I’ve screwed up big time. You all were right, I drank on Tuesday, got so wasted I was bed ridden all day yesterday and still sick today. I can’t control it, thought I was doing well. Worse part is my addiction nurse left and it’s been two weeks with no news on if I’m seeing someone new🤷♀️ Feel pretty low right now. I enjoyed my weekly visits, it helped keep me on track. Now I’m all over the place , not sure what to do 😢
I agree with WakingOwl, the day I started this journey I started a private diary on here! I downloaded an app, it has been a very big blessing, I have been able to write down ALL my thoughts…..good and bad…..knowing no one can read it! I know I couldn’t have done it without these peeps and my diary!! Do try it, don’t be too hard on yourself my dear,@Buggles,blessings to you,xx.
That sucks! But only one thing to do – and that’s to get right back up and start again. You can do this – ONLY you can do this. Put a toolbox together. Come here. Stay here. Do whatever you need and can do for yourself. I’m pulling for you @Buggles.
Hi all, been absent sorry, have buried my head in my work. I would love to say I’m day 21 and for me I still am, but last Wednesday after seeing my daughter off I did have wine. I don’t feel bad about it as I learned something from it. As my journey here is to make better choices, be in control not ‘it’ control me. I want to be able to be a social drinker, but not an out of control everyday drinker. So last Wednesday taught me, I can stop, I don’t ‘need’ it, and after a break I don’t crave it…thank god! My only concern was I would have the mind fucks again, but actually the opposite yay!!! Only time I’ve thought about it is now writing here lol I think about a cup of tea more 🤷♀️😂 So I’m not giving myself a hard time about it, I’m on track, feeling fabulous, refreshed and great!! I know I need more time away from bubbles, but I’m feeling more confident about this journey I’m on. Is it possible to drink again like a ‘normal’ person? Is there anyone here that has/is like this? Or am I kidding myself?
@Buggles….I’m only day 12 so can’t answer. I’d also love to be a social drinker to share with my friends and family the occasional glass but, me personally….I know I’d moderate for a few weeks then go right back to that out of control stuff. I just think either you moderate or you don’t. Seems to me most of us on this site don’t. Just my thought
21 – 1 is very good indeed. So call it 20? Head toward a whole month? There have been very few … no? stories here of a return to ‘normal’ drinking. I hope anyone who has succeeded would tell us. Some have done well for … a year? 2? then suddenly really blown it, frightening themselves big time. I was pretty moderate due to driving teens and a body that could not take more than 1/2 a bottle (still way over health guidelines!) but I know if I went back I would have mental battles, danger zones, obsessiveness – such a terrible waste of energy. Fortunately I love the clarity with a passion, and fear the cancer and dementia risks far too much to even try. Keep thinking and sharing; see where you get to.
Hi @Buggles You write “Is it possible to drink again like a ‘normal’ person? Is there anyone here that has/is like this? Or am I kidding myself?”
Unfortunately the answer to this is not the one we want. No, we will never be able to drink safely again. We are no more able to control our drinking after a sober spell than we were before; it feels like we have gained control, but we have not… this is an illusion.
What happens when we stop drinking for a significant period (a few weeks) is that we successively don’t drink when confronted by the cravings launched from a lot of drinking triggers. When we deny these triggers they lose their power and the cravings they induce become less insistent. It feels as though we’ve got better at manging the cravings, and that is the illusion… it is the cravings that have lessened. Yes, we’ve got better at managing how we handle cravings; we don’t fall to them as often as we did before, but fundamentally, the cravings have become smaller and we regain control. But this undoes itself very quickly if we start drinking again.
To explain what happens if we drink again takes a bit, but here goes.
The reason we can’t drink again safely is down to how the “reward system” in our brain works. The reward system is an incredibly successful evolutionary advance that motivates us to do things that are beneficial to survival and discourages us from doing harmful things. It is such a significant advantage that almost all animals living today have this mechanism; anything with a brain in two hemispheres has it. The reward system works by recognising experiences that were good and encouraging us to do them again. It does this with brain chemistry that motivates us to behave in a certain way… that is what a craving is, and cravings are launched when we meet the circumstances again that were “good” and remembered. In us the reward system latches onto alcohol as being something good for us and we establish a huge number of “drinking tri…[Read more]
@buggles – i don’t know about anyone else, but I cannot moderate. Also, the further I get away from alcohol, why would i want to try to moderate? I have never wanted one drink, maybe if i just drank once in a while, one drink would get me drunk, but really, that is why i drink, to get drunk. is that desire/need moderation? hmmm. not sure, not sure if i care anymore because I do not drink. Keep letting us know where you are at. Best.
I think you’re kidding yourself, and sentencing yourself to frequently thinking about it. Once you’re done with it for good, a weight is lifted. There are far more things that you can do sober, that there are things that you can do impaired.
Hi @Buggles! You said on day 2 that you felt like you’d been hit by a bus. Your bad liver was mentioned in another post. The one night of drinking will not get you directly back there but your placing yourself in that direction. It’s your very cunning booze brain talking. So very many of us have been there, tried to moderate and ended up in the same shit hole if not worse.
Day 17!! Going to be a challenge as I farewell my daughter today who is moving overseas, lots of tears. Hard letting go. But I’m excited for her too! It will be good for her to experience life outside of tiny NZ and one day , like me, she will return for a quieter life. God I’m loving the clear head, if I was drinking I would be all over the place, highly emotional and completely unrealistic … booze brain is so exhausting to even think about let alone live it!!
So great she is spreading her wings….the opportunities are endless for them….but so so sad for us! Yes will be a very sad day but as each day passes you will enjoy following her on her journey! I agree, tiny nz, wouldn’t have it any other way! Love my tiny nz!!xx.
Hiya @Buggles. God speed with your 17th day, hooray you’ll be very present for yourself and your daughter today. She’ll fondly miss you, too! Can you think of a couple of special things to do after she’s left this avo/evening & plan it forward a little?
Day 16 almost done and dusted. The booze brain appeared and had me convinced to drink, however I couldn’t be bothered driving to get it haha! Didn’t even bother me. But if there was booze here I would have had some for sure. My skin is finally starting to clear from the worst breakout (detoxing I’m guessing) my complexion is so much better and a sparkle is appearing in my eyes. My moods are better, I’m thinking clearer, it’s quite bloody nice. Think I might do this again tomorrow 😝👍
Good for you @Buggles. Yes. You’re not only going to be feeling better (by freaking miles!) but you’re going to look better too. One day I looked in the mirror and realized that my eyes were actually “bright”. Who the hell would have thought?!! Yup, skin, eyes, even nails. Keep going – and keep beating that brain voice to the curb. Eventually all you’ll need to do is keep the door shut to keep it out.
Day 14 🙌 pretty stressed lately but haven’t craved bubbles. But still staying in the safe zone 😂 Tomorrow will be interesting, lunch at the pub 🤦♀️ I have to go so gonna order a coke ASAP! Should be fine. Hope everyone is enjoying their Sunday. I’m enjoying our new rescue pig, does my head in how ppl can be so cruel. She’s safe and sound and the sweetest thing ❤️🐷
Hey @Buggles – you’re doing it! Week 2 – not day 2. Gets better and better. A rescue pig? How cool is that?? I don’t know anything about pigs, but heard they’re excellent pets. Sweet and smart. Congrats (on both – week 2 and your new friend 🙂
Day 12 done and dusted! Had a great day pottering then an evening stroll around our farm cuddling all our animals. Been a while since I did an evening stroll, it’s nice, the air is crisp, it’s silent (except for the bloody donkeys 😂) My happy place ❤️ Sweet dreams everyone xx
Awesome work on day 12a nearly 2 whole sober weeks!!!! That’s fantastic @buggles. The world will look brighter and brighter to you. (With the occasional disruption of less bright patches- and that’s ok!) Great strategies you have going there.
Yeah I have bloods done every year. I should never have been drinking after severe liver problems in my pregnancies and the risks I’m prone to later in life (now). Pathetic huh?! I’ve been dam lucky! Now I can stop worrying 🙏
Likely to be a fear of not drinking too. The thought for me when I decided to stop was scary. But realised that was addiction brain talking. Grab this opportunity, I promise you won’t regret it!! You will feel fabulous xx all the best!!!!
I’m day 12 too!! Congrats!! I had a very similar experience at the supermarket car park, but instead I kept driving, I drove until I forgot why I was driving 🤷♀️ I haven’t had a bad episode since thank god 🙏 But I’m avoiding anything that could trigger me. Are your cravings getting less intense? Hang in there you can get through this!! 💪🏻
Good on you for day 4!!!!!! You may find next two days challenging, the booze brain is very clever. Stay strong and do what ever you need to do to win the battle, winning the battle is a huge help!! So empowering!! Well I found it helpful 🤷♀️ My strategies are to avoid triggers, I understand them a lot more now. So staying home is a good one for me and avoiding anything social.
Yay for us!! Yes I had a great first half of the day yesterday then crumbled, but at least I’m having good moments now. Yes the Blah is so true 😂 Was taking to my doctor yesterday about my issues with sleep, it was very interesting. For all the years I was drinking I haven’t had a normal sleep, the type of sleep they call ‘rem’ sleep. It’s the most important part. Alcohol stops that from happening. She said my brain is so used to not sleeping properly I need to teach myself how to sleep. So routine at night. Tonight’s plan is to read 🙏
Awesome!! Might be easier to remove the booze from your home? It’s nice to have a ‘safe’ place, no booze around. Keep staying strong, you have a couple more tough days then before you know it you will find it so fricken good!!!
Sorry guys, but if there was a way to project to anyone of you who is battling just how fucking great I feel right now I would!! What a shit 10 days, today is amaze balls. Hang in there guys you need to experience this!!! Xxxx
Ohh congratulations @buggles! I want soooo much to get to day 10. I swear I’m gonna do it this time. I slipped Monday but I’m determined now! 10 and beyond! You keep it up! I’m glad to hear you feel great
Day 11 AF and my first proper sleep Yay!!! I’ve replaced all the junk food with healthy alternatives and getting back into the healthier me. Can you believe I once was a body sculptor (I still managed to get my trainer to allow wine in my diet plan) pathetic! For the new improved me, it’s all about health and exercise now and more importantly happiness xxx
Hit the double digits!!! Day 10 AF!!!! Still sleeping shit, no energy, headaches and foggy brain (think all related to lack of sleep) my mind is changing from constantly thinking about bubbles to the odd quick thought but nothing bad. I’m off to town today and supermarket (a trigger) but I’m actually looking forward to going. I’m after healthy snacks as the sugary junk food has to stop! So ready to take the next step into nourishing my body. Oh positives?! I am more rational with my thoughts now, clearer and not as negative. The world is not against me after all!! 🙌
Did you drink any alcohol? If you did be very careful with antibuse in your system. I was told if you drink when on it have a bucket at hand and phone to dial for an ambulance. Scared the shit out of me. You are not sad at all, you are doing well. I’ve slipped up for a couple of weeks, it’s not easy, but it gets easier. Forget about today. There is always tomorrow. Xx
Day 8 AF woohoo! Can’t wait to see the addiction nurse and tell her I bloody did it. I did one week!!! Can’t remember the last time I went this long, so dam proud of myself!! 🙌 So update on bubbles brain…sleep isn’t great, mainly getting to sleep, so tired and grumpy today. The cravings arnt so bad more my emotions now. I still wouldn’t trust myself at a party or anything though 😂 We live very isolated so it’s a safe place to be recovering as bubbles is over an hours drive away. We had one hell of a storm blow through last night, I love the sound of the rain on the roof, plus the fact it fills our water tanks 😂 Sun is shining, birds singing time to go and feed the moo’s! Have a great day everyone xxx
Congrats!!! Yeah sleep I guess is different for everyone but I’ve struggled, apparently it is normal and will get better but when? I don’t know. I think it’s our minds trying to exhaust us so we give in a lot easier lol, ain’t happening! I’m just glad I don’t get the boozy nightmares anymore. It’s all short term and can only get better x
I’m exactly where you are!! You are doing well. I had a similar experience, I can laugh about it now but at the time it was horrendous and exhausting. Tomorrow is a new day and a day closer to getting rid of that fucking voice in our head ✊🏻
You can do it!!! Having dreams will help, while you feel like this write them down, so when booze brain appears you have something to help focus you on your recovery. I’m so happy for you!! I asked for help too, best thing I did!! I have so many ppl supporting me. You will get that too!! Xxx
I had that exact same feeling on day 5. I even drove to the supermarket and sat in the car fighting my mind big time. Fuck it’s hard!!! But I told myself to keep driving and don’t stop, so I did and hour later I got home shattered but no booze and a spring in my step because I kicked ass💪🏻 You did so well, and kicked ass too!!
that’s ok, you’re allowed! just take it easy on yourself and do what you need to do, and if that’s diving under the duvet and staying there then do that if you can! big self love and totally easy on yourself xxx
Day 7 AF and still recovering from the most emotional roller coaster day yesterday. I got through it. I’m just perplexed by what my mind is doing to me. I began thinking about a incredibly difficult time in my life, actually the reason I started drinking or should I say numbing. So irritability turned into tears and sadness. I’m so pissed off my mind can hurt me like this. But perhaps I need to confront that painful moment. Thankfully hubby came home with a massive bag of junk food lol but in the end a nice hot cup of tea worked a treat. I’m going to talk to hubby about that difficult time, he wasn’t in my life back then. I will talk to my addiction nurse too. I didn’t tell her initially as I didn’t want to cry. I want to remember that time but not the way my mind is telling me at present. Being Mother’s Day , today will be another rollercoaster, but thankfully hubby is here, the kids will be in touch, hopefully our son also who is out field at present, he’s a soldier (which is great for him but scares the shit out of me lol) . I’m so proud of our children they are all doing so well, thank goodness 🙏 I bloody love being a mum, it’s one of my best accomplishments and I miss it so much, how dare they grow up 😂 they were certainly my rock. Happy Mother’s Day to all the mums out there 😘
Thanks for your post – congrats on getting where you are – I mean day 7, but also to letting yourself feel all that hard stuff and difficult emotions. Remember tears are not a sign of weakness – they are a river that takes us from one place to another. Happy mothers day to you.
Hi bubbles, glad to see you are staying strong. It’s emotional rollercoaster time alright! I’ve been battling my brain for two days too. I know it clears. I think I’ve been through guilt, anger, depression, excitement and lethargy all in an hour. Still, we can ride this storm. We are strong and moving forward. Happy Mother’s Day. Enjoy.
Oh I’m so sorry to hear this. You are not being dramatic, I would be incredibly hurt too. I wish I was at day 40 you have gone through the worst and you should be proud!!! I’m proud for you!! Go and treat yourself, and when hubby gets home tell him to go and cook is own dam dinner! Naughty man!! Xx
Day six AF loving my morning coffees now I’m off the booze. My fricken mind is constantly thinking about alcohol, is this normal? Not craving it, just thinking it 🤷♀️ I wish the tiredness would F##k off also, yep I’m irritable today 😢 Thank god im home alone and well away from bubbles. Hubby’s been given strict instructions to pickup junk food on his way home lol
congrats on day 6. yes, i know i was always tired when i first quit, kind of in this suspended state of tired, but couldn’t sleep, then tired and couldn’t think. i just know that i was getting healthy and so glad i made it through each second that i obsessed about drinking, was tired and and fuzzy. it definitely gets better.
Hi @Buggles Yes, constantly thinking about alcohol and tiredness are completely normal. The reason you are constantly thinking about alcohol is to do with all the drinking triggers you’ve amassed over the years. The way a drinking trigger works is that it recognises a circumstance that’s yielded alcohol in the past. It focuses our attention on it, and encourages us to approach and take it. You are getting the cravings but you’re pushing them back well at this stage… they’re not overwhelming you, but what you are noticing is your attention being drawn to alcohol, and once this happens it sets off a kind of chain reaction. One of the odd things about triggers is that we don’t have to directly see alcohol or the triggering circumstance, imagining it will do the same thing: the part of our brain that stores the triggers can’t tell the difference between something that’s real and something that’s imagined. To that part of our brain everything is real and everything is now (our emotions do this too). The next thing our brain does is it searches for similar occurrences to the one we’re currently thinking about to see if they’re relevant. So once we’ve started to think about a drink then it brings to minds lots of other thoughts about drinking.This constant flitting from thought to thought about drinking is also exaggerated by a couple of other things. In becoming tolerant to alcohol our brain speeds itself up (to offset the sedative effect of drink) and our “flight-or-fight” response gets ratcheted up… this makes us think more, be more alert and constantly scanning for possible problems . These all go together to leave us with a racing mind. Our mind latches on to things and get fixated, swirling around and around them. The accelerated brain speed and raised “flight-or-fight” response are also the reason you can’t sleep… they are keeping your brain too active to be able to drop into deep sleep… hence your tiredness. As we continue to not drink for consecutive…[Read more]
I’m day 6 as well. My first Saturday morning without a hangover in years! But yes, also VERY tired (despite a good sleep?) and irritable. Husband taken kids out to buy a Mother’s Day present so at least I can have some peace for the moment. And it’s lovely and sunny x