only to begin the mad cycle again at 5 pm. I was just plain tired of it. I wanted my life back. I wanted to feel proud of myself and reclaim my soul and who I was as a person before I became a prisoner of booze. And that was my Day 1. I read as much as I could, blogs and books, and listened to podcasts and then found this site and cried tears of joy because I wasn’t alone. I’ll be 3 years sober this September and I will never drink again because alcohol provides absolutely nothing. Life is still sticky and there are bills to pay and 3 kids to care for and a stressful job. But there is joy and self respect and beauty in the little moments that fill me up in ways that Chardonnay never could. I’m glad you’re here. xoxo
It’s beautiful on that side of the Mississippi @freedom1025!! I saw a lot of that country taking a road trip to Cincinnati the week of the 4th. Unfortunately we didn’t get a chance to stop at any of the state parks but if we go on another tournament cross country I’ll make sure to fit in some hiking stops. Such a beautiful country we have xo
Beautiful post!! I love how you describe the quiet magic of sobriety. It’s the little things like waking up fresh and having the beach to yourself for quiet walks, breathing in the quiet moments, feeling proud, and regaining self respect that maybe was drowned out by gallons and gallons of white wine (in my case)! So very happy for you!
@jr that describes it perfectly! I was trying to chase some elusive “something” with alcohol and of course, was never successful. Through recovery, I’ve learned that “something” comes from within me and can never be filled by some external source. Kind of like Dorothy in the Wizard of Oz who always had the power herself to get home, she just never realized it. Happy days.
Freedom, I love the analogy of Dorothy and the Wizard of Oz. I just started reading “The Little Book of Big Change” by Amy Johnston. One thing she said in the introduction is that our human state, or our “baseline” is calm, content, habit free: “You are by nature full of peace of mind, clarity and connection. By nature you are confident, calm and habit-free. You were not born with your habit and it is not an essential part of who you are. It may dominate your thoughts, emotions and behaviors, but your habit says nothing at all about your basic nature – that part of you that is always there and always true, underneath your surface thoughts, emotions and behaviors.” She likens our “baseline” to the sky above the weather. If you have ever flown, you know that above all the clouds, the sky is bright blue and beautiful. That’s us. Our thoughts are the weather flies below the baseline. I thought this was profound and very helpful. Thank you for the Wizard of Oz analogy!! It makes perfect sense.
@freedom1025 I love this analogy with Wizard of Oz, and stopped beating myself with guilt of drinking in my past, because I realize it was something I had to experience to know what I don’t want. I am a hands on learner – ha! Love seeing your name on here!
I’m coming up on 3 years sober in September and have never gone to AA. Like you, the concept doesn’t appeal to me. Do what feels right for you. My sober toolbox consists of this site, various sober blogs I’ve connected with and podcasts. Stay close. The support here is what finally made the difference for me! 😊