• I’ve been reading the Naked Mind this last week, and while it has been helpful in putting days of AF together, I haven’t been successful in keeping it going. This last time was last night. I had four days AF. I don’t even have a reason behind the drinking last night. I had been telling myself I would be putting poison in my body all day… I love the days I wake up without feeling like crap, but how do I keep those thoughts with me all day so I won’t buy that first bottle of wine?

    • Hi @blessed getting sober momentum is hard. Dont beat yourself up. Maybe it would help to set yourself a challenge, like 30 days or 100 days. And then if youre tempted to drink you can tell yourself “No! You have to finish your challenge and then you can decide IF you want to drink again”. What that will do is give you some distance from alcohol, and a chance to experience the really great feeling of continuous sober days.
      Good luck… you CAN do this. 🙂

    • @blessed. Unfortunately, those thoughts will come. It’s part of the process. The key is what Amy and Lizzy have said. You need tools. AF drinks, snacks, different routines than what you had that included you drinking, it is a total lifestyle change (vs just keeping things the same and eliminating this “one thing” from your current lifestyle). It isn’t easy. Expect that. But there ARE pink cloud moments of grace where it does start to feel that way at times. Hang on for those, they bring you your GREATEST moments of clarity, of which, you then can add those gems of insight into your toolbox to carry on to the next plateau. It is a mountain climb. Takes guts and sober muscles.
      Many have done it. YOU CAN TOO!!!!

    • Not having any in the house is the key, @blessed. You’ve identified buying as the immediate behaviour to change. You could try forcing yourself to pause before you go to the store, or even while you’re in there. Think about drinking the first, how you’ll feel afterwards (you’ll just want another) and how wrong it feels the next day. It worked for me, anyhow.

    • Hey, how about substitution…. buy a bottle of non alcoholic istead, not sweet but something like the infused water ones… the phoenix sparkling infusions watermelon limeflower and apple is nice. mmmmm…. still in a nice bottle and in your fav wine glass your still treating yourself to a drink… just without the bung old booze… there is also edenvale wine which has had the alcohol removed. If you find something you like youll eventually enjoy it more than wine! And no bung old side effects ☺

  • Thank you Mrs. D…”I forgive myself, pick myself up and try again.” What a mantra to live by.

  • Blessed posted an update 9 months ago

    So here I am again, last week was not a good week for me…I’m starting over at D-1. Thanksgiving here is fraught with landmines, and my day was not exception. I bore you with the details, but suffice it say family dynamics and drinking go hand-in-hand being that close to AF for me. I kept coming into the new webpage (which looks great btw) but I was too embarrassed to admit my failure. I’m still embarrassed, but I need to get back on the train. Happy days all!

    • Well done for admitting your slip up- NOT FAILURE. As Albert Einstein said “you haven’t failed until you stop trying”. Stay strong and be kind to yourself @Blessed xx

    • Hi @Blessed, no need to feel embarrassed here, we are all human and in the same boat. I had similar thoughts, I kept coming to the new site and everybody was so happy and positive about it, I didn’t want to ruin the buzz, then I thought, oh get over yourself, these are great people, I’m struggling and I needed to reach out, I did and the community replied 🙂 so glad you posted. We can do this, together.

    • Great to have you here @blessed.😊

    • Welcome back lovely! ❤️

  • Blessed posted a new activity comment 9 months, 1 week ago

    @malibustacey, I understand, I’d start drinking once I finished working, usually in the early afternoon. I think boredom was my issue. Just a general question, your name makes me think you live in Malibu, if so were you affected by the recent fires? I hope not, they were pretty devastating.

    • Hiya @Blessed, I hear ya about the ‘reward’ and ‘boredom’ triggers which made me, at least, want to reach for ‘the next thing’ . Not sure if I said that right, it’s late. Awww, no, I don’t live in CA ~ pretty sad situation there..ah boy. (I’m in NZealand:)

  • Blessed posted a new activity comment 9 months, 1 week ago

    @ralph3479, no need to apologize. While I’m still new to the site, I have found some very helpful and supporting people. The nice thing I’ve found is this community doesn’t judge, so write away. My drinking has had an impact on my family as well. I wanted to be the perfect wife, mother and daughter, and when I took care of my dying father, I realized drinking would help me forget that goal…the problem was it took over my life once my father died. Please keep coming back, post as much as you need to, I know I won’t judge you.

  • Blessed posted an update 9 months, 1 week ago

    Good afternoon all, day seven here and I’m pretty proud of that. I wanted to throw out a question to the community. Does anyone work from home, and if so, how do you keep the alcohol voice at bay? I find sometimes after a day of grading papers and posts I envision a glass…or eight of wine as the solution to that mental tiredness I feel. Working from home can be wonderful, but it can also be isolating. I believe that isolation is one of the reasons I’m here.

    Anyway, I hope everyone has a safe and AF weekend! Here in the US, we’re heading into Thanksgiving week and all the stress that brings on.

    • Hiya @Blessed. I’m self employed, a lot of my work is home-office based. Most of my friends do as well. What I discovered was working the odd hours often lead to drinking in the morning ~ I live alone too. That’s no excuse for drinking (for me) at any time, now. 167 days without a drop has meant getting down to the real nitty gritty me, myself and I. That’s basically what we’re looking at, no matter where you work, what you do for fun, what your circumstance, etc. etc., having alcohol, anytime, is up to you, alone.

      • @malibustacey, I understand, I’d start drinking once I finished working, usually in the early afternoon. I think boredom was my issue. Just a general question, your name makes me think you live in Malibu, if so were you affected by the recent fires? I hope not, they were pretty devastating.

        • Hiya @Blessed, I hear ya about the ‘reward’ and ‘boredom’ triggers which made me, at least, want to reach for ‘the next thing’ . Not sure if I said that right, it’s late. Awww, no, I don’t live in CA ~ pretty sad situation there..ah boy. (I’m in NZealand:)

    • I also used to work at home until recently and it was the perfect cover for me to hide my drinking. But really thinking about it, it didn’t matter where I worked I still drank. I think having this site to come to will help with the isolation and I find keeps me accountable. The first week is the hardest you can do this.

    • I found the very best remedy to the alcohol voice was to empty the house of alcohol and stay home when that voice called @Blessed. Yes, I worked from home and could work really late while drinking. I had to re-train my brain on how to stay home and not drink. It took about 2 weeks. Boredom and resentment that I can’t drink still pops up occasionally but I soldier through. You’re doing so well!

    • Hi, yes I work from home too. Embarrassed to say I would drink before a client would come over to give me a boost of confidence.
      Only day 6 for me this time, but I’ve put in extra support to ensure this time I’m more accountable and successful. Also, taking the advice of getting out of the house for a walk at witching hour and being really kind to myself. Best of luck x

    • I work from home too, the biggest thing that helps for me was planning a list of things anything really, in my trigger times. Don’t start to rationalise and question the voice in you head just start one task at a time. My lists looked ridiculous initially with yoga, clean fridge, write diary, walk dog, scrub ceilings lol but over the days the lists are smaller as my ability to tolerate the thoughts and feelings about alcohol has increased. Good luck, come here as much as you need we all have your back x

    • I am self employed and may work at home, may not. I also live alone and I can drink any time I want after the client work is done, but I don’t. I did for years and my face, skin and eyes as well as my mental health and spirit was broken. After 119 days, it is an easy choice not to drink. Isolation need not be synonymous with drinking. congrats on day 7.

  • Blessed posted a new activity comment 9 months, 1 week ago

    @song-bird, thank you for that song. I don’t remember that song, but it’s wonderful…and I shared it with my daughter too. I think she’ll appreciate it for her little nugget as she calls the baby.

  • Blessed posted an update 9 months, 1 week ago

    Daughter’s medical appointments went well, the doctors are hopeful her condition will improve as she moves along in the pregnancy. I spent two days this week with one of my triggers, and still didn’t have anything to drink. However, I’ve been thinking about it all day long…that little wine song keeps singing in my head. I finished one knitting project and getting ready to start a new one, hopefully that’ll keep the song to a low hum instead of the usual symphony. I know I can make it till tomorrow…which is my Friday, even if I have to go to bed early. Have a good night/day all, ‘see’ you tomorrow.

    • Hi there @Blessed – when I see your name I always think of a song by Elton John called You’ll be Blessed and when I read that your daughter is pregnant it just reinforces the fact that I have to share it 😉

      Sounds like you are doing well, getting through triggers are hard. You are flexing your sober muscles and the more you use them the stronger they get 🙂

      Sleep well.

    • Going to bed sounds like a great plan. And well done staying AF through long, stressful days!

    • Early nights can be a very helpful strategy @blessed 🙂 good thinking!

  • Blessed posted a new activity comment 9 months, 1 week ago

    @rt2long, you’ve come to a great place. I’m five days down, and in that time I’ve posted each day, and the amount of support I’ve gotten has been wonderful. Keep coming back each day and share your thoughts. I think you’ll find kindred souls in the community.

  • Blessed posted a new activity comment 9 months, 1 week ago

    Congratulations @Lize it’s an inspiration to read you had many Day 1 starts! You’ll get to those thousand days!

  • Blessed posted an update 9 months, 1 week ago

    Great day yesterday, I spent time with my pregnant daughter, even bought her first maternity outfits…such a wonderful feeling. Thank you to all for those supporting responses. Try as I might, I try not think backwards…today is a new day, even when it’s good. What I’m getting at is I should have been here months ago.

  • Blessed posted a new activity comment 9 months, 1 week ago

    I have, but it didnt work for me@rt2long. Good luck for you tho

  • Blessed posted an update 9 months, 1 week ago

    As I sit here and reread my earlier post, I’m sort of embarrassed to admit that being there for my daughter will be hard without the wine. Thank you @malibustacey, @ladyhawke, and @jJoyY for your encouraging words.

    I’ve taken care of my family for so long, parents, husband and kids…one of major reasons I became an alcoholic I believe, I forgot to take care of me. I’ve already established, I’m a people pleaser, but this community seems okay with accepting, what I worry about as, self-serving shares. I’ll keep sharing each day, I’m finding this communication very helpful in quieting, not stopping, but quieting that wine call.

    • We are here to help each other and we trust each other a lot. Whatever you share will probably be helpful to friends who have similar issues. You are doing so well!

    • Can really relate @blessed – it’s like “hold on, when is it my turn to look after me”. Now’s the time!! No judging here 🙂

      • @blessed.. every thing you wrote .. I thought it.. am it !!! be strong .. we seem to be all the same under the skin.. Go hard, share more, I love to read the echo of such similar thoughts. x

  • Blessed posted an update 9 months, 1 week ago

    Today’s a hard day, I’m excited about my days…yes I’m looking at my counter, but we just found out my daughter’s pregnancy is higher risk than we initially worried about. In the last fourteen weeks, she’s been in a major auto accident, found out she was pregnant, and now found out she has placenta previa. I need to be there for her, and five days ago I would be there buzzed, hiding my own feelings and concern. Now, I’m going to be there without my crutch. I’ll see the number five tomorrow, but I know it’s not going to be easy today and for awhile. I think that’s part of the battle, to know and understand it’ll be hard not to turn to that bottle of wine. Good day to all.

    • Hiya @Blessed. It sure sounds like you & your girl have a lot on your plate, for sure. Wow. She’ll really appreciate you standing by her side in what seems might be a pretty daunting pregnancy. S’pose you’ll need all your faculties & more to navigate through this one properly. Hey…nice work on day 5. Your numbers are stacking up well.

    • Hi @blessed – tough news and i’m sure you’re daughter and family will appreciate you being present and sober though it will be on hard on you. Take care and good luck.

    • Hi @blessed You will be awesome x When it comes to my boys I’m a tigress its what us Mums do, its just myself I need to work on lol xx

    • Oh dear, I read this and thought oh no! From experience I can tell you long, stressful days are endured much better without alcohol to dull the mind and exhaust the body. You’ll need your full strength to help your daughter and when you need support come here and we will encourage you. xoxo

  • @mamatomany, good for you for coming back and sharing. I think reading this post is one that I’ll take with me through the week. You’ve come so far, and can see the triggers for what they are, and it doesn’t make you a bad person. Happy Day Two to you! 🙂

  • Blessed posted a new activity comment 9 months, 2 weeks ago

    I just finished a small blanket. It was supposed to be a shawl, but it’s big enough to be a lap blanket. My next project is a hat for a good friend. Do you knit?

    • oops @blessed sorry only just saw your reply. no i don’t knit – my clever mum and aunties do but it’s not something i’ve learned properly. i think it’s very cool that you do it.

  • I’m multi-tasking this morning. I should be grading my classes, but I’m sitting here reading the community posts. I’ve noticed many people relate their days sober, and I wonder…since it’s been “only” three days for me if everyone finds the counting up helpful? Sometimes in my mind I think, “just don’t drink, don’t worry about the days.” Then I think they’re important…I wonder what others think of this? Do you find counting helpful in keeping sober? I hope everyone has/had a wonderful day! I’m going back to those grades with a cup of hot chocolate by my side. Oh, the other good news for me was since I’ve been sober the last three day I’ve been able to finish a knitting project I’ve been working on, and ready to begin the next. It was never a good idea to knit after a bottle or two of wine. I’ve the dropped stitches to prove it. 🙂

    • Personally I find counting the days and at this early stage (day 5) and commenting each day works for me as it is a personal and sometimes isolating journey. Also celebrating each day and every additional day is something I can be proud of. Have a happy sober Tuesday xxxx

    • Hey @blessed, I think the counter allows you to celebrate the milestones on this journey, from getting past day one, reaching first week, 10 days, a month, 6mths, 100 and so on and so on and everything in between like day 27 which was one of my favourites for no other reason than I liked the number, if the counter helps motivate you, use it, if it doesn’t, leave it blank… the trick is figuring out what helps you in this sober journey, Every day sober is a success, well done on three days. Life is just better sober, and so is the knitting!

    • Sometimes I find it annoying to count days, but at the same time I kind of like it to see how far I’ve come. I don’t obsess about it, but I do write my days down at every day on my calendar. It’s a good way to celebrate and be happy with myself when I reach milestones. it feels good to Market off each day kind of like a to-do list item completed!

    • Counting the days is not important. In fact, Jason Vale, in his popular book, says not to. The thought there, as I recall, is that it ties becoming alcohol free into some sort of a chore, when it should be a celebration. But I like to count, and I think most, but not all here do. Part of the reason I count is to reward myself when I reach a milestone, as you should when you reach ten days. You’ll have been through some of those tough alcohol withdrawal days, and come out of the other end of it one of us warriors. Use some of that money you save to buy yourself something, or my favorite, go out to our little town’s only 4 star restaurant.

  • Blessed posted a new activity comment 9 months, 2 weeks ago

    @Ridge, I’m there too…I like that saying @Annie left, strive for progress, not perfection. We are Day Three champs! Have a great day/night today!

  • Today was a success. I’ve been keeping busy, but my husband and I have also been remembering Veteran’s Day (in the US) by watching war movies. It was good to have him in the house with me since the weekends are one of the hardest times for me. I get bored, and normally tired…I know the thing to do would be take a nap…but in my foggy mind, wine always wins the battle. Not today. I know it’s still early times, but I feel pretty satisfied that I made it through this weekend without a drink. Now back to my knitting and binge movies. Happy night or day all!

  • Blessed posted a new activity comment 9 months, 2 weeks ago

    @mari135, I get your anxiety. I too teach college age students, and sometimes their hostility or mood has a definite effect on me. The recent run of killings in this country makes me want to move to Australia, but that’s not a rational approach for me. I have a small grandson, and I worry about him all the time. I worry that he’ll face the wrong end of a gun at school one day. We, in the US are getting way too complacent about school/bar/concert/theater killings.

    I wish you a wonderful break, it’s just around the corner, at least that’s what I tell myself.

    • Thanks so very much oxooxoxxo It helps to know I am not alone, and all of my American friends are scared of it too…..I did tell hubby I want to move…I say that after every big shooting actually. And I’d do it but he is hesitant. We could move anywhere in the world with his job if we wanted so Ill keep working on it, haha. Oh well….onward…..I try telling myself most shootings were done by white American males, not international exchange students. Had it not been for my colleagues and how they talked about it, I wouldn’t have thought twice about this one and the colleague I value the most who is a great judge of character told me not to worry at all about him, since she has him too and doesn’t think at all he would do that. Scary stuff. oxooxo But if I lived in Brussels I’d probably worry about bombings in public transport, or London, or Paris. So my anxiety will find a reason……I better get onto better managing it. oxoxoxo

  • Blessed posted a new activity comment 9 months, 2 weeks ago

    @enzedgirl, my heartfelt condolences on your loss.

    • Thanks @blessed x

      We’ve had the funeral yesterday, it was really lovely. A real highlight was literally hundreds of photos from before my aunt was born (1934) to this year, so years and years worth of photos of my great grandparents, my grandparents, all my aunties and uncles as kids and young adults, then screeds of all my cousins who are her grand childrenand some of us too, it was amazing. Also very cool to catch up with dozens of cousins who I grew up with and all their partners and kids. Really great.

  • Blessed posted a new activity comment 9 months, 2 weeks ago

    Thank you @finally I too am a people pleaser and realizing my drinking wasn’t pleasing anyone came and an epiphany! Thank you for you thoughts.

  • Blessed posted a new activity comment 9 months, 2 weeks ago

    Family time went well…@enzedgirl. on my way home happy for a change instead of worrying what I might have said.

  • Hi all @blessed here, today is a family day, we’re having lunch with my family and extended family. What that means for me is a trigger day. I’m going into today though with the thought that I can come here and share that, plus know that there are other members here dealing with many of the same things. Day one is in the bag, and I found it very helpful to read my “mentions” during the day. Thank everyone for those comments. I feel as though the last few days have been “me, me, me” and that’s not something I’m comfortable with. I’m usually the helper/giver in situations, and even though this is online, I can feel the support. Good day all! 🙂

    • Hi @blessed, family days can be a challenge that’s for sure! I had to realise and accept I was/am still a ‘people pleaser’ and when we are new to being sober we need to step back and look after ourselves. I need to make sure I don’t get too tired so that I stay strong enough for anything the world chucks at me, while sticking with my new AF life, funnily enough everything does get done. Good luck at lunch! Sit down and enjoy yourself!

    • Hope the family day goes well and you put sober head to pillow tonight @blessed 🙂

    • Family time went well…@enzedgirl. on my way home happy for a change instead of worrying what I might have said.

  • Not embarrassed to say it’s day one again. I didn’t realize I would have this much support, and got the “who cares yesterday.” It was awesome to read the support comments, thank you everyone who commented yesterday. I’ve got some really good suggestions, and one was to post everyday for awhile. I will be doing that, and I hope it will be the key…well that, and support from my husband.

    Are there any other non-AA members who would like to share their experiences with me? I’ve tried, and I’m not comfortable in that environment. I know it’s not for everyone, but it seems to be the only answer for my current therapist.

    I hope everyone has a wonderful day/evening wherever you are. @blessed

    • We can’t do it alone, @blessed. That’s why were all here! AA wasn’t for me either, but I did go and gained a lot of valuable tools. There are online AA forums if you’d like to see how they go.

    • I know Ro and others on here have benefited greatly from Rational Recovery tools, try googling Rational Recovery. X

    • @Blessed. I have struggled for 17 years with AA feeling this is not for me etc, but today I am seeing the goodness through new eyes–actually I starting hearing what people were saying(only a few selected few as I believe alot are bullies). and reading alot of AA/NA books. I have found NA alot easier to read and understand. Also coming here every day has been a Godsend. Friends at my fingertips. Day 1 will quickly turn into day2 for you.

    • I am at day 20…. for a bout the 3rd time… with months of AF. I find posting on here is a really great tool, daily as needed….. So much support and wisdom. It has helped me identify my triggers… for me usually family stuff….. or that kind of thing…… and walking and distraction… But obviously I haven’t nailed it or I would be more than day 20.

    • There are alternatives to AA @blessed 🙂 it is helpful for some and not for others and that’s ok

      Have a look at these resources:

      the temper (website)

      Hipsobriety (website)

      Annie Grace Naked Mind (book)

      Rational Recovery (alternative to AA – website)

      Google Sobriety podcasts

      https://www.alcohol.org/alcoholics-anonymous/alternatives-to-the-aa-approach/

  • Blessed posted a new activity comment 9 months, 2 weeks ago

    Hi @enzedgirl, thank you for all those suggestions. I wasn’t sure how to find or keep conversations going. I wish I had seen this support yesterday…I’m back to day one again! But the support I received yesterday was amazing. I’ll take your advice and post everyday.
    I’m not sure about face-to-face, I live in CA USA, not sure if there are many people from the US?
    Thank you again. 🙂

  • Day one again, I don’t know how many of these days I have in my past, but I hope it will be the last. I’ve been visiting this site for awhile now, and find inspiration, and hope. I’d like to check in with members of the community for support, but I’m unsure how to do that? Can someone help me with that? I would appreciate it.

    • Welcome @Blessed. The past is just that,, you are moving forward from here. Read lots, listen to podcasts and immerse yourself in all the info you can find. Have a stock of treats and AF drinks, post here as you like. What you are doing is worth it. Well done for making that decision!!

    • Well hello! You just have to keep posting to check in.

    • Do you need help with checking in or do you need acknowledgment that you are here and that it sucks to be back on day one, but we’ve all had at least one (some of us so many ones) and we’re all really always on one day at a time, or did you just wanna say ‘hey’? Hey! Glad you’re here, @blessed. It’ll get better. Just keep accumulating day ones.

    • hi @blessed … if you put an “@” in front of any one’s site name, like @enzedgirl it will either send them an email with your comment or it will alert them under “mentions” on here that someone has used their name in a post.

      so that’s a good way to check in with people.

      the other thing is, if you strike up a conversation and feel like you’ve made a connection with someone you can always ask them if they want to trade email addresses, and if they do you can tag mrs-d (only with an @ in front) and she will hook you up by email.

      the OTHER thing is, if you find someone on here who lives local to you, you can organise to meet up if you want to. i’ve met up with quite a few people from this site and it is SO GREAT having face to face friendships with people who are also alcohol free.

      so welcome welcome, congrats on another day one, and why not try posting every day for a while – it’s a great way to start making connections 😀

      • Hi @enzedgirl, thank you for all those suggestions. I wasn’t sure how to find or keep conversations going. I wish I had seen this support yesterday…I’m back to day one again! But the support I received yesterday was amazing. I’ll take your advice and post everyday.
        I’m not sure about face-to-face, I live in CA USA, not sure if there are many people from the US?
        Thank you again. 🙂

    • You can do it
      Everything will be allright
      Day 1 is tuff
      After day one every day gets a little bit easyer
      I swear im on day 7
      And its so easy for my addictive voice to tell me stuff that im only 1,2,3,days sober so what does it matter and drink.
      Every day sober counts
      Were learning how to walk again
      One step at a time
      Jst follow your feet and god takes care of the rest!!
      Keep posting
      We can do this!!

    • There are LOADS of people from the US here @blessed 🙂 and the UK and Australia and NZ and various other countries 🙂

      Post first thing in the morning in your time zone, let people know (generally) where you are, and that you want connection and support 🙂 🙂 🙂

  • Blessed became a registered member 1 year, 9 months ago