• chasingthedandelion posted a new activity comment 12 hours, 59 minutes ago

    @lilydog your story is just like mine. Everything you said. For me I just came to a place of acceptance and acknowledged I would never be able to moderate. There was both fear and relief in that. For me the trick was getting through the first two weeks. You see when you just do the first few days over and over you are just repeating the hardest part. Once you get past those first few weeks you start to see the light at the end of the tunnel. This is the best thing I have ever done. For me I prepared, chose a day and had lots in place to help me succeed. I cut out anything non essential, I did the bare minimum at work, we ate a lot of takeaways the first few weeks and sometimes I just had to shut myself in my room for half an hour. Read some books, come here and ask for help when you need it. You can be free xx.

  • chasingthedandelion posted a new activity comment 21 hours, 35 minutes ago

    @andiet it’s kind of cool, big sober emotions feel pretty intense but better than the numbed out ones!

  • chasingthedandelion posted a new activity comment 21 hours, 36 minutes ago

    @marie2 yep definitely lots more laughs too

  • chasingthedandelion posted a new activity comment 21 hours, 38 minutes ago

    @leslielily kind of a good feeling though right?

    • @chasingthedandelion I tend to think so yes – everytime something unexpectedly moves me to tears I feel like it’s personal growth. I pay more attention to why it’s making me feel something, and though I used to hate being such an “easy crier”, I now appreciate it. I believe it is an expression of the compassion and empathy I feel for others, whether I know them or not. <3

  • chasingthedandelion posted a new activity comment 21 hours, 39 minutes ago

    Haha that is a good description, exactly how I feel!

  • Feeling some pretty intense emotions at the moment. I know this is totally normal when you remove the numbing but wow! Everywhere I look I seem to see something that brings me to tears, colleagues and friends going through tough times, the courage of you all on here. My empathy dial seems to be turned onto extreme. Not necessarily a bad thing but intense nonetheless! Anyone else experience this in their first few months?

  • chasingthedandelion posted a new activity comment 1 day ago

    Wow! Never paid attention to those lyrics before either ❤️

  • chasingthedandelion posted a new activity comment 1 day, 22 hours ago

    Yes, one million times yes!!! It will become a joy to be sober!

  • chasingthedandelion posted a new activity comment 3 days, 12 hours ago

    @lucy another pink cloudish day will come soon. I have been hit with anxiety the last couple of days too, totally out of the blue and I don’t know why. So strange. Hope you had some good self care😀

  • chasingthedandelion posted a new activity comment 3 days, 12 hours ago

    I think it’s normal to get the wobbles for your first few events. Ride it out and you will get through it. Lots of people on here and lots of sober stories I have read get sober without AA. I think it is about what works for you. I haven’t been and so far this community is giving me what I need in terms of connection with others like me. Do what works for you. This is just a wobble and it’s normal, I’ve had lots of them😀.

  • chasingthedandelion posted a new activity comment 3 days, 12 hours ago

    @buckeyeone you can do this. Most of us have many attempts under our belt before sobriety sticks. I think all those attempts are needed some times to prove to ourselves that we can’t moderate. That was the case for me! Don’t let your past attempts at sobriety shape this one because they helped you get to this point!!

  • chasingthedandelion posted a new activity comment 5 days, 1 hour ago

    @andlan yes we are day buddies! Glad to hear you are going well too, long may it last for us both😀

  • chasingthedandelion posted a new activity comment 5 days, 1 hour ago

    @dennyd love that realisation. Own that positive feedback and feel good about what you did. Not sure why we brush off compliments like that but great that you are choosing to take it in now. Feel good😀.

  • chasingthedandelion posted a new activity comment 5 days, 2 hours ago

    So true!!! Getting a bit over winter myself but I have thought many times in the last couple of weeks ‘at least I’m not drinking’.

  • chasingthedandelion posted a new activity comment 5 days, 2 hours ago

    Hope the job goes well, you never know owner might be just as nice as you sense. I hope so!

  • chasingthedandelion posted a new activity comment 5 days, 2 hours ago

    I relate to that feeling of not quite fitting. Great that you haven’t picked up the wine though! Taking a day off sounds like a good idea😀

  • chasingthedandelion posted a new activity comment 5 days, 8 hours ago

    @mandles congrats on 60. Nice little stock take of where you are at😀

  • chasingthedandelion posted a new activity comment 5 days, 12 hours ago

    Love those sober mornings where you can take time to sit before the world wakes up! Rugby weekend and no drinking… that is an accomplishment! Great to have that support.

  • 77 days sober. Not focusing on the day count so much anymore as sobriety is starting to feel a little more normal. I am really conscious of complacency and haven’t been as committed to my sober tools as it feels so much easier. Time to recommit with a little then and now reminder for myself.
    Then:
    I drank a bottle of wine a day, every day and more on special or stressful occasions.
    I felt unwell, achey and foggy headed.
    My brain wasn’t functioning very well and I had to try really hard to perform at work.
    I was stressed and anxious and would lay awake for hours in the middle of the night.
    I was a half arsed mother, fulfilling the requirements but counting down to wine time.
    I was a bit of a zombie at night, not talking that much to my husband and going to bed early to fall into a drunken slumber.
    I trudged through my days tired, sore and sad.

    Now:
    I am a present and more motivated mother.
    My aches have reduced a lot, I only hurt now after increased exercise.
    I sleep 6-7 hours a night most nights.
    My brainer is quicker so work is much less stressful, I give myself time rather than trying to do everything for everyone.
    I am far less anxious, that irrational panic still pops in but I can usually talk myself down in a few minutes.
    My resting heart rate has decrease by 10 beats a minute!!!
    My husband and I are reconnecting, laughing and closer,
    I don’t feel ashamed of my secret.

    I want to reaffirm my sobriety and commit to my sober tools; books, podcasts and mindfulness as a can feel some addictive behaviour creeping in (food) and I know it’s an easy slippery slope back to the bottle!

    • Isn’t it lovely to see how far you’ve come. Congratulations! It is great to hear you say you’re not ashamed of your secret. I think if more people opened up about their battles with alcohol society could start having some serious discussions about making changes to our shocking drinking culture. Have a lovely day, chasingthedandelion!

    • Wonderful x

    • Morning @chasingthedandelion
      We joined at the same time and today is my 77th day. You could have written that for me, identical apart from my consumption was a lot more. My heart is slower and calmer too. It’s a lovely feeling. I struggled with days 4&5 and couldn’t imagine long term. Now 11 weeks later I think back and wonder where did that time go, nearly a quarter of the year. Keep up the great work, I am truly loving life at the moment.
      Raised my Diet Coke to the ABs last night. Loving life. May all the members achieve the peace and calm I am enjoying so much.

    • Nice one chasing 👍🏼

    • Thanks for the reminder. I’m going to focus this week on committing to my sober tools also – good idea.

    • Love your now and then lists @chasingthedandelion I have really noticed the mental clarity even in times of stress. Doing well xx

    • Beautiful ☺

    • Yup, the mental clarity, I am so much more efficient these days, work where I have to make a lot of snap decisions- you never know what a dementia patient will get up to one moment from the next- is far less stressful.

  • chasingthedandelion posted a new activity comment 5 days, 13 hours ago

    Sober life definitely sounds better @lucy !!

  • chasingthedandelion posted a new activity comment 1 week ago

    That’s a big hurdle crossed! Good job😀

  • chasingthedandelion posted a new activity comment 1 week ago

    She sounds like an amazing lady @wakingowl, sorry for this huge loss ❤️

  • chasingthedandelion posted a new activity comment 1 week ago

    I definitely have low days. I have found they tend to be less often the further along I go. But also the lows don’t seem as extreme as when I was drinking. You used the word flat and I think that sums it up. Do something nice for yourself!

  • chasingthedandelion posted a new activity comment 1 week ago

    Sounds like you are winning to me!

  • chasingthedandelion posted a new activity comment 1 week ago

    Awesome!

  • chasingthedandelion posted a new activity comment 1 week, 4 days ago

    @leslielily it really is! In hindsight I think I used alcohol to blur the anxiety even though we all know it just makes it worse! Now that I am thinking more reflectively I had anxiety even as a child. Wish I had just got help for it.

  • chasingthedandelion posted a new activity comment 1 week, 4 days ago

    @wakingowl I think sleep is way underrated and I know for sure it was a drinking tigger for me, being tired and needing to get through the evening. You must feel so much better having cracked the sleep issue.

  • chasingthedandelion posted a new activity comment 1 week, 4 days ago

    @lee so true. I didn’t know this would happen when I started this journey. I thought I would just get free of the booze but this is so much more than that.

  • chasingthedandelion posted a new activity comment 1 week, 4 days ago

    @laurali keep going, the first week is the hardest and once you are over that it gets easier week by week😀

  • chasingthedandelion posted a new activity comment 1 week, 4 days ago

    Awesome! Building up those sober days😀

  • chasingthedandelion posted a new activity comment 1 week, 4 days ago

    Congratulations on one year!!! And yes, wish I had set aside my wine money somewhere when I quit as it certainly isn’t in my bank account!

  • chasingthedandelion posted a new activity comment 1 week, 4 days ago

    Hmmm definitely feel like I got my listening and empathy back. Being more selfless. In terms of creativity; having a go at redesigning my bathroom! Being a bit eccentric with the decor… we shall see how it goes! @māorigirlsober

  • It’s not all sunshine and rainbows I know but I feel like every week something new reveals itself in this new sober life. In last week I have really started to feel like my old self again. The self I was before I started the heavy drinking. I had actually forgotten what that person was like but I am starting to remember. She loves to laugh, sees the joy in the small things, likes nothing better than an afternoon at home with those she loves and gets excited about new projects and ideas. The difference is that person also worried a lot and was fairly anxious and didn’t cope well with stress, she never learnt how. One of the gifts of sobriety is that I now intentionally work on these things and feel calmer than I ever have. Finally I am sleeping. 7 hours a night, good restful sleep and I feel frickin amazing, like I could run a marathon. I know it is damn hard at times and I know I can never drink again and I am sorry I wasted so many moments drunk but I kind of feel like experiencing all that and then experiencing this sober life is a gift because you get to see it all through fresh eyes. I am so grateful I am on this path and so determined to protect it.

    • I bet its exciting feeling like you’re slipping back into your old skin. At just 4 days for me, I look forward to finding “her” again! Keep looking forward!

    • Isn’t it a great feelings to become free @chasingthedandelion. A big part of that freedom comes by actually finding the person that we bolted down with booze. It’s a slow but beautiful unfolding, much like a flower.

    • That sleep is the best, getting sober forced me to deal with lifelong chronic insomnia and I’m now consistently sleeping close to seven hours a night and it’s wonderful.

      • @wakingowl I think sleep is way underrated and I know for sure it was a drinking tigger for me, being tired and needing to get through the evening. You must feel so much better having cracked the sleep issue.

    • I also struggled hard with anxiety and fear for about fifteen years of my life. Sometimes still do, but I have learned many healthy coping strategies. One of my favorite is to put on a great podcast, spiritual or recovery it life mentoring and just listen closely while I cook or clean or whatever. It really really helps me when I’m struggling! I am so glad you are remembering your old self though – I am too and it’s the strangest but most amazing thing.

      • @leslielily it really is! In hindsight I think I used alcohol to blur the anxiety even though we all know it just makes it worse! Now that I am thinking more reflectively I had anxiety even as a child. Wish I had just got help for it.

  • chasingthedandelion posted a new activity comment 2 weeks ago

    @kez84 you can do this! It gets much easier, your moods will stabilise and you will feel much happier. Great that you are noting the positives like better sleep. Keep that up😀

  • chasingthedandelion posted a new activity comment 2 weeks, 1 day ago

    @ckincade I did that too, tried to register then realised I had a few years ago. This time I was ready though and this could be your time too! The first 4 days were hardest for me so if you can stretch past that you will see it does get easier. Try and get rid of any non essential commitments and give yourself a break for the first couple of weeks. You can do it!

  • chasingthedandelion posted a new activity comment 2 weeks, 2 days ago

    Yay! That is so exciting and brave😀

  • chasingthedandelion posted a new activity comment 2 weeks, 2 days ago

    So happy to hear you are in such a good space. You have inspired me to get up and exercise. I have known it was my next step for a few weeks but haven’t put it in place. Today is the day! Hope your positive feelings continue 😀

    • @Lucy – now that’s a transformation – so looking forward to the increased energy stage – its not that far away XX

  • chasingthedandelion posted a new activity comment 2 weeks, 6 days ago

    800 days!!! Inspiring @Ro hangover free life is so much better. Hope work flies by today.

  • chasingthedandelion posted a new activity comment 2 weeks, 6 days ago

    Good to hear from you @andlan was wondering how you were going😀

  • chasingthedandelion posted a new activity comment 2 weeks, 6 days ago

    Yep it’s like that at the start but just ride it out and it gets much better. Awesome that you are on your way!

  • This is my first night alone since I quit 60 odd days ago. Had a realisation that I used to really hate my own company and being in my own head. I would get drunk quickly, eat junk and go to bed as early as I could. I don’t know why I was so afraid of my thoughts. Tonight I am enjoying being alone, watching what I want, drinking tea. Really interested to figure out what was going on in my head back then but for now enjoying another benefit of dropping the booze!

  • chasingthedandelion posted a new activity comment 3 weeks ago

    You are battling through so well. I would be incredibly pissed off in your situation finding someone else’s habit. I think putting down boundaries is something we are supposed to do to help us stay sober but easier said than done. Have a nice weekend.

  • chasingthedandelion posted a new activity comment 3 weeks ago

    @leslielily I can totally relate. Mine is 3 and I was always there and loving and met his needs but sometimes it was half hearted as wine had a big piece of me all to itself. Shameful but true.

  • chasingthedandelion posted a new activity comment 3 weeks ago

    Yep this is true and for me I wasn’t able to commit to quitting forever until that fear was replaced with a fear of never being free. Something just changed in my brain this year and after five years of wanting to quit but being scared of losing my wine I just knew I could do it forever and it was a bit of a bummer but necessary.

    • The fear of never being free – brilliant. I watch my friend, so entrapped, and making all the excuses in the world – sure, she can handle it well, but why be so dominated by something so toxic, and life draining, that so often leads to a shallow, superficial nothing of a life – so well described in the article – yet she was going back to drinking!!!!
      Actually, I bet she doesn’t, or not for long as she has spoiled it for herself. She will always be yearning for the self she found without booze

  • chasingthedandelion posted a new activity comment 3 weeks ago

    I am sorry about your dad but so inspired by you moving through it all sober. You are awesome. Take care and get some rest.

  • chasingthedandelion posted a new activity comment 3 weeks, 2 days ago

    Great read thanks!

  • I don’t know if this is a bi-product of sobriety but I had some real moments of deep connection today. I think listening is something I have always been pretty good at. People confide in me and tell me their problems. Today though I had three different interactions with people sharing their challenges and I felt such deep empathy, on a whole other level of understanding. I was totally present and in the moment and felt moved to tears. I have always been reserved and felt the need to hide my emotions from others but since I stopped drinking I seem to cry at the drop of a hat. I feel so lucky to be able to connect and be a support to others who need an ear, it feels pure and honest and kind. Nice to have these moments of epiphany as I travel this sober path ❤️.

    • I think this is *completely s byproduct of sobriety! How lovely x

    • Totally agree Chasingthedandelion. Being clearheaded has allowed me to be much more present. Not only in my own life, but for others too. I’m finally not living in my own head all the time. It’s wonderful. Epiphany is a great way to put it. Thanks. Enjoy !

    • Sounds like a bi product to me! It’s only been a short time I’ve been walking this recovery road, and I feel like I’m seeing my children with new (ususally full of tears) eyes. Not that I did not love and nurture them before, but booze was always nagging me in the back of my mind. A huge distraction. The last few days I find myself just staring at them, amazed at the little people they suddenly are (4 years old almost 5 and 5 years old 6 in three days!) I feel much more able to calmly guide them and love on them like crazy. <3

      • @leslielily I can totally relate. Mine is 3 and I was always there and loving and met his needs but sometimes it was half hearted as wine had a big piece of me all to itself. Shameful but true.

    • love it, @chasingthedandelion. yes, a byproduct of sober.

  • chasingthedandelion posted a new activity comment 3 weeks, 2 days ago

    @leslielily I hear ya! It’s so confronting to face the truth because the truth means we can never again drink. That’s a scary thought at the beginning but then it starts to become exciting. You have achieved so much even with this burden of alcohol hanging over your head, you can definitely achieve sobriety! Loved your post❤️.

  • chasingthedandelion posted a new activity comment 3 weeks, 2 days ago

    @leslielily you are doing great work and I know it’s tough. But it is worth it. I find tears very healing, hope they have been for you xx

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