• Clowance posted a new activity comment 3 months ago

    Congrats on day 5!
    As for your hubs, does he drink? If so, might well be more about his own relationship and fears about booze.

  • Clowance posted a new activity comment 3 months ago

    Ha, that must be how most folk cope with the conditions I think – just numb themselves to it. Hope the people and the music are good at least xx

    • That’s how I coped! Go behind a tree if the pots were too full and air-dry. I was disgusting!

    • Thanks@Jocord-enjoying it more now. Much better AF-what was I so damn afraid of?

  • Clowance posted a new activity comment 3 months ago

    Don’t hate yourself, hate the addictive drug. It’s not about willpower, it’s about learning about addiction, and then using that learning to beat it. You’re on day 4 – well done xx

  • Clowance posted a new activity comment 3 months ago

    I think that’s right – getting sober is quite enough to be working on to start with. You’ll know when you’ve got the energy for working on something else as well xx

  • Clowance posted a new activity comment 3 months ago

    They’re horrid, aren’t they 😳 Congrats on day 9!

    • Thank you @clowance and the others above. Day 9 certainly feels better than the first few days did. I hope ya’ll are well xx

  • Clowance posted a new activity comment 3 months ago

    That’s a good, positive day. Congrats on day 66!

  • Clowance posted a new activity comment 3 months ago

    Hi @Prudence. The tools are supposed to be in the ‘dog room’ which is a single storey extension at the back of the house (used to house dogs when muddy, and also as a bit of a workshop). But the tools get brought into the house to do a job, don’t get put back, and end up on the kitchen windowsill – hence having to sort them out before I could attack the kitchen. It’s been really satisfying to get one of the worse bits of chaos tamed, though I ache now!
    Regular volunteering slot at Citizens Advice tomorrow, so won’t get much blitzing done tomorrow.

  • Clowance posted a new activity comment 3 months ago

    Ha, I think he was a bit shell-shocked, but impressed!

  • Clowance posted a new activity comment 3 months ago

    Yay, congrats on day 5!

  • Clowance posted a new activity comment 3 months ago

    Sorry you’re feeling low. What about it all are you fed up with? Xx

  • Clowance posted an update 3 months ago

    Ha, let a woman loose with a hammer drill ……..
    Decided I’d tidy up the kitchen. But to do that I needed to move all the tools that have gathered on the window ledge……but where the tools should be was worse than anywhere. So – I mended a stool so I could climb on the bench, drilled loads of holes in the wall and put up a couple of tool shelves, and lots of large screws higher up so I could hang the saws. Then I found a whole pile of containers and sorted the chaos into screws, nails, rawl plugs and so on. Put all the drill bits and Allen keys together….. chucked loads of rubbish out.
    Now I am shattered and filthy, but very pleased with myself. Can’t wait to see HP’s face when he gets home 😊

    • Awesome @clowance! If the dentist doesn’t kill me I’ll be doing some of the same today.

    • @clowance, seems like you work like I. My doctor might call this ADHD, but when I am finished, the work is better than anyone could have imagined. I never work in a straight line, but buzz around like a mad bee. Hope HP is impressed.

    • Oh brilliant good for you!!! I love that kind of stuff too, so satisfying!

    • Ha, I think he was a bit shell-shocked, but impressed!

    • Jeez you’re hard core @Clowance. Are the shelves and saws in the kitchen? Or did you build and put them in the garage? It’s just you were in the kitchen then fixed a stool to climb up on the bench. Sounds like a very satisfying day xx

      • Hi @Prudence. The tools are supposed to be in the ‘dog room’ which is a single storey extension at the back of the house (used to house dogs when muddy, and also as a bit of a workshop). But the tools get brought into the house to do a job, don’t get put back, and end up on the kitchen windowsill – hence having to sort them out before I could attack the kitchen. It’s been really satisfying to get one of the worse bits of chaos tamed, though I ache now!
        Regular volunteering slot at Citizens Advice tomorrow, so won’t get much blitzing done tomorrow.

    • Wow ❤️

    • Good for you@Clowance-I’m impressed!

  • Clowance posted a new activity comment 3 months ago

    Have a wonderful time. Enjoy the people, the music – and some af beers maybe xx

  • Clowance posted an update 3 months ago

    6 weeks yesterday – day 43 today.
    Beginning to get a bit of energy back.
    So – I have decided that I am not going to live in the bombsite that we call home – honestly, you’d think someone had just emptied boxes and boxes of stuff out over every horizontal surface. We moved house in a hurry, we both have ADD, I was working 80 hours a week……
    It’s so overwhelming I don’t quite know where to start, but I did a couple of things yesterday and I am just going to start somewhere.
    Half an hour work, then do something I like for a while, rinse and repeat. I’ll get there (by this time next year maybe!! 🙄)

    • JR replied 3 months ago

      @clowance – slow pace is still moving forward – good plan!

    • Just start with one box at a time @clowance That’s all you can do. I feel like if the kitchen is unpacked first (because it tends to have the most boxes, then you can tackle one room at a time. Moving sucks. My husband has ADD too. We’ve moved 3 times. 🙄 You go girl!

    • Sounds like an excellent game plan, @Clowance.

    • I read somewhere @clowance (cant remember where as I have been immersing myself to support AF) that we get a hit of dopamine to our receptors every time we check a box off our to do list. Apparently our brains love this. I’ve been doing this-making sure my list is not too long and chore is doable. Check-dopamine ping!

    • Congratulations on 6 weeks plus!

  • Clowance posted a new activity comment 3 months ago

    Congrats on day 6, and on finding good af treats 👍🏼

  • Clowance posted a new activity comment 3 months ago

    It’s pretty easy getting hooked into the internet/social media, isn’t it. I have a heap of jobs to do, so I’m allowing myself to surf with my coffee, and then back to mucking out the house!

  • Clowance posted a new activity comment 3 months ago

    Well done getting through a day like that, with the booze monster shouting in your ear!
    Yep, I’m not drinking today xx

  • Clowance posted a new activity comment 3 months ago

    Letting work things slip from your mind over the weekend is what weekends are for! But a boss who doesn’t look at the calendar 🙄
    I’m in awe of your ability to make 40 desserts while they were eating your lucky lasagne 👍🏼

  • Clowance posted a new activity comment 3 months ago

    Yay!

  • Clowance posted a new activity comment 3 months ago

    OMG, how can you forget 40 people! Well done for coping so well. I am imagining you like the swans of your napkins – serene and unruffled on top, paddling like **** underneath 😉

    • @clowance my boss frequently doesn’t look at the calander and I was gone all weekend and had totally let it slip my mind. Thank god for some reason we made an extra full hotel pan of lasagne today so we had something to feed them. While they were eating we managed to whip together 40 desserts.

      • Letting work things slip from your mind over the weekend is what weekends are for! But a boss who doesn’t look at the calendar 🙄
        I’m in awe of your ability to make 40 desserts while they were eating your lucky lasagne 👍🏼

  • Clowance posted a new activity comment 3 months ago

    Cos we want to fit in. And cos we’ve used alcohol as a coping mechanism, and how will we manage without it? (We’ll learn new skills, is what, and they’ll make life even better) xx

  • Clowance posted a new activity comment 3 months ago

    Yay, congrats on day 11.
    For me it’s irrelevant whether or not I’m an alcoholic – it’s not how I think of myself. What I know is I can’t moderate, and if I try 1. It creeps, and 2. I have to spend far too much mental energy on it. The stuff makes me depressed and feeling below par. So I’m better off without it completely.

  • Clowance posted a new activity comment 3 months ago

    Mine came from these people: https://www.lumie.com. I also have one of their ‘dawn’ alarm clocks, which is the nicest way to wake up.

  • Clowance posted an update 3 months ago

    How you doing @annaliese?

  • Clowance posted a new activity comment 3 months ago

    Yay, congrats on day 33! Catching one of your cyber stars 😊⭐️

  • Clowance posted a new activity comment 3 months ago

    Get something ready instead – a special af drink – and then decide, rather than hope, that you’re going to stay sober – if that’s really what you want. xx
    It helped me to read ‘This Naked Mind’ by Annie Grace, and find out 1. What alchohol was doing to me and 2. Why it made me want to ‘treat’ myself with it.

  • Clowance posted a new activity comment 3 months ago

    He thought he’d got a passive little victim, not a brave and strong woman – misjudged the situation badly, didn’t he xx

  • Clowance posted a new activity comment 3 months ago

    @NoJudge, yeh, that’s what most of us are worried about I think. And those drinkers who go on and on about how we’re boring and the wet blanket – well, that’s about their fears about drink, not about us.
    I can’t remember whose blog or book it was in (Mrs D’s or Clare Pooley’s, maybe both) where they talked about exactly this thing.
    I’ve just done a residential music weekend we do every year, with orchestra friends. I was so worried I would be ‘boring’ this year, if I couldn’t join in the late-night drinking.
    Well – no-one took any notice at all, I was as silly as usual, had as much fun as usual, and made people laugh as much as usual. I also got up early the next day to hear the guest soloists give a recital on Sun am, which many of the drinkers didn’t manage, and they missed a treat.
    Phew! I was so glad to have done it, and prove to myself that I can socialise sober.
    Alcohol – the only drug you have to justify NOT using!

    As for that insistently boring ‘wet blanket’ friend – depends how sharp you want to be. I had planned ‘that’s rather sad, do you really only think you’re interesting when you’re drunk’ if anyone had said that to me!

  • Clowance posted a new activity comment 3 months ago

    Can you go to urgent care? Where you’re describing the swelling could be his liver, and that could be dangerous……. xx

    • Thanks @clowance He would not agree to that. He still insists it’s IBS. There was a cancellation, so we are going in next Thursday April 18.

  • Clowance posted a new activity comment 3 months ago

    So – what overrode your desire to be sober? You don’t need to answer, except to yourself, so you can identify the danger point another time.

  • Clowance posted a new activity comment 3 months ago

    Hi @Irishrunnergirl, and welcome. Here’s to your third sober day xx

  • Clowance posted a new activity comment 3 months ago

    Another winter SAD sufferer. For me, high doses (10,000iu) of Vit D3 have removed my need for my light box (and it’s a bit more convenient!) but I still aim to get outside every day, even if it’s really overcast or raining.

  • Clowance posted a new activity comment 3 months ago

    Not time wasted. Time spent learning, so that this time it will stick!

  • Clowance posted a new activity comment 3 months ago

    What is it that you are frightened of, at the thought of sober forever – can you identify what bothers you about that idea?

  • Clowance posted a new activity comment 3 months ago

    I’m sorry to hear about the bumps – that one’s particularly difficult IME. Hope it all goes as smoothly as possible xx

  • Clowance posted a new activity comment 3 months ago

    Woohoo – congratulations!

  • Clowance posted a new activity comment 3 months ago

    Woohoo!!
    But OMG, what a performance – it’s hard to believe he was so completely unselfaware that he shot himself so effectively in both feet, isn’t it. But thank goodness he did.
    And I’m glad you’re getting the little vacation out of it too.
    Hurray, it’s over xx

    • @Clowance. Yea, that blew me away. I think he didn’t expect I would ever leave him first (vs him “discarding” me which is classic narcissist behavior) and he can’t figure that out so his only defense was to try and make me look like the crazy one.

      • He thought he’d got a passive little victim, not a brave and strong woman – misjudged the situation badly, didn’t he xx

  • Clowance posted a new activity comment 3 months, 1 week ago

    Wow, 500 days! Congratulations!!

  • Clowance posted a new activity comment 3 months, 1 week ago

    Sending you loads of strength and many hugs. Your brother sounds like a great, and wise, guy. Deep breaths, know that you’re separate from this now, and that you’ll move through this and be free xxxx

  • Clowance posted a new activity comment 3 months, 1 week ago

    Woohoo, double figures – congratulations!!
    Yes, my eyes and skin are definitely looking better.

  • Clowance posted a new activity comment 3 months, 1 week ago

    Well done! Those sorts of conversations easily go wrong, and you sound as though you’ve managed the tricky balance pretty well.

    • Haha, the earlier one went sooo wrong. Had to really put my social worker skills to work here, and I feel like I pretty much aced it, thank you. Just another example of sobriety at work. We really are leading the way, you know? Best part of this is that my coworker, who is highly skilled and the smartest one in the room is considering applying for the supervisors position which just opened. I am very thrilled at the thought, let me tell you. They would be so foolish not to hire her.

  • Clowance posted a new activity comment 3 months, 1 week ago

    There is quite a bit of evidence it seems, that the earlier you start drinking, the more likely you are to struggle with it. It sounds logical to learn to drink sensibly at home, but apparently that’s not how the horrible, addictive stuff works.
    What about finding decent af beers and rehearsing the conversations about ‘no, I’m driving’ or ‘thanks, but I’m off it at the moment’ or whatever.
    Alcohol Explained, by William Porter was very straightforward – my other half found it the easiest book on the subject to read, and it certainly seems to have convinced him.

  • Clowance posted a new activity comment 3 months, 1 week ago

    Hi @Michael6. Yep, you’re dead right, that’s how it would be. I found it helped to really focus in on that, really imagine it.
    And then, whilst I know some folk say don’t, I drank no-alcohol beer to start with, when I was feeling like a drink. Cos at least I wasn’t reinforcing the addictive alcohol. It definitely helped (af wine is vile, some of the beers are quite ok).
    The other thing it to do something totally different – go for a walk, go swimming or whatever.
    Hang in there – it gets easier. Today – we’re not going to drink. Xx

    • Thanks, yes I sometimes drink af cobra beer. Still feel like a drink. I wish the idea wasn’t at all appealing. If I give in now I know the fallout would be horrible all round.

  • Clowance posted a new activity comment 3 months, 1 week ago

    Ha, excellent recycling. Your jewellery sounds beautiful, I love the colour of copper.

  • Clowance posted a new activity comment 3 months, 1 week ago

    I think it can be quite threatening, if you haven’t come round to the idea that you need to stop yourself. My ex, who was a mean drunk, would NOT even listen to me saying ‘maybe I need to cut down a bit’ cos perhaps that also meant ‘maybe you do too’ and he wasn’t ready to entertain that. (Blimey, I hadn’t realised how long I’d struggled with this).

    I think it’s the health stuff that’s really connected with my current partner, from those books.

    Maybe when you do speak to your hubs, perhaps you can talk about the breast cancer risk, for which there’s no safe limit. That doesn’t immediately threaten him, but surely he’ll want you to be healthy. You can drop in that bowel and mouth cancers affect everyone when you feel like it.

  • Clowance posted a new activity comment 3 months, 1 week ago

    S’good, innit? Congrats on day 9!

  • Clowance posted a new activity comment 3 months, 1 week ago

    Yay on day 9, and finding things that help xx

  • Clowance posted a new activity comment 3 months, 1 week ago

    Hi @Jana-E, and welcome

  • Clowance posted a new activity comment 3 months, 1 week ago

    Wish we could post photos on here so I could see some of the jewellery you make. What sort of things?
    It’s not what you’d call warm here either, but daffodils definitely make everything better 😊

    • @Clowance I make woven wire jewelry using semiprecious stones and recycled copper wire. We replaced our dish washer at work last week and the old one was headed to the scrap yard…I cut off every useable inch of exposed wire.

  • Clowance posted a new activity comment 3 months, 1 week ago

    Sounds like a wonderful day.
    I am so looking forward to the fences being done at this new place, so I can make a bit of a garden.
    (without new fences the goats are escaping the field into the garden and eating anything and everything!)

  • Clowance posted a new activity comment 3 months, 1 week ago

    My other half didn’t commit to not drinking, and whilst it was hard in the first few days, I drank my af beer while he drank the real thing. Still spending the time together and I learned I can still be silly sober 😄
    What’s happened since is that he read ‘Alcohol explained’ by William Porter, and then ‘This Naked Mind’ by Annie Grace, because I had them as Kindle books and we share an account.
    Now, again with no ‘I’m not drinking’, he seems pretty much to be af, though the house is still full of half-opened booze (pressies in the main, so precious and he’s not sure what to do about them yet) and I am just learning to deal with that.

    • Thank you, Clowance! I am going to pick up those books, I keep seeing them referred to in various posts. My husband is very dedicated to his drinking ways, but unlike me he can drink daily and still function really well. I wasted this entire last Saturday in bed with Netflix just praying I wouldn’t throw up while he went about his day. I have to do this. I have wasted way too many days.

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