• Darleen posted a new activity comment 12 months ago

    Thanks everyone…… I am looking forward to be af again and everyone on here rocks!!! And yes Dave I had the opportunity to write it fresh so used that as my decision making tool…. tbh drinking again just bought back a battle I was sick of fighting and more often that not wished I was af again because as meinz said that off switch ain’t ever gonna change!!! Thanks

  • Darleen posted an update 12 months ago

    I’m back….. after 13 months of being af I made a conscious decision to try drinking again. I knew that it was very likely I would go back to the way I was but I also knew that if I did, I always had the option of giving up again because I knew that living life af was actually bloody wonderful…… it’s been 4 months (gosh feels like so much longer) and I had to write down this morning how I feel because last time I gave up I didn’t write enough to go back and remind myself how I felt…… sick, unwell, remorseful, embrassed, ashamed and gutted I’m back here, you see the 4 months has been mostly ok, I certainly had lots more sober than non sober days, and I did so much enjoy that drink or two with the girlfriends…. but once it passes your lips, that button switches off doesn’t it and last night was a prime example- we hosted a work function and I provided lots of wine…… stupid thing was most of the ladies at my table didn’t drink much to which I was slightly envious, but I had wine, wine, delicious wine…. that ended in blanks, losing money cards, getting Snotty with the husband, walking out of the pub we went to afterwards without telling anyone, took myself home and put myself to bed…… it’s ironic because I knew this was exactly how the night was likely going to go and was dreading how today was going to be because I wanted to get stuff done…….. it’s time again, time to re enter the world of fabulous soberness….. clear head, no restrictions, drive whenever I want, no remorse, no liver pains, no heart burn, no head F#$k of am I, or am I not going to drink, just no – I’m not going to drink….

    • I think it’s really good that you recorded what it was like… “sick, unwell, remorseful, embrassed, ashamed and gutted”. Something I really regret was not recording just how bad life was for me because time quickly makes it impossible to recall just how truly awful being me was.

      You’ve tried it, and now you know. Well done getting back up.

    • Welcome back @Darleen. Self sabotage & the wine witch are Bitches. I know you are feeling gutted right now but thank you for sharing this post, it helps us newbies to know the importance of not being complacent no matter how much AF time has passed. We are all here because we simply don’t have an off switch and that ain’t ever gonna change!

      • Welcome back 🙂 thank you for sharing your honest journey. It always reminds me that I’m sure I could never moderate. 8 months sober and the occasional thought ‘oh I could just have a glass here or there’ cones along. But the rest of your story is like me so why would my attempts to moderate be any different? As melnz said, I’ve never had an off switch and always drank to get drunk. So thank you for keeping me honest and on track x

    • JM replied 12 months ago

      Hi @Darleen! Brave and smart decision, thank-you for sharing! I sometimes think that in the future, far future, I could have a couple glasses of wine, no problem, which is illogical, because the problem I solved was with the alcohol. Getting it out of my life. You probably have the tools you need to get sober again, but if you need distractions, so many great sober sites and audios and videos on youtube – Annie Grace has a great one on why moderation doesn’t work. Go easy on yourself today. Keep posting, : )

      • Thanks everyone…… I am looking forward to be af again and everyone on here rocks!!! And yes Dave I had the opportunity to write it fresh so used that as my decision making tool…. tbh drinking again just bought back a battle I was sick of fighting and more often that not wished I was af again because as meinz said that off switch ain’t ever gonna change!!! Thanks

    • Great share @Darleen. Alcoholism is a sneaky one. Look, it even made you think you chose to drink consciously.
      Welcome back to recovery. Choose your path and throw everything you have at it.

    • Hi @Darleen Our addict self which is part of our mid brain does not die till we do, it doesn’t even sleep its part of the brain that keeps us breathing and our heart pumping- the stuff we cant do for our selves, science explains how this all works. we just have to believe it or not- that our choice but one drink will never be enough and that’s a fact. Its the first sip that’s the triggers the process that leads our concise mind to believe that our body needs more alcohol. We don’t get to say “yea or nah” at this stage. Our addict uses our arm to pour the alcohol down our throat to met its own needs- it has no concept of the harm this can do to us

    • @darleen thank you for your honest, brave post. One of the big things that motivates me to stay sober is I no longer fight that mental battle of if I’m going to drink, when am I going to start, how much, etc etc. now it’s a straightforward “I don’t drink” and that’s that. I’m so glad you’re back here with us. Stay close. xoxo

  • Darleen posted a new activity comment 1 year, 5 months ago

    Awesome work Prudence….. and I love the way you are still on here, supporting everyone with your wise words and showing us what can be achieved… keep up the good work…..

  • Darleen posted a new activity comment 1 year, 5 months ago

    Thank you for your honesty and sharing with us…. to get through a rough patch I said to myself I would drink again one day and moderate but I would stay af for a year first…. well that year is up and it only when I’m really honest with myself that I admit that the reason I gave up was because I can’t moderate, and the b*@tard kept beating me and I need to stay af….
    Don’t beat yourself up; you are back here…. you’ve got this…

  • Darleen posted a new activity comment 1 year, 6 months ago

    Ride it out….. It’s worth the wait…..

  • Darleen posted a new activity comment 1 year, 6 months ago

    Wow I have never come across the Lindaur alcohol free …. I do have and enjoy the Evandale af wine that I can only find in a bottleo (go figure

  • Darleen posted a new activity comment 1 year, 7 months ago

    Marien, believe us when we say that the hard work of sobriety makes us stronger…. This strength will help you live a life that you deserve… There are so many people out there that are happy and available to help you, don’t ever be scared to reach out to them…. It’ll all be worth it….

  • Darleen posted a new activity comment 1 year, 7 months ago

    Yes well done @synchrony for getting straight back on here, and learning from what happened and sharing with us….. Over the last couple of months I have told myself that I’m going to drink again – I think just to help me through a tough patch, but fortunately I told myself I’d do it after one year sober (currently 308) but as time as gone on I have come to the realisation that, whilst those first couple of drinks that I miss so dearly would be great it’s the many that inevitably follow that won’t be great, and the reason I stopped is because the beast kept winning!! So dust yourself off, keep calm and carry on, because sober life rocks!! Thank you for sharing

  • Darleen posted a new activity comment 1 year, 7 months ago

    Well done on day 10…. I too remember thinking af drink was expensive ha ha!!

  • Darleen posted a new activity comment 1 year, 9 months ago

    Thanks everyone…. Great support, and @reena I love the way you put “romance”
    I will now go and find Wendy’s story, this website is the best!!

  • Darleen posted an update 1 year, 9 months ago

    Day 233…… Just returned from a fabulous trip to Fiji for a work conference…… I must say struggled a bit….. Not at the conference (although it is the ultimate for a drinker…. 3 days of conference and fun and 3 nights of being wined and dined…) conference was ok, my drinking used to bother me then so it was great to be in control and even better to wake with no hangover- something new in a hotel room!
    It was the absolutely romantic 3 days before with hubby, I so yearned to have a drink with him (so much so I cried a couple of times – a rarity for this tough kiwi chick…)
    Back on top of it and 95% of the time I was in control on holiday but that 5% yearning was extremely strong….. If it wasn’t for the 24k run coming up in 3 weeks I’ve got myself involved in…I believe I would’ve had a drink with him…..

    • Well done you for staying strong!

    • Wendy whose story is the Sober Story mentioned the hardest part of getting sober was getting rid of the “romance” of alcohol with her husband (and without).
      I feel the same. It’s been a huge trigger before. Knowing that your time was still “super” romantic is a biggie for me and I hope for you. Making those memories without the booze has to cement some of that I hope. Thanks for sharing that.

    • Thanks everyone…. Great support, and @reena I love the way you put “romance”
      I will now go and find Wendy’s story, this website is the best!!

  • Darleen posted a new activity comment 1 year, 11 months ago

    Thanks @wildchild for sharing that! I relate to what your are saying and have also benefited from everyone’s replies…… I like what Dave said about the future being promised to no one and enjoy the day and that’s how I’ve been dealing with the future…. One day, one function anytime… Enjoy our beautiful country

  • Darleen posted a new activity comment 1 year, 11 months ago

    Thank you everyone…. I had written so much more, but not sure where it went

  • Well 6 months one week ago I joined this site – it was day 1….
    How do I feel?? On the whole …Fabulous, fitter and full of energy……Life has changed, but then it had to didn’t it., I wanted it too….. Friday nights went from boozy social/drunken nights, to (4 months in) nights of dread…. Omg what am I going to do, I don’t drink…. I’m a loser, an outcast, to – yah it’s Friday a nice peaceful night at home, with a lovely weekend to enjoy…..
    Energy levels are finally starting to get better…(it takes so long

  • Darleen posted a new activity comment 2 years ago

    Well said @freedom1025 I had the same thought the other day…. I got sick of losing to moderation…. Only one way to beat the bugga!!

  • Darleen posted a new activity comment 2 years, 1 month ago

    Thank you so much for your book Mrs D, finished it last night, once again I enjoyed your book and gained so much from it…… And gave me something to do on my quiet Friday night

  • Darleen posted a new activity comment 2 years, 1 month ago

    162 days is awesome…. Kia kaha….

  • Darleen posted a new activity comment 2 years, 1 month ago

    Awesome post Cassie….. A lot gained from a fellow lurker……..

    • Thanks @Darleen
      It turned into a pretty long thank you, but I wanted the ones that post to know that they do make a difference to the quiet lurkers 🙂 and I spent a very emotional day yesterday over all the lovely replies I got. xx

  • Darleen posted a new activity comment 2 years, 2 months ago

    Thanks for sharing…..

  • Darleen posted a new activity comment 2 years, 3 months ago

    Thanks @birdandberry I needed that…

  • Darleen posted a new activity comment 2 years, 3 months ago

    Thanks…..this site has been great….

  • Darleen posted a new activity comment 2 years, 3 months ago

    Yes it’s all different from this side isn’t it…. Fabulously different…..

  • Day 56! Being sober is great! Attended a public outdoor event last night, where there was some very drunk people and I was so glad it wasn’t me! I was wide awake, bright eyed and totally into the exciting motorsport (as opposed to blurry, sleepy and obsessing about my next drink as I would’ve been prior to being AF) and THEN I drove my moderate drinking friends home at midnight and awoke this morning fresh with no regrets, what a great feeling! A big shout out to everyone here on living sober, this site rocks and you are all my inspiration

    • Well done to you! I was just about to post the very same thing… had a friend’s surprise birthday party and I was the only one NOT drinking! As the night wore on and everyone was getting very messy I was still having a great time (even hit the dance floor for a bit!), drove home my very inebriated hubby (who was stumbling and throwing up by this stage) and had a good sleep! Feel so proud of myself and seeing all those messed up people really hit home what I’ve been doing to myself for all throes years – and it wasn’t pretty!

    • Ah, the joyful and self-appreciative morning-after, it’s a wonderful thing. 56 days is great @darleen . xx

    • Well done.

    • It’s fun to get back in the swing of going out isn’t it?
      Congrats on Day 56 @Darleen sober weekend mornings are a fabulous reward!

  • Darleen posted a new activity comment 2 years, 3 months ago

    Wahoo!! Great achievement

  • Darleen posted a new activity comment 2 years, 3 months ago

    Thank you @MrsD xx

  • Darleen posted a new activity comment 2 years, 4 months ago

    Wow! Ditto! I’m now on day 43 and it’s so worth it…..
    I’m not sure I want hubby to give up because despite having the same problems he is no where near wanting too….. It is the wrong time for him…..But his awareness has heightened in the last 43 days and as a result has had more alcohol free days and they have been awesome

  • Darleen posted a new activity comment 2 years, 4 months ago

    Wahoo!! 365!! Fabulous

  • Darleen posted a new activity comment 2 years, 4 months ago

    You can do this….. I’ve got a girls night coming up… Getting picked up by limousine (the ultimate when one was drinking!!) but don’t wanna miss out on these events… So gonna tag along with my non alcoholic drinks and focus on the good parts (no worrying about the next drink, no slurring my words… No worrying about the next day…. ) no continuing on with the battle day after day after day…..
    Enjoy those cool girlfriends…..

  • Darleen posted a new activity comment 2 years, 4 months ago

    I hear you @donnamaree26…. My husband too drinks a lot….. (He was home drunk and asleep tonight at 730 after social day out playing bowls……)
    We are very solid but I know this could lead to a few bumps in the road….we have had a couple of conversations about it all but I don’t think he has been totally honest with himself and where he’s at hence not totally honest with me….
    I know the only reason I have coped so well this time is because I was ready so I know any attempts to try and get him to change will be fruitless…. So like the others said its one day at a time and focus on what I need to do….

  • Darleen posted a new activity comment 2 years, 4 months ago

    Wow interesting question…. I see you’ve been alcohol free for a lot longer than me, so I’ll be interested to know how you handle this trip…. my hubby drinks a lot too…. but he is very supportive of what I’m doing and doing what he can to make it work….
    Meanwhile I’m discovering for the first time since I ever started drinking that all these events CAN be fun and in fact they are more fun because of my awareness and because alcohols not interrupting it….

  • Darleen posted a new activity comment 2 years, 4 months ago

    Like like like! Thank you for sharing your story 2000 days ago, you’ve been a big inspiration to many, including me….. had my first wedding yesterday at day 20 & it was so lovely not to be controlled by the alcohol and a bonus of driving others home at the end of the night ☺

  • Darleen posted a new activity comment 2 years, 4 months ago

    Hey @zath, I’m at day 20 today too…. Feeling good, off to a wedding today and looking forward to talking to people without being paranoid about how drunk I am or whether I’m slurring my words….
    My family and friends also surprised at me giving up until I tell them the battles that used to go on in my head, and everyone has been very supportive, like Mrs D I don’t want life to change too much, and have told them all that I’m determined not to be boring

  • Darleen posted a new activity comment 2 years, 4 months ago

    Keep strong @louise89 , remember the long term benefits xx

    • Thanks @darleen my rings aren’t tight around my fingers anymore so fluid retention must be abating already 🙂

  • Darleen posted a new activity comment 2 years, 4 months ago

    So true….. I always think about that first one but tell myself it’s the events that follow that I don’t like and it brings me back to reality….. Saying that I will copy your post to remind me… Thanks

  • Darleen posted a new activity comment 2 years, 4 months ago

    Wow thanks everyone for replying….. didn’t want to blow it for myself if did have alcohol it in, I’ll be interested in my reaction to it Suek…. and I’d never heard of kombucha, so I’ll be trying that too…. where do you get it from…. thanks everyone

    • I make my own kombucha — you can get a starter at a health food store. It can contain the same naturally occurring alcohol as very ripe fruits.

  • Can anyone tell me if the alcohol free wine, is actually alcohol free?? The blurb from one bottle is below, that states it has 0.5%……..

    “The wine contains no more than 0.5% alcohol (similar to levels you’ll find in natural fruit juices), has fewer calories than regular wine and has the same or higher levels of anti-oxidants.

    The lowdown: Less than 0.5% alc / 750ml / Cork
    Find similar products: Non-Alcoholic”

    • I think they put it in because there may still be traces of alcohol in it so that is s disclaimer that yes it contains 0.5%. A bit like this may contain traces of nuts the food companies put on labels.

    • It’s impossible to remove 100℅ of alcohol from wine. It must contain <0.5% alcohol to refer to itself as "alcohol free". The same is true, I believe, is true for beer.

    • I’ve had the same question about kombucha… it can have traces of alcohol too. I have drunk dealcoholized wine and didn’t get any buzz off it at all — BUT… weirdly, I found myself behaving toward that bottle as I used to behave toward the wine bottle. I was watching, thinking about my next drink when the first one wasn’t even finished, hoping nobody else would take some… it was crazy. I was really possessive and obsessive about it. I didn’t like that feeling at all, so I don’t bother with “pretend” drinks any more. I do drink kombucha, but I don’t have the addictive behaviour around that. It gets the same response from me as soda water.

      • I had that very same experience with alcohol free wine. Creepy! It was that experience that really made the obsessive thinking so apparent to me. I can have an N/A beer with no problems or triggers. But now I don’t even bother with that anymore. Fizzy water or ginger beer is my thang.

    • Wow thanks everyone for replying….. didn’t want to blow it for myself if did have alcohol it in, I’ll be interested in my reaction to it Suek…. and I’d never heard of kombucha, so I’ll be trying that too…. where do you get it from…. thanks everyone

      • I make my own kombucha — you can get a starter at a health food store. It can contain the same naturally occurring alcohol as very ripe fruits.

    • Alcohol can be naturally occurring it’s in bread 🙂 I tried but it wasn’t great x

  • Darleen posted a new activity comment 2 years, 5 months ago

  • Darleen posted a new activity comment 2 years, 5 months ago

    Just think how much better the evening without alcohol, you will remember everything, walk out straight, be able to drive, hop into bed sober and no hangover and be able to achieve everything you want tomorrow…. such a long time sober…. you’ve got this…..

  • Darleen posted a new activity comment 2 years, 5 months ago

    Wow, amazing support….. I am still fighting the battle, but seeing all these posts and stories makes me determined (and looking forward to a better quality life…) So…. day 1 for me today….

  • Darleen became a registered member 2 years, 5 months ago