• barnmomma posted a new activity comment 1 month ago

    Love this, @Sober4real. We can’t keep any door open that would lead us back to drinking. It’s forward motion only, right?

  • barnmomma posted a new activity comment 1 month ago

    Hi @aprilsfool. I have that book, but haven’t read it yet. I will start it today. I did something embarrassing myself. Like you, nothing horrible, but really struck me that I definitely wouldn’t have done it, had I not been at the bottom of a bottle of wine. Alcohol most definitely IS the enemy, and only wants our destruction. We aren’t weak, as you said. We became what alcohol set out to do…addicted to it. No more for me, either. I choose sobriety and health! 😊

  • barnmomma posted a new activity comment 1 month ago

    Hi @Andian. Congratulations on Day 12 today! I know what you mean about clothing feeling tight. All those empty calories sure show up in the body, don’t they? Here’s to new beginnings (and looser clothes!) 😊

  • barnmomma posted a new activity comment 1 month ago

    @jocord, that was awesome. Thank you!!! I haven’t heard of a couple of the sites and resources you mentioned, so will check them out today. I also don’t like the idea of being accountable to my husband, or someone else for my sobriety. I’ve tried it in the past, and it kind of made me want to drink even more. I’m a little bit of a rebel, I think. Love the idea of kicking the booze to the curb just for myself and not for someone else. And flipping the switch to just saying I am a non drinker, and not that I’m giving up anything. In reality, we aren’t giving up anything that serves us, but we’re choosing to gain freedom and health. It’s society that lies to those of us who choose to stop drinking by telling us that we now have to deprive ourselves of something. Thanks so much for the great post! 🤗

  • barnmomma posted a new activity comment 1 month ago

    Hi @Lars. I could have written your post myself. With the help of Living Sober and some great books, I had 154 days of sobriety a couple of years ago, and loved it. Managed to get through Thanksgiving, Christmas and even a trip to Las Vegas without even wanting a drink. My dad became very ill, and I had to travel home to help out and accepted a glass of wine as soon as I got off the plane and was off and running. I’ve had a really hard time getting momentum back, but I definitely think it sure helps when you have some. You don’t want to lose it. And it is also much harder to get it again, after you’ve thrown it away. But it can be done, and we will do it! Looking forward to seeing Day 1 far back in the rear view mirror! I love Belle’s podcasts and especially loved her story about comparing sobriety to a cross country trip in a little sober car. I think I’ll go back and revisit it. Thanks so much for the advice. 😃

  • barnmomma posted a new activity comment 1 month ago

    @Seni123, that is a great way to put it! It feels exactly like drinking/alcohol is an enemy that we are fighting against. Comparing it to a virus (foreign invader in an otherwise healthy mind and body) was great. I’m going to start thinking of it like that. I want it out of my life, too. Amazing how widely accepted and encouraged it is, given all the damage it causes.

  • barnmomma posted a new activity comment 1 month ago

    Thanks, @newstart. Love that!

  • barnmomma posted a new activity comment 1 month ago

    Hi @ClaireT. That’s a good way to look at it. We learn from each attempt at this. Like you, I know how much better I feel sober than when I’m drinking, and I want that life back. I’m on the path with you. 😊

  • barnmomma posted a new activity comment 1 month ago

    Thanks, @Mari135. I love that about getting both feet onto the other side of the line. I’ve spent way too much time with one on each side, and that leads to disaster. Love the line that Annie Grace and the authors of The Sobriety Solution use in regards to commitment. “99% is a bitch, 100% is a breeze.” So true! 🤗

  • barnmomma posted an update 1 month ago

    Morning, everyone. Is there anyone out there that had more day 1’s than they could count, and then all of a sudden there was a final Day 1 for them??? If so, what do you think made the difference? Really want this, but struggling. I will NOT be drinking today!!!

    • Well, 3-4 day 1’s….for me. The last one my depression, shame, and fear got so damn bad that I couldn’t take it anymore. I knew something was different that time. It wasn’t more so about fighting against myself, I had stepped across that line and got both sides onto one, if that makes sense. Not-drinking stopped feeling like a super big sacrifice and missing out on fun (for the most part, I still had cravings).

      oxoxoxo

      • Thanks, @Mari135. I love that about getting both feet onto the other side of the line. I’ve spent way too much time with one on each side, and that leads to disaster. Love the line that Annie Grace and the authors of The Sobriety Solution use in regards to commitment. “99% is a bitch, 100% is a breeze.” So true! 🤗

    • I’ve had loads but I really feel that I am never back at my very first day one . I have learnt things . I have tried again . I keep wanting this . I know how much freer it is and how much happier I am once I gather sober days together . I see my sober path . I slip up but I still know it’s there. I learn more . I fall . I get up . Start again . I want the sober life . Let’s do it together . Day 2 for me

      • Hi @ClaireT. That’s a good way to look at it. We learn from each attempt at this. Like you, I know how much better I feel sober than when I’m drinking, and I want that life back. I’m on the path with you. 😊

    • Hi @barnmomma! For me, every day is a new commitment to an alcohol free life. No looking back, just a fresh commitment every morning. For me it hasn’t been a one time spiritual awakening so much as a growing daily commitment and ‘aha’ moments time and time again each time I decide not to drink through a situation or a problem. A trust that the answer to my issue or craving or trigger will be revealed in time but to get the answer I have to maintain sobriety and faith xo

    • Had lots of tries, plans and discussions with myself the past years. But to be honest, I don’t know why it didn’t work then (crashed very fast every time) and why I’m so confessed right now. It’s this feeling I DON’T WANT TO DRINK NO MORE. That was different from the start this time. Not the brain, but the heart told me… THIS IS NOT YOURS ANYMORE! Of course I struggle, but this time I got the feeling, I’m fighting an enemy. Something that is NOT ME, that is not part of my personality, like a virus it doesn’t belong to me. It’s been in my head but it was not ME! I can see drinking as a combatant now whom I want to kick straight out of my life. I think, it was just ENOUGH. I supported myself during the last month with reading books, being in this community, watching documentaries, looking for information about the alcohol issue everywhere… It was disgusting to see the social and human damage. Healing for me.

      • @Seni123, that is a great way to put it! It feels exactly like drinking/alcohol is an enemy that we are fighting against. Comparing it to a virus (foreign invader in an otherwise healthy mind and body) was great. I’m going to start thinking of it like that. I want it out of my life, too. Amazing how widely accepted and encouraged it is, given all the damage it causes.

    • Lars replied 1 month ago

      I’ve had too many to even guess. I had a year and a half sober, and what changed for me is really sinking into supports. I had accountability (Belle and LS), treats, reading, audios, doing as little as possible, replacement drinks, if you can think of it, I did it. At 18 months I had stopped with the supports and fell off. And you guessed it — I’ve had a hard time getting back up. I’m doing it, though, and you know how…SUPPORT!
      It’s the beginning that’s really difficult for me, but once I get momentum it’s just the new normal. I’d really recommend Belle’s book, it has helped me a lot and makes it very approachable + she has a section with some 60 supports. If one doesn’t work, try two others and “layer them on” as she says. And you have to do it daily.
      You can do this. Almost everyone here has struggled to get momentum, so you are not alone in that. You are definitely worth it, so just throw supports at that drinking voice to quiet it. And the further away you get from day 1, the softer it becomes.

      • Lars replied 1 month ago

        And in case you don’t know Belle, her site is http://www.tiredofthinkingaboutdrinking.com

      • Hi @Lars. I could have written your post myself. With the help of Living Sober and some great books, I had 154 days of sobriety a couple of years ago, and loved it. Managed to get through Thanksgiving, Christmas and even a trip to Las Vegas without even wanting a drink. My dad became very ill, and I had to travel home to help out and accepted a glass of wine as soon as I got off the plane and was off and running. I’ve had a really hard time getting momentum back, but I definitely think it sure helps when you have some. You don’t want to lose it. And it is also much harder to get it again, after you’ve thrown it away. But it can be done, and we will do it! Looking forward to seeing Day 1 far back in the rear view mirror! I love Belle’s podcasts and especially loved her story about comparing sobriety to a cross country trip in a little sober car. I think I’ll go back and revisit it. Thanks so much for the advice. 😃

    • Yep. The difference for me was that I didn’t proclaim it to anyone, not even myself, despite the advice to tell yourself and another person. I don’t do well with being beholden to someone else for accountability. I don’t like that approach. This time it was all about me, for me, and done my way. It began as a quiet experiment to see how I would FEEL and how long could I go, no goals, no pressure. I stayed home in my cocoon spending a lot of time with sober material. I subscribed to Belle, and Jackie, at Running on Sober, Annie Grace, this site, and Rational Recovery. I think this site made the difference because I could get almost instant replies. I got to a point after 4 days that I realized giving up alcohol for good would not harm my life even tho’ it was scary. Side note; I had the good fortune of trying naltrexone before this point so I could drink on that and not get high. That experience showed me how absurd it was to drink. End side note. But I wanted to get high so stopped the naltrexone. No more fooling myself, I drank to get drunk. I had told my dr and tried the naltrexone and was still drinking. It was harming everything in my life. I didn’t even like the taste anymore, I was just an addict. If I stopped for good, I would not lose a thing. In very convoluted thinking my brain flipped that switch from giving up drinking to I’m a non-drinker. After that I took every day as how do I move forward and handle life without booze? I didn’t even tell my husband for 2 weeks. He knew right away. I told my Mom at 3 weeks. Many people still don’t know, but after a year I’ve seen everyone who saw me drink regularly and they now know. This time I admitted to myself that I just wanted to get high everyday and because of that my life was spiraling downward. I gave up all reasons and excuses as just noise allowing me to drink and focused like a laser on just not drinking saving the excuses for resolution at some future point in time. I got…[Read more]

      • Awesome post @Jocord.

      • Love that post @jocord.

      • Great post @jocord, especially “ not giving up anything to I’m a non drinker “. It took me a while to flip my thinking, I am really only giving up bad shit, I am not a quitter I am a non drinker. Why it is a healthier choice for me and drinking is no longer an option!

      • @jocord, that was awesome. Thank you!!! I haven’t heard of a couple of the sites and resources you mentioned, so will check them out today. I also don’t like the idea of being accountable to my husband, or someone else for my sobriety. I’ve tried it in the past, and it kind of made me want to drink even more. I’m a little bit of a rebel, I think. Love the idea of kicking the booze to the curb just for myself and not for someone else. And flipping the switch to just saying I am a non drinker, and not that I’m giving up anything. In reality, we aren’t giving up anything that serves us, but we’re choosing to gain freedom and health. It’s society that lies to those of us who choose to stop drinking by telling us that we now have to deprive ourselves of something. Thanks so much for the great post! 🤗

    • Yup, I had a Day 1 every week for ages. I had a bike accident, my son had a pop at me drinking, and my shirts were feeling tight, and I thought that’s it. Kept it quiet and then about day 4 my wife sort of noticed and here I am starting out on day 11 feeling that this is the start of something new.

      • Hi @Andian. Congratulations on Day 12 today! I know what you mean about clothing feeling tight. All those empty calories sure show up in the body, don’t they? Here’s to new beginnings (and looser clothes!) 😊

    • The difference for me is I had done something very stupid – not dangerous or terribly embarrassing – or even that anyone else saw or was aware of but myself – but made me think, – ‘yes, that was really fucking stupid and this has GOT TO STOP.’ I actually embarrassed myself to myself! I made the decision right then and there that morning and began researching help in earnest. I bought This Naked Mind that afternoon, read it cover to cover, and began soaking in all the advice and counsel I could get. Like @Jocord, I didn’t share it with anyone, I just started doing it – not drinking – quietly by myself. Then by the grace of God I found this community and started coming here everyday. Like @Sensi123, I realize that alcohol is the enemy. I’m not weak – it’s a drug and I became addicted. So no more for me thanks. You can do this. Sucks as it may to admit it – but only you can do this.

      • Hi @aprilsfool. I have that book, but haven’t read it yet. I will start it today. I did something embarrassing myself. Like you, nothing horrible, but really struck me that I definitely wouldn’t have done it, had I not been at the bottom of a bottle of wine. Alcohol most definitely IS the enemy, and only wants our destruction. We aren’t weak, as you said. We became what alcohol set out to do…addicted to it. No more for me, either. I choose sobriety and health! 😊

    • Yes, the difference for me was that I was doing it for myself and my health. I did not keep an idea in my head that if this didn’t work I could drink……I had to make the decision that I was never going to drink alcohol again one day at a time.

  • barnmomma posted a new activity comment 1 month, 1 week ago

    Thanks, @freedom1025! It feels so good to be back here with you guys again. I agree with you that sobriety is the best. It sure beats a hangover any day of the week!!! 😊

  • barnmomma posted a new activity comment 1 month, 1 week ago

    Thanks, @robynb. It’s so good to be back!

  • barnmomma posted a new activity comment 1 month, 1 week ago

    Thank you, @kitten. I know, for sure, it’s a step in the right direction, for a change. 😊

  • barnmomma posted a new activity comment 1 month, 1 week ago

    Hi @jm. Thanks so much for the welcome back message. I wish moderation would work, but alas…that ship has sailed. I’ll have to check out Annie Grace’s video on moderation. 🤗

  • barnmomma posted a new activity comment 1 month, 1 week ago

    @Izzy, Thank you!!! 🤗

  • barnmomma posted a new activity comment 1 month, 1 week ago

    @mari135, thank you so much! It feels great to be back. I’ve missed you all. 🤗

  • Hi Everyone. Well, it’s been awhile since I’ve been on here because I fell into the trap of thinking I could moderate. I know…what a lie that is! I absolutely have no off button, when it comes to alcohol. I think I finally understand that deep in my soul. I’m done with this stuff, and ready to do the work so I can live a full and healthy life. With the help of this group, I had my longest stretch of sobriety a couple of years ago. I want the freedom and joy I felt then back, and today is the first day of a beautiful alcohol free life for me!

  • barnmomma posted a new activity comment 4 months, 1 week ago

    Thank you, @Winner. ❤️

  • barnmomma posted a new activity comment 4 months, 1 week ago

    Hi @Clowance. That’s good advice. Just not drinking is probably enough to handle right now. The other stuff can come later on. Thanks. 😊 XX

  • barnmomma posted a new activity comment 4 months, 1 week ago

    Hi @safeandsound. Thank you. I am determined like you. XXX

  • Morning Everyone, We are finally moved into our new house, and the old house has been cleaned, carpets cleaned and it’s about ready to put on the market. I am exhausted, and have done a terrible job at remaining AF, which I am sure is part of the exhaustion problem. Not having good sleep and then full physically demanding days on top of it, is not a good combination. I truly want to be done with the poison, and focus on healthy eating, exercising and finding much more healthy ways to deal with stress. I can’t even count how many day 1’s I’ve had, since my relapse a year and a half ago. Well, today is another Day 1, and I’m praying it is my last. I love reading all the success stories on here and hope to be one of them myself. XXX

  • barnmomma posted a new activity comment 4 months, 3 weeks ago

    Oh, @Mari135, thank you!!!! I’ve missed you guys. ❤️

  • barnmomma posted a new activity comment 4 months, 3 weeks ago

    Thank you, @truthangel. More energy would be a very good thing. 🙂 And thanks for the encouragement about coming back. XXX

  • barnmomma posted a new activity comment 4 months, 3 weeks ago

    I won’t leave again, @Morgan. I think I was just so embarrassed to have failed again. They are beginning to be resolved. Tomorrow our movers come. I’m dreading it, but really looking forward to having it behind us, so we can begin living with a routine again. Thanks so much for the warm welcome back. XXXOOO

  • barnmomma posted a new activity comment 4 months, 3 weeks ago

    Thank you, @ChardaNO. XXXOOO

  • barnmomma posted a new activity comment 4 months, 3 weeks ago

    Thank you, @jocord. XX

  • barnmomma posted a new activity comment 4 months, 3 weeks ago

    Hi Sober58. I’m on Day 1, too. We will get through it and be on Day 2 tomorrow. XX

  • Hi Guys. I’m back, too, after a self-imposed absence, due to some wine drinking. Told myself it was okay because there were so many stressful things going on this winter. Well, the alcohol didn’t help any of it, and only made me feel tired and overwhelmed. Day 1 (hopefully, for the last time) today. XXX

  • Happy New Year, Everyone! Like @sobermommy1013, I am ready to say good-bye to this old year with too many broken promises to myself and welcome the new year with open arms and a spirit of new commitment and excitement. I, unfortunately, did drink a bit over the holidays and instead of waiting till January 1st to begin anew, I am loving the idea of New Year’s Eve being my sober anniversary date. Think of all the great New year’s Eve’s in the future where I will be able to quietly toast to the new year, healthier and sober. So….today is the day I begin fresh and full of promise and expectation.

  • barnmomma posted a new activity comment 7 months ago

    Hi @SunshineStace, I was awol a bit, too. Wasn’t quite ready to quit, I think. Still buying the lie that I could moderate. Yeah…not so much. That was exhausting. Even though being totally AF is difficult when those cravings hit, it is so much less exhausting than being hungover and guilty. So great to see you. XXX

  • barnmomma posted a new activity comment 7 months ago

    @mari135, yes!!! It sure is a thousand (million) times better waking up sober and rested than what we did before!!! XXX

  • barnmomma posted a new activity comment 7 months ago

    @Soberheart, I don’t think your evening was wasted at all. If you didn’t have energy and needed to rest, you did absolutely the right thing. This season is ridiculously manic and can wear out the strongest among us. You listened to your body, and you took a break. There is NOTHING for you to be disappointed about. Also, if you are really worrying about going tonight and don’t really want to go, then there’s also nothing wrong with just staying home. All the good quit lit books I’m reading and the great podcasts and webinars I’m seeing all say the same thing. If you want to stay home, then do so. No need to feel guilty. As my wise 80 year old aunt, who is 40 years in recovery and a counselor herself tells me, “Self care is not selfish.” XXX

  • barnmomma posted a new activity comment 7 months ago

    This was great @SunshineStace! Having to pretend in the mornings (and a lot of the day) was exhausting. SO much better on this side!

    • Hi @barnmomma!! I missed you – sorry I was MIA for a bit. Oh yes, all that pretending was exhausting!! So much more freedom now that we’re done with the booze. Hope you and your family are doing great!! xox

      • Hi @SunshineStace, I was awol a bit, too. Wasn’t quite ready to quit, I think. Still buying the lie that I could moderate. Yeah…not so much. That was exhausting. Even though being totally AF is difficult when those cravings hit, it is so much less exhausting than being hungover and guilty. So great to see you. XXX

  • barnmomma posted a new activity comment 7 months ago

    @buckeyeone, I’m with you. Your comment about the slow suicidal death really hit home. Kind of reminds me of that mass suicide in Jamestown years ago when they all drank the kool-aid. That’s such a good analogy to what society does in regards to drinking. No more for me!!! Loving the good sleep and waking up enjoying those precious few minutes in bed before starting the day with a great cup of coffee and ZERO hangover! Have a great day. 🙂

  • barnmomma posted a new activity comment 7 months, 2 weeks ago

    Hi @strongerthanever, I had a sober Christmas two years ago, and it was the best Christmas EVER since I was a child. In fact, it was much like that. All the innocent, sweet moments were experienced fully and all the food completely enjoyed. This Christmas is going to be a sober one for me again. In fact, I think it was on here (or maybe Soberistas) that I read a comment that said, if you have a sober Christmas this year, then by next December, you’ll be on your SECOND sober Christmas in one year! Nothing will be magical about January that makes it easier not to drink. Every month brings with it its own stresses, holidays, reasons to crack open the bottle. December is no different. You’ll see how great it is to fully experience the season with clarity, peace and strength. XXX

    • You’ve reminded me that my first Christmas as a married woman I wrecked it by getting pissed and having big row…. I was so ill the next day, I ruined what should have been so special. I will make this Christmas one to remember for all the right reasons xx

  • Hi Gang. Have any of you done Jack Canfield and Dave Andrew’s 30-Day Sobriety Solution? I just started it and was wondering if any of you found it helpful. It seems really good so far. Need all the help I can get.

  • barnmomma posted a new activity comment 7 months, 2 weeks ago

    Well done, @jamieann! MUCH better Milk Duds than wine. It is really hard getting through the witching hours so, if sugar is helping, go for it! I just may have to make some brownies today for later on. 😉

  • barnmomma posted a new activity comment 7 months, 2 weeks ago

    Love your posts, @tom4500. Always so upbeat! I’m curious to know what your friends thought, too, when you first stopped.

  • barnmomma posted a new activity comment 7 months, 2 weeks ago

    Welcome, @lonewitch! 🙂

  • barnmomma posted a new activity comment 7 months, 2 weeks ago

    Welcome, @pollywolly. 🙂

  • barnmomma posted a new activity comment 7 months, 2 weeks ago

    Welcome, @fortyplus. 🙂

  • barnmomma posted a new activity comment 7 months, 2 weeks ago

    @mari135, I loved this!!! You have always been such a great support and encourager, even when I have royally screwed up. Congratulations on one full sober year (and all the other sober time, too!). Hoping 2019 will be that for me. Hugs to you. XXX

  • barnmomma posted a new activity comment 7 months, 2 weeks ago

    Jamieann, I’m swimming to the island right along side of you! Loved your post. 🙂

  • barnmomma posted a new activity comment 7 months, 2 weeks ago

    Hi @cheshirecat. Good for you!!! You sound fantastic, and I’m jealous you’ve already lost 20 lbs!!! I’ve lost a little, but nowhere near what you have. That has got to make you feel really good, right? I know exactly what you mean about how confusing it is that we went ahead and did it again, knowing that we really didn’t want to and that the thought of it even makes us ill. Yet…off to the store we went. I think it’s because we did it for so long, and it is just a matter of retraining our brains. Takes some time. I had my two days of it, too, and am back to AF. It just wasn’t worth the short bit of stress relief I felt from it. Made me sick the whole next day after. So…like you said…long baths, special treats and early to bed. Yes, I love being alone, too. I have no problem entertaining myself and just sitting quietly and reading. It’s kind of how I recharge and I don’t do well, if I don’t get some alone time. Sounds like you’re the same. I’m sorry you’re still suffering with the back pain, but you do sound great since your move. Let’s keep on keeping on, okay? We’ve got this! Loads of hugs, Barn XXX

  • barnmomma posted a new activity comment 7 months, 2 weeks ago

    Thanks, @Annie. I like that idea, too. Just taking a day off the count. 🙂

  • barnmomma posted a new activity comment 7 months, 2 weeks ago

    Thanks, @Shez. Wouldn’t it be nice if it were just a sprint? You’re right. The important thing is to pick ourselves up and keep on going. Thank you.

  • barnmomma posted a new activity comment 7 months, 2 weeks ago

    Thank you, @islandone. I was pretty down this morning, and your words really helped. XX

  • barnmomma posted a new activity comment 7 months, 2 weeks ago

    Hi @tipsytoegal. Thank you! I like the idea of keeping track of both counting, too. Congratulations on coming up to one year!!!!

  • barnmomma posted a new activity comment 7 months, 2 weeks ago

    Thank you, @mmskinny. That means a lot to me. 🙂

  • barnmomma posted a new activity comment 7 months, 3 weeks ago

    Thanks, @jm and @jes. I think I will reset back to Day 1. I know those sober days are worth something, but I think I’ll feel more honest starting fresh. Thanks so much for the support. Hate messing up, but I learned something yesterday. Learned that sober mornings are way better than hungover ones! Tomorrow morning will be different. Hugs to you guys. XX

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