It is hard to know what to write here. I guess I fall into the classic functional alcoholic category - in fact, pretty much everyone I know tells me I am not an alcoholic - that drinking a half bottle of wine, even every night, isn't that big of a deal. But here is the thing, I don't like myself when I do it, I don't feel well, and despite telling myself many times I can stop (and I have stopped in the past), the reality is I can't. I have told myself over and over again that I would stop for a month and I can never make it for a month. I can easily do a week (I just did it because I won't drink around my mom who was visiting -- because she is an alcoholic), but after 5-6 days, I really need a drink.
And of course, sometimes I drink 3-4 drinks, and then I don't feel well. I have a chronic auto-immune disease and drinking more than a couple glasses of wine a week really isn't good in terms of my health, but that hasn't stopped me from drinking nearly every night for the last month.
So, here I am, feeling a bit like an imposter, but also knowing in my heart that I have a problem with alcohol, despite the fact I am good at making it appear I don't.
A couple things that worked for me (I always drank as I cooked dinner) was to have a fancy alternative beverage, to just not cook, or to do another activity that got me out of the house. I know #2 and 3 aren’t possible for everyone (at least all the time).
Sending positive thoughts to you and your family. End of life with someone is so hard, but gives us so many opportunities too. I am so grateful I had that time with my dad when he passed, and hope it is the same for you.
You can do it. I know what works is really individual, but I have a lot of those same triggers. I mix a kombucha I like with seltzer in a nice glass and for some reason it seems to help. How old are the kids?
Thank you! They are 13, 10, and 3. So I took the 3 year old with me to feed the pigs and then the older two watched him while they were all outside. I am doing ever so much better than I did when they were 10, 7, and 1 and I just couldn’t escape the nightly whining and fussing and they were too young to be left unattended.
I have been away for a while visiting my mom. It has been quite a ride. I have been AF for over a month now and it is working for me. Some days have been a challenge but most have gone pretty well. The easy days have been due to some unpleasant circumstances (keep reading) but the one most challenging day was interesting. I took four days to…[Read more]
Congrats on living the sober life! I get the nature thing. I was alone and relaxed walking next to a pond on a beautiful autumn day and thought no one would know if I had a bottle of wine. I didn’t but hit a meeting first thing the next morning and shared that. They all nodded knowingly. Just another experience to get through sober and next…[Read more]
Well done at setting boundaries with your mom, not everyone can do that with someone who is that close to them! Funny how something as serious as a DUI can be a positive but I definitely see how it is in this situation! Good luck with your mom and congratulations on being AF for over a month!
I am so glad you will be able to be there for him AF, and I am glad he is going to be ok. One of my motivations for going AF is my older teen son as well. I didn’t stop early enough, but I hope I will set an example now, and I am in a much better place to talk to him about all of the downsides of alcohol. Good luck.
It is tricky when we change and then we have to see our (and others) old behavior in a new light. If you don’t think he is going to change and you don’t want to withdraw from the friendship, I think your idea of going out of town is a good one. Maybe that way he will stay in a hotel downtown and not drive and put others’ lives at risk.
Just want to send you some positive vibes and say that you have already helped and inspired others. You are doing great. Feeling like you are not being good enough might be the alcohol brain trying to get back in control, if it can convince you to feel that way maybe you will drink in order to feel better. Tell it NO.
I can’t tell you whether this is a relationship that can be fixed or not, but I can tell you that I strongly believe in your ability to handle this, to stay AF, and to come out better on the other side.
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