It is interesting what I am becoming more conscious of as the alcohol works it’s way out of my system. I am realising how much the thoughts of others (real or perceived) have an influence on me. Challenging meetings, situations where I feel misunderstood or judged by colleagues send me into craving overload. I guess it’s a confidence thing or something but it definitely makes me want a drink or 5. The reality is now I have to sit with these feelings. This is what I choose and I know I am building a foundation of strength every time I walk through these situations and don’t drown them in wine. Wish I knew why the opinions of people who really don’t matter can dominate my thoughts. So annoying! Nice to be able voice these thoughts, helps me process them. Thanks everyone.
That’s what I read in a book – when we drink we don’t face our feelings, the good and the bad ones. But we need to deal with them to develop an adult personality. To say it clear, we don’t grow up when we drink. We avoid becoming responsible adults who can life a fulfilled and conscious life. We stay “teenagers” somehow who run away when life gets tricky. Good to be 100% oneself, isn’t it?
I have been seeing a lot of people talk about that in their sober stories, the stunted emotional development. I started binge drinking at 15, started heavy regular drinking in my mid 20s. I am now thinking it must have impacted my coping strategies that would have otherwise developed. All these lessons!
Aw, we all go through that. I think it’s deep down we feel we are unknowingly being attacked and don’t have a way to defend ourselves. At least for me, anyway. I like the saying “what others think of me is none of my business”. Well, no I don’t like that one. But for the most part it’s true. Decide if what others think will jeapordize you in any way, and if it won’t, try to stop worrying about it. This will bring you some peace.
So easy to spend our time ruminating or extrapolating when we could be expending our energies in positive ways. I’m starting to recognise it better when it’s coming now that I’m sober, but it’s still hard to head it off.