• Ellislou posted a new activity comment 4 months ago

    @friday92014 sorry that you’re not feeling good but keep reminding yourself that a drink will just continue this cycle ultimately even though it feels like a solution. What you are doing now is brave and will change your life in so many good ways. Soon the days will add up and this will be easier and the peace it brings is truly wonderful

  • Ellislou posted a new activity comment 4 months ago

    Good for you @Lars soon the days add up and those white knuckling it days pass. I have really been enjoying listening to audio books on audible and in the beginning the bubble hour was a life line to me
    Hope it’s a wonderful day 11

  • Ellislou posted a new activity comment 4 months ago

    Thank you @DaveH I don’t have a particular saying but playing 8t forward was my biggest aid and knowing I would never wake up in the morning wishing I had drank.

  • Ellislou posted a new activity comment 4 months ago

    Oh no @enzedgirl I hope you feel better soon I hate having a cold and I am always convinced I suffer more than most
    Hope you’re getting to rest
    X x

    • bahaha i don’t know if i suffer more when i hav a cold myself or when my hubby has one @ellislou – he was sick all last week 🙁

      it’ll soon pass, just having a little moan 😀

  • Ellislou posted a new activity comment 4 months ago

    Glad all ok @Robynb sorry for the stressors at work

  • Ellislou posted a new activity comment 4 months ago

    That would be wonderful @prudence and bring @Ro and @Janus2 with you Janus needs to learn some afrikaans and xhosa swear words 😉
    It truly is a very beautiful warm hearted country with such incredible diversity you need at least 4 weeks just to get a taste of it all.
    How lovely it would be to meet 💜

  • Ellislou posted a new activity comment 4 months ago

    Love your post @Prudence we also live in a small town and I love it and feel so connected here my heart truly belongs in this little coastal town even with so much burnt down but with the winter rains already started it’s all regrowing already.
    Not cold enough here for a fire yet but soon will be – strangely it normally always gets cold over Easter weekend even though the date changes every year.
    I love to hear how contented you are within yourself – such a good place to be.
    Lots of love to you x

    • The restoration of your beautuful village will be a sight to behold as it re-claims itself after the fires @Ellisou and it will restore the faith of many souls as the beauty returns. Lots of love back to, I often think of you, I will come and see you one day xoxo

      • That would be wonderful @prudence and bring @Ro and @Janus2 with you Janus needs to learn some afrikaans and xhosa swear words 😉
        It truly is a very beautiful warm hearted country with such incredible diversity you need at least 4 weeks just to get a taste of it all.
        How lovely it would be to meet 💜

  • Ellislou posted a new activity comment 4 months ago

    Wow @JM those are amazing numbers and happy birthday wishing you many blessings for the year ahead

  • Ellislou posted a new activity comment 4 months ago

    On my side of the globe it’s good night @craftygirl hope you’re having a good day and I hope for a good sleep x

  • Ellislou posted a new activity comment 4 months ago

    Such good insights and self care @Mari135
    Lots of love to you x x

  • Ellislou posted a new activity comment 4 months ago

    Hello @iowadawn hope all good in your world and so good to see you here looking forward to hearing upjr news x x

  • Ellislou posted a new activity comment 4 months ago

    Hi @Robynb travel safely and hope all ok with your son let us know when you hear from him. Lots of love to you x

  • Ellislou posted a new activity comment 4 months ago

    @kjpeche I found when I had that mind shift you talk about that was it I knew I would not drink again and it brought about such peace and commitment to my decision, it’s as if not drinking finally becomes a part of us – so glad you have had that too x

  • Ellislou posted a new activity comment 4 months ago

    You are doing amazingly well @Lee@

  • Ellislou posted a new activity comment 4 months ago

    Lovely post @R51 and well done

  • Ellislou posted a new activity comment 4 months ago

    So good to hear from you @Ro oh I loved the book thief and they did a fairly good job with the movie. I also loved the God of small things also just a heart warming story and so beautifully written. I also use to love anything written by Louise Erdrich. I don’t have the head space to read at the moment hopefully will again one of these days I haven’t actually finished a book since John’s accident but I do listen to books on audible and I love that it’s really worth trying if you haven’t already. I just finished the hearts invisible furies wow an amazing story and so beautifully read by a beautiful Irish accent. I am busy listening to another Irish story also so beautifully read called the milkman. I like Irish stories even though pretty dark I have some Irish ancestry maybe that’s why ?
    Let me know if your son does come I would be happy to help wherever I can I am sure he would be coming to cape town – he will love it- it’s a beautiful city
    My boy finished school this year and off to England next year I will miss him so much. He has been such a support to me since the accident he is a lovely boy but i am so happy for him to be going and I want him to go and feel free and not held down but what happened in our lives. Luckily I guess with him being a teenager and focusing on his life it hasn’t impacted him to much.
    Well it’s a cold rainy day here and off to fire a kiln a d two girls are begging me to make fudge so let me make fudge and fire a kiln 😉
    Lots of love to you

  • Ellislou posted a new activity comment 4 months ago

    Thanks @kitten and hugs right back to you x x

  • Ellislou posted a new activity comment 4 months ago

    Hi @Liberty thanks for thinking of me 💜 I have tried this to some degree but sadly brain injury causes a lot of mood issues and no filter etc so John is hard to work with for other people especially as they don’t normally often understand the complexities of brain injury so basically at this stage I am the only one who can work with John and some days it’s hard for me too as he is not able to control his anger and frustration.
    Luckily I really love being in the pottery and its work that soothes me so I am able to handle John but others are sadly not able to. Maybe in time this will be possible
    Lots of love to you x x

  • Ellislou posted a new activity comment 4 months ago

    Oh @Juliana that is so sad. Brain injury is so complex and so absolutely devastating for all involved. I so hope her young husband has lots of support as people often cant see how hard it is on the main caretaker as thi ge can look ” normal” from the outside very heart breaking indeed

  • Ellislou posted a new activity comment 4 months, 1 week ago

    I am paddling hard @mari135
    Have a lovely weekend x x

  • Ellislou posted a new activity comment 4 months, 1 week ago

    Hooray day 50 is a great number @dreamer88

  • Ellislou posted a new activity comment 4 months, 1 week ago

    @wakingowl what a good response to your day – thinking of you and not allowing your stresses to ruin it. I hope you feel peace and enjoy a day of rest

  • Since John’s accident I find Friday nights so lonely. He goes to bed at 7:30pm.
    I have my two kids around thank goodness but it still feels so incredibly lonely – I guess I just miss my old John and now know he is not coming back.
    I am not drinking and don’t ever plan to as I know without a doubt that makes the loneliness worse !

    • It does sound hard @Ellislou. I think I told you about my daughter’s 29 year old friend who had serious brain damage after being hit by a car while walking across the street.. She and my daughter had graduated from social work school 2 months before and she had been married about a month. After weeks in a coma, she began to recover, but will always need a lot of care. Her young husband has a huge new responsibility, a heart breaking situation. Xx

      • Oh @Juliana that is so sad. Brain injury is so complex and so absolutely devastating for all involved. I so hope her young husband has lots of support as people often cant see how hard it is on the main caretaker as thi ge can look ” normal” from the outside very heart breaking indeed

    • It’s hard, no two ways about it @ellislou. *Hug*
      I was thinking about you the other day and wondering vaguely about a pottery collective and whether that would enable your husband to work and would support you better in other ways, instead of it all being on you. I don’t know if this is a thing in your area and it might not suit. But just a thought. Not a fix. Sometimes we just hurt. I must have heard you over the waves 🙂

      • Hi @Liberty thanks for thinking of me 💜 I have tried this to some degree but sadly brain injury causes a lot of mood issues and no filter etc so John is hard to work with for other people especially as they don’t normally often understand the complexities of brain injury so basically at this stage I am the only one who can work with John and some days it’s hard for me too as he is not able to control his anger and frustration.
        Luckily I really love being in the pottery and its work that soothes me so I am able to handle John but others are sadly not able to. Maybe in time this will be possible
        Lots of love to you x x

    • hey, @ellislou – hugs.

    • Ro replied 4 months ago

      Hey there 🙂 So not fair – can’t even start to imagine and everything sounds so trite when I go to say it, so I’ll not bother and send you a hug over the oceanic stratosphere to the Bay instead.
      Did I tell you my boy thinks he is heading to South Africa to complete a yacht master or something or other? I can’t really say I’m that keen on it to be honest, but that is neither here nor there. When he tells me more, I’ll be in touch to get the low down. He says he’s going to do a lot of things and sometimes they don’t eventuate. He knew all about the currency conversion, so I don’t know.
      Are you reading anything at the moment? I’m just re-reading a few books I own, as I read them when I was drinking and I can’t remember fuck all of them. Just finished The Book Thief. What a wonderfully written book. I did cry a lot. Now I’ve started the Outlander series. Have you read that? Or seen it? The TV series is great-the main guy is hot which always helps and i think they did a good job of adapting the book to screen.
      Seen any good films lately? I haven’t. Ooh I got tickets to see Queen next year. I am actually in love with Freddie so obviously disappointed he won’t be there, Apparently there is only one original member- slightly disappointed when I heard that too. He is one of the worlds meanest guitarists, I’d probably go just to see him anyway. Could be hard on the not wanting to get wasted part, because it’s in my hometown and I’ll want to fantasize that Freddie is there. Oh well cross that bridge next year lol. What’s your plan for the weekend Lou?

      • @Ro, go see Women At War.

      • So good to hear from you @Ro oh I loved the book thief and they did a fairly good job with the movie. I also loved the God of small things also just a heart warming story and so beautifully written. I also use to love anything written by Louise Erdrich. I don’t have the head space to read at the moment hopefully will again one of these days I haven’t actually finished a book since John’s accident but I do listen to books on audible and I love that it’s really worth trying if you haven’t already. I just finished the hearts invisible furies wow an amazing story and so beautifully read by a beautiful Irish accent. I am busy listening to another Irish story also so beautifully read called the milkman. I like Irish stories even though pretty dark I have some Irish ancestry maybe that’s why ?
        Let me know if your son does come I would be happy to help wherever I can I am sure he would be coming to cape town – he will love it- it’s a beautiful city
        My boy finished school this year and off to England next year I will miss him so much. He has been such a support to me since the accident he is a lovely boy but i am so happy for him to be going and I want him to go and feel free and not held down but what happened in our lives. Luckily I guess with him being a teenager and focusing on his life it hasn’t impacted him to much.
        Well it’s a cold rainy day here and off to fire a kiln a d two girls are begging me to make fudge so let me make fudge and fire a kiln 😉
        Lots of love to you

  • Ellislou posted a new activity comment 4 months, 1 week ago

    @TipsyToeGal I came on here today especially to see how you are. Such a relief he showed his true colors and you can hopefully put this all behind you now. Sending lots of love your way x x

  • Ellislou posted a new activity comment 4 months, 1 week ago

    Aaaah @Mari135 your post is full of the Joys of spring and sobriety x x so lovely

  • Ellislou posted a new activity comment 4 months, 1 week ago

    Thank you @Morgan that’s just what I needed to read today. Lots of live to you 💜

  • Thought this may be a good reminder to anyone who is fantasizing about how nice a drink would be or who is thinking maybe they can now moderate
    after more than two years of sobriety I acted out on those drinking thoughts i went out and bought organic wine and waited for the sun set sat alone on my deck and anticipated the pure joy – well first shock was it actually tasted disgusting but i didn’t let that put me off and then that fuzzy feeling came after the first glass but it didn’t last so off course I had to have a second glass and then I realized I felt agitated and off balance and my kids were really annoying me which I hadn’t felt in that same way since I had stopped drinking. I felt so agitated that I decided to throw the rest of the expensive bottle away. I tried having a bath to get my equilibrium back but basically the night was ruined. I slept badly felt so cross with myself and went to bed deciding what a stupid decision that was.
    But guess what ?!?! The next day it was like a switch had been turned on and all I could think about was drinking and “the rules” I kept changing them in my mind so that night I decided I would only drink cider – a bit better than wine but instead of one bottle I had two and yup you guessed it the next night i had four bottles and as @Juliana says the rules don’t work no matter how much we convince ourselves this time they will. And as @Liberty says you will be thinking about it all the time – the should I shouldn’t I uuigh that’s no way to live the daily five o clock debate that makes us feel so crazy we end up going to buy wine even though we promised ourselves we wouldn’t and the warm fuzzy feeling we are after only lasts ten minutes and then its replaced by pure horrible anxiety induced wanting more and let’s not even go down the 3am waking up in cold hard anxiety induced insomnia and the lying there promising yourself tomorrow will be different.
    My relapse only lasted a week and then it was so hard to get my sob…[Read more]

    • So glad for you that you have another 6 months under your belt. Your post was indeed a reminder and reality check to keep me on track at this early stage – it’s not going to be worth it, too tricky and I can’t moderate so no point pretending. Thanks heaps for sharing. x

    • So great to share that ellislou!

      I remember when I lapsed for a few weeks on 2017, the big shock for me was how disgusting I felt physically immediately after the first half glass of wine. I felt like I had been poisoned! I felt a little nauseous and a wierd, heavy feeling in my chest. Bear in mind, this was after less than one glass! Like you I didn’t let it stop me (like a fool) and I would persist with glass two, three, four … until the psychoactive effect overtook the physical poisoning effect and I could forget about it!

      Crazy days man. I’m holding on to my alcohol free choice good and hard these days, I tell you whut!

      Much love xxx

    • Thanks for your post, so honest and true.

    • This is really great, we always assume that if we do drink it will be amaaaazin! Often not the case, far from it. The times i gave in, i never once woke up and thought, yep that was worth it! Not one time.

    • Awesome post and so very true! The bad arse moderation rabbit hole that never works and is a buggar to climb back out of. Eight and a half months af! And af forever suits me fine! ❤️

      • My rabbit drinks whiskey for breakfast @winner. Clever little bitch she is… 🙂 @ellislou it’s funny how that never changes. If I have one drink, I’m off to the races. It may take a week or a month but I will not stop until I’ve made myself toxic and ill. Certainly not worth entertaining, not anymore at least. The truth is in the proof.

    • So glad you shared this 🙂 the more who see it the better. We gain from your trials – thank you xxxx

    • Thanks for sharing! This sums up perfectly why I don’t ever want to go back to drinking. It simply isn’t worth it. Thanks for the reminder. Hope you have a lovely day.

    • So true, so hard to get back and it’s scary how the rules just show up in our minds. Glad you got it back it’s definitely not easy. 🙂

  • Ellislou posted a new activity comment 4 months, 1 week ago

    @Ro you are most definately a big fucking winner 😊

  • Ellislou posted a new activity comment 4 months, 1 week ago

    Beautiful song @songbird I have been thinking of you we listen to music all day in the pottery and I often think oh I must share that with songbird 💜 this is one I thought of the other day – the song I have dedicated to John since his accident


    One day if you have a chance won’t you send me your favourite groups so I can add it to my play list as it can get repetitive when you listen to it all day
    Lots of.love to you x x

  • Ellislou posted a new activity comment 4 months, 1 week ago

    Welcome @Kiah this is a good place to be

  • Ellislou posted a new activity comment 4 months, 1 week ago

    That is so lovely @dreamer88 and how lovely to honour your grandmother in that way we to be creating new memories with your mother – the gifts of sobriety are huge

  • Ellislou posted a new activity comment 4 months, 1 week ago

    A great number and huge achievement – hooray !!!!

  • Ellislou posted a new activity comment 4 months, 1 week ago

    @Lars I was where you are last year and I so struggled to get my momentum back again even though I absolutely did not want to drink again. What worked for me was to finally just set a day and I just stuck to it it was non negotiable again and it was hard but it’s just about making stopping your absolute priority again and the peace came back much quicker than the first time i stopped. It’s as if that sobriety muscle had been formed already so easier to activate it again x x

  • Ellislou posted a new activity comment 4 months, 1 week ago

    @R51 after two years of sobriety I acted out on those drinking thoughts i went out and bought organic wine and waited for the sun set sat alone on my deck and anticipated the pure joy – well first shock was it actually tasted disgusting but i didn’t let that put me off and then that fuzzy feeling came after the first glass but it didn’t last so off course I had to have a second glass and then I realized I felt agitated and off balance and my kids were really annoying me which I hadn’t felt in that same way since I had stopped drinking. I felt so agitated that I decided to throw the rest of the expensive bottle away. I tried having a bath to get my equilibrium back but basically the night was ruined. I slept badly felt so cross with myself and went to bed deciding what a stupid decision that was.
    But guess what ?!?! The next day it was like a switch had been turned on and all I could think about was drinking and “the rules” I kept changing them in my mind so that night I decided I would only drink cider – a bit better than wine but instead of one bottle I had two and yup you guessed it the next night i had four bottles and as @Juliana says the rules don’t work no matter how much we convince ourselves this time they will. And as @Liberty says you will be thinking about it all the time – the should I shouldn’t I uuigh that’s no way to live the daily five o clock debate that makes us feel so crazy we end up going to buy wine even though we promised ourselves we wouldn’t and the warm fuzzy feeling we are after only lasts ten minutes and then its replaced by pure horrible anxiety induced wanting more and let’s not even go down the 3am waking up in cold hard anxiety induced insomnia and the lying there promising yourself tomorrow will be different.
    My relapse only lasted a week and then it was so hard to get my sobriety mojo back again I went back to drinking for another week and now been sober six months or so again but it was hard to get back to a peaceful state…[Read more]

    • I am very grateful for these warnings, thank you so much for spelling it out. That, and the necessary reminders of the increased cancer risks – thanks @rise2015 and @gage, with my genes, not a drop should ever have crossed my lips! For a while a scary, in depth article on breast cancer caused by drinking really kept me very moderate. But there came a time when I stopped reading it; couldn’t face the harsh reality. Arrghhhh – intelligence can so fail us 🙁 🙁 🙁

    • Thanks, @Ellislou. Whenever I have those thoughts, I’m going to read your vivid warning again.

    • Yes, @ellislou, thanks for your words. they are so vivid and most of us here know exactly what you are saying, but i for one could not have said it as well as you did. thank you again for sharing.

  • Ellislou posted a new activity comment 4 months, 1 week ago

    Thank you @Juliana yes its tiring constantly having to feel so vigilant

  • Ellislou posted a new activity comment 4 months, 1 week ago

    Thanks @freedom1025 yes the same tools are a good idea uuugh sometimes I just want to not have to feel so on guard around everything

  • Ellislou posted a new activity comment 4 months, 1 week ago

    Sound delicious @Morgan and thank you for sharing such a beautiful prayer

  • Ellislou posted a new activity comment 4 months, 1 week ago

    Hi @angiex I haven’t actually read that yet I would like to

  • Ellislou posted a new activity comment 4 months, 1 week ago

    Yup @Ro it’s kind of all about our mind set and ingrained patterns. When I use to smoke my eating issues went away and my drinking also escalated when I stopped smoking so it’s just a pattern repeating itself. And like with stopping drinking it’s doing the work to change those patterns

  • Ellislou posted a new activity comment 4 months, 1 week ago

    Thanks @Lars it’s been a lifelong struggle but has times of feeling manageable and times where it’s not like right now. I also know it may be a way for my mind to be clutching at anything to distract and to numb so even just the process of obsessing about something seems to be a place my mind wants to go to and so it makes sense that it the unstable ground my life has been these last two years it would come up again. So I know what the work is that needs to be done to find peace within the ever changing currents of our lives but with so very much on my plate that is proving hard as my days are very much go go go

  • Ellislou posted a new activity comment 4 months, 1 week ago

    Ha ha hardscrabble yup that’s just how it feels @Robynb perfect word

  • Hello I sometimes wonder if it’s appropriate to come on here with new struggles which appear when stopped drinking for a long time such as my issues with sugar. Then I thought actually maybe for the newbies it’s good to see that the day comes when alcohol no longer plays a role in your life. I still get the odd thought about having a drink but they are not that intrusive anymore.
    But now sugar and using food to numb and comfort is my new issue. I have patches where that feels under control and patches like now where it isn’t and the prtern of how it makes me feel is so similar to when I drank.
    I am going to commit here that for 21 days I will have three substantial meals a day I don’t limit food at these meals and I am allowed one treat a day which is preferably in the afternoon as night time eating is my problem.
    I am feeling like I need to break the pattern and in the same way as when I stopped drinking it is about changing patterns and finding new ways to comfort I stead of eating.
    I am feeling very overwhelmed at the moment and this is why this has raised its head again. But it feels like if I can sort the eating out first then I can find ways to try to manage the overwhelm and the intense grief I feel since “losing” my John even though he is still here.

    • Share away, I’m doing same thing. Hardscrabble I’m tired and grumpy.

    • You’re right about changing patterns, and you know how to do it. One thing at a time. I like the rule of no food for 3 hours before sleep. I’m not always great at it, but it’s a goal. Focus on eating well, be kind to yourself. I hope you feel less overwhelmed soon, that can be tough. But as you say, maybe focusing on the eating will breathe relief in other areas. I know that I feel bad (right now actually) when I don’t eat well. And you know we’re always here to chat about whatever, so don’t shy away! xo

      • Thanks @Lars it’s been a lifelong struggle but has times of feeling manageable and times where it’s not like right now. I also know it may be a way for my mind to be clutching at anything to distract and to numb so even just the process of obsessing about something seems to be a place my mind wants to go to and so it makes sense that it the unstable ground my life has been these last two years it would come up again. So I know what the work is that needs to be done to find peace within the ever changing currents of our lives but with so very much on my plate that is proving hard as my days are very much go go go

    • Im sorry you’re feeling overwhelmed 🙁 share away though by all means. It’s all about addiction as far as I’m concerned 🙂

      • Yup @Ro it’s kind of all about our mind set and ingrained patterns. When I use to smoke my eating issues went away and my drinking also escalated when I stopped smoking so it’s just a pattern repeating itself. And like with stopping drinking it’s doing the work to change those patterns

    • @ellislou Hi, I agree with said comments, share away ! Have you read ‘Mrs D is Going Within’ ?

    • I was just thinking of you and wondered whether to tag you in the Leunig’s prayer post. Read above, it may resonate XXXX Addiction is addiction! I see exactly the same patterns with sugar and carbs, feeling the mad craving probably stronger than I ever had for wine. Now the cold is coming it is way harder. Planning and eating well is the only possible thing to do.
      Hey, i made some seed crackers tonight – that could be a treat thing if you love savoury. So healthy, but so so delicious – cacoa butter, butter, coconut oil and some lovely orange chilli olive oil to bind together beautifully toasted and spiced seeds and nuts, some ground, some whole. Wow, and so easy to do.

    • Glad you shared @ellislou. Addiction transference is real and I think we can all benefit from the discussion. Sugar is a coping skill I rely on all too often now that I don’t turn to booze. Same pattern same thoughts. I try to use the same tools I used to get alcohol out of my life … playing it forward, mindfulness, exercise, distraction, support. You’re not alone!

    • I struggle with food too @ellislou. I don’t have any advice, but just wanted to let you know you have company in this issue. I’ve learned to be careful about making many plans about it, but do the best I can every day, even though that might be different every day. It’s hard for me to have a dinner out, for instance, so I have to allow myself more indulgences on those days, because losing control of what’s on my plate is stressful for me. It’s a burden, isn’t it? As always, I really admire how you keep going in a positive way after John’s accident.

  • Ellislou posted a new activity comment 4 months, 2 weeks ago

    What a huge achievement @enzedgirl hope you have another blessed 1111 days ahead

  • Ellislou posted a new activity comment 4 months, 2 weeks ago

    Welcome @yogaslut this is a good place to be

  • Ellislou posted a new activity comment 4 months, 2 weeks ago

    Yes @robynb we don’t drink or smoke and we won’t. Hang in there with work and focus on taking care of yourself within the turmoil of other people’s “stuff” maybe you could visualize an imaginary wall around you which doesn’t allow your supervisors stuff to enter

    • I like it. I would do better if I had been meditating, or I wasn’t so damned tired. I may not want to continue much longer, but I will practice self care, and then decide. Thank you @Ellislou.

  • Ellislou posted a new activity comment 4 months, 2 weeks ago

    Oooh my go to smoothie at the moment is so delicious even my kids
    Say it’s like a chocolate milkshake and they often frown at moms health food.its frozen banana, ice, tsp coffee, lots of organic cocoa, maca powder and almond butter. I have it as my afternoon pick me up

  • Ellislou posted a new activity comment 4 months, 2 weeks ago

    @Daisy such great insights for day two – well done
    The thing that helped me the most was for the first month or so I decided that my sobriety would take absolute priority in my life. I would wake up every morning and think the only thing I have to do today is not drink and if that meant eating lots of chocolate I did that if it meant neglecting my husband and kids to the bubble hour (a great sobriety poscast) in the bath I did that. If it meant buying every sober story on my kindle I did that- and it worked! In time I could ease off those thi GSM and start living my full life again and without alcohol so the absolute focus on just not drinking was so worth it. And being in this group and posting is the best help ever x x

    • @Ellislou thank you and you are right. this is my priority and I am excited about getting sober- so tired of feeling down and out. I love the Bubble Hour too. Also try Unruffled podcast-they are cute.

  • Ellislou posted a new activity comment 4 months, 2 weeks ago

    @Mari135 wow so many beautiful insights.
    I didn’t know about imposter syndrome I have had that all my adult life I just didn’t know what it was! I often think of myself as still being like a young girl instead of a woman I even sometimes subconsciously expect people to be surprised I have an 18 year old child as i am just a child myself even though i a close to 50.
    This has changed somewhat since johns accident as i now fulfill all the roles in the house – mom,dad, caretaker and run the pottery and this has forced a stronger almost warrior like woman and it’s all just do do do. Funnily I was thinking the other day I use to sometimes get nervous at night if alone as we do have crime in our area and I was also very scared of the baboons as they often pay us visits but now I feel this absolute resilience like I would say to an imposter – if you knew what I have been through in the last two years then you shouldn’t mess with me as I can take anything on !! Ha ha it’s a huge change for me.
    Mari I hear such a strength and contentment in your words and wow you have walked the hard path to get there and I am so very very proud of you and honored to be your friend.
    And yes i know that feeling when the anxiety starts to uncool at the pit of your.stomach and you’re able to just be aware of it and no terrified by it and just observe and allow it to.take it course
    X x x

  • Ellislou posted a new activity comment 4 months, 2 weeks ago

    Oh @TipsyToeGal sorry for all you have been through and hope after appearing in court you can have some closure x x lots of love to you. Hope you don’t mind me saying but maybe don’t rush into any big moves while you’re feeling so vulnerable would it maybe be possible to rent the little place for a year to see how it feels? But I trust your heart knows what to do it is just a thought x x

  • Ellislou posted a new activity comment 4 months, 2 weeks ago

    Such a great post @DaveS you sou d in a good place and well done kn day 10 and so glad you have met a lovy kind lady

    • Thank you @ellislou. I firmly believe the right people come into our lives at the right time, when we are ready for them. And the right people in our lives stay in our lives that were there before. It’s scary to let go of the comfort zone. Scarier letting go of what we perceive to be our most trusted friend, alcohol, when in reality it’s our worst enemy. Quitting drinking is a lot like breaking up with a very trusted companion and friend. Always consistent and falsely pretending to make to feel good yet completely dysfunctional and leaving you feeling depressed and miserable after they leave. Co-dependence at its very worst.

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