I loved drinking from the moment I first got drunk at 14. It made me feel more confident and less of an outcast. I binge drank my way through my teens and early 20s. It was always social and often very widely spaced apart. In my late 20s I started drinking at home, by myself. It evolved to a nightly bottle of wine that I couldn’t resist. I gave up during pregnancy and looking after a newborn and did a couple of agonising Febfasts. Here I am, 37 with a serious problem. I know moderation is not viable and sobriety is the way I need to go. I stopped drinking on 3 June 2019.
Day 54. I love that deep, real and all consuming sober laughter that I find myself in at times these days. I guess it is like everything else that is amplified when not dulled by drinking. My in laws are in town. They are massive drinkers, with my new sober lens I see just how dysfunctional they are. I usually drink alongside them, it’s always been a great excuse to increase my intake. I’m not really interested in telling them about my sobriety, they are not great at listening anyway (my father in law asked me yesterday about a job I haven’t done for about 8 years despite many conversations about my subsequent jobs). Conveniently I can say I am doing dry July. They will probably think I am pregnant; it’s the only time the have known me not to drink! Feeling some deep regret for the way I have treated my body with the booze. My disordered sleep and yet another cold remind me of the fact I have ignored my health for so long. I used to just drink through colds, flus, exhaustion, sadness, stress – you name it, I drank it away. I want health, sleep, energy and I know it will come and I know I have to work for it. Anyway it is my husbands Birthday today, lunch with his family, totally sober, let’s see how it goes!
Watching people drink now fascinates me.. all the bullshit they come out with (I was the same, full of shit). I never listened to people either, asking the same question over and over, getting on folk’s nerves lol.. So glad to be out of that trap now.. doing fab @chasingthedandelion and staying strong.. I love it. x
Yep @lucy it was interesting. They all had 3 drinks with their lunch which isn’t much by my old standards. What I did notice was it was guzzled, it seemed so pointless to me and I couldn’t see it for anything other than drinking to get a buzz on. I am not judging or criticising but I just see it so differently now. Was a good day regardless, I had fun and just like so many people here have said I didn’t struggle to chat or make jokes like I feared. Turns out I am just me but clearer and more connected.