• delgirl68 posted a new activity comment 4 months, 2 weeks ago

    I am sorry too for your loss @Mrs-D. Wishing you all peace at this time and sending you a big hug. xx

  • delgirl68 posted a new activity comment 4 months, 2 weeks ago

    Dear @timidwarrior, I just was scrolling through yesterdays posts and found yours. Thats a shitty night alright. Can you identify what was the real trigger I wonder? And then really all you can do is move on. Drink lots of water, have an early night, forget the study, just be kind to yourself. Thats all I can suggest. Just know everyone here feels for you, and are on your side.

  • delgirl68 posted a new activity comment 4 months, 2 weeks ago

    Nice post @DaveS, have a great day x

  • delgirl68 posted a new activity comment 4 months, 2 weeks ago

    Hi @seedynomore! Let me be a reminder too cos I”m a bit allover the goat track as I got very comfortable with my sobriety, and BAM, so easily it can just go, and man it’s tricky to hold that traction again! I didn’t go to a birthday dinner the other night cos I had very little confidence in my ability to not drink (which = being grounded enough to hold my own space while alcohol buzzed around me). I do remember the importance of “protecting your sobriety”. Sometimes ‘it’ is strong and can handle anything without a 2nd thought, and at others it needs to be wrapped in cotton wool and massively nurtured. Just got to be aware of when those different times are I think, and adjust your behaviour accordingly. Thats how I feel but I bet it’s the same for everyone to various degrees. So nice to see you on here! xx

  • Just a quick morning check in for me – as is my new habit. I’ve been feeling so wiped lately. I had a sleep yesterday arvo, 2 little power naps actually. Followed by a horrific sleep last night. Never mind. Feeling positive this morning, feeling able to do whatever I set my mind to.About to jump into the shower then head to yoga, then when I get home, continue with a bedroom makeover for my youngest son. It’s taking too long but there is no rush. He’s been enjoying sleeping on the floor in his sister’s room
    (although she hates it).
    @Prudence thats so exciting about your holiday. I have done a group trip like that many years ago and I’m sure it will be awesome! And the rest, wow, how fabulous. I’m planning a family holiday but it looks like it will be back to Bali. I do love Bali, but was hoping for something a bit more interesting (Vietnam and Cambodia actually). However Bali ticks the boxes to keep everyone happy. Ok folks, have great sober day. Note to self and all – remember self care, self love through nourishing food and treating our bodies with kindness. xxx

    • Hi there. Bad sleeps can be so ruinous for the day, so amazing you are feeling positive!
      I managed to reply to one post below, but not another, so here is a response to your drinking occasion post:
      Sounds like a really good analysis of the situation – and definitely not a reason to be hard on yourself, rather, curious and continuing to be observant is the way to go. 5 drinks is a little dangerous health wise isn’t it? 4 is called a binge for women 🙁 heck 🙁
      Did it feel good, right, at the time? How did it feel the next day? All things to consider and then act wisely – yes, the planning! next tempting time. That is, planning to drink if that is your decision, or planning not to. We are all so different. I am too scared to try, and any sip repels me, so easy once that little test is carried out.
      Do you still enjoy the taste?

  • delgirl68 posted a new activity comment 4 months, 3 weeks ago

    It’s so lovely you get to meet up in person! The stuff that goes on here, what we say, is honest and amazing. I don’t talk my feelings out to anyone as much as I do here.
    @morgan, my oldest friend is just like yours – often leaves me “reeling”. I think it’s just because she knows another side and basically projects her stuff into me. Sees me through this old lense I guess. It’s like we hold a mirror up to each other. Funnily enough she was one of my factors in quitting drinking as I don’t want to be like her!! We’ve been friends since we were 5! Always want her in my life, she’s a soul mate, but I don’t see her much thank goodness, once a year is enough these days!

    • It IS so strange the way some people simply cannot listen, or take in who we are after so many years. Sad. I have to hear hours of her ghastly times with her daughters, an work, knowing exactly what she is doing to cause it, but say nothing as she gets offended – all their fault ALWAYS. Interestingly, I know her childhood horror though she has never told me (weird), and she has refused to ever face it or find healing despite espousing forgiveness and healing all the time. I think it interferes with all aspects of her life, health and functioning. I guess it is good for me as a counsellor to learn not everyone plunges into deep healing, and I must accept her unconditionally, though avoiding her when too negative. Can drag me down.

  • delgirl68 posted a new activity comment 4 months, 3 weeks ago

    Lars let’s do it together! Don’t beat yourself up too much, there is no end destination with this path, it’s just each day, cheesy quote coming – “progress not perfection”. I seemed to just “forget”, and what I was doing previously was, as you said, the toolbox things – self care practice, checking in EVERY day, reading sober stuff. Keeping your motivation cup full. So here I am too, checking in on Day 10. Just dropped son at bus stop, taking a moment to connect before heading to the gym. Happy sober Hump Day xx

    • Way to go @delgirl68! It’s the small self care things I tend to forget about, even when I know how important they are. Happy almost day 11 to you!

  • Hey there. So after 40 days sober, I went away for 4 nights and was feeling great, checking in, focused on my health and sobriety, then went to stay with a girlfriend on the last night and I did drink. I don’t know, did I not have a clear enough plan of how the night would go? Why didn’t I prepare myself properly? I don’t know. I had 5 drinks over the night.
    I’m finding it much harder to stay sober than when I first stopped. (I don’t mean after 40 days, I had quit before for 2 years) I think because when I initially quit, I had so much negative emotion around boozing, it was easier to draw on those shitty times to give me a very strong resolve to stop. I didn’t, and don’t ever want to go back to that. And then I guess I know I can drink on occasion, and I can stay moderate (mostly)……but it’s all in the attitude. I was disappointed in myself. I don’t know….. I don’t know what to say. I don’t want to say another almighty “I will never drink again” only to find myself back in the same situation after another similar catch up with an old friend in another couple of months. Life is too short to keep beating myself up. I do know though that today I won’t drink. I feel funny about being here on this site too, like do I deserve to be here where people are committed to trying to change their lives? I don’t know, but I haven’t checked in since I went away, and now its been 9 days since my last drink.

    • Don’t beat yourself up I know it’s hard not too. Try and feel each day you do AF how much happier you feel. I think of my slips as part of my sober journey.

    • Yay for 9 days, and no beating up needed. You’ve just learned that this is one of your difficult sort of things, ,and that you need to plan for it in the future. Xx

    • You know you can do it…just look at it as a slip-up & hey, u have learnt that you always need to be prepared in the future. Take care.

    • Yes you should be here , you desire to stop drinking . And that’s it . I know what you mean about finding it harder to stop . I have been there too . As i could go without , moderate and then after months BOOM , too much drinking . The important thing is your desir to want a life free of ethanol . Go girl . We are all rooting for you x

    • I get this @delgirl68, I felt the same thing too. It’s all learning and progress and you ARE changing your relationship to alcohol. Beating myself up just made it worse for me. I won’t drink with you today!

    • I get all anti-moderation and I’m a forever type, but that’s just me. Works very well for me, I’m happy with it. We’re all different, you deserve the same space here as any serious thinker about this, as you figure it all out. That’s my feeling on it. Doesn’t change my feelings about moderation, though.

      • With you on this @tom4500 just can’t make the moderation thing work so it forever af for me too.it does get harder as well each time you have to give it up which is another red flag re the misleading moderation rabbit hole. ❤️

    • @delgirl68 The exact same thing happened to me several times over the last few months. I was able to be moderate when I relapsed for a night at a time, but that didn’t change the feelings of guilt and self-loathing. Now I have 33 days and know I will be tempted again (monthiversaries seem to be my triggers!) so I’m more prepared for it. You’re right; it’s so much easier the first month when we are really scared and miserable. Then we start to feel better, then . . . see @daveh‘s response to my post yesterday if you have time. It really helped me.

  • delgirl68 posted an update 5 months ago

    Hopping into bed with my herbal tea. Made it through – it was touch and go there for a bit earlier this evening, I am away on a “mini break” with my sister. Took a bit of talking to myself – coming in from that ledge I wanted to go over. But all good. Pheww. Need to be on my guard for the next few days. But like @MissFreedom below me has said, the craving will pass, and that muscle grows a little bit stronger each time. And it’s not about willpower (well sometimes, sure), but it’s about remembering your ‘why’, playing it forward, using the sober toolbox. xx

    • oxoxox I am so glad you made it through, and gave yourself a good sleep after an herbal tea. Most days I feel like a good sleep cures 98% of feeling-waves. oxoxoxo

    • R51 replied 5 months ago

      You’re answer to the next time of a questioning/debating mind is this mornings reflection. Great job staying true to you and your ultimate desire to remain AF. Enjoy this little things today.

    • Wise. Yes, willpower will let us down according to research – our bank account runs out pretty quickly if used too much throughout the day. Neural change is really the only safe thing, and takes a lot of time which is hard for we impulsive types!
      Have fun xxxxx

  • delgirl68 posted a new activity comment 5 months ago

    That is awesome!

  • delgirl68 posted a new activity comment 5 months, 1 week ago

    This book has been on my list to read for a long time, it sounds like it had a big impact. Do you think i’s something more people should take a look at? ie do you recommend it?

  • delgirl68 posted a new activity comment 5 months, 1 week ago

    Hey @peterf, welcome to this great site

  • I went to a 50th birthday today. I was reluctant – it was a camping weekend. It was the birthday of one of my yoga teachers, so it wasn’t going to be a bender, but being around that many people, drinking just normally….felt pretty conflicted. It was actually my 12 year old that convinced me, as some of his mates would be there. So I took my little esky (that’s a chilly bin to most of you lol – I cracked up seeing that written recently, hahaha chilly bin), sorry! I took my little chilly bin with a bottle of Kombucha, and off we went. And of course it was fine and fun. Camping got rained out so they were in a hall. All good. I forgot that once I get talking to people, sober, I like it! I am genuinely interested in finding something in common with whoever I’m talking to. Now I am pretty unsociable really, so I really do try to be a good listener, I try to find something I can compliment the person on, I try to make a little connection. It’s a challenge, but it’s fun and nice. Who knew, hey? And there’s the added bonus of remembering it too!
    One bad thing though, my sober hero – 16 years he hasn’t been drinking/drugging, was having a beer. When I asked about it, he was pretty nonchalant really. I don’t know, he seemed a little wired to me too. I will have to give him a call and talk to him with less noise going on. I was slightly devastated actually.
    Okay I have to put this laptop down cos I’m trying to go to bed and I”m not supposed to be on screens. I woke up once last night but went back to sleep pretty quickly I think. My bedtime tea has ashgawanda – look for that herb if your’e interested in a good before bed sleepy tea. Night night x

    • Love the esky/chilly bin thing…I remember all of those words from Australian English and miss being immersed in it. Sorry to hear about your sober hero lapsing….may it be a lapse and not a full on relapse. You’re a good person for wanting to reach out to him in peace and quiet, he may be more open then. oxxoxxo

    • I’m glad you had a good time. I’m still not wanting to or feel ready to socialize sober.

    • Love the term chilly bin in south Africa we call it a cooler box. I love hearing different words used in different english speaking countries. A funny one I think unique to south Africa is we call traffic lights robots so if you’re ever here and someone says turn left at the robots you’ll know what they mean 😉 hope you manage to have a good chat with your friend @delgirl68

    • I think chillybin was a brand name. Same as eski.

      Sorry to hear re your sober role model drinking. I can see how that would rock you. And I think your idea of talking to him later about it is a good one. Be prepared, if he’s on his way back to drinking he might not want to talk to you about it 🙁

    • That is a lovely post after the way you have been feeling. Great news about the sleep too. Have you grabbed any other remedies? I read a great article on raising dopamine so will try and capture to post here – every new person should follow, and those of us who start to feel a bit meh

  • delgirl68 posted a new activity comment 5 months, 1 week ago

    Big hug from me too @dreamer88, that’s so lovely that as he wold be proud of you. You could dedicate your sobriety to her sometimes when the going is really tough.xx

  • Just been driving home tonight listening to the news – I’m so saddened, and shocked. My prayers and thoughts are with all NZ’ers tonight , Im so sorry this has happened in your beautiful country. Love to you all xxx

  • delgirl68 posted a new activity comment 5 months, 1 week ago

    I slept from around 11 all the way through till 6am. wow! It’s been a while. Lets hope it wasn’t a one off

  • delgirl68 posted a new activity comment 5 months, 1 week ago

    The salads lol! That must have felt very good to hear x

  • delgirl68 posted a new activity comment 5 months, 1 week ago

    Woohooo awesome x

  • *So when I lie in bed at night and can’t sleep, I try and switch my thoughts back to look for things to be grateful for. To switch off from the shite that usually floats in my head.
    *I found this good app called “Calm”. I signed up kind of accidentally the other night – you get 7 days trial for free and after that they hit you up for a year $70. I cancelled in the morning, but still get my 7 day trial. Its good.
    *I got the local herbalist to mix me up a sleep brew, I’m just having it now. It has chamomile and lavender and ashgawanda and who knows what else but it’s not too bad. *And then there’s the other thing that we all know but don’t do – no screens 1 hour before bed. I now am reading an actual book in bed (I usually read from iPad).
    So, here’s hoping tonight might be better. I know it will pass and my sleep will return back to more normal but geez /I hope it’s sooner rather than later.
    Nighty night folks, here’s to 30 days done and dusted xx

    • 30 das done and dusted high five!!! oxxox Love the sleeping help strategies there. I found that moderate physical exercise also helps. Puts my body and brain into an exhausted state so that sleep beats thinking, as I tend to overthink and ruminate.

      oxoxox

      Thanks for sharing this! Now I REALLY want some lavender tea tonight myself! Nom!

    • Have you tried melatonin?

    • I hope as I write this you are peacefully and deeply asleep @delgirl68 I have also been struggling to sleep lately uuugh such torment lying awake for hours

    • Insomnia – sounds awful though I rarely have experienced it. Have you tried the soporific Tara Brach late at night? or in the too, too early morning? She does it for me every time, but then, I am a sleeper from way back – sorry, not meaning to rub it in your poor tired faces @Ellislou and Delgirl

    • congrats on 30 days.

  • delgirl68 posted a new activity comment 5 months, 1 week ago

    My mum has it too, she’s in a care facility down in Sydney – 4 hours away. I try and visit once a month or 2 but geez it’s awful. We were very lucky, it was a very smooth transition, moving her in there (not for my sister and I though). Funny this came up cos I was just thinking about mum tonight while I was cooking dinner. I thought I’d love to call her for a chat, but then remembered she’s not my mum anymore, you know what I mean. No matter how old we are, I’m sure we all want our mums sometimes. Anyway, well done for getting through it sober, its tough. xx

  • delgirl68 posted a new activity comment 5 months, 1 week ago

    Wow, that amazing – you can cruise into retirement without having that drama of addiction. Freedom to be you

  • delgirl68 posted a new activity comment 5 months, 1 week ago

    Sounds like you are shaking things up in there and hahaha not many people like their boat rocked! Must feel great to be appreciated, and so good to know your’e making a difference in these kids’ lives @janus2. They can’t do anything with the video surely. You’re rocking it xx

  • delgirl68 posted a new activity comment 5 months, 1 week ago

    That sounds like an incredibly brave process. Something that you will get so much out of – amazing growth on the sober path. Congratulations on 3 years xx

  • delgirl68 posted a new activity comment 5 months, 1 week ago

    Welcome @changeitup, it’s good to have you here x

  • delgirl68 posted a new activity comment 5 months, 1 week ago

    What a great thing to do for yourself, I’m going to pinch that idea and buy a special mug too.

  • delgirl68 posted a new activity comment 5 months, 1 week ago

    Go you! I love that – finding the love within yourself, thats beautiful xx

  • delgirl68 posted a new activity comment 5 months, 1 week ago

    Welcome @hope1965. It’s great you have found this site. It is unbelievably helpful and you will get to meet people here who truly will be in your corner when you need it.

  • delgirl68 posted a new activity comment 5 months, 1 week ago

    Heya, how’s it going?

    • So far so good. The weekend starts tomorrow which is typically harder for me. Plus St Paddy’s Day on Sunday. But, I feel strong. How are u doing?

  • delgirl68 posted a new activity comment 5 months, 1 week ago

    Thats very interesting, I am finding the same too – the depression is worse. I’ve had very little luck with GP’s, which is probably a good thing, as I wave the alternative therapies flag. @Morgan recommends B vitamins, St Johns Wort, magnesium, turmeric and Evening Primrose oil. I don’t know the combination or dosages so I think it’s best to have someone direct you here, a naturopath or herbalist. Acupuncture is meant to be amazing (though very icky). I’m going to try and find a Traditional Chinese doctor. Sorry, that may not be helpful, but there is help in lots of forms out there and we all have to find what works for us. You most definitely haven’t let yourself down, you’re just responding in the way your body/mind tells you works the best, what has worked for you in the past – and it may be good in the short term, as @Clowance said, but no good down the track. Got to give yourself some love and get some help to get those happy hormones up and kicking and back to where they should be xxx

    • Don’t forget 5_Http or htpp and L-Theanine – and ashwaganda @Sarah 38 and @Delgirl68 – all great for helping the body return to natural dopamine/serotonin and happy levels. Meditation and yoga thrown in will help, slowly.
      Not so sure about the health professionals Del – it is such an inexact science I think our trial and error can get us there – and reading Dr Marcey Shapiro, ‘Freedom From Anxiety’ – and depression is also very helpful. She writes of both the medications and the more natural remedies, and what interacts well or badly.
      Anyway, it is nice to have a naturopath if they have a good reputation and one has the funds. Happy research and self care XXXX

  • So, my update. I’m planning a holiday – thank the goddesses. We are going to close the restaurant and fark off for 2 whole weeks. We haven’t closed the shop in like 8 years, maybe 10+. This means every holiday has been max 10 days, with calls in to the shop at the end of every night, monitoring, ordering blah blah blah. I”m so over it. So I told husband, we are going and thats that. So – will be end of July/early August, looking at Hawaii at this stage. YESSSSS. So that will be a proper switch off and just what my mental health requires I think.
    And speaking of mental health, I think everyone quitting alcohol needs to know our serotonin, or maybe it’s GABA, I’m not sure, but whatever it is – the feel good, happy chemicals – those little things are very messed up. “Rooted” is the Aussie word. “Munted” is what my teen would say. Truly all over the place. If your moods are up and down, or just blank, you feel nothing, can’t get happy etc, well your happy hormones are rooted too! But the good news is that they will regulate again eventually. Supposedly. Our bodies seek homeostasis. My logical advice to myself and everyone else is to eat well, move your body everyday and try and go to bed and get up at the same time. I think if you can be consistent in these 3 things, then this is the best solid baseline. Fuck everything else. Well not really but don’t worry too much about the rest. Not to expect too much from myself or anyone else, wait for the grey clouds to pass. Now I’m not an AA’er but nevertheless, God grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change, the courage to change the things I can, and the wisdom to know the difference.

    • Yep everyone needs a break. Glad you’re going to take one x

    • Sounds like a really, really good idea and important for so many reasons. Well done for making the decision! Happy planning xxx

    • informative post – @delgirl68 – sounds like a great plan to follow the three AND to go to hawaii. nice. i cannot ever remember having a two week break. EVER since i started working when i was 13. ENJOY

  • Hi warriors, I just want to give a big thanks to everyone that replied to my post the other day, there were some very helpful things listed. @winner, @timidwarrior, @iowadawn,@songbird, @jocord, @Flourishing (I checked out Kirsten Neff’s TED talk on self compassion), @Morgan (great reminder of the supplements and I’ll book myself in to see the naturopath or some sort of therapist), @daveh (I seem to have stumbled down the rabbit hole and come across your ebooks), @mari135, @rise2015 (haven'[t yet checked out themighty.com but will do that now), and @Prudence – thanks sooooo much for the fluffy blanket and hot chocolate, that saved me! Pheww, thanks tribe xxxx

  • delgirl68 posted a new activity comment 5 months, 1 week ago

    Thanks for the shoutout @Morgan, I appreciate you very much. I just started writing my answer to that and it was long and negative, so maybe my answer to that is no, lol.

  • delgirl68 posted a new activity comment 5 months, 1 week ago

    I’ll be checking this out too, thanks @sobert

  • delgirl68 posted a new activity comment 5 months, 2 weeks ago

    Hey @timidwarrior, it’s always good to know other people feel the same. I do think self care is so important, and I guess for me, when my head starts spinning off, to come back to one simple act of self love (even something like paint your toenails) can be a kind of anchor point. Thats not the same as self compassion though is it. Self compassion hmmm

  • delgirl68 posted a new activity comment 5 months, 2 weeks ago

    I quit fully a few years ago – for 2 years, then I’ve had the last 2 years being fairly moderate – like, a few months off and then drinking on a weekend away or a holiday, that sort of thing. Didn’t go back to regular drinking at all, had a few big nights in there for sure though. Mostly the next day after drinking I just hate myself regardless of whether it was 2 drinks or 8. So for my mental health I believe I really needed to stop again, so in the present, I have 27 days on my counter.

  • delgirl68 posted a new activity comment 5 months, 2 weeks ago

    Yes – I just want to be like a “normal” person! What a shitty nurse, very nice of the dr to ring you back. Was the website helpful? And if so, what was it?
    I went to see a dr. She wasn’t interested in talking about anything other than my sleep. With the suggestion I stay up until 3 am (the time I usually wake up). And then work backwards in 30 minute increments of going to bed earlier. Oh and she said don’t stay in bed when you wake up. “the bed is for sleeping only”. Apparently she has science to back this but I thought it was a load of dribble.

    • Yes, she was a shitty nurse… my doctor said she’s rather old fashioned… I thought of a few different words 😉 I can’t find the piece of paper @delgirl68 … when your mind is a mess, guess what, so is everything else. In my case, anyway. The doctor you saw was not helpful, no. I have sleeping pills which I mostly use – I get so distraught when I don’t sleep. I fucking love my bed and on bad days that’s where I hang out. It’s not good, I know… but it’s true. Stay up till 3 a.m. ??? Ah shit. Come on now. I’m sorry. Not sleeping is rough. Listening to music is my go to… headphones on and I go to sleep, mostly. But, as I say, I do have medication if it doesn’t work. Lots of love to you x

  • I think I’m going a bit crazy. I feel anxious at times during the day, I’m not sleeping very well. I’m incredibly hard on myself. I figure if I can pull it all together everything will be ok, but I can never do that, so then I feel bad about myself, and then I think – just try harder, do more …this or that. And I don’t seem to be able to live up to this ideal I have in my mind. And I can see I am isolating more because people give me the shits. I just feel I need to get off the fricking merry go round. I’m not suicidal or anything, I don’t mean it like that, but farrrrk. I seem to be up and then down. I don’t know. It’s not probably linked to alcohol, it’s just me being a basket case. Sometimes I feel I’ve got it so together, but then I just seem to crash.

    • How long have you been sober? ❤️

      • I quit fully a few years ago – for 2 years, then I’ve had the last 2 years being fairly moderate – like, a few months off and then drinking on a weekend away or a holiday, that sort of thing. Didn’t go back to regular drinking at all, had a few big nights in there for sure though. Mostly the next day after drinking I just hate myself regardless of whether it was 2 drinks or 8. So for my mental health I believe I really needed to stop again, so in the present, I have 27 days on my counter.

    • I am going through the exact same thing lovely. I was on the phone to lifeline on Saturday night, not because I was suicidal, but because I felt like I was going to loose it. I am so hard and critical of myself and I am trying to fight my way through it and practise more self compassion. It will take a lot of practice before it becomes an automatic reaction!
      Stay strong lovely xxx

      • Hey @timidwarrior, it’s always good to know other people feel the same. I do think self care is so important, and I guess for me, when my head starts spinning off, to come back to one simple act of self love (even something like paint your toenails) can be a kind of anchor point. Thats not the same as self compassion though is it. Self compassion hmmm

      • Oh @timidwarrior and @delgirl68 I am sending you hugs from over here!!! My heart goes out to you. I GET IT. I feel the same crazy way…wait, was there a full moon last night?(humor)
        I hope you all can just have a few days to yourself. Me, too. Oh @songbird..you, too!! ❤ …my mom died and I had all that bad haunting, as well I get it
        Sisters, are you in counseling? I need to process as well. Now…for me..with all this grief I am in…I think I didn’t have the right tool box before(old past grief of my mom dying and ex husband cheating and abusing me)
        So….we need tool boxes to learn how to process and deal. And no poison booze for us

    • Yep, @delgirl68 and @timidwarrior this is my life too… depression and anxiety haunt me and lately (since my mother died) I have had some very scary moments as well, it’s truly awful and debilitating . I just want a NORMAL FUCKING life so I can do things that most people do, without a second thought. I have seen my GP but i have days when I feel I am not going to get through them, and go from tears to anger to despair. Awful. My GP wrote down an Australian website for me to have a look at and I lost the piece of paper and also the prescription he wrote me. I rang the nurse who obviously thought I was a drug lord and told me I was careless and to have a harder look 🙁 Luckily my doctor range me who was a lot more sympathetic and said, don’t worry, shit happens. God bless him.
      It’s comforting to know there are others here who deal with such things, I often wondered about a sub group for the anxious and depressed amongst us? xxx

      • Yes – I just want to be like a “normal” person! What a shitty nurse, very nice of the dr to ring you back. Was the website helpful? And if so, what was it?
        I went to see a dr. She wasn’t interested in talking about anything other than my sleep. With the suggestion I stay up until 3 am (the time I usually wake up). And then work backwards in 30 minute increments of going to bed earlier. Oh and she said don’t stay in bed when you wake up. “the bed is for sleeping only”. Apparently she has science to back this but I thought it was a load of dribble.

        • Yes, she was a shitty nurse… my doctor said she’s rather old fashioned… I thought of a few different words 😉 I can’t find the piece of paper @delgirl68 … when your mind is a mess, guess what, so is everything else. In my case, anyway. The doctor you saw was not helpful, no. I have sleeping pills which I mostly use – I get so distraught when I don’t sleep. I fucking love my bed and on bad days that’s where I hang out. It’s not good, I know… but it’s true. Stay up till 3 a.m. ??? Ah shit. Come on now. I’m sorry. Not sleeping is rough. Listening to music is my go to… headphones on and I go to sleep, mostly. But, as I say, I do have medication if it doesn’t work. Lots of love to you x

      • I’m in!!!! We can do this ❤

    • Please be so kind to yourself! It took me a good 5 months to figure out daily life without booze. The first 2 months I looked at myself as having been very ill and then recuperating was my number one priority. I did a little bit more everyday only after at least 3 weeks. I forced myself to stay away from the “I should be doing more” mind trap. After all, I was fragile and healing after being so sick for so long. This is not false. We really do have to let ourselves heal. Give yourself time. Don’t push. It takes at least 14 months for your natural dopamine production to return, but it don’t despair! It slowly increases during that time but if you drink again your brain will shut it right down again. xoxo

    • Hey @delgirl68 @lowadawn @song-bird and others in this thread. Maybe check this out https://self-compassion.org/. I did a workshop with Kirsten Neff and have her book – some really, really good helpful stuff in both. Take good care. x

    • All the above sentiments – it is very hard to deal with all our roles as wife, lover, mother (1,000 sub roles within that), daughter, sibling, friend, worker, must-succeed-career-woman (and-don’t-age), save-the-world too – what other roles are significant to you?
      On top of that, hormones uggghhhh.
      Do you take good stuff when feeling the agitation? I settle in a day when I remember my Bs and St John’s wort, + magnesium, tumeric and evening primrose oil. Seems to make all the difference – as long as I sleep and don’t eat too much rubbish.
      In fact, just threw it all down, though eating chocolate at the same time 🙁 as my day at an alternative type education centre was horrible. Gut wrenchingly sad, but also the abusive behaviours and purposelessness of so many students knocks me around.

      I think my walls are getting thinner instead of stronger. Worse, I am back tomorrow when I know it is really unhealthy to be there. Doing something just for the money is depressing and demoralising.
      My Japanese acupuncturist and healer says I must have baths, so walk (it is cold here though!) and bath it is – and fresh garden vegetables and herbs. Nap first! if I can calm my stomach pain.
      What is your self-personal-trainer wise self telling you to do?
      HUGS XXXX

    • Hi @delgirl68 “I don’t seem to be able to live up to this ideal I have in my mind”. Chuck it in the garbage can.

      The image you have in your mind is probably how you think you should behave to impress others… so chuck that one out, it is nothing but bad news. The thing that impacts how we feel about ourselves is nothing to do with other people, it is how we perform against our own consciences that counts; other people’s opinions don’t matter one iota. What to YOU want to do with your life?… try stepping towards that; you’ll love it.

      “This above all: to thine own self be true” (From Hamlet, by Shakespeare).

      • This has me in tears over here..the good ones…thanks so much for sharing this, DaveH! oxoxoxxo I’ll keep your post for a darker day to re-read it.

    • Hiya @delgirl68. There is an enormous freedom in letting go of judgement. We try hard not to judge others but we must stop judging ourselves. You are giving up alcohol. That is ALL you need to do right now. That is the biggest most important wise brave and life changing thing, and I imagine might be even harder this second time around? Try to let go. Give yourself love and thanks for taking this brave step, and know that things are going to get a little better every day. It is in taking the pressure off ourselves, having patience with our growth, relaxing in gentleness, and in not actually giving a toss, that we quietly achieve. There is time. Just do your yoga and contemplate slowness, and going real easy on yourself. I’m so sorry that you are feeling anxiety. The only thing that has helped my sleep, which has always been pretty light (3-5 hours per night) is this keto diet I’ve been on lately. I haven’t lost any weight yet …damnit…but I feel good and I am sleeping a good 6 hours, sometimes more, it’s incredible. Today I have tried fasting. 21 and half hours so far since 8pm last night. Can’t believe I’ve managed it, been drinking lemon and ginger tea out of a cute little sixties black pot with a pink lid, and a pink bone china tea cup and the tea is pink….and full of fresh ginger and fresh lemon as well as the teabags. Love to you @Delgirl. I send you a virtual fluffy blanket and send you to bed with a hot chocolate. You too @songbird and @timidwarrior and @iowadawn and anyone else struggling xoxox

    • Ohhh this is the post I have been wanting to reply to since last night when I read it but was too tired to type…THANK YOU for sharing this raw feelings-stuff. Your words made me feel less alone last night and helped me surf a depressive blue wave that passed through on Sunday. I hope it feels already lighter today for you and that you get to have a calm week with low or no anxiety. oxoxoxoxoxoxoxox

    • @delgirl68 @Mari135 @songbird @timidwarrior and @iowadawn some of you guys might enjoy the Mighty site https://themighty.com/
      once you join it you can pick out topics, e.g anxiety, depression. May or may not be your cup of tea – but sometimes I enjoy their articles.

  • delgirl68 posted a new activity comment 5 months, 2 weeks ago

    Yeah wow!!!!!! Thanks @Morgan, that is so spot on, and a fantastic way to think about booze – in a way that makes it clearer to see it for what it really is.

  • delgirl68 posted a new activity comment 5 months, 2 weeks ago

    Oh wow @dreamer88, that’s huge! That’s great and awesome to feel within yourself that you’ve done the right thing. Take good care of yourself – be loving to your self xx

  • delgirl68 posted a new activity comment 5 months, 2 weeks ago

    I have so many things swirling around my head and then I end up doing nothing cos I don’t know where to start! So I need to have an action plan that is the opposite of overwhelming!!! See this is my theory…. I’m hoping I’m on the right track to actually doing something practical!! Ps rest can come in the mental health category!

    • Right. That is brilliant then. I think I become frozen by list type things. I so know what I need to do, but become immobilized. Thank God I found a NZ Marie Kondo. My friends think a total waste of $$$ but I needed that shove. Feel I’ll every moment, but it gets done. Then I freeze again.
      Happy planning ♡♡♡♡♡

    • Feel ill every second

  • Okay, I got up at 5 to become my own life coach and write and brainstorm etc etc, and it’s now 7.30 and I’m still on this site. But here’s my plan:
    I’m going to get sheets of A4 paper. Put headings on the top of each page. Categories will be –
    The house (categories – each room individually cos every room needs attention.
    Yoga (this is my little business as well as my practice – so 2 subcategories)
    Work (proper business – restaurant)
    Fitness
    Friends
    Mental health
    Family (sub categories here too I guess)
    Community
    Creativity
    Is there other things I should have? Has anyone done this before or actually seen a proper life coach, who may have some tips?

    • Sounds… um… overwhelming I think. Scary. No suggestions -well, did you have rest in there?
      Xxxxx

      • I have so many things swirling around my head and then I end up doing nothing cos I don’t know where to start! So I need to have an action plan that is the opposite of overwhelming!!! See this is my theory…. I’m hoping I’m on the right track to actually doing something practical!! Ps rest can come in the mental health category!

        • Right. That is brilliant then. I think I become frozen by list type things. I so know what I need to do, but become immobilized. Thank God I found a NZ Marie Kondo. My friends think a total waste of $$$ but I needed that shove. Feel I’ll every moment, but it gets done. Then I freeze again.
          Happy planning ♡♡♡♡♡

        • Feel ill every second

    • @delgirl68 you could try using The Life Plan book by Shannah Kennedy. It’s like a self coach book and quite practical with topics to start. Remember it’s about working out how-to get to your big goals too. I found that particular book quite a good tool .

  • Just came across this great article if anyone is interested, about the growth of non alcohol beers etc
    https://www.smh.com.au/business/markets/beer-without-a-hangover-ray-joins-non-alcoholic-drinks-boom-20181220-p50njx.html

    • That’s interesting, thank you. May have to try one. Just like ginger beer I guess!

    • I wish they would get going here! I did have a crazy buy up yesterday, some stevia coke, a/f beer. Then kombucha, supposedly barely any.sugar at a restaurant. Felt gross. A kilo up this morning. Blaming the coke and kombucha!

    • I agree @morgan. they need to get a variety of good tasting AF beers here. NZ is always behind. We have a serious booze problem here that has done a lot of damage in families and society at large.

    • I started drinking NA craft beer a while ago. I always loved beer but was hesitant to try NA as I was concerned it would make me crave real beer. But it hasn’t. I’m able to have a couple (just finished my second one this night) and feel satisfied. They are really doing a good job too. Nice IPAs and stouts that actually taste like beer.

      But make sure you’re ready before giving it a try. I was over two years sober before even considering it. And I’m careful to ensure I never crave the real thing.

    • I’m really enjoying the NA beers I’ve found.
      I thought it was interesting in the article though, how much folk were pressured to drink or given grief over side drinks.
      Why the f@£& do people do that to others??

  • delgirl68 posted a new activity comment 5 months, 2 weeks ago

    I just looked that up to se if you can get it in Australia, and came across this –
    “Overall growth in the beer market is expected to slow to 0.6 per cent between 2018-23, compared to 2.1 per cent between 2013-18, with 23 per cent of adults now abstaining from alcohol all together.”
    23% of adults not drinking!!!!!!!! How great is that!

    • I really hope this spreads and becomes ‘the norm’. Alcohol should have had it’s day, it causes so much pain. If it were a new drug, it would be illegal!

  • delgirl68 posted a new activity comment 5 months, 2 weeks ago

    Wow – okay I missed this relationship due to not being on here for a long time! He sounds great. I too want to know what he did to irritate you so much!! Good going to give yourselves space, and maybe you will be able to start a great friendship relationship with him. But I sense more! Anyway you deserve the very best and like @Morgan said, your intuition will guide you along. Take your time. Of course he doesn’t have a new slip of a thing hahaha

  • delgirl68 posted a new activity comment 5 months, 2 weeks ago

    Ohhh geez, I’m so terrified of all this. My twins just turned 16 and all this is new to them and super exciting to one of them in particular. Anyway – I think back to when I was 16 and I was wild, doing everything (naughty) I could. Looking back now, there was not anything that my parents said that would have changed my behaviour at all, not in the slightest! In fact I can’t remember them featuring in any of that stuff (except that I made sure I covered everything up as best I could before I got home). Oh geez thats not helpful – but my point is that our kids will follow their own direction and there’s not a lot we can do. Just trust they know the difference between right and wrong, remind them to make good choices, and be there with support when they need it. She’ll be fine, she’s smart, she knows what she’s doing with her life with her uni plan and all, don’t be too hard on her. It’s normal behaviour as far as she and her friends are concerned. It’s shitty to have to sit back and watch it happen, but I’m sure she’ll be okay xx

  • delgirl68 posted a new activity comment 5 months, 2 weeks ago

    Hi @wakingowl. 6 hours is a nice stretch! What do you do over the time you’re awake, do you still go and lie in bed? I am still working on improving my sleep, it’s gone a bit awol but not as bad as you. I sleep every night at least 4 hours. Got about 5 last night, and lay there thinking about trying to organise my life. I got up to google how to be my own life coach lol. I’m hoping by writing down goals, into categories, I can actually give myself certain tasks to help me achieve stuff, rather than be fully overwhelmed and doing nothing cos it’s all too much. Hahaha, even typing that I can see I’m a neurotic basket case, but it’s a good idea in theory!

  • delgirl68 posted a new activity comment 5 months, 2 weeks ago

    Hi @dreamer88. Posting here really helps hey? Just checking in, seeing what others are doing. Some days fly by with ease, others present struggles but its just about taking each day as it comes, and protecting your sobriety like it’s so precious. Always! I can see thats where I fell off my sober path – by taking sobriety for granted. Nurture is the key word I reckon. Nurture ourselves and our wellbeing. have a great Netflix day, sounds lovely! xx

  • delgirl68 posted a new activity comment 5 months, 2 weeks ago

    Sounds like a lot of fun – a big high 5 to you! Too feel that I connect so much more with people when not drinking, and then have the bonus of actually fully remembering it the next day!

  • delgirl68 posted a new activity comment 5 months, 2 weeks ago

    That must have all been/still is – terrifying. You are being very brave. I have twins who’ve just turned 16 and I can see I’m really struggling to let go and let them navigate the drug/alcohol stuff. Learning by example is the best thing we can do for our kids for sure. I’m sure this is a lesson he’ll remember for the rest of his life, and he’s a lucky boy to have had you there AF to get the ambulance and make sure he’s ok.

  • delgirl68 posted a new activity comment 5 months, 2 weeks ago

    Wow, I really like your post. Acknowledging your own needs but not literally falling into step with someone else – but fully choosing your own path.And you’ve got great hobbies going on, art and learning another language. So I gather you have carved out these things in the space you created from not drinking – and added whole new dimensions to your life! You sound like you have achieved really great balance in your emotions too, thats so great, you are very inspiring xx

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