• elais posted a new activity comment 3 days, 6 hours ago

    Congratulations!

  • elais posted an update 3 days, 6 hours ago

    Day 12 and proud of what I have achieved but I notice my willpower is not as strong 😏 I find myself negotiating in my head whether or not I could treat myself to a wine and just cut down, but deep down I know I haven’t been successful with that long term before. I’m really curious to hear from someone out there that might be able to assure me. I’ve mentioned before I used to be a smoker. I struggled every day giving it up but I can now say, hand on heart I feel so much better now that I don’t smoke. Am I going to reach that point with alcohol?

    • In answer to your question! Yes you will reach that point! But at the moment your brain and body aren’t thinking straight, I read an article once that said it took about 6months to fully feel the affects of being alcohol free, you have to give yourself a bit more time. You have to think that actually that “reward” of alcohol will function more like a punishment. Try to fight that inclination, give yourself another reward instead! Anything! Really go to town, eat sugary treats (it helps) spoil yourself with a lovely meal, or have a spa day, you need to add something to help with absence of alcohol that your brain is feeling. I really started to feel the glow of being alcohol free at about 30 days but everyone is different! You’ll get there I promise you just need to stay the course!

    • @elais, yes, yes, yes, there will be that point!!! And it won’t remain a point, it will become a period becoming longer and longer, it will last for month, years!!! I also quit smoking before I quit drinking and althoug that are different addictions on thing is similar: it takes some time for de-programming the path in your brain and this is a time with some doubts and weaknesses here and there but hold on! The new path becomes more and more solid, time is working for you just like it was when you quit smoking. I’m 8 month sober now and it became really easy in 99% of time! Go on 🙂

    • Treat yourself you say
      In my experience the only treats come in the form of all the bad miserable stuff. The reason I stopped in the first place.
      I’m at day 93 now and in the past I’ve tried to moderate and again speaking for me it didn’t work. I think if you really read your own question you have the answer in the words you used following ” deep down”.
      Don’t give in. Just not for today
      X

    • You’re up & going again, @elaise.☺(I can’t really recall anyone here mention they were able to moderate any considerable length of time. Matter of fact, their drinking often becomes worse than ever) Big BACKFIRE – yuck

    • Yes, one million times yes!!! It will become a joy to be sober!

    • Hi @Narley I know I have believed I can moderate and have failed miserably each time I tried, never going to listen to that voice again.

    • I believe hand on heart you will reach that point <3

  • elais posted an update 5 days, 5 hours ago

    Double digits today …. day 10. I felt some doubt creeping in today (whether or not I want to keep fighting this). Time for bed and a read of my book 😞

    • @elais – unfortunately those feelings of doubt come in ebbs and flows, sometimes when you least expect it. It’s in the good times that we make plans for those crappy moments arrive. Bed and a book sounds like a great plan. Tomorrow is a new day, and you will be hangover free x

    • Hi Elais, I struggled early on too and found two things that helped me through it. I changed my routine – rather than come home from work, sit on the couch and pour a drink, I came home from work and went for a walk. Also, I marked every day off on a wall planner – before I knew it a week had passed, a month had passed, 6 months had passed, and as of today 1 year has passed. Keep fighting and stay strong, all the best

    • That question will continue to pop up. Keep saying yes. YES you do want to fight it. You don’t want to start over, and the fight will get easier as you gain coping skills and cravings diminish. Hang in there, I felt the exact same way.

  • elais posted a new activity comment 6 days, 8 hours ago

    Sounds amazing!

  • elais posted a new activity comment 6 days, 11 hours ago

    Thank you for your replies. Yes, @suzkep, I’m really serious about it ….. I hate the thought of cheating on myself. Sounds like it will be ok and I’ll be able to live with my conscience though …. does feel cheaty though 😏

  • elais posted an update 6 days, 11 hours ago

    Can anybody answer this for me …. does alcohol in cooking count as cheating? My husband is making a casserole and has put alcohol in it and I don’t want to have it 😞

    • The alcohol content evaporates when cooked – but hey don’t have it if you don’t feel good about it – I’m sure you have something else in the cupboard and your hubby will know for next time. Turns out you are serious about this thing 😀

    • @elais No, the heating process will kill the alcohol.

    • Thank you for your replies. Yes, @suzkep, I’m really serious about it ….. I hate the thought of cheating on myself. Sounds like it will be ok and I’ll be able to live with my conscience though …. does feel cheaty though 😏

    • Yep, I think the heat cooks off the alcohol but… You’re the boss, if the flavor triggers something or you don’t feel right, don’t do it.

    • No, it cooks out but if you make stuff that has a real taste often say like beer cheese for dip (German recipe) it can trigger someone (say like myself) to want some beer. LOL! 🙂 I think the biggest issue for some new to sobriety is essentially having it in the house. I don’t keep alcohol in the house – but that’s my choice. I can totally be around it and I don’t avoid it – my family who do not have problems drink around me. It’s just something I choose for myself.

    • Alcohol in food is fine for me it doesn’t trigger me so I don’t worry about it

    • Funny you posted this today.. My husband asked for risotto for dinner tonight, and the one I usually cook has white wine in it (I agree with the others – the alcohol does burn off in the cooking process) and seeing as I am on Day 9 I really didn’t want to cook my usual one. Probably because I used to put a dash in the risotto, and polish off the rest of the bottle myself! So I Googled a new recipe for a tomato based, baked one instead and it was really good. I didn’t even mind my husband having a few beers (he often has the 00 ones) while I was cooking, and we were all eating. I was happy as Larry in my Day 9 bliss of not wanting it, not needing it.. and now that I am tucked up in bed with a cuppa, about to watch Netflix I’m glad there was no temptation for me tonight1

  • elais posted a new activity comment 1 week ago

    Time. I’m not an expert. I’m only into day 8, but each day my conscious decision has been easier. I’m hopeful it will be like when I changed my lifestyle from being a smoker. When I first did that, every day seemed impossible. I have the benefit of hindsight with that lifestyle change. First I broke the habit then I broke the addiction. 15 years on I can’t imagine ever having a cigarette. The thought makes me feel awful. Not because I’m an anti smoker but because I am free. I’m working through this lifestyle change with all of that in mind. Hindsight gives me strength and courage. I hope that gives you hope too. Congratulations on your sober journey. Be kind to yourself (that’s advice I was given here a week ago when I joined and it is true) x

  • elais posted an update 1 week ago

    I’ve made it! One week! And what a bag of emotions to go with it. Ultimately though, I feel proud. I really thought it was in the impossible category and here I am one week under my belt. I’ve been suffering a few mild headaches this week (not enough to warrant taking anything for it but just enough to know it’s there) and today I’ve woken after 13hours sleep (yes 13 hours of solid sleep!) with a gruff throat (not sore but affecting my speech) and headache. Enough to make me pleased it’s Saturday and I don’t have to go to work …. is this normal? Is it withdrawal and my body getting rid of toxins?
    Another thing on my mind was I thought last night (Friday night) was going to be my biggest challenge of the week. Normally I would meet a friend after work and we would catch up on each other’s week over a glass of wine …. we’ve been doing this for almost 6 years and regular as clockwork. She’s a very good friend however and I was able to tell her (in a text) about my lifestyle change and she suggested a coffee and mooch around the shops instead. It went very well! Needless to say I didn’t come home and do my housework so I have that up my sleeve to busy and distract myself today. However, when I got home with my assortment of herbal teas and lemon lime and bitters 4 pack, my husband asked me if I wanted a wine (!!??) I knew I needed to start this journey and have been attempting it and planning it for years but last weekend after an argument between us over my drinking was the turning point so was annoyed when he suggested it. When I said no thank you I’ll have a lemon lime and bitters instead, he said he thought maybe I could have a wine on a Friday as a treat. I just replied with “ but then I have to quit all over again” and we stuck to herbal tea for the night ( after my one lemon lime and bitters treat). I’ve told him I don’t mind if he has a beer but need to talk more about it with him, I think. He clearly thinks I make a conscious decision to…[Read more]

    • Congrats!

    • So much yes to your post! Yes to the headaches and tiredness and even getting unwell. Yes to the husband offering a wine (he just wants you to be happy and clearly doesn’t understand)!
      Good for you with your Friday night routine change, good to stay connected to good friends! I reckon your doing amazing!
      Keep the self care up (the tiredness is here to stay for a few weeks).
      Well done!

    • Great job there! My husband doesn’t get how big a challenge this is either. His attitude is it was something that needed to happen so deal with it. He doesn’t understand the raw compulsion at all, that in many ways it was not a choice on my part. You will still be tired and out of sorts for a while, allow yourself each day ro see it as an accomplishment, if he offers no praise, praise yourself, find a friend you can high five daily. This is hard work and we’re doing it on top of everything else going on in our lives, it’s a second job in some ways.

    • Great job you are on a super track especially with the communication.

  • elais posted a new activity comment 1 week, 2 days ago

    Sending thoughts and prayers to you @wakingowl.

  • elais posted a new activity comment 1 week, 2 days ago

    Well done! You have great friends around you 😊

  • elais posted a new activity comment 1 week, 2 days ago

    Welcome and @Gojo is right. It’s very supportive here 😊

  • elais posted a new activity comment 1 week, 2 days ago

    I like your thinking! Congratulations on day 3 😊

  • elais posted a new activity comment 1 week, 2 days ago

    Thank you all for your words of encouragement! This site and its members are a tremendous support 😊 Here we go, day 6!

  • elais posted an update 1 week, 3 days ago

    Day 5 today. No gym today but treated myself to a facial. Interesting the changes that I’m noticing in and about my body after just 5 days alcohol free …. I have had some mild headaches but I’m sleeping much better. I’m waking at about 5am though needing to go to the loo (perhaps that’s a sign I’m not as dehydrated). Another weird observation … I wear glasses for reading and would regularly take them off to try and avoid indentations across the bridge of my nose. Today I noticed my glasses weren’t leaving such noticeable marks …. the simple pleasures in life 😊😊😊 I’m mentally preparing myself now for the weekend. I know I can do this but I think preparation will be key for a smoother ride …. I’m thinking Friday evening will be a good time to tackle the housework. I hope everyone else is having a good week.

    • Preparing is key, sounds like you are doing well 👍

    • Good plan on being prepared….It really does make for a smoother ride!!! Great work on day 5!!

    • Yes, have a plan for your trigger times – it makes such a differences. Lots of AF beverages in the house, something to fill your down time. I listened to a lot of podcasts and read recovery books. I’m currently reading The Unexpected Joy of Being Sober which I really like. You CAN do this.

    • Congrats on day 5 @elias! Be sure to work in a sober treat for the weekend too 🙂 Getting housework done feels great and keeps you busy for sure, but then when the housework is done be sure to have some snacks and chilled bubbly water in the wings waiting for you xo

    • Thank you all for your words of encouragement! This site and its members are a tremendous support 😊 Here we go, day 6!

  • elais posted a new activity comment 1 week, 5 days ago

    Well done, 40 days! I’m on day three and feeling proud so go you!

  • elais posted an update 1 week, 5 days ago

    Almost got day 3 under my belt. Missing my glass(es) of wine but not battling with myself. Worked all day and it was quite busy. At the end of my work day because I’ve already had 2 dry nights, I didn’t see having a decision to make as an option. I went to the gym instead and burnt some energy and calories on the bike for an hour 😊 I’m now home, dinner is almost ready (thank you hubby) and my cup of lemon and ginger tea is both warming and satisfying. It will be an early night however with a spot of reading in bed. I’m feeling empowered today. Long may it last!

  • elais posted a new activity comment 1 week, 6 days ago

    Thank you everyone. The witching hour eh? You’ve pulled me back on track …. I’ve started a list (thank you Robynb), managed to get myself to the lounge (thank you ro), realised that maybe this isn’t as daunting as it sometimes seems (thank you scared) and recognised that my drivers are key (thank you k1w1) …. I’ve got this!

  • elais posted an update 1 week, 6 days ago

    I’m not even through day 2 and feel like I’m making excuses for myself in between my reality checks. I used to smoke and thought I’d never be free of that, but I am (coming up 15 years in November). I was hoping becoming alcohol free would be the same, but not feeling like that’s the case 😔

    • What are you doing, as far as tools?.Reading the Naked Mind, anything else? Have you written a list of reasons to be sober? Embarrassing/dangerous drunk things you regret?

    • Have a long shower and go to bed

    • Hang in there! You’ve quit smoking so you can quit booze, the evidence is there! Use the 3 Ds–distract, delay and drink water. You’ve got this!

    • What was your driver for giving up smoking? What’s your driver for giving up drinking? Also early days be kind to yourself rest and nutrition plus water

      • Thank you everyone. The witching hour eh? You’ve pulled me back on track …. I’ve started a list (thank you Robynb), managed to get myself to the lounge (thank you ro), realised that maybe this isn’t as daunting as it sometimes seems (thank you scared) and recognised that my drivers are key (thank you k1w1) …. I’ve got this!

    • Keep going, the first week is the hardest and remember alcohol is the only drug you have to explain why you are not taking. Be kind to yourself it’s bloody hard giving up the booze it’s totally addictive and socially acceptable. Invest in some books like “mummy was a secret drinker” or the “unexpected joys of being sober” they do help you change your thoughts of drinking
      You can do this @elais

  • elais posted a new activity comment 1 week, 6 days ago

    Thanks. I’ll check those out. 😊

  • elais posted a new activity comment 1 week, 6 days ago

    Thank you, Sansa.

  • elais posted a new activity comment 1 week, 6 days ago

    Thank you

    • Yes! Glad you are here…you are going to feel so much better! 🙂 I have meditated but only use the apps for meditational sounds. If you come across a good one let me know!

  • elais posted a new activity comment 1 week, 6 days ago

    Welcome!

  • elais posted an update 1 week, 6 days ago

    Day 2: I’m just trying to make a plan for myself. So far I’ve slept, cried, started reading This Naked Mind, but haven’t left my bed except to shower and make the odd cup of tea. I was wondering about a mindfulness app. Does anybody else use one or have a recommendation for one? I’ve also found a mindfulness course I could do but want something in the meantime …. any help would be appreciated.

    • Great job for making this decision you won’t regret it. I think anything that helps you relax – self care is so important right now. I treated myself as if I was healing from a serious illness (which was actually true). Lots of hot bathes with Epsom salt, eating healthy but also being okay with a bit of sugar, lots of movies, writing a gratitude list (because we can always lose more due to alcohol use if you drank like I did). Any time I would get upset I’d go back to gratitude. Sometimes you have to remember your bottom (whatever that may be it’s different for everyone) so that you can remind yourself that you never want to go back to that again. Lots of reading and check youtube for sobriety videos – anything that will keep you motivated. Stay plugged in here. Remember you’d be tired for a few weeks while detoxing so take it easy on yourself. I was actually tired a bit more for the first 60 days but it definitely gets better! So glad you are here!

    • Deepak Chopra has guided meditations and also if you have the amazon echo I believe it also has free guided meditations. We are all in this together! Keep the faith!

    • Insight Timer is a good app. Not entirely Mindfulness but a range of stuff, some paid, some free.
      Tara Brach is also good – just go to her website. Might take a while to slow down to her pace though 🙂

  • elais posted a new activity comment 1 week, 6 days ago

    Thank you to you all for your kind words and encouragement. I do need a plan …. I’ll try working on that one today. I hope one day I can be doing what you are all doing …. helping and supporting others

  • elais posted a new activity comment 1 week, 6 days ago

    Kind words and non judgmental or condescending … that’s just what I needed. Thank you.

  • elais posted an update 1 week, 6 days ago

    I got through my first night alcohol free last night. I didn’t think I could do it but joining livingsober yesterday gave me the courage to try. I cried and cried yesterday feeling sorry for myself and the situation I have found myself in. I feel stronger today. Thank you livingsober.

    • Yay! Day 2! Good on you. You need to think about how you are best able to look after yourself kindly for the next couple of weeks-be a few tears matey, but that’s all good. I generally do it in the shower lol. It won’t take long to start feeling better- you are doing a wonderful thing for yourself, so be proud and brave!

      • Kind words and non judgmental or condescending … that’s just what I needed. Thank you.

    • There you go!! Well done you!

    • Huge congrats to you elais. That’s possibly the hardest one you’ll do. Isn’t it great to notice that you feel stronger today? Every time we resist the booze and WIN we grow a little stronger. Sober muscles!

    • Your body is going to thank you for it..well done ✅

    • Welcome here and good for you on making it through your first night, do you have a plan for the next few days?Thinking ahead a bit can really help. Keeping non alcoholic drinks on hand, a treat or two, and something to keep you busy when the usual drinking hour rolls around can go a long way.

      • Thank you to you all for your kind words and encouragement. I do need a plan …. I’ll try working on that one today. I hope one day I can be doing what you are all doing …. helping and supporting others

  • elais posted a new activity comment 2 weeks ago

    Thank you

  • elais posted a new activity comment 2 weeks ago

    Thank you

  • elais became a registered member 2 weeks ago