Day 30! I’m not celebrating a month yet until the ‘number’ turns over (that would be tomorrow, Feb 7) but my mind started claiming it’s a month this morning against my will. So I’ll quietly cheer for a month today and tomorrow both, I’m greedy like that.
My emotional slump was pretty awful last week and I did a lot of reading about emotions in sobriety and all of the things I used drinking to cover or blur or avoid or deny. In that context it makes sense that while learning to feel things while sober, bad moods might feel worse sometimes, anger sharper, things less contained.
After my daughter left I felt a surge of loneliness, had a flash vision of myself ‘sitting at the table surfing on my laptop with a large glass of wine’ and then I thought: okay, that makes sense, I’m feeling lonely and thinking about two things I would have done to avoid feeling lonely last month (last decade and a half), and since I’m not drunk right now I have the ability to a) feel lonely and admit that’s a sad feeling, and feel it anyway, b) sober-text my daughter and tell her I had a great weekend and I love her, c) do one of the healthy things I know of that I can do when I’m feeling sad, like go for a run, write about how I’m feeling, go out in public where I have the chance to run into friends and have human interactions.
I did all of the above, and then went to bed. It’s one of those ‘It’s so crazy it might actually work!!’ things. I felt lonely, texted my daughter, chatted with a friend, wrote about how I was feeling, went for a run. Or I could say that I felt lonely, depended on and strengthened my relationships with loved ones, became a tiny bit healthier/stronger physically, strengthened my writing skills a tiny amount, expressed my emotions, saved between $12- $24 on the alcohol I didn’t buy. Revolutionary! haha
Well, creeping forward incrementally and really inspired by everyone posting here with triple digits. I hope I make it there. I really don’t want this all to be a dream I wake up from.
@Em76. You rock!!!! You’ve got this. I can hear it in your voice. You have the desire and determination. Keep doing what works for you and when it doesn’t work anymore try something different. The point is NEVER stop with self care, self love and good health. Nothing good ever comes from liquid poison. You’re lookin mawwwvelous! Keep it up!!!
Living Sober is an online community managed by the New Zealand Drug Foundation. The Foundation is a registered charitable entity under the Charities Act 2005 (No. CC27025). It has been at the forefront of major alcohol and other drug policy debates for more than 25 years, advocating for policies and practices based on the best evidence available.
This site is not moderated 24 hours a day. Any postings that raise concerns about a persons’ safety will be taken seriously and you will be encouraged to seek support. In the event an imminent risk to safety is determined, this may result in disclosure of this information to authorities in order to get assistance.