• Cole posted an update 2 years, 7 months ago

    Hey everyone! I made it through the weekend without drinking and I had a great time. The Women’s march was massive and it was incredible to see so many passionate people standing up and marching for what they believe. We went to a bar afterwards, I ordered a salad with my water. Then I was offered a free ticket to the Tedeschi Trucks Band show at the Chicago Theater that night. I have always ordered a beer at a concert so I was a little nervous about going to this after such a long day. I’m happy to say I made it through the show without drinking and the music was fantastic! I even got a little misty-eyed during a cover of “Bird on a Wire,” it reminded me so much of my struggles with addiction and the people I’ve hurt along the way. It’s still very early in my sobriety so I don’t want to congratulate myself too much but I do feel proud of myself for getting through such a busy weekend without the bourbon. I hope everyone is doing well and staying off the sauce. I appreciate all the comments and advice I’ve received from members of this site. It may not seem like a lot but a few words of encouragement from someone who’s been there can be a very powerful motivator for people like me who are struggling. So thank you all for the support and good luck with your own sober journey!

    • That’s brilliant @cole , well done!

      Pretty cool to be at one of the women’s marches in the States!

      We had marches here in NZ too, in Auckland, Wellington and Christchurch I believe.

      Happy Monday to you (it’s Tuesday here already 🙂 )

    • Great post!!
      So glad you went to the March and the concert and were fully present for both! You are doing incredibly well, with such a busy busy week! I hope you are very very proud of your sober self 😀

    • Fantastic @cole. Enjoy your victories and proud moments xx

    • Love Susan. She’s a fantastic musician. How wonderful that you were able to go – and for free! And you marched! BAM!! Well done remaining Sober!! Yay You!!

    • Wow! You are shining!! And don’t ever forget that these big occasions that you get through are all adding to your sober muscle artillery. The next thing you are nervous about getting through will be easier because of these successes. Soon they won’t even be hard. I remember my first concert without booze was the Stones in Auckland and I was only about 4 months sober, but I actually had moments of relief that I didn’t have the obther my 3 girlfriends did of getting drinks and going to the loo. I was more focused on every nuance of the music than any other concert and I loved it so very much more. Weird at first, but this shit just gets better…..and better….and better all the time xox

    • Amazing @Cole!!!! and you saw good music, marched with the best of em in Chicago GO YOU! Just the beginning.

  • Cole posted an update 2 years, 7 months ago

    Well folks, I’m knocking on the door of one week and it’s been a hell of a week to stop drinking! My wife’s grandfather passed away on Monday so it’s been wakes and funerals and the inevitable drinks and food with family afterwards. I drank soda water and lime so everyone just assumed I was having a “proper” drink. I’m not quite ready to have the awkward “I don’t drink” conversation with people just yet. I’ll get there but right now I’m avoiding that confrontation. Watching the inauguration today is also terribly depressing. I’m not looking for an excuse to drink but I’m having a tough time remembering all the reasons why I made this decision. I plan on attending the Women’s march tomorrow in the city and I’m trying to steel myself against the desire to drink. There will be lots of triggers I’m sure but I think it’s important that I go and that I don’t make this about myself and my issues. I want to be able to engage in social activity without the need to drink. I know a lot of you folks have likely been there before. Any tips? Thanks a lot, guys. It is nice to have this group to turn to when you feel that itch and you know you just can’t scratch it.

    • You’re doing great @cole – you don’t need to tell people that, until/unless you want to. As you found, most people don’t even think about what others are drinking anyway. They actually don’t care. Mrs D has written quite a few posts about sober socialising if you go to her blog posts and click on the ‘socialising’ tag in the left-hand panel.
      Planning and psyching yourself up to do it AF is key. (for me) Difficult feelings can be big triggers for me. Feel for you with the inauguration. xx

    • Yay you for going to the march tomorrow and remember itches go away after a while even when you can’t scratch them – actually funny you should say that as i sometimes practise not scratching real literal itches and yes they really do go away – I guess that’s sort of brain training although I’ve only just thought of that so thank you for the analogy! You’ve already got through a tough time with a death in the family and the accompanying drinking – just keep going and you’ll be fine.

    • I think you are on the right track @Cole , by not making it about you and your issues. If you can apply this to your outings and social engagements you’ll find it much, much easier. In her book @Mrs-D teaches us to go to events and make it about the “event”. Like maybe it is your friend’s birthday or a wedding. Make it about dressing up nice, feeling good coz you look good, seeing old friends and seeing extended family, having conversations with them (remembering those conversations!), listening to nice music, eating nice food, a cold beverage of some sort in your glass……..and when you think of it that way there is a whole lot there to enjoy. Real and genuine pleasure. Do not think of what you are missing out on, think of what you are gaining by being your real self without the props. Self respect and the repsect of others will be the very first thing in this situation, but the list goes on. You are doing mighty fine to have coped with the week so well under such circumstances. You will go far xo

    • wow you are doing great! x

  • Cole posted an update 2 years, 7 months ago

    Well it’s been awhile since I’ve visited this site. I joined last February and made it 4 and a half months without a drink. It felt great! At that point, I guess I convinced myself that moderation was a possibility for me. It worked for a few weeks… Cut to Saturday morning where I woke up in my clothes with crumpled dollar bills and two packs of cigarettes scattered about the room. I must have fallen because my knees are both bruised and I felt like I’d been hit by a train. I have a gash on my head. I don’t remember getting home or really much from the night. My wife was understandably upset and that made me even more disgusted with myself. Somewhere the switch gets flipped and it’s like a brick on the gas pedal. I just keep drinking with reckless abandon, buying drinks for strangers to get them to talk to me. It’s pathetic. This morning someone was shot and killed right by the bar I was at that night (Chicago!). Right now I feel motivated by anger at myself and regret for the things I’ve done. I know I’ll need to replace that motivation with something a little more positive. Maybe this will help. I have this song on repeat today: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=iGCHIZPU54M. Day 2, here we go.

    • onward and upward @Cole you have made a good choice xx

    • Great decision, @Cole. You’ll be back on track before you know it. 🙂

    • Welcome back @cole. What a powerful song. That is scary stuff you share, be a little angry but also be kind, thoughtful, caring to yourself. Be gentle, you can do this, you know how it feels to be free from alcohol. You have such a recent experience of how it can be in the clutches of alcohol, there is no comparison, alcohol free is the way to be xx

    • You can do this, and you know you can. I’m sorry you have feelings anger and regret, but they will fade into the past. Focus on today and your bright future. And yes, onward and upward!

    • Welcome back. I also did around 4 1/2 months when I first joined the site and did the same “I can moderate now” drank for another 6 months and started day 1 again they was 470 days ago now. Some of us need to have a few day ones to get it to sink in that we don’t need this crap alcohol in our lives. It’s a poison, it’s destructive and a complete and utter waste of our life. Don’t waste time on anger and regret just get on with your life without alcohol. Keep close and keep posting. 🙂

    • Welcome back Cole. Yep, moderation just doesnt seem to work for many of us (me as well). Stick close to this site and let us know how you are going. 🙂

    • Hit the “Save” button on your post and read it over and over when it’s crunch time and ask yourself if you want to go back there. Sobriety can happen and you can do it.! So extremely glad you’re back here!!

  • Cole changed their profile picture 3 years, 4 months ago

  • Cole posted a new activity comment 3 years, 4 months ago

    Thanks everyone for your responses and words of encouragement! I’m already very happy with my decision to join this site.

  • Cole posted an update 3 years, 4 months ago

    Hi everybody. I’m 32 days sober and new to this site. I find that a lot of resources for helping with sobriety tend to have some religious or spiritual element to them that I’m finding very hard to swallow. I’m a secular person and while I don’t have any strong negative feelings about religion or religious people, it just doesn’t move me. So appeals to a higher power to help with my sobriety are falling flat for me and I’m wondering if there are others like me who have dealt with this issue in relationship to their own sobriety. What are some resources that you recommend? Do we have to accept religion into our life in order to quit drinking?

    • You certainly dont need to accept religion into your life to quit drinking. I think thats the beauty of this site. Everyone here is different. Some go to AA as well, and that helps them. I just found that reading lots of help books (mrs d’s, alan carr and jason vale) helped me. I like the ‘just get on with it approach’. Have you checked out the sober toolbox on here? Also reading the guest posts are helpful. 32 days is great. 🙂

    • Nah to religion tehe vicars daughter so secular thinking. Have posted bout rational recovery which states self acknowledgement and your choice to give up. Slams disease model,which I always believed in,as yes alcohol can be “disease as such,as if we keep drinking affects our organs,if we stop,disease stops as organs rejuvenate. A.A works for some, but I don’t believe we,according to A.A,to expect relapse,it continues our thoughts of,we have no control. So no GOD don’t wrk for me,self responsibility does.xo

    • I do love that aspect to life, but when it came to stopping my increasing dependence on wine to numb difficult feelings and pain, I didn’t think of it in spiritual terms at all. I just had to bloody stop such a stupid, dangerous-to-my-health habit and face life raw. MrsD alerted me to the idea – like, stop it!! I was too thick to work that out for myself … too brainwashed
      I guess it could be a ‘spiritual’ element in that I was glad to get rid of the guilt from spending money on a toxic poison while children starved, but I think that is different.

    • Hi Cole. I feel much the same as you with regard to higher powers and any religious element to quitting booze. I was quite a heaver drinker for 40 years, saw @Mrs-D on the tele, it really moved me, gutsy lady, I’d known for many years I better quit this nonsense, and so I did. I have been on LS website since day one and I am usually here every day either briefly, or not. It is this site that has helped me to get sober and stay sober, there is not only so much learning to be had here, it’s way more than that. I feel like I belong here, I have made friends here, friends onsite and friends in real life too. People here probably know me better than some of my friends do. I trust people here, I care about them, they care about me. You just hang in here with us, spill your guts about whatever, whenever, feel the support, help others as well, and you will shine. go well xoxo

    • You are your own higher power, just embrace this stance, and you’ll be fine.

    • Thanks everyone for your responses and words of encouragement! I’m already very happy with my decision to join this site.

  • Cole became a registered member 3 years, 4 months ago