• beccajane posted a new activity comment 3 months, 2 weeks ago

    Sounds like you are doing fantastically. I’m hearing your wisdom about being kinder to yourself. Xx

  • Hi everyone. Today is day 40. I felt the need to check in and celebrate that with people who get it. It’s been up and down but I’ve been getting through…I’m also sleeping so much better! It’s going to be a full on weekend…a party and a family dinner to get through but I’m driving for both to shut up the wine witch. Ha. Happy sober day to all.

  • beccajane posted a new activity comment 4 months ago

    Thanks everyone. You are all right…I didn’t drink….I find myself going over and over what I said, checking I’m not in the wrong, it’s exhausting. I’ll check out Joe Dispenza, my Audible credit is about to drop, right on cue!

    It hadn’t occurred to me that she might have problems of her own…

    Thanks for being proud of me.

  • beccajane posted a new activity comment 4 months ago

    62 days. Fantastic!

    I hear you about the crowded stores. I’ve made sure to get my own egg…my 2 are too old not to miss any. Happy Easter!

  • beccajane posted an update 4 months ago

    Hi everyone. Day 24! It’s been going okay except (isn’t there always an except).

    My son had some trouble at his sports club with another boy (mine has adhd and autism and frankly can be a complete nightmare). The boys mother came and had a huge go at me in front of everyone it was hideous. The staff confirmed it was really a 50/50 thing with the boys they sorted it, apologies and my son had priveledges revoked for his part in it (all verbal i should add no thing physical). I was shaken but thought we’d sorted it.

    This week’s club rolls around so I stayed to watch and was pleased to see the boys avoided each other and there were no problems. But the other boys mother corners me afterwards and has another massive go at me, shouting, aggressive, in front of everyone. Even when staff and other children state it’s been fine and I explain I was watching. Seems as though her son had been telling a few fibs.

    Now I have reason to be proud of myself, I stayed calm (I was crap at making my point but still) I didn’t go home and drink like I would have done 24 days ago. BUT. Gosh I feel awful, confrontation is my worst nightmare. I keep replaying it in my mind. I was doing well with anxiety but now it’s there all the time. I feel panicky and when I went to the store yesterday I was really on edge and imagining that someone woukd berate me for something, I don’t know what exactly.

    I guess I’m saying that my emotions are raw and sky high. How do I deal with this? I’ve worked out that I drank to numb this stuff and now I don’t but the emotions are all, still there.

    I could really use a pink cloud right now…

    • Ro replied 4 months ago

      Good on you for handling an awkward situation without resorting to drinking. What a dickhead to yell at you like that. Maybe she’s got problems of her own eh… Flip it and feel sorry for the silly bugger. You rose above that 😋👆

      • Totally agree with @Ro – well done for not using alcohol to soothe what sounds like a really stressful encounter. It also sounds like a really unfair situation you were in and anyone would find that confronting. She’s probably got her own problems by the sounds of it.
        I think you should have a bath, light a candle, get into bed and read a book or whatever you do that relaxes you to celebrate how you’ve behaved. I am impressed

    • Oh I so feel for you. I know it must have been horrible. But you dealt with it!! Yaa you! You didn’t lower yourself to her level and you didn’t retreat to the bottle. You protected you! Good for you. My yesterday was crap for a similar reason. Stupid issue brought about by a little person. I was angry and anxious all day – and frankly, all night. But today is a new day. We handled it and now we’ll move on. Good for you! Wrap yourself up in that little success. They all add up. Enjoy your weekend.

    • I’m proud of you for handling that so well. I would’ve knocked the shit out of that woman. My younger brother has autism. Hes seen me in some bad situations and drunk and I hate that he saw that. I was 18 when he was born, so I helped raise him and I am so protective of him. She had no right to get in your personal space. But the important thing is….you didnt drink! That’s huge. You’re doing great.

    • @beccajane we learn and are much more aware of our boundaries when we get sober. Unfortunately, not everyone has them. Good for you on stepping back.

    • @beccajane I completely understand how you are feeling. I am not good with confrontation either. In fact, I struggle if I suspect someone has a problem with me at all. I am working on all of this. Meditation helps. Listening to an audible book by Joe Dispenza (He has several)-granted it is difficult getting through some of his explanations but I find it helpful to stop and try to figure out where my reaction, feelings are coming from. I have a long way to go but becoming conscious of the underlying feelings and treating them as something to observe and sometimes watch them float away has been helpful.

      You are strong and be proud you handled it well and you stayed sober.

      • Thanks everyone. You are all right…I didn’t drink….I find myself going over and over what I said, checking I’m not in the wrong, it’s exhausting. I’ll check out Joe Dispenza, my Audible credit is about to drop, right on cue!

        It hadn’t occurred to me that she might have problems of her own…

        Thanks for being proud of me.

    • Jeez I’m sorry that happened to you Becca Jane

      I agree with everyone else that a) that other parent had no right getting so aggressive with you and b) she’s probably battling her own problems

      But also … what’s going on for you is that your fight or flight response has been triggered (this is normal when you are threatened). In the past you’ve used alcohol (like many of us here) to soothe your jangled nerves

      That’s not an option any more so a huge favour you can do yourself is to actively and specifically look for alternative ways to calm your nervous system when it gets triggered into flight mode

      Some people use meditation, yoga, reading, knitting, hot bath, self-talk etc etc

      Well done you. That was a very confronting situation and you got through AF 😊

  • beccajane posted an update 4 months ago

    Thank you so much for all your kind words and welcomes. I came here to find my sober tribe, I thought that others would have the experience of a husband still drinking. It’s making things a lot harder for me but it’s his choice and I can’t control that. It helps to have your inset.

    Last night was my first sober party…I designated myself driving duty to outfox the “have a drink” voice in my head. It was okay, I even danced sober! Turns out you can have fun drinking soda and lime. The only problem is that people asked if I was pregnant! What?!? No! Why does a woman not drinking mean she is pregnant? Even when she’s driving?

    I also received the insight that I hate disappointing people, hate that they might feel disappointed. Even when it’s about my own life choices. Very odd.

    • Well done to you. I find peer presure really hard, but i think the more you do something the easier it gets. Being in a minority requires strength so feel proud of yourself.

    • It sooooooo is possible to have fun dancing sober!!! The groove is just the same, especially when you have been out from under alcohol’s grip for awhile. Sober driver- great strategy!!!! I drove a minibus full of drunk people yesterday, not really recommending that, but we actually had heaps of fun. There were a few pointed questions about my sobriety, plus one woman who put me through an inquisition. Then confessed she thought she needed to do the same thing. Yes honey, you do…
      Anyway- well done!!! Partying sober (and surviving) is a big milestone.

    • Nice job!! You’ll find most people don’t notice or care what you’re drinking. The ones who do usually have an issue of their own with alcohol. Stay strong.

  • beccajane posted an update 4 months ago

    Hi! Thank you. I feel quite nervous being here. I’m 19 days sober and it’s been hard to admit that my drinking was becoming a problem. The hardest thing is that my husband who is a big drinker as well is still drinking. Gritting my teeth through the evenings and I’m in need of some support or at least some understanding. I’m scared this won’t stick and I’ll start again…I don’t want to.

    • Hi beccajain
      That sounds hard. You are doing well on 19 days. I would recommend reading some sober books. Keep coming here and get some early nights. Your husband is making the choice to keep drinking. You have chosen to stop. Being sober is about you. A great book through amazon is This Naked Mind. It will dispel the myths around drinking, those beliefs that it’s relaxing, makes it easy to socialise, makes you more fun and explains what is going on in your brain. Doctors and counsellors haven’t told me this stuff. It’s was a game changer for me. This is a time to care for yourself like you would care for a newborn baby. Rest, good food, fluids and keeping comfortable. One day at a time. It’s not easy but pays off is better than anything from drinking. The brain has been hotwired to drink so it needs retraining and healing. Go well. Sending you love and strength.

    • I’m in a similar position in that my husband still drinks too. He’s off at the rugby getting trolleyed as we speak. Fine, it’s his life and if that what he chooses to do to his body and brain so be it. But it’s not what I chose for me. And at 200 days I am so so so glad I stopped drinking. I feel a million times better. More energetic, sleeping better, feeling generally happier. Some aspects of life still suck- it is reality after all. But omg it’s better. Do it for yourself. I found that allowing myself sober treats in the evenings (yummy food and drinks, massage, movie…) helped. As did going to bed rediculously early. I read Mrs D’s books too- excellent. They gave me lots of food for thought and shaped my early sobriety. I am still in my early sobriety I guess- but it feels very final I can tell you! Good luck, it’s worth it. I can’t stress that enough.

      • I began to feel a lot better around 200 days – seeing that number reminded me of what a relief that was. Despite being reasonably moderate in my drinking, I didn’t feel much better at first – disappointing when so many were leaping around feeling fabulous 🙁

    • Hi @beccajane I have been obsessively reading sober memoirs for the last couple of years. One I recently read and loved is The Sober Diaries by Clare Pooley. I realized after reading it that this was the first sober memoir I could properly relate to. Clare was not a hard core “alcoholic “ or was using cocaine to get through her work day, she was just a regular drinker on the outside who was feeling totally out of control on the inside. My husband is not drinking right now for health reasons but he’s always been one of those annoying people that have 1 or 2 drinks and then that’s enough for him. If I only have 1 or 2 I have a good time. Problem is, I am not in control of whether I have 1 or 15. It’s like being possessed for me. I have zero control of what happens once the first drink is poured. I also have regular blackouts and the worst hangovers ever. I don’t want another weekend wasted because I’m too sick to get out of bed.

      • This is why I’ve decided to stop – I have often chosen not to drink when I’m out but if I do drink I don’t know whether after that first drink that it will be an ok night or a big blackout train wreck. Possession is so accurate. I’m 46 this year and first got drunk at 16 – so I’ve got 30 years of horrendous binge night stories. I was starting to drift into evening wine drinking and starting to feel alcohol dependent in the last year. On Thursday night I had a whole bottle of red and then started drinking my husband’s beer (like a panicked crazed animal) when the wine ran out. Woke up fully clothed in bed, hungover and had a very clear understanding I couldn’t pretend I just had a series of historical “party girl big nights” – I had a big 30 problem and it was entering a new phase which would probably finish me off. Hoping to use this community to reality test me when I’m wavering.

        • @dorothyparker it’s scary how relatable these stories are. I thought I was the only one! We’re a household of two “highly functioning” professionals. My husband is also an alcoholic but he’s on his own journey. It’s like the flight safety message – put your own oxygen mask on first before tending to others. Get your husband onto Seedlip – the Grove flavour is lovely (non-alcoholic spirit) – he can develop some recipes for this site 🙂

  • beccajane became a registered member 4 months ago