Day 80 today:) I have not thought about drinking for awhile now. It sure does get easier with time thank God! I never ever ever ever what to go back to that place of shame, despair and self loathing! Life is so much better for me in the raw…not to mention much better for my family.
@Destiny – the guilt we feel is always the hardest part, but i believe it’s also the part of our brain that keeps us AF. No one ever had a wonderful and a happy life and thought, well, hey, i better stop drinking today! I know the last time I got sober, the guilt and shame a lone kept me AF for weeks!! I like how you say life is better in the raw…I’m afraid of the raw, to be honest.
Had a dream last night. It was the holidays and my mom of all people was insisting I have “just one” drink (which she would never do in real life). I was shocked by her insistence and thought to myself, “she really doesn’t know how bad my drinking really was”. And in the dream I was determined NOT to drink. I pretty much ran away from her.
Felt pretty good when I woke up. I remember someone saying that the best way to stay sober is to stay away from that “first drink”. I have been thinking about that statement a lot lately.
Hi @Destiny ~ staying away from that first drink is very true. Without the first drink, there cannot be a 10th one (as they say in AA). Us problem drinkers can’t stop at one, we don’t want “just one.” Congrats on D65!!
Well done to both of you! So easy to just cave and buy the bottle. Huge respect for your strength. Building good habits to! I’m sure the check out staff at my local New World are wondering what I’m up to after no buying wine for 14 days! Especially considering the amount I was buying there everyday, but it’s starting to feel normal not to!
The urge to drink as been strong the last couple of days. Today I even put the wine in my shopping cart. But, wondered around the store long enough to put it back. It was a close one…emotions all over the place. But thank God I’m still sober. Day 54:)
Well done for putting the wine back. Really brings back memories of my first 60 days. The supermarket mission was such a pain. All the chatter in my head prior to and then relief when you realise you made it out alive lol. It gets so much easier with time tho. I felt like I was always thinking about not drinking and some days were overwhelming So happy to be past all of the brain chatter and think about not drinking in a more matter of fact..piss off kinda way lol. You are doing so great. Keep stomping on the negative chatter and you will be sweet 🙂 xx
Whoa @Destiny, well done! It’s good for me to hear, because I was thinking at over a month it should be easier…. but I can well imagine doing the same thing: taking a bottle for a walk around the supermarket! More power to you!
Good day today. Went to dinner with hubby and son and hubby really doesn’t drink, but today he ordered a drink out of nowhere. And I am happy to say that I was not bothered by it at all. No internal struggle about it, no feeling of self pity wishing I could have a drink…just felt perfectly happy with my lemon water. I think that I am finally coming to grips with the realization that abstinence from alcohol is the only way to live my life from now on.
I know it won’t be easy but the way I feel at this moment in time is far better than the shame and despair feeling I get from boozing.
40 days today:) no desire to drink lately…it’s almost like not even an option. However, I have been very emotional lately, especially in the mornings…I have a good cry then seem to be ok the rest of the day…weird. Probably all the emotions I use to drown out still need to be brought to the surface. Who knows. I do know that even during my crying fit I think to myself what a mess I am “but I’m sober” and that thought brings a smile to my tear filled face.
I can only guess all that feeling was held back behind the numbing that drinking gives us @destiny. How great that water is flowing and maybe like a dam that’s released, eventually the pressure will ease. xx 40 days is great!
Day 22 today and let me tell you the urge to buy some wine came out of nowhere. The battle in my head went on for awhile and I honestly thought it was going to win and I was going to give in…but thank God I was able to go to the store and walked out without any wine. I did cry my eyes out when I got to work and I feel emotionally drain…but no wine for me today:)
Hi @Destiny – yay on day 2! Day 1 is soooo hard and day 2 is one minute easier. Keep getting through 1 minute at a time and it will get easier and easier. Find a AF drink that looks yummy and make it something special for you. Spend lots of time here reading everything in the posts and the sober toolbox. You can do it, you really can – keep up the great work.
Day 1…once again…wish I could score some antabuse, but need a script for it and have no insurance. So, hard to get back on track after binging for days. I want to live AF, but keep failing at it. Definitely feeling defeated and I hate this feeling. How can I have control for some things and no control when it comes to drinking????
Because quitting drinking is damn hard – if it was easy there’d be no members on this site and no support groups like this. Alcohol is an addictive poison, both mentally and physically. You’re not failing. You’re learning what doesn’t work for you. Keep at it. Keep trying. Don’t give up. Think of when you were a small child learning to walk. Everytime you fell you pulled yourself up and tried again. And again. And again. You never told yourself, “Well, this isn’t for me!” You kept trying desperately until you walked. Then you took off running! Yay!! So, Day 1? Be brave. You can get through this day. Make the decision that you’re going to do it and don’t drink today.
Don’t focus or do anything else right now except staying sober. Just stay sober, whatever it takes. Soberlynn is right that this is hard. We have all had our Day 1s and they suck. So make this your ONLY goal and do whatever it takes to get some sober momentum. Then protect it like your life depends on it because it probably does. Stay close.
Destiny…would writing a list help? Perhaps a list of all the things you want to be and do as someone who is successful at living sober…then take day 1…live it sober…try to love it and you, then start day 2…live it sober…try to love it and you and so on…you get the picture. Keep coming to this community too..it is FULL of good people who know your story..and will be beside you as you begin your journey
Hi don’t be so hard on yourself, alcohol is a poison and very addictive.. take it one day at a time, be kind to yourself.. once you get a few days in you’ll be so happy and confident, you can do this.. please keep posting..
Good on you in admitting you have no power over alcohol. It is cunning, baffling, powerful indeed. Throw the kitchen sink at this baby. Participate here, a lot. Read books, do research, get counselling if needed (not sure if you can get free counselling), have treats and alcohol free drinks on hand. Listen to podcasts, they have saved my sanity – The Bubble Hour is my favourite, although there are loads you can choose from. And, well, maybe ‘in real life’ support is in order. I attend 12 step meetings and the fellowship alone is magical. That’s coming from a person who would rather stab themselves in the eye than meet new people. (okay, well maybe not, but you get my meaning).
35 days sober today! Had my nephew last night for a sleepover and went shopping for junk food at 8pm…all the while thinking this would never happen if I were still drinking. I hope to stay sober for many more sleepovers to come! Wishing us all strength in our journey!
Almost gave in today to that little whisper in my ear saying “just one…no one will know…it’s early enough” luckily by the grace of God I was able to resist it and I’m happy to say I am 28 days strong! Just need to make sure I’m ready to battle next time that whisper returns. Wishing us ALL strength in our journey, cause we are going to need it! Much love!
20 days, very tidy indeed! Well done. I remember very well when I made it to 21 days coz my grown up kids really blew me out, cooked me a beautiful roast dinner and had flowers and a “congratulations” balloon. I hope you have someone who understands what an enormous achievement this is. And if not, don’t worry, coz we all do xoxo
Leave the soul destroying shit by the waside @Destiny and decide to have the life you deserve. Dig deep and connect with the power within you. Your strength. Your determination. Don’t allow the weak part to take over. It’s only a drink. You’ve got a whole big beautiful life and much to achieve. Shrug that shit off and bee who you really are. We will all help you. You can do this xoxo
As @prudence said, dig deep, we are a lot more powerful than we know. Retrain that subconscious mind – there are lots of great personal development podcasts. I listen to them at night and in the morning. You can do this. Climb back on the wagon . Much love xox