Tried a few times to become sober and after reading a couple of books it has helped me to try again . Typically I drank red wine every night for the last 20 years and am sick of it . Did 10 days and then slipped but now on day 3 .
I’ve had loads but I really feel that I am never back at my very first day one . I have learnt things . I have tried again . I keep wanting this . I know how much freer it is and how much happier I am once I gather sober days together . I see my sober path . I slip up but I still know it’s there. I learn more . I fall . I get up . Start again . I want the sober life . Let’s do it together . Day 2 for me
Hi @ClaireT. That’s a good way to look at it. We learn from each attempt at this. Like you, I know how much better I feel sober than when I’m drinking, and I want that life back. I’m on the path with you. 😊
Hi @footloose. Thanks for shout out . My day2 starts today . THIS HAS TO STOP and changing my routine reading the ebooks that a member posted the links on to explain triggers and very in depth details of the changes that happen in our brain has been awesome . Will keep focussed and determined and busy from 2.00pm . Thank goodness I came back on here for support .
Hi ClaireT, my day 2 today as well so will be thinking about you and all the other sober warriors with their amazing new routines – I have started listening to the podcast ‘ The bubble hour’ which I can recommend. I’m going to make a lovely, healthy arrabiata sauce for dinner then a refreshing walk and of course more cleaning the house ( it will be like a showhome in a week! Someone suggested a new T.V programme, ‘Chernobyle’ on Sky Atlantic so going to settle down to that after.
I am day 1 today too . Had started a habit of drinking from 2.00pm so can relate to the crap feeling round about 8.00 at night . Drank a bottle of wine and that would be it but such a drain on my life . DaveH post to me this morning really helped . Every time I had a thought about drinking I just said IT HAS TO STOP and the weird thing was the urge disappeared . Also I took the dog for a walk at 2.00 and tried to shake up my routine . Came on here and read posts. This will get easier but we have to weaken the hardwired times we drink by not drinking . Every time we don’t drink it will weaken the intensity . We can do this together .
Day 1 again . Downloaded a link one of you lovely members provided for fee e books. I have read so much over the last couple of years trying to break away from this addiction . The power of cravings and doing anything and everything to stop responding to them in order to eventually weaken its hold . And only I have created thus monster that lurks through repeating the drinking cycle every day . Ending my working day at 2.00pm seemed a great idea and worked really well when I was sober . But oh not now . Now the cravings hit at 2.00 and I just give in . Loneliness and being alone at this time has to be tackled in order for me to help overcome and ignore the cravings . I know I can do it . Have done it before . I know as time goes by the cravings fade . So today I will do something different at 2.00pm . Keep myself busy. Walk the dog . Do anything but drink . I will post here to reinforce my commitment . I hate this rollercoaster. It has to stop .
Make a firm commitment that it is no longer an option to drink. It’s not easy but it’s up to you….you can do it! 🙂 Empower yourself by saying that you CHOOSE not to drink any longer. You deserve the best life has to offer. Every day you wake up and make a commitment that you won’t drink just for today. For me, I had to want it more than anything else in my life to get it to stick. You can too. 🙂 xoxoxooxx
I agree with @sober4real and @DaveH. I had some success staying sober in the past but it was limited until I made a firm commitment to my self. Doesn’t mean that I am never tempted to drink anymore, I just don’t give in to the temptations or cravings and they have become less frequent. It takes practice and effort to retrain the brain but that’s basically what I’ve had to do as mine was hard wired to drink. You can do this!
“It has to stop” is a really powerful thought. When our heads are going off with BS reasons why we should drink a really successful counter argument why we shouldn’t drink is “because this is what has to happen”. Our minds find it hard to argue against this one. Keep doing the things that works, keep looking for more things that help and keep going.
There is some good stuff here thank you. Yesterday I went to my uncles funeral it was a bit more difficult than I thought it would be, he was the last adult in our family I knew from my childhood. It was a long day I was really tired at the end of it and wot did I do on the way home I went into a shop brought a bottle of wine, took it home and drank it. I haven’t done that for months. I’m painting my office today and I feel much better than I deserve to be but I’m a bit worried why I gave in. “this has to happen” may help next time so ta tons all of you and keep safe today x
“This has to stop” I said the same exact thing. You CAN do it. Decide it. Truly believe and commit to it. And do anything and everything you can to stick to it and you can make it happen. LIttle by little it will get easier, because little by little, minute by minute, time goes by and you get stronger and clearer. No, it’s not easy in the beginning. But it definitely gets better. Day by day. Be very very kind to yourself. Be your own very best friend. Look out for you. And come here often. The support and encouragement here is life changing. Sending good wishes for another AF day.
And so I try again . Just been rereading my posts around xmas and recommitting myself to stopping drinking . The wine chatter is so tiring. The chains that are wrapping themselves round me will be broken and I will set myself free. Feel so embarrassed once again asking for support but I know it helps so here I am .
Try not to feel embarrassed, I’m so glad you are here and reaching out. I will support you by cheering you on, believing in you and telling you not to give up before the miracle happens. A life of sobriety is worth fighting for, one day at a time.
Trying my hardest to make this sobriety stick once and forever. But why after a few days or even a month will I slip up and have a drink only to suffer the agonising depression the next day . Why in the instant that I think having a drink is a good idea can i not remember the consequences . And it’s not as though I am going for it . It may be two large glasses of the poison red wine . This weekend I made out I was ill so that I didn’t have to go to the rugby where I know my friend was looking forward to sharing a bottle and then her and her Hubbie were coming back here for food after . I felt so depressed after the two large glasses of poison that I drank the night before that I pretended I was ill . I couldn’t face all that drinking that would be happening around me . Oh well at least I protected myself and I feel much better for it this morning . I saw a youtube on alcohol mastery and he mentioned associating every item linked to drinking with what it actually is . That wine glass is to hold poison that will make me very depressed . Seeing Hubbie with a glass of poison yesterday altered the way I thought about it . Thanks all for sticking with me and it really helps to be able to come back here xxxx
Have you read The Easy Way to Quit Alcohol ba Allan Carr? It is great at flipping your mindset so that you stop envying people drinking and just feel Thankful that you are free of the drug addiction. It really helped me. X
I’m a lot like you too. I went through thew hard yards of quitting completely and then decided I could drink sometimes – with certain people (see my above post), and on certain occasions. So I wasn’t getting hammered, and it wasn’t happening very often. No one else would think it was problematic at all. But it wasn’t who I want to be. Or even who I really think I am anymore. For sure though certain associations can be particularly hard to disconnect from! Anyway – that voice that says it’s okay and a good idea, I was reading (or listening to a podcast?) where it said it’s good to name that voice – “Wolfie” is the name that it gets called a lot here. So you go, “oh hey, there’s Wolfie talking to me again, f* off Wolfie, go crawl back into your cave” etc etc – separate it from who you are, who your values are, who the person you want to be. I need to work on this myself.
@ClaireT so it seems that playing it forward isn’t the key to resisting temptation for you? Many of us get hangover, hangover, hangover and never learn, so there is probably no way 2 wines and then feeling a bit blah is a deterent. Maybe have a whole arsenal of distraction techniques – phone a friend, go for a walk, eat chocolate, go to the library, sit in the bath, bake, come on here. Good on you for knowing that you might not be able to resist on the outing – time will make this possible maybe. Anyway, here you are trying, so that is good, right?
I was there last night and am so grateful this morning that I batted wolfie away . Think of a nice sober treat for when you finish . And play it forward to tomorrow morning when you wake up feeling oh so good xxx
Last night wolfie came knocking. Whispering . Your on your own . Get a nice glass of wine . You’ve done really well . Just one won’t harm . And for a moment I listened . For a moment I contemplated it . But thankfully all the work I have put in over the last two years helped me through . You know it won’t just be one . Think of how you will feel tomorrow when you wake up . The shame,disappointment. Oh and the fact you won’t get a proper restful night’s sleep because of the way alcohol wrecks that . So this morning after 8 wonderful restful hours sleep I wake up proud and so happy that I didn’t succumb . I need to bottle this feeling and remember it to fight wolfie with . My chat to wolfie went something like this . I hear you wolfie but I really don’t have time for you tonight Go away . And I played it forward in my head . One glass equals at least a bottle . I can never have just a glass . Have a fine day ,evening all .
30 days! Fantastic @clairet! One day at a time. Sounds like you have been here before and trying again, that is being strong right there, what put you off course last time? How will you avoid it happening again?
Great milestone! Reading sober blogs and books and this forum has been really helpful to me on hard days. I really like the vision of “sober muscles” to reinforce that all the time we put in without alcohol helps us even after setbacks. Keep up the great work!
Exactly what I went through this time . It only lasted till about day 10 ish . Your brain is trying to gain homeostasis again as alcohol at whatever level really screws thus up . Read William porter alcohol explained to understand more . Keep going it gets so much better . Xxx
Day 22 Definately got the Marie Kondo bug . Pulled all my clothes out from everywhere and used her method and it really does help to get rid of things I would normally hold on to . Why I would is for different reasons . Memory of occasions ,might fit back into them again etc. But to see if it sparks joy and if not thank the item for whatever it’s purpose was in the past and then recycle it was so fantastic . My clothes are now neatly folded ,hung ,scarves rolled Kondo style into an old shoe box. I can see everything . And also it’s proving to be a massive distraction from any desire to drink . It seems to be creating a wonderful feeling of calm as I walk around the house . Everything has it’s place and u have never used so many different types of containers to hold things . Salt and pepper standing in its own plastic container means that I always put them back there . Everything is starting to have its own home within the house . Long way to go . No drink for me today x
Day 22 – woot woot!! And I think it was you here who pointed me at Marie Kondo…never heard of her before…so thank you for that! After reading about her here a few days ago I did the same…all clothes in a big pile…I didn’t use all of her techniques but definitely cleaned out the home in a massive way.
oxoxoxox I bet your home looks lovely and it feels oh-so-good to be organized and know everything you own, does spark joy. Have a great day!!!
I’m doing the Maia Kondo tidying too @clairet . Like you , it has been an amazing distraction at wine time. My new walk in wardrobe is almost done ! My other big distraction is my 1000 piece Wasjig jigsaw. I sit for a while throughout the day and put pices in, before you know it, wine time has passed ! I love Maia Kondo. She’s very cute and she gets excited about cleaning up mess. 😀
Day 20 Sleeping so much better and the calmness in my brain is so wonderful . No thoughts of drinking . Maybe this time it will really stick . No moderation trickery gonna get past me ever again . Never give up xx
I suppose I view it as my journey . Read books to help me along the way to change thought patterns . I can’t control and neither do I want to control my Hubbie drinking which is at weekends with friends . It depends how much they are drinking and how that affects your relationship as a drunk husband can be very annoying . Usually if Hubbie does drink a bit too much I tend to encourage him to bed when he starts nodding off and try not to react to him being drunk or have major discussions that he will not remember in the morning . I would always have a discussion the next day if I was annoyed about e.g. how long he was in the pub for example on boxing day . It’s a tough one though and can be trying .
So glad you are feeling better . And also that you fought the booze monster. I dabbled and it never ends well . We are never in control where this addictive drug is concerned. I so love that I came back to this wonderful group and love reading your inspiring posts . You are a total star x
Day 16 and 8.00am Cracking night celebrating father in laws 80th Birthday . Got me back and felt so happy in my skin . No need for mind altering , false highs . Natural highs all the way . And to wake up fresh BOOM xx
Only on Day 6 but celebrated AF last night with my fathers 83rd Birthday. Everyone else drank but I stuck with my club soda and was totally present for the whole event! And remember it all this morning…..a first for me in a lonnnnnng time!
Day 14 nearly 7.00 pm Lovely day off. Nails and eyebrows done . Dog walked on a cold 3 degrees wrapped up warm . Little nap this afternoon as Hubbie gets up at 4.45am and needed to catch up on my sleep . Then food cupboards tackled and now they look sooo nice . Feel calm and happy . No thoughts of drinking . Just don’t want that poison anymore x
Day 13 . Having a good old Marie Kondo tidy around the house but not doing it quite as she says but using her principles. Hope to carry on over the next few weeks on my days off till I have blitzed the house . Must say I am discarding a lot more this way . Feels good and love the sense of peace it gives for each area that is completed . So happy that I committed to AF before the festive period and didn’t wait till January . My mind feels calmer and I am keeping up with reading, and checking in here throughout the day to give the right messages to my brain . The support is fantastic here and I am so glad to be back xxx
Oooo that sounds interesting @clairet ! I will have to look into it. The decluttering around here is constant, but still it seems cluttered??? Lots of summer visitors don’t help that, but of course that’s ok. Have a lovely day!
I like that idea @Clairet, I’ll also have to look that up, but it’s a great time to tidy up, declutter and prioritise the important stuff. Day 13, well done you! It must have been hard to start when you did, but you did it! You are a strong woman.
Day 13…and ClaireT I have to honestly say it is NOT short of being courageous to quit right in the midst of the silly season…you legend you!! Give yourself a massive high five….you made it through….. what a relief, eh?! oxoxoxox 2019, here you come. PS: Had to Google Kondo….I am intrigued!!!! oxoxox
Day 11 and 3.00am Had a great night celebrating new years eve in our local pub . Tickets only and we took glow sticks to make glasses,necklaces and party hats ,funny lips and a big blow up picture frame . Hahaha loved handing things out at 10.30 and then taking pictures using the photo frame and all the silly photo props . Everyone loved it and perfect for me as it gave me something to do . Hubbie was great at taking photos Loved it and loved being sober . Feel much happier at the moment . Take care all . Xx
Day 9 and midday here . Well fantastic nights sleep whoo hoo . And no tears so far today . Feel a lot calmer and spending the day tidying and putting away clutter from xmas . Have ordered the house clearing book as mentioned by one of you lovely ladies and have already used containers to organise UNDER THE SINK. Hahaha threw so much away and now looks awesome . Will gradually work my way round the house over the next few weeks . Happy sober day all . X
I am embracing the tears @ClaireT for whatever reason they are there! I blame the full moon, early menopause, sober life but in reality, does it matter??? I let them flow. Like a fart, better out than in! 😀 I found the more I tried to hold them in the shittier I felt. Walking your dog sounds cathartic. Do more of what makes you feel good and nourishes your soul. Congrats on entering your 2nd week, 8 days is grand xxx
@claireT I agree with @aprilaries….whatever makes you feel better. I’ve had a few of those mornings myself and I think I needed to cry. I spent so much time holding back my tears, pretending everything was okay when it wasn’t etc. Maybe we need the release. Just don’t hover there too long. I can easily influence myself with music so if I need to snap out of something I put on happy stuff. If I want to stay there and wallow for a while longer I play sad stuff. I just won’t allow myself to do it all day long. xoxo
Hey @clairet I had uncontrollable emotions when I stopped drinking, for quite awhile (a few weeks). It took me ages to connect the two, I just thought my life was actually turning to shit. But it wasn’t- I just felt incredibly incredibly sad. And it did pass. I also started using some strategies to calm myself. Do you have some of those? You could read @mrs-d ‘s book Mrs. D is going within for some fantasically helpful ideas. I think it’s a combination of chemical change in the brain (yay- all for the good!) and achieving a clarity about life that we weren’t able to achieve while drinking. The main thing to know is that this does pass, and you will feel so much better soon. Take care sweetheart xxxxxx
I am not drinking today because I want to feel the benefits of sobriety and not keep doing the hard work ie 7 days and then drinking only to have to repeat all over again and NEVER walking in that lovely calm meadow that is sobriety.
@claireT thank you so much. This is what is possible if we just continue on the AF path. Sounds cheesy but I have been here before and the gifts are many, never know what they will be either. I hope you are doing well!
Thankfully sigmoidoscopy was clear of any scary signs thank goodness and now I feel a MASSIVE relief ( no pun intended tee hee). I seem to have regained my sanity thank goodness and Hubbie has been amazing at not biting back at my manic moods . We even giggle and have light hearted banter over my up and down moods over the last few days . Also it’s day 7 so I really think the effects of the last 3 day alcohol ie equates to one bottle of wine a night stint must be reducing their effects thank goodness. I feel so committed to following this through and the wine chatter has reduced too . I think my resolve to definitely quit once and for all has helped . A definite decision . And posting here every day. And reading all the posts . I love all the supportive comments and am so in aw of the well articulative and wise replies . You are all so amazing to be breaking free and fighting for something so much better . For removing yourselves from the big tribe of drinkers and joining what feels to be a growing smaller tribe . X
@claireT so happy your results were clear! What a relief! It’s great you and your hubby can laugh and banter over moods. It will only get better. The wine chatter will definitely die down….keep up the great job. So happy to be part of the LS tribe.
Day 7 and what a relief the good medical news must have been!!! Yeahhh! Now you get to relax….lots of deep breaths out girl…..It really is stress-full to wait for tests results when it comes to health. I can barely stand the tension it involves. oxoxo You did so well, and you got your week 1 done and dusted. Time to find a lovely sober and healthy treat ay!
Day 6 Had another total meltdown this morning . Took it out on Hubbie cause his couple of hours in the pub turned out to be 5 hours . He came back made a stir fry and then promptly fell asleep . He woke at 2.30 and went downstairs cause he Could be sleep . I just broke down this morning at him and had a proper rant . But I had had my ideal boxing day after cancelling the sister in law etc so why did I feel so frustrated . And we had played golf and Hubbie had always said he was going to the pub on boxing day . I feel like I am isolating myself at the moment and everything seems too much . And then I have a sigmoidoscopy tomorrow morning which o feel is the crux of my anxiety . But I am not drinking today . We are going for a walk with the dog and Hubbie is going to help more around the house . He has blitzed the kitchen . I just feel raw . Sorry once again for the low vibes of this post . X
I’ve heard that emotions sometimes run a little high during those earlier days of going AF. My sympathies to both you and your husband. I’d like to save this post of yours, and show it to you again at your day 600.
Hang in there @claireT … this is totally normal. You’ve taken your lifelong coping mechanism and removed it and now all the emotions and feelings are flooding to the surface with nothing to “smother” them like the booze used to do. It helps to find other coping tools to replace the alcohol. I listen to podcasts … Soberful and The Bubble Hour are good. Meditation also helps although it took a long time for it to click with me. Tara Brach also has great talks in dealing with emotions. You can google search her. And most of all treat yourself gently and with lots of self love. You’re doing an amazing thing for yourself. You’re getting your life back. It will be a bumpy ride at first. But knowing that helps. And it does smooth out after a while. I promise!! Keep going. It’s so worth it.
Hey @ClaireT – Congrats on day 6, and yes, the early days can be a roller coaster not to mention adding the stress of your upcoming test, but know that even with this anxiety, you will move through all of the emotions easier with a clear head. You’ll make better decisions so keep on your good path and things will calm soon. Stay strong and focus on the outcome-it will get better. Hugs-Jessi
@claireT that’s hard so good for you on day 6! I hope your procedure is painless and successful. Feeling raw is definitely part of the beginning of recovery – I have to say though thinking about it that those raw moments taught me a lot and they pass.
Yes so much like my story in the end. It was only when I realised that I was in fact moderating and had once again become a different type of drinker from my original daily habit that I decided I needed to reset and commit to AF for good . Like you U am re reading all my books and checking in on here . Immersing once again in my determination to be the best version of me. I will be rooting you on and following your journey . We are going through the same thing . I am day 6 .
We can do this @ClaireT and @camelia01. Moderating just DOES NOT WORK!! All it does is make us think of alcohol all the time, messes with our brain and sabotages our desire for an alcohol free daily life. I am so sick of having to wrestle with my brain and try to rationalize why it would be ok just to have one little drink for any “occasion” that seem to come up all the time, a get together, holidays, lunch out, dinner out, good mood, bad mood, blah blah on and on. It never ends when we try to moderate. There will always be something. . Making the firm decision not to have any alcohol again EVER for takes all that pressure off. Permanently.
Day 5 Boxing day here in the UK . Spent a lovely three hours practicing a few holes of golf with Hubbie today. I am learning at the mo and managed to hit a few decent shots amongst the not so good ones . But not to worry as it all takes time to learn a new sport . Feel better that I have boxing day as a more peaceful day . Fresh air did me good and I feel less miserable today . I think the minor exploratory procedure I am having on Friday has played more of a part on my depression recently as subconsciously I must be worried . But I didn’t drink and am committed to not drinking today .
Day 5, well done! And no wonder the procedure coming up affected your mental well-being. It’s scary to have medical stuff done to us. oxoxo May it be over asap and lots of good news coming from it so that 2019 starts on a light note.
Day 4 and sober xmas day done and dusted. Had a heart to heart with Hubbie through tears at 3am this morning that I felt boxing day had been hijacked and changed from the golfing day to a boozy afternoon in the pub with his brother and sister in law and kids followed by food here after he invited them on xmas eve . Anyway that has been cancelled now . And I didn’t end up going to the pub between 12.00 and 2.00 today to meet up with his father sons and grandson . We were late getting up as my son has flu and having been awake re meltdown at 3.00 in the morning . I stayed and had a perfectly organised xmas dinner and looked after my son which was nice . Hubbie drank and ate too much and wanted to delay clearing the table . 2hrs later I just cracked on but ended up calling him lazy git( sorry for that . Don’t know where that language came from . Very rare for me to swear so must be frustration maybe ). Doesn’t feel like the happy picture postcard xmas this year . Hopefully tomorrow will feel better especially doing something together which is not revolving around drinking . Although Hubbie did comment on all the boozy presents he had had . And maybe he should try being teetotall . Oh well sorry once again for the down moaning post . Hopefully my normal positivity will come back soon . Onwards and upwards to day 5 .
Never apologise for telling it how it really is. You are with 100s of thousands who find this time a misery – fortunately yours looks like just a bad year, but not so bad when you consider you are dealing with stuff, caring for your son, cancelling an event, two events! that would be pretty awful – brilliant work!!!! Celebrate. PS your language is pretty mild!! Read some of our bad moments? 🙁 🙁 🙁
Claire, sorry to read about the not so great parts of Christmas for you, but I do want to say a huge congratulations for getting through sober. The festive season is tricky enough to navigate given most people’s boozy focus, let alone sickness and family stuff. Be proud of yourself, be kind to yourself. Take one day at at time. You’ve got this xo
Thanks @Liberty. We had planned to maybe do a few holes in golf in the morning but now I will have to sort food etc . Hopefully tomorrow I will wake up rested and in a better frame of mind . Thank you for your words of encouragement xxx
Xmas eve and just feeling so grumpy. Boiler fixed and met up with hubby and friends in the city . Drove as planned and was ok until I just felt out of it . Hubbie informed me that his brother and sister in law are coming to the pub boxing day afternoon and back after . Just feel like my boxing day has been hi jacked into another booze filled day and I am not good at feeling gracious and accepting of this . Maybe it’s because it’s only still just day 3 and my brain is still having to mend from the alcohol . Maybe that’s why I feel so flat. Hoping I will feel better after a good night’s sleep . Sorry for being so unxmassy. To all that are now in the throws of xmas have a lovely day .
That’s all pretty confronting on D3 @claireT. Maybe you can persuade everyone to go for a walk on Boxing Day, or something to prevent the constant drinking that goes with togetherness? Or maybe it’s just a matter of getting through, this time. You’re doing brilliantly, remember that. 🙂 xxx
Thanks @Liberty. We had planned to maybe do a few holes in golf in the morning but now I will have to sort food etc . Hopefully tomorrow I will wake up rested and in a better frame of mind . Thank you for your words of encouragement xxx
@clairet this time of year can be extremely trying for non drinkers… one boozy event after another. Have a think about Boxing day and see if you can carve out some time for yourself, do something that is nourishing for you. It sounds like you are spending a lot of time in pubs this Christmas, and maybe you are fine with that, but if youre not then please know that its ok to give it a miss or leave early. Xx
Hi @claiet, sounds like quite a bit of your Christmas time is being spent making sure other people are having a good time, I used to do that. Funny thing is if you stop doing those things the world will keep turning regardless, people will drink or not. Go play golf, enjoy yourself, stay AF, look after your sober self, everything else will work out. You deserve this.