• citycat posted an update 5 months ago

    Hi everyone, been a lurker for a long time. I have a number of reasons for wanting to become sober, which I can get into at another time. I’ve done varying stints of not drinking before, every time I have felt so much better but I start to feel lonely and isolated. I have some good friends but they just don’t seem to understand me not wanting to drink. I have a lot of pre-planned events (concerts, long weekends away etc) planned with these people – this is where I need advice, should I not make anymore plans until I am sure I will not be able to drink? and perhaps not attend the events I was going to? Or should I try to go to these things sober and risk feeling like a failure if I crumple under the FOMO and peer pressure?

    • Do you no what this calls for? Your gut instinct/intuition . So hard yes but, if you are a “social”person but not really lol, you do have to go with your own thinking. No one can tell u what to do, advice yes. Think on it, you actually have the answers xo 🙂

      • Yay great words @janus2!!! I’ve read on this site “the only person you can be sober for is yourself”. Even though the flow on effects of your sobriety to others are fantastic, it really is all about you in the first instance. You and what you want and need for yourself.

      • @Janus2 That’s a brilliant reply! I find it much easier and more fun to do all the things I’d normally do drunk with sober people but that’s just about everything except for breathing. Maybe:) Oh, but I must add that all of my friends were hard core drunks like me so I had to swap a few (loads) out.

    • (Per urban dictionary, FOMO = Fear Of Missing Out. I am not fluent in text so I had to look it up, and figured I’d translate it for others.) FOMO. Of what would you be in FOMO? Your friends’ company? The scene? The music? Or…The drinking?

      You have no reason to miss out on your friends’ company, no reason to miss out on the scene, no reason to miss out on the music. So, your fear that you would “crumple under the FOMO” means you’d miss out on the drinking. But, that’s your wolfie talking, not the you who lurks here, not the you who posted, and not the you who feels so much better not drinking. There is nothing to miss out on. The longing is the nag and it is a false, slick little wolf that tells you to define yourself in terms of the alcohol. As you make sober memories, your authentic self will shine through.

      As for peer pressure: friends don’t.