• DaveS posted a new activity comment 1 week, 6 days ago

    Nice @MaryB 🙂 too true

  • DaveS posted a new activity comment 1 week, 6 days ago

    Great work @lynnelowe! Keep going!

  • DaveS posted a new activity comment 1 week, 6 days ago

    Hi @Happy2019, thanks for sharing! Great quotes…. 🙂

  • DaveS posted a new activity comment 1 week, 6 days ago

    Hi @newstart100, I hear ya…

  • DaveS posted an update 2 weeks ago

    I saw quote and thought it was appropriate…….

    “Over-thinking: the art of creating problems that weren’t even there.”

    Yep, I’ve been known to do that from time to time…. 😉

    Peace

    D

  • DaveS posted a new activity comment 2 weeks ago

    Hi @erica375,

    Yes, that I have no doubt. I went to an A–Anon group a while back and it was spooky to listen to the stories and the reactions of those that attended. I could swear they grew up IN my house. Hope you are doing well! Peace D

  • DaveS posted a new activity comment 2 weeks, 1 day ago

    Well done @LeslieLily! That’s amazing progress! Keep going!

  • DaveS posted a new activity comment 2 weeks, 1 day ago

    Thanks @wakingOwl! I really appreciate your support. Peace D

  • DaveS posted a new activity comment 2 weeks, 1 day ago

    Thank you @AprilsFool 🙂 I really appreciate your feedback and support. Funny enough, quitting smoking wasn’t too bad this time around. I suppose I was ready for it. What I find when I stop drinking though is the things I am most interested in and enjoy re-assert themselves back into my life, like creativity and pursuing the activities I really enjoy. Peace D

  • DaveS posted a new activity comment 2 weeks, 1 day ago

    Thanks @Deester! Are you at Day 100?

    • I’m at day 101 now. Oy, I am having an awful day – just engulfed in loneliness and self pity. Not sure what is going on. Maybe because all the alcohol is finally out of my blood stream? I am just sixes and sevens and I feel as if I am in a box with no open window or door. Very frustrating. I called in sick yesterday and today. I dread going into that place tomorrow. Struggling to be still and grateful. Thanks for listening to my rant!

  • DaveS posted a new activity comment 2 weeks, 1 day ago

    Thanks @kitten, my sleeping is getting better. I knew it would be trashed though when I cut the alcohol out. I find it takes me about 2 weeks to start to re-balance so I’ve been taking some natural sleep aids to help out with it. I’m getting off those though because they leave me a little groggy in the morning. Yes, I’m supposed t have a knee replacement in Oct. I’m not sure if I will or not. It’s kind of up and down with the knee at the moment. Thanks for your support! Sincerely appreciated! Peace D

  • DaveS posted a new activity comment 2 weeks, 2 days ago

    Thanks @suzkep. Much appreciated. Hope you’re doing AWESOME!

    • @daves – yeah not bad thanks – all over the place but feet firmly on the ground, think we are similar days without – at this stage I’m not missing it – doing the cigs as well – that’s tough but understand how they go hand in hand – ok – you have chirped me on – I need to do some socialising – I’ll go meet my Pilates group for coffee – I’m too late to go to class – thanks X

    • @daves – gee just found myself sitting, thinking in a flood of tears – maybe a movie is a better bet for me today. There’s a film festival on here, a quiet movie sounds a better deal.

  • DaveS posted a new activity comment 2 weeks, 2 days ago

    Hi @lee, I’m glad the brain dump resonated with you. I can totally relate to what you are saying. I had one last week. It was stress related but it doesn’t make a difference because I experience the same “management protocol” when things are going really well and I’m giving myself some BS excuse to celebrate a success (self-sabotage). That’s a strange one for sure. I had to take a step back and think about when this “protocol” would end because if I embark on that little road trip I can’t be sure. One thing I do know is it won’t be tomorrow. More like some time in September….maybe. And I find that thought EXHAUSTING! I really do. I’ll miss out of too many things. Little things like really engaging with my kids or getting some exercise. It’s perfectly okay to feel like you’re spread too thin. I’ve been feeling like that myself. It’s not the time to give up though. There’s never a good time for that so stay strong. You’re not alone in this and we’ve back your back. When I find for myself locked in this kind of thinking cycle it seems to repeat itself and gather momentum and I need to shut it down because it can get over-whelming in a very negative way. And you know Newton’s third law: For every action, there is an equal and opposite reaction. Well, one can only take so much pressure before there is a release. I’ve noticed it’s a thinking pattern of All-or-Nothing Thinking. If you haven’t read about these patterns here’s a good start… https://positivepsychology.com/cognitive-distortions/ . As someone who has unknowingly learned them I do my best now to recognize them now and undo and replace them with better thinking patterns because they have no positive impact in my life. Only bad. Hope this helps. Stay strong! Peace D.

    • Thanks again @DaveS and yes, those thoughts, can snowball and become more irrational. I’ve never felt more stuck but am preparing to unstick my self. I have no kids and am no longer married, to anything. I’ve decided to sell everything and get the fuck out of here. Running? maybe, starting over fresh? most definitely.

  • DaveS posted a new activity comment 2 weeks, 2 days ago

    Welcome @luckiestjo! Hope you’re doing well.

  • DaveS posted a new activity comment 2 weeks, 2 days ago

    Awesome post @jocord. Great timing for me to read. Thank you. D

  • DaveS posted an update 2 weeks, 2 days ago

    Hi everyone,

    My sincere hopes everyone is doing well and maintaining their sobriety as best you can. Some days it’s pure joy and peace, others is WTF! where we’re ready to flip a switch and move into a frame of mind where we have moments of neutrality and ignore our driving reasons of why we’re doing this in the first place (as in “I could really use a drink today”). I’ve been off the site for a bit, occasionally posting and dropping off if I fall backwards into the drinking muck. Funny how it’s like a thick mud that holds you down and stuck in place, unable to get up….at least that is what I have found for myself. I’m on Day 17 today. The last while has been a challenge. It’s interesting, in a very concerning way, how we progressively isolate ourselves as the drinking progresses in spite of the fact we’re surrounded by family, friends, and people. I find the isolation escalates in pace with the increase of consumption. It’s an odd paradox. As a kid growing up in an alcoholic family I learned VERY young the rules of not talking about concerns, suppressing them, stuffing your feelings, and not to draw attention to ourselves. Probably why when I started drinking as a teenager at parties it was a relief. The affects of those lessons have been devastating in many ways. Is it any wonder we find this isolation while drinking comforting, however dysfunctional or perverted it may be? Actually, I don’t feel like I’m alone when I’m in that state of drinking because alcohol and it’s effects actually feels like I’m not alone. It’s like a companion in the most distorted sense of the word. It’s so odd that we anthropomorphize alcohol into this companion where we continue a love/ hate dysfunctional and toxic relationship with it. Codependency at its worst and it spills over into the real relationships that we truly need. It’s hard to feel loveable or loving when you’re in the midst of a hangover induced state of depression. So what do we do? Turn to our fake “friend”…[Read more]

    • Hi @DaveS its good to hear from you. I know all about suppressed feelings not cos my family drank a lot but because of the Victorian stiff upper lip attitude. Mum and Dad bless them were very old fashioned, being angry was wrong, crying was frowned upon, you could be happy but very quietly so as to to disturb others and god help you if you got depressed and couldn’t “shake yourself out of it”. I’m only just beginning to work out how all this reflected on my adult life and my alcohol intake. Well done on day 17 here’s to day 18.xx

    • Hi @daveS. Your brain dump is my new found treasure and my world was just validated by reading it. For fuckidy fucks sake. The things we do. I’ve found myself in a jam and it seems to be spreading as the like would on toast or is that just a North American thing, I really do just want to get fucked up right now because why not..I am fighting it and will refer to your dump as often as I can today as it makes the world of sense to me right now. Maybe some wits need to come to an end in order to be replaced by better ones but the generator needed to perform that task feels broken right now or out of gas.

      • I also am lacking any sense of anthropomorphisation at the current moment. Just have a huge case of the fuck it’s and I already know that this can’t be good.

      • Hi @lee, I’m glad the brain dump resonated with you. I can totally relate to what you are saying. I had one last week. It was stress related but it doesn’t make a difference because I experience the same “management protocol” when things are going really well and I’m giving myself some BS excuse to celebrate a success (self-sabotage). That’s a strange one for sure. I had to take a step back and think about when this “protocol” would end because if I embark on that little road trip I can’t be sure. One thing I do know is it won’t be tomorrow. More like some time in September….maybe. And I find that thought EXHAUSTING! I really do. I’ll miss out of too many things. Little things like really engaging with my kids or getting some exercise. It’s perfectly okay to feel like you’re spread too thin. I’ve been feeling like that myself. It’s not the time to give up though. There’s never a good time for that so stay strong. You’re not alone in this and we’ve back your back. When I find for myself locked in this kind of thinking cycle it seems to repeat itself and gather momentum and I need to shut it down because it can get over-whelming in a very negative way. And you know Newton’s third law: For every action, there is an equal and opposite reaction. Well, one can only take so much pressure before there is a release. I’ve noticed it’s a thinking pattern of All-or-Nothing Thinking. If you haven’t read about these patterns here’s a good start… https://positivepsychology.com/cognitive-distortions/ . As someone who has unknowingly learned them I do my best now to recognize them now and undo and replace them with better thinking patterns because they have no positive impact in my life. Only bad. Hope this helps. Stay strong! Peace D.

        • Thanks again @DaveS and yes, those thoughts, can snowball and become more irrational. I’ve never felt more stuck but am preparing to unstick my self. I have no kids and am no longer married, to anything. I’ve decided to sell everything and get the fuck out of here. Running? maybe, starting over fresh? most definitely.

    • Great brain dump.

      • Thanks @suzkep. Much appreciated. Hope you’re doing AWESOME!

        • @daves – yeah not bad thanks – all over the place but feet firmly on the ground, think we are similar days without – at this stage I’m not missing it – doing the cigs as well – that’s tough but understand how they go hand in hand – ok – you have chirped me on – I need to do some socialising – I’ll go meet my Pilates group for coffee – I’m too late to go to class – thanks X

        • @daves – gee just found myself sitting, thinking in a flood of tears – maybe a movie is a better bet for me today. There’s a film festival on here, a quiet movie sounds a better deal.

    • glad to have you reconnecting, @daves. gosh you are doing the nicotine, alcohol, quit thing. I did them both at the same time because, like you, one is useless without the other, or at least that was my thought when i quit. i slept like forever when i first quit. hope you ar sleeping well and enjoying the bonus of taking out two poisons out of your system. weren’t you going to have a knee replacement or am just not thinking right? good to hear from you and congrats on day 17.

      • Thanks @kitten, my sleeping is getting better. I knew it would be trashed though when I cut the alcohol out. I find it takes me about 2 weeks to start to re-balance so I’ve been taking some natural sleep aids to help out with it. I’m getting off those though because they leave me a little groggy in the morning. Yes, I’m supposed t have a knee replacement in Oct. I’m not sure if I will or not. It’s kind of up and down with the knee at the moment. Thanks for your support! Sincerely appreciated! Peace D

    • Good for you on the quitting smoking. I’ve never been a heavy smoker but without booze in the picture I’m down to rolling four or five cigs a day even on more stressful ones.

    • Great post DaveS. Ya know, I felt that way too about alcohol being my friend and assuaging the loneliness. Big fat lie. At day 100, I noticed how truly lonely I am. That is my next adventure – stepping out of my comfort zone.

      • Thanks @Deester! Are you at Day 100?

        • I’m at day 101 now. Oy, I am having an awful day – just engulfed in loneliness and self pity. Not sure what is going on. Maybe because all the alcohol is finally out of my blood stream? I am just sixes and sevens and I feel as if I am in a box with no open window or door. Very frustrating. I called in sick yesterday and today. I dread going into that place tomorrow. Struggling to be still and grateful. Thanks for listening to my rant!

    • Good to have you back. I love your brain dumps. Your posts are always so interesting and insightful. I’m glad you’ve reconnected. You’re certainly taking on a lot not smoking and not drinking at the same time – building sober muscles of steel! You’re going to feel like a whole new person – inside and out. Good luck!

      • Thank you @AprilsFool 🙂 I really appreciate your feedback and support. Funny enough, quitting smoking wasn’t too bad this time around. I suppose I was ready for it. What I find when I stop drinking though is the things I am most interested in and enjoy re-assert themselves back into my life, like creativity and pursuing the activities I really enjoy. Peace D

    • @DaveS did we grow up in the same household??? 😉

      • Hi @erica375,

        Yes, that I have no doubt. I went to an A–Anon group a while back and it was spooky to listen to the stories and the reactions of those that attended. I could swear they grew up IN my house. Hope you are doing well! Peace D

  • DaveS posted a new activity comment 2 weeks, 5 days ago

    Hi @Michael6, I don’t participate in AA myself though I have been to meetings and met people there. Maybe try another AA group and see if that works for you. Anyone who would say what the a-hole Secretary said, regardless if they are at AA or any other support group is NOT going to be helpful to you resolving your alcohol issue. Saying such a thing especially at a meeting in front of others is toxic and toxic relationships is what gets us into medicating ourselves with alcohol in the first place. I find paying close attention to the triggers to our drinking helps and trying to understand where they came from to resolve them helps. Negative triggers are obvious, positive triggers like success are somewhat trickery.

  • DaveS posted a new activity comment 3 weeks, 2 days ago

    Great choice @MKCC!

  • DaveS posted a new activity comment 3 weeks, 2 days ago

    Well done @craftygirl! You rock!

  • DaveS posted a new activity comment 3 weeks, 5 days ago

    Well done on day 12 @songbird80! Your positive attitude is inspiring. Keep up the great work! D

  • DaveS posted a new activity comment 4 weeks, 1 day ago

    Hi @ralph3479, I haven’t checked in for a while myself….Sorry to hear of the death in the family. The separation doesn’t help either. My mother had passed away suddenly while I was going through the separation thing and the ex-left 4 days later. I definitely went through a stage of depression and had to have rotator cuff surgery a 2 months afterwards. A lot to take in and I definitely went through a stage of depression. It’s great you’re addressing it now. Hang tough! It WILL get better. Alcohol really does leave a trail of disaster…..man, you have that right. It doesn’t help to medicate yourself.

  • DaveS posted a new activity comment 4 weeks, 1 day ago

    Hi @jocord, thank you for the ‘shout out’! 🙂 Much appreciated and timely. I’ve been having a rough time of things lately for a variety of reasons. As such I was drinking to medicate myself. This week has been much better though and I’m going on 5 days with no drinking OR smoking. I decided to stop both on the same day. I hasn’t been too difficult, the smoking being more of a challenge. You have to get past day 3-4 and recognize you’re having a confused angry moment from Nicotine withdrawal! Lol. I’m going to be back on the site more though as I’ve realized I definitely need the support right now. My goal is long-term sobriety. I know I can do it. Just need to focus on a healthier lifestyle, physically AND mentally. Thank you for the timely ‘shout’! How have you been?

  • DaveS posted a new activity comment 1 month, 3 weeks ago

    Hi @liberty, both

  • DaveS posted a new activity comment 1 month, 4 weeks ago

    Great post @Liberty! Well done on 1190! It’s interesting how, after a few years, there are fleeting urges.

    • Which is the interesting bit @daves, is it that there are still urges, or that they’re fleeting?

      • Hi @liberty, both

      • I spent 4 decades making and reinforcing those neuronal paths so I suppose 3 years isn’t enough to make them go away entirely. In fact I don’t think they will go away entirely but as I react to them less and less and (key, I think) replace them with other coping strategies, they fade in strength. They are like those tiny waves at flat beaches, rather then the huge ones that knock you off your feet. However if I faced a big challenge like the death of a loved one, I anticipate I might have a big surge, so to speak. Bigger threat to self, bigger response. But by then I hope I’d have sufficient other tools to manage it. For me @daves it’s a matter of continually choosing.

  • DaveS posted a new activity comment 4 months, 2 weeks ago

    Hi @lars, I’m happy I could offer even the smallest shift in perspective. We seem much the same in the cycle. I track my non-drinking days on a site (http://www.alcoholhelpcenter.net) in the diary. It allows me to track my drinking/ non-drinking days in a calendar and zero days show a yellow gold colour. These gold days are like badges to be proud of and are a great reminder. I find this really helps because when I start drinking it ramps up like a bell curve and usually lasts for a time….a week, a month, a few months, then I stop. Here’s the deception….when I stop I feel like I’m starting at zero and have no reference point for previous successes. The diary/ calendar app allows me to scroll back and see my successes. And it’s always surprising. When I’m faced with the immediate day when I stop I can’t remember the days and weeks when I was alcohol free. Not remembering is demoralizing because it’s a day 1. Yet that in itself is a lie. I know I did have success but I can’t visualize it. Scrolling back allows me to soften my black and white/ all or nothing view and see that I have made progress. And it always surprises me. I’m on day 13 today. When I started tracking it I scrolled back and was proud of myself because it really wasn’t as bad as I thought. I had weeks and months of sobriety. I scrolled back and had 18 months and then a blip, then months, blip, weeks, sometimes only days. Only days? WTF! Those are successes too! My point is we are only human and we do our best with what we have to work with at the time. We grow, we succeed, we stumble, we recoil…..yet we come here and give our most precious asset, our time. And we give it freely and lovingly with concern and unconditionally. When I look back at the time frames that are not filled in I know I was drinking. I reflect on the circumstances of what was going on at the time and try to remember and understand what the catalyst was to push me into the need to medicate myself. It softens the edges and…[Read more]

  • DaveS posted a new activity comment 4 months, 2 weeks ago

    The operative word is “Not!” @R51. All those things will “Not!” happen if you do if you’re anything like me.

  • DaveS posted a new activity comment 4 months, 2 weeks ago

    Hi @R51, funny how that seems like a good idea at the time….

  • DaveS posted a new activity comment 4 months, 2 weeks ago

    Thank you @mari135. Sincerely appreciated.

  • DaveS posted a new activity comment 4 months, 2 weeks ago

    Hi @lee, that person you referred to is not functioning and is suffering from serious mental health issues. That’s not your fault by any stretch. People with mental health issues seem to express their inner demons as a reflection of themselves and cast those perceptions to those outside of themselves. I had a sociopath inflict a terrible situation onto me a few years ago and to this day they still post things on their Facebook page, without mentioning me directly however I know they are referring to me, saying I’m a sociopathic narcissist. I saw one as recently as Wednesday and it startled me at first as it’s been a while since I saw one or checked. As I thought about it I realized they are admitting to themselves that they are in the sociopathic narcissist and transferring it me. I actually feel sad for her, inspite of the horrible, psychopathic things she did to ruin my life. To this day I’ve never taken any action of retribution for what she did, nor will I ever do that. It’s not in my nature. People with severe mental disorders live a very dark life inside and don’t take responsibility for their actions. They want to hurt others because the pain they experience. Some are just evil. They seem to be devoid of remorse and empathy. Try to see this person for what they really are, as an observer and not a participant. I really admire your strength @lee. Stay strong. You’re on the right pat. Peace. D

  • DaveS posted an update 4 months, 3 weeks ago

    Hi my LS friends! I hope everyone is finding success and peace in this day. Day 13 and feeling relaxed. I find taking the time in the morning these days allows me to connect with myself and start the day with a fresh and peaceful perspective. Having someone I truly love really saves me. She has an Australian border collie (I just love that puppy!) and after I drop her off in the morning for the train into Toronto I head down to the lake and spend an hour just thinking and taking in the messages that present themselves. Today is overcast, cool, and windy. As I looked out at the lake I can see the waves crashing against the armour stone wall which juts out into the water, almost like a dock. It reminded me of the fact that we need to weather these challenges, especially when the waters get rough. We’re not unlike the armour stone. We’re unmovable as the waves crash against us. Tomorrow the sun will rise, give the warmth and inspiration we need to advance us along this new life and we’ll find our peace, happiness, and contentment. Each of are those stones and this community represents the strength of those stones. Unmovable in support and kindness. Thank you to each and every one of you for being those rocks we depend on. My best wishes in having an amazing day! Peace D

  • DaveS posted a new activity comment 4 months, 3 weeks ago

    Hi @typsytoegirl, well done on Day 126! Such a great accomplishment! I’m not familiar with the back story here however it sounds pretty rough (and familiar). I can relate and it’s timely that I read this. A couple of years ago I got involved with a woman who seemed so great and compatible and she turned out to be sociopath and an HCP (High Conflict Person). While our relationship was brief, when I tried to end it she flipped like a light switch and tried to ruin my life. I won’t do into details, suffice to say I never imagined a person could do what she did. I’m so sorry you have to go through this right now. Stay strong. People like the one I mentioned are not mentally stable. We cannot have contact with them or the cycle continues. I know that for a fact. I know this person from my past still obsesses about about me and all it would take is one iota of communication to start off an avalanche of pain and anxiety that, much like a drinking re-start, would escalate into a nightmare. You’ll get through this and your life will be better. You’re an incredibly strong person. Keep going!

    • @DaveS. You have very accurately summarized the situation I was in and escaped from and am now trying to recover from (4 months since I escaped and 2 1/2 months no contact). I have one more court hearing to do with this person though next week (haven’t seen them since Dec. 6th so am hoping it doesn’t trigger me right back down the rabbit hole) and then after that I believe I will be free of them. I moved 6 states away to be with them and am now back in my home state away from them. What a world we live in…… Thank you for your validating and kind words!!

  • DaveS posted a new activity comment 4 months, 3 weeks ago

    Hi @cooper! Welcome to the community!

  • DaveS posted a new activity comment 4 months, 3 weeks ago

    Hi @lars, this is not day 1 if you did a year and half (or a day for that matter). A reminder blip cannot erase the immense success you have achieved. Isn’t funny (in an odd sort of way) how we seem to erase incredible success with such a tiny eraser? Well, let’s try to view it from another perspective……A year and half is 13,147.5 hours. 1 day is 24 (and I highly doubt you did a 24 hour straight binge). Your blip represents represents 0.18% of your total time. So you’re 99.82%! If that was a final grade on an exam would you be PO’d? NO! You’d be framing it! If you told someone (or someone told you) you/ they were depressed and despondent with a 99.82% level of performance success, especially with all the crap likely thrown in the way during that time…..well, you’d probably slap them. Frankly I think you’re a bloody rockstar. I’m inspired! A blip is not an eraser, it’s a lesson reminder. I can only speak for myself, however, I know pretty much everyone here can understand this…….black and white thinking/ all or nothing thinking are cognitive distortions and leave little room for forgiveness. Those thinking patterns got us here in the first place (among other things). We’re quick to forgive others yet we’re merciless on ourselves. Take a look at my profile picture. Pretend you’re telling that to him 99.82% just got flushed down the drain. Now I dare you to keep a straight face. Peace! D

  • DaveS posted a new activity comment 4 months, 3 weeks ago

    Hi @soberdaisy, good for you on your Day 1. Stay in the present and hold your resolve. Things will get better! They’ve already started.

  • DaveS posted a new activity comment 4 months, 3 weeks ago

    Hi @may572! Welcome to the community! How are you going?

  • DaveS posted a new activity comment 4 months, 3 weeks ago

    Welcome to the community @bluedaze! How are you doing?

  • DaveS posted a new activity comment 4 months, 3 weeks ago

    Thank you @ellislou. I firmly believe the right people come into our lives at the right time, when we are ready for them. And the right people in our lives stay in our lives that were there before. It’s scary to let go of the comfort zone. Scarier letting go of what we perceive to be our most trusted friend, alcohol, when in reality it’s our worst enemy. Quitting drinking is a lot like breaking up with a very trusted companion and friend. Always consistent and falsely pretending to make to feel good yet completely dysfunctional and leaving you feeling depressed and miserable after they leave. Co-dependence at its very worst.

  • DaveS posted an update 4 months, 3 weeks ago

    Hi my LS friends 🙂 , I hope everyone is doing well and finding success in their efforts moving froward! It’s been a bit since I posted and I’m going to begin posting more. As I checked my last posting 6 months ago it gave me time to reflect on the interim. Certainly had my ups and downs with the drinking. Suffice it to say I’m in a much better place and on day 10. It’s amazing how the challenges in life lead us to medicate ourselves in an effort to escape the reality of the situation rather face it and deal with it head on. Well, time to deal with it head on. I am very fortunate, after these last few years of immense challenges, to be finding peace and have a new woman in my life and who is the kindest person I think I have ever met. As a plus, she doesn’t drink, well not more than a glass of wine. As I’ve reflected on what we share I realize I surrounded myself with people that reinforced a self-concept developed within a dysfunctional, alcoholic family. I’m glad I’m not around those people anymore. I had to extricate myself from my relationship with them. Words are powerful, especially when subtle and veiled with good intent. It’s startling when we listen to how we speak to ourselves. When I pay attention to how I speak to myself I realize I would ever speak to someone else that way. Quite the opposite. I would encourage them and listen and be supportive. Interesting how we often don’t extend the same courtesy and respect to ourselves as we do to others. If we can’t put respect for ourselves first then how can we think we are being honest with others? Maybe that is what we are yearning for ourself yet when we receive it can feel very uncomfortable and undeserving. Why is that? Is it a trust issue? It’s hard to let others inside this shell we’ve built around ourselves.

    Have faith friends. This community represents the best in humanity.

    Peace

    D

    • Such a great post @DaveS you sou d in a good place and well done kn day 10 and so glad you have met a lovy kind lady

      • Thank you @ellislou. I firmly believe the right people come into our lives at the right time, when we are ready for them. And the right people in our lives stay in our lives that were there before. It’s scary to let go of the comfort zone. Scarier letting go of what we perceive to be our most trusted friend, alcohol, when in reality it’s our worst enemy. Quitting drinking is a lot like breaking up with a very trusted companion and friend. Always consistent and falsely pretending to make to feel good yet completely dysfunctional and leaving you feeling depressed and miserable after they leave. Co-dependence at its very worst.

  • DaveS posted a new activity comment 4 months, 4 weeks ago

    Great quote @jarvi! Stick to your plan. Keep posting!

  • DaveS posted a new activity comment 4 months, 4 weeks ago

    Welcome to the community @jarvi!

    • thanks dude. I’m in 18:25 on my 4th evening of being sober in a very long time. I’m 49 and have been drinking since a teen.
      at the age of 49 as i approach my 50th birthday i read this quote and decided, right, let’s do this.

      It was Brain Tracy who said,

      “Ive found that every single successful person I have ever spoken to has had a turning point. the turning point was when they made a clear, specific, unequivocal decision that they were not going to live like this any more. They were going to achieve success. Some people make that decision at fifteen, some at fifty, but most never make it at all.”

    • Great quote @jarvi! Stick to your plan. Keep posting!

  • DaveS posted a new activity comment 11 months ago

    Great work @Samartee! Keep going! How are you feeling at D20? DO you notice a big difference?

    • I have far less anxiety and am sleeping better than I can ever remember. Depression has lifted and coping with pressure’s of work much better. Huge difference 🙂

  • DaveS posted a new activity comment 11 months ago

    Welcome @kaos73! Glad you’re here.

  • DaveS posted a new activity comment 11 months ago

    Great work on day 26 @Kate1975. Power through it!

  • DaveS posted a new activity comment 11 months ago

    Wow, @time2quit, that was one exhausting and mentally fatiguing week. Well done on holding your own.

  • DaveS posted a new activity comment 11 months ago

    Hi @kitten, Thank you for the thoughts. I think I’ll focus on the BP and the life style change for now. I’ll have to manage around the knee. I’ve made through the first day of non-smoking. It actually went better than I thought. It is a challenge when both of my kids smoke, and drink. I see the doctor tomorrow. I’ll request the blood work and see how my liver stacks up and any other deficiencies that may exist. Little steps…. 🙂

  • DaveS posted a new activity comment 11 months ago

    Thanks @buckeyeone. Much appreciated.

  • DaveS posted a new activity comment 11 months ago

    Very sorry to hear about your loss @Saoirse. xoxo

  • DaveS posted a new activity comment 11 months ago

    Hi @kerriebear, good plan reaching out. I have to do the same. I find when I drink I get withdrawn into myself and reach out to the wrong people or the wrong ways and avoid this valuable community. I can relate to the blood pressure. I went last Thursday to my doctor and my blood pressure was crazy high, as in 184/118. That’s really scary to me and I’ve been researching the contributing factors, mainly my drinking and smoking. I wrote something earlier today about it on here. It does correct itself though. I’m 125/88 today, which is still elevated but not as “HOLY SH@T!” Thursday. It’s been going down progressively since and I haven’t been drinking and tapering off the smokes. Today is day 1 no-smoking. I expect I may be a bit an manic a-hole tomorrow in the throw’s of withdrawal!

    You’re on the right track @kerriebear. Keep checking in and keep me posted on your progress and I’ll do the same. Peace D

    • Thanks for your post Dave, it is very reassuring at this challenging time – good luck with giving up smoking.

  • DaveS posted a new activity comment 11 months ago

    Welcome @sean57! Glad you’re here.

  • DaveS posted a new activity comment 11 months ago

    Hi @morgan, thanks for the note and thoughts. I don’t feel I have it sorted out intellectually as per se. I need to resolve a lot of things and that won’t happen overnight. Those are the things that enlist me to drink and maintain this dysfunctional way of dealing with problems. These will come in small steps. Journalling is a good start as well as picking areas I need to focus on (communication, loss, abandonment…). I can’t financially afford to be seeing a psychologist. I tried a group session locally and it was interesting. I may return to that. Eating healthy, fitness, creativity/ spirituality are areas I need to look at. I can only do so much at once. Little steps. So, yes, I feel determined….any suggestions are welcome.
    Quitting smoking is top of mind (I moving into day 2). Basically looking at my list and addressing the times is a start. Peace D

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