The first time I threw up from drinking was from numerous fluffy ducks when I was 14.
The last time was all over myself in an Uber home after a friends 50th. I was only supposed to have a couple of drinks because I’d been unwell, but once the tap is turned on, I have no way of knowing what kind of night I’m going to have.
Or how much of it I’ll remember.
That was almost a year ago, and it took me another 8 months before I decided to quit for good.
I am finally able to admit that I don’t control my drinking and that it’s become so bad that stopping doesn’t worry me. It’s a huge relief.
I’m here to find my tribe, because I literally can’t think of a single person I know that doesn’t drink.
The tide of change is coming though. I think we are the early adapters of a cultural shift.
Day 122. Just been for a 5k run, a film festival movie (PJ Harvey doco) and now teaching #1 son how to roast a chicken with vegetables. Life is good. I’m actually looking forward to the working week starting. Mondays used to be the absolute bane of my existence when I was drinking. I wasn’t a Sunday night drinker, but the remanent of Friday night and Saturday meant that I was always sluggish and unmotivated on Mondays. I just wanted the day to be done. We have one life. I don’t want to rush through day after day, just living for the weekend. I am fortunate enough to have an interesting job that I actually enjoy. I don’t take that for granted. I know I am lucky, but I work long hours and I work hard. Being AF helps me deal with stressful situations much better than I used to (I may be AF, but I ain’t perfect, shit is still hard but that’s ok) and negotiate people/things about my job that I don’t like. Would I like to win lotto and never work again? Yes. Well, I’d probably get bored but yes, having to work constantly can be hard. Is my life the best it can be? Not yet, but it’s a lot closer than it was 123 days ago. I’m a better wife, better parent, better boss and co worker. I have more energy, and finally I might be starting to lose a little weight too. And this is after 122 days – which is not that long in the scheme of things. What have I lost by not drinking? I still socialise. I haven’t actually missed not drinking at all. There has been NO DOWNSIDE. There are only positives in being AF. I don’t wish I did this earlier. I have no real regrets about my ridiculous drunken behaviour now. They are just funny stories in the fabric of whats made me me. I think it was all about timing, and my time is now. Maybe its your time too.
After recently having a one night relapse, I have been reminding myself daily that every morning I wake up after a sober night, I am free of guilt, regret and the physical pain of a night of drinking. How could drinking be worth all the guilt, regret and hangovers??? Life really is BETTER without it. Well done!