I drank to excess from my first drink, it was the norm to get wasted till you were sick when my mates and I started and for years I didn't even consider it could be an issue.
Fast forward to 2012 and my first child being born I had called in sick so many times and lost so many jobs, borrowed money and stole from people close to me. I was out of control with my drinking and drug taking but I never wanted to acknowledge the correlation between my failings and my consumption. As my children arrived I mostly left behind drugs other than pot but I smoked A LOT of it and drank every night, I couldn't stop so I hit rock bottom and got help 22.11.17 everything got better really quickly and I loved it. It lasted almost 4 months before my disease convinced me I could be like the normal ones and control it.......I couldn't.
So 18.6.18 is my new rebirth date and I'm taking it daily, carefully and intelligently. I want this to be the one that sticks for my family, my friends and for me
I'm so happy I found this site it has been a massive part of me returning to recovery
I want to be the best I can be, make a difference in this world but mostly I want to be a better father to my beautiful kids and be present in their lives not just "around" being sick and grumpy every morning and straight out the back with my evil drinks every night doing anything I can to be alone in my oblivion.One day at a time
hey guys I’m back, I’m falling apart, I know what I need to do but refuse to do it I feel like I’m falling and just testing how low I can get to the ground before I pull the parachute cord and my children are watching and screaming at me to pull it now! I’m feeling very sorry for myself but also realise I’m being weak and selfish and a bad father and just a bad human I need support and this is the place it all started for me two years ago, I feel safe here! I miss light and joy and energy and time well spent I’m tired of using all my energy to pretend I’m ok I’m ready for real, lasting change but can’t do it alone I hope you are all well and fighting hard peace and love
Hi @dylan-john, you made an awesome move to come back, thats actually really really brave while you are feeling all those feelings. You can totally do this, especially with these wonderful supportive people. And as you know – all of us “get it” and none of us judge, we all know how bloody hard this it. IT IS BLOODY HARD!!! Geez that could be me writing those things. I’ve been drunk numerous times right in front of my kids, and my 5 year old would pour me glasses of wine one after the other . WTF – right. But I’ve never been more honest with myself and my situation than over the last few days. So many stories, so many journeys, so I tautoko (support) you brother, you can so do this. Keep posting
Glad you checked back in @dylan-john. I scrolled through your posts and it looks like you were doing well a year ago. You were checking in often. Why not make yourself accountable to everyone here and commit to check in daily? Everyone here supports you and understands. I think staying connected with this community would be a big help. You can do this. I will not drink with you today!
Cut the cord! Get off of the entire ride. Get rid of your stash, if you have one and start now @dylan-john. This parachute metaphor is understandable but is allowing room for more destruction. It’s the booze talking. You can take full control of your actions (choice) and stop. Keep posting!
I’m up and getting ready for the day. 6.17am here. feel average but focussing on it being the last time I feel this and just wanna get through the day, hour by hour if need be. thanks for your msg and how r u