I started a new day 1 on the 26th May 2018, I stopped drinking last year after a big night drinking at home with friends, not a mad night out but totally over-drank- I woke fully dressed at 2am thinking this is not normal, I couldn't remember going to bed! I felt absolute rubbish! Total disappointment!... At which point (2am) I asked myself "could I stop drinking if I wanted to?" and for the first time ever the answer was "No! I don't think I can" This realisation terrified me and made me feel defeated.
I had a determined resolve after that night to give up drinking altogether, it was something I had to do, I didn't want to waste another day eagerly awaiting 5pm, I gave up and made it to 3 months before my arch nemesis - complacency, stuck its big nose in and mocked me with the old - you'll be able to have the occasional 1 now... but this inevitably meant that there was a part bottle in the fridge, so 1 glass soon turned into 2 glasses and then 3, because I can't just leave an open bottle in the fridge... you know the drill... back into the old routine before you know it.
It did teach me what to expect though and that having a lemon water each night is my alternative to wine time. That wine doesn't make things easier to deal with, or an occasion happier, it doesn't help you to unwind which I used to think it did, it was what signified the end of a busy day... time to relax with a glass of wine...
Each time I stopped though I was happier, and I've realised I like myself a whole lot more when I'm not drinking... and I make the most of every day because I'm not just looking forward to 5pm, not to mention it's great not to have to worry if I am drinking too much wine!
So this time I gave up because I want a sober life, my biggest concern is that I'll get complacent again which is a big part of why I finally signed up to Living Sober after quite a lot of visits, and have to admit I hovered over the 'register' tab so long that the 'I am not a robot' expired and I had to re-check it... So, thank you to all the warm welcomes I have already received and I am so looking forward to living life beyond the bottle!!!!
Shine Bright Sober Stars!
Maybe being accountable on here helps because you know there are people out there that are on this journey with you… a support network, we aren’t travelling the road alone and we can strength from the numbers 🙂 Hmm, you got me pondering too 🙂
Hi JudyB… I gave up a year ago because my 40th birthday was coming up later in the year and I wanted to commit to my “Wine free 40’s” having failed at “no wine 39” … having that lead in time let me strengthen my sober muscles, fiture out what stratagies worked best for me… get used to enjoying an AF drink in the evenings rather than a glass of wine… get used to declining a wine and opting for an AF drink in the social environment… in truth it also gave me a little buffer because early on I didn’t know if I could do it so I wanted as much ‘sober practice’ before my 40th … now I love sober and the thought of having a wine is the last thing I want to do… This will be the best present you give yourself… Congratulations on Day 1 today and by day 97 you’re going to feel all the benefits of sober to the full!!!
Hiya, well done you for reaching out! The things that helped me were having an alternative AF drink at the ready, so when that wine o’clock craving came round I could still pour a drink into my favourite wine glass – my drink of choice is a squeezed lemon in water, not too sweet… Also chippies and icecream later in the evening… that was my ‘reward’ for not drinking and a reward that I maintained for about 6 months!!! The kids would go to be then out came the icecream… followed by chippies (or crisps depending on where in the world you are) at about 9pm… perhaps not the healthiest of options but man were they good and a damn site better than drinking 🙂 Another thing I realised was that although there are sooo many benefits to giving up the wine, it doesn’t feel great straight away so don’t put any pressure or expectations on yourself to feel amazing… it will come with time but it can be a battle early on. Being on here, posting, replying to other peoples posts is an amazing strategy, it’s great when you need support and it’s also a good feeling to offer it as well, amazing how much knowing there are others on the same journey helps! Keep playing it forward, it will take some time to convince your brain of how good you’ll feel the next morning if you don’t have that drink because it’s so used to believing that a wine (or beer) is a treat, a reward at the end of the day, the reality is it isnt… it may take your brain some to to believe you but keep at it 🙂 Good luck – keep trying new strategies, keep checking in… this may well be the time that sober works for you xxx Sorry for the long post 🙂
Hi Mrs D, just a quick question unrelated to your post (sorry) Just wondering who I need to get hold of if I wanted to pass my email onto another member? Melnz and I joined at the same time last year – we’ve just passed our 1 year milestone… is it possible to pass my email on to her at all? If you could let me know who I need to contact that would be great, or if you can email her my email details that would be greatly appreciated 🙂 Love this site and so grateful to be part of this amazing community… Thank you 🙂
Yip, familiar with the whisperings of complacency… don’t listen… you are stronger, each time we try we learn and strengthen our strategies from the time before… this time it sounds like you have identified the thought, now you can over-ride it… Sober is better, yes you may be tempted… it is ok to miss something and not want it back. When those rogue thoughts pop up I ask myself … Why would I want a drink anyway, when sober is soo much better… and time and time again I come back to the conclusion that I don’t actually want that drink, my brain is just so used to thinking it wants a drink… you’ve got this. Shine bright sober star!
Loving and can relate to your gratitude filled post @MalibuStacey! “The Art of Living”. So well put! Learning how not to fret, pounce, deny, demand and to be rigorously honest with ones self take guts. I am so proud of you Maleebooohh!!! We are living this raw and beautiful life!!XO
Absolutely! I’m keen for that 🙂 and more than happy for @Mrs D to pass on my email address to you anytime 🙂 though my reply hasn’t seemed to tag Mrs D in so will try to flick her an email or message her by some other means… hope you are having an awesome day too! xx
Well done on 1 week! This journey is so worth it, keep playing it forward, you won’t regret sober! Have you got an AF alternative that you can have… substitution was a key strategy for me… my go to is a freshly squeezed lemon in water… not too sweet and lovely and refreshing… poured in my favourite wine glass because then I feel I am treating myself… You’ve got this 🙂
Yay us @melnz, thanks for the shout out! Look how far we have come eh! No more hangovers! No longer consumed by wine…. thanks for walking with me along this journey, for being my sober sister!!! It meant the world to me when we started this journey a year ago to know that someone cared enough to call me their sober sister, I can remember feeling quite teary and emotional about it (in a good way) and it still means the world to me 🙂 Here’s to the next 365 days Whoop Whoop… absolutely no going back!!! … I’m Andrea by the way 🙂 Shine bright my sober sister xxx
For the first 6 months I would have icecream – after the kids had gone to bed… and then chippies (or crisps, depending on where you are in the world) at 9pm… it was an easier habit to break than wine o’clock.. and it served it’s purpose in my journey because it was something I could treat myself too having beaten the wine witch 🙂
Have you got an alternative non alcoholic drink you can have instead… the wine won’t help with the tiredness, it will just make you feel even more tired… you can get through today without wine, play it forward, you will feel sooo much better tomorrow if you can get through today without a wine… get an early dinner, early shower and tuck up for an early night if you can. Take care xx
I was amazed at how much more I dreamed when I first gave up… it was something that takes you by surprise a bit… in the first bit of google searching I did on giving up there was nothing saying when you give up the drink you will dream more 🙂 I found it harder to get to sleep too, so ended up going to bed later but you do get a better sleep and it settles with time… well done on day 2!
Oh my goodness, that’s funny… I think I had a similar dream a while back and woke up feeling so annoyed and dissapointed at myself – so hard to get back to sleep after that!! Not boring at all, thanks for sharing, made me smile 😀