I loved drinking from the moment I first got drunk at 14. It made me feel more confident and less of an outcast. I binge drank my way through my teens and early 20s. It was always social and often very widely spaced apart. In my late 20s I started drinking at home, by myself. It evolved to a nightly bottle of wine that I couldn’t resist. I gave up during pregnancy and looking after a newborn and did a couple of agonising Febfasts. Here I am, 37 with a serious problem. I know moderation is not viable and sobriety is the way I need to go. I stopped drinking on 3 June 2019.
It’s not all sunshine and rainbows I know but I feel like every week something new reveals itself in this new sober life. In last week I have really started to feel like my old self again. The self I was before I started the heavy drinking. I had actually forgotten what that person was like but I am starting to remember. She loves to laugh, sees the joy in the small things, likes nothing better than an afternoon at home with those she loves and gets excited about new projects and ideas. The difference is that person also worried a lot and was fairly anxious and didn’t cope well with stress, she never learnt how. One of the gifts of sobriety is that I now intentionally work on these things and feel calmer than I ever have. Finally I am sleeping. 7 hours a night, good restful sleep and I feel frickin amazing, like I could run a marathon. I know it is damn hard at times and I know I can never drink again and I am sorry I wasted so many moments drunk but I kind of feel like experiencing all that and then experiencing this sober life is a gift because you get to see it all through fresh eyes. I am so grateful I am on this path and so determined to protect it.
Isn’t it a great feelings to become free @chasingthedandelion. A big part of that freedom comes by actually finding the person that we bolted down with booze. It’s a slow but beautiful unfolding, much like a flower.
@wakingowl I think sleep is way underrated and I know for sure it was a drinking tigger for me, being tired and needing to get through the evening. You must feel so much better having cracked the sleep issue.
I also struggled hard with anxiety and fear for about fifteen years of my life. Sometimes still do, but I have learned many healthy coping strategies. One of my favorite is to put on a great podcast, spiritual or recovery it life mentoring and just listen closely while I cook or clean or whatever. It really really helps me when I’m struggling! I am so glad you are remembering your old self though – I am too and it’s the strangest but most amazing thing.
@leslielily it really is! In hindsight I think I used alcohol to blur the anxiety even though we all know it just makes it worse! Now that I am thinking more reflectively I had anxiety even as a child. Wish I had just got help for it.