Is it only the two of you? Can you hold it at your house? If not, order food right away and a soda water with lime. You can do it! I find the smell of alcohol on others’ breath really offputting. It helps me not drink!
The shit days, hours and moments get less please trust us when we say that. We will believe in you until you get your resolve back again. I think of it like waves, at first they come in fast and high with little room to breath between them then over time the waves get smaller and less frequent with more time to float in between. Look after you
Thanks @authentic I’m so looking forward to the days continuing to tick over. I made one really important decision today – I decided to post my feelings here instead of acting in them as I so wanted to. Then I took people’s advice and support and got through that time. I’m so glad that happened as I do believe next time such a powerful urge hits to chuck it I will reflect back on today’s experience and know I don’t have to buckle under it. I just need to keep working my new sober life and keep moving forward. Experience and practice make us stronger. 🙏❤️😀
@authentic we are so blessed to have this safe and supportive environment to heal ourselves, amongst people who really get what we are going through and without judgement. I’m so happy I found this place it almost makes me want to cry with joy 😀😀😀❤️❤️👍
So I have been beginning to tell people I no longer drink and it’s interesting how many people have asked how often I drunk. I started to try to explain until I realised I hadn’t really explained to myself. I hadn’t explained to myself why I could go all week without drinking but still feel out of control. Then I realised it had nothing to do with how many days a week I actually poured a wine, because everyday of the week I poured wine in my imagination, dozens of times a day and my imagination drove the cravings that never, ever went away. I now understand that how much I drunk had absolutely nothing to do with how imprisoned I felt…
@authentic it is nobody else’s business…….unless you want to make it their business. I find I only share with those really close to me but it varies. I know that many knew I drank too much any way so…….again, I keep the details to myself.
I’ve always thought it’s not so much about how often or how much you drink, but how you feel when you can’t have that drink. Someone who needs to drink every weekend day is just as imprisoned as someone who needs to drink every week day.
It really is irrelevant isn’t it, how often you drank. I’ve been asked that too. I feel like it’s a test- ewwww are you really an alcoholic? Well they can get lost as far as I’m concerned. These days I just reply I don’t exactly know but that I felt it was too often. Read: none of your business. I guess they could be asking from a place of kindness, but to me it just sounds like material for future gossip.
@authentic I wrote a really long reply to this and went to edit out a spelling error and must have accidentally deleted it! Anyway I won’t type it all again but the moral to the story was that I’m not actively telling anyone about my quit unless I absolutely have to and then there’ll be no details, just a decision to embark on a healthier lifestyle choice 😀 pretty much everything I go to socially involves driving and I won’t drink and drive – my friends know that so they won’t suspect anything – I’ll just refrain from having sleep overs, catching cabs, catching courtesy buses like I’d always try to do so I could drink and not drive! I’m excited that my car will always be in the social event car park now for a get away whenever I want! I’m not a night person – like to go to bed early. There’s more and more benefits arising from staying sober that’s for sure!
Your right @authentic, I was a binge drinker, so perhaps twice a week, drinking excessively and passing out, but there was an awful lot of ‘thinking’ about booze and secret planning, let alone the hangovers and mental anguish, yeesh thinking and consuming booze was near a full time job.
Been a bumpy few days, my partner is struggling to understand that sobriety has to be my everything for a little while and friends have stopped inviting me out because I no longer drink. I am hunkering down and being gentle with myself. No one’s opinion is more important than my opinion of myself… I will keep making the choice to invest in my well being every single day. Hope everyone in the community is feeling proud of themselves tonight, we are doing some tough shit and it’s fantastic!!!
Yes @authentic it’s your life and you get to choose how you want to live it! I can’t believe that people are so shallow not to invite non drinkers to their event. You are the one putting such effort into ‘improving’ your life astronomically – what are they doing? Going further down the progressive path that most of us have just been tortured by with every progressive step. We have a much deeper understanding and picture of the alcohol-demons and my gosh I totally applaud you for what you are achieving in your life. If friends are not happy or accepting then they are not friends. 😀😀😀 you’ll make new ones with similar non drinking interests! Stay strong – you are so worth it. I’m yet to test this area and suspect some of my friends will feel out of water when they see me as the non drinker whilst they get plastered. Well, frankly they can have that! It’s much too disturbing a place for me to surcombe to anymore. The moral to this rant is you and I are the WINNERS! 😎🙏❤️😀
Go you @ authentic! Sounds like you are putting yourself first, there can be no compromise on our health and well-being, keeping sober has to be our priority, those ‘friends ‘ will either come around or not so I’ve discovered, my husband also struggled to understand my struggle, we have brief conversations about it, but I have decided to be gentle with him and come here for support.
Good morning @authentic yes, it is a struggle I am thinking one wine wont hurt and then have to give myself shake and remember a previous post “one glass – my arse” take care and happy sober Saturday xx 34 days is awesome im on day 23 x
Hi @authentic your brain is totally playing you, lying to you, giving you the good snippets, but not the cold hard realities of how it actually destroys you from the inside out, that’s why we are all here, because we need to be here. Here is where we belong so we can start creating and living the new awesome life we deserve.
I hear you, your honesty didn’t freak me out and you are wanted on this site. There are no quick answers or quick solutions God knows we all know that but honesty has got to be a damn good start. Stay on this site and stay talking to us we all care x
I work from home too, the biggest thing that helps for me was planning a list of things anything really, in my trigger times. Don’t start to rationalise and question the voice in you head just start one task at a time. My lists looked ridiculous initially with yoga, clean fridge, write diary, walk dog, scrub ceilings lol but over the days the lists are smaller as my ability to tolerate the thoughts and feelings about alcohol has increased. Good luck, come here as much as you need we all have your back x
Away on a weekend with some of my booziest friends. The weekend was booked a long time ago so while I wanted to cancel I’m here and surviving. Realise day 20 is brilliant but I’m still a bit raw to be sitting with a bunch of people at wine o’clock on holiday. I’m sober, not going to drink but really looking forward to the end of this weekend away that’s for sure! To all those feeling the same way today I’m sending hugs, we have got this!
Hi @authentic that sounds tough going. You sound like your doing ok, hope you have some really nice sober treats for yourself and when you wake up tomorrow you will be on day 21, with no hangover, awful breath or blotchy skin, go you.
Wow @authentic this really is sober muscle building at the extreme. Take especially good care of yourself. Agree with @Finallyhere some massive sober treats need to be sourced, plus lots of gold stars for endurance. You sound v determined and aware, well done on Day 20 and happy day 21. Sending a hug from us all. x
Well done, you got this x. I just met up with some friends at the pub and was met with shocked disbelief when I asked for a Coke. But it was still heaps of fun and we laughed and told stories just like in the past except I’ll feel a million times better in the morning than if I drank!!
Day 19, had the bizarre but astoundingly good experience last night of not noticing wine o’clock. I was outside throwing the ball for my totally ball obsessed dog, listening to my daughter talking to her Guinea pigs and thinking how divine those moments felt…. Then bang wine o’clock was done and I only noticed it’s departure rather than white knuckeled through it
Rough weekend so far, all the triggers I would have used as excuses to get pissed in the past have popped up. I am sober and will stay that way but it’s one of those days where sunglasses are needed to hide the red eyes, just as well its sunny out! Sending love and respect to everyone else who is also struggling today.
Great big hugs to you. Hang on 8n there. There is not a drink on the planet that will have you feeling a good as you will tomorrow when you get through this day. Now, because you’ve already made it through the morning. In one minute because you made it to 1pm and an hour after that at 2. Keep on going. One day, hour or minute at a time. It is and you are totally worth it
Hi @authentic sending you love and encouragement today. We all have rough days and lean on each other when we need to and that is what makes us all strong together. Hang in there, you will look back tomorrow so dammed proud of yourself.❤️
Ah the insidious voice that whispers you have this under control, it’s not a big deal, you just needed a break…. Been there and was sober for a year before getting sucked back in. So many lessons from that relapse that helped me to be more accepting of, but vigilant to, the whispers… Well done for getting back on track you rock!
Feeling battle weary today, one foot in front of the other… Might put Christmas decorations up in my office… Who cares that it’s weeks too early some days a girl just nerds to find sparkle where ever she can. Have a good day people
I made it!!! I’m home sober and feeling pretty damn proud of myself. Thankfully it was a BBQ with little kids so didn’t turn into a piss up as kids had to be taken home to bed but it was still a big thing for me. I got questioned a bit and did feel uncomfortable but let’s face it folks discomfort is nothing unusual right now! Thank everyone so much for the moral support. I carried my phone around like a little kid with a blanky and supportive emails kept popping up
Managed my 7 year old friendship dramas and unexpected work pressure this morning by saying out loud to my wife “I’m feeling anxious and not good enough” and miracles will never cease but just uttering those words made me calm again. Lol it’s amazing what happens when you aren’t hung over! Sending love out to the community today
Thank you So much for your words and wisdom everyone. I would love to talk with each and every one of you to pass on my profound gratitude but for now please know how much your having “been there” means. Day two, feeling a little sense of freedom coming. Have nicknamed my boozy mindset “crafty c*nt”… Lol tend not to use that word in daily conversation but it did seem appropriate!
Well done on Day 2 @authentic, that feeling of freedom will increase with each day. And you will be free on this path. Life might not be perfect but you will be your best every day and have all your innate resources to enjoy this life. Lovely to have you on the journey with us.
So I took a day for me yesterday (joys of working for yourself) and took brutal stock of the hold alcohol has on me. It really hurt. I’m left feeling ashamed and embarrassed. Any ideas of how to move through these feelings people? I trust the community to have more ideas than me at this point and I thank all of you in advance. Have a peaceful booze free day everyone!
oh @authentic – for me, this has been about learning self-compassion and self-love. A kind of radical acceptance of self. Also, understanding that everybody has their demons, mine were / are what they are and the only way through was to stop ‘running’ away from the ugly emotions and do what you have had the guts to do – stand and take stock. the ugly emotions go away over time, replaced with a new self-respect and a new understanding of who you really are without the booze. And that person is a damn fine person! Sharing here helps, because you are not alone. We are human. We screwed up. Time to move on and let the past go. xx
Those feelings are just starting to subside after my last binge. It’s been just over 3 weeks. If I go backwards I will lose everything important to me. For me the choice is that if I want to be happy I cannot drink.
I also have those feelings and they pop up every now and then. i just tell myself that was in the past when the wine witch took priority of my life. I am now moving forward AF knowing that I don’t have to worry about feeling the guilt and shame anymore. @authentic you are doing well so important to take care of yourself.
Hiya….I ‘reckon this site will be a major support as you “move through those feelings” @authentic. It’s not a linear process, as you might know. The whole effort to remain alcohol-free is fraught with fish-hooks of all types, especially because your brain will be under ‘re-construction’. The process can be mind-bending, but in the right direction. Your priority is to not let one drop of alcohol pass your lips ~ minute by minute, hour, & day, for now. It’s a big deal. We’re on your side, either way. There are a ton of resources on this website as you ‘move’ through it all. When you get serious, eventually, you’ll ‘smash it out of the ball-park’ with your own unique strengths, a whole heap of fellowship here, and a pile of the divine (always by your side). Keep yer spirits up any way ya can. Bless yer heart.
I know how you feel. You move away from those feelings by not drinking, is what I’ve found. The pain of drinking is more than the pain of not drinking. Plus , what everyone else said. The only way I feel better is to be honest, so you’re doing the tight thing! Good for you!
Thank you so much everyone for your comments they have been a lifeline in the last 24 hours. I woke up this morning with only one priority to not drink. All the other priorities in my life can come back later. Take care everyone out there and may today be a good one for all of us
Thank you, with humility all I have right now is thank you to those who have reached out to me. It has made a difference just knowing I can ask for help. I promise one day when I can I will help the next person in line.
So I’m sobbing in the loo. I have fought again with my wife(I’m a girl too, I don’t know why I need to say that but it seems important) and I think this is my rock bottom. I believed I could drink, I was wrong and I am coming back to the community asking please help me. I have had enough, I need sobriety and I know now I can’t do this on my own. I am here to say I want a life where I can be me and I need help. I don’t know that I have ever asked for help before. Thank you for knowing how scary this feels
@authentic deep breaths. It’s going to be ok. You couldn’t have come to a better place for help. We’ve all been where you’re at and we’re here for you. I know it’s scary. I remember being terrified at the thought of trying to live my life without booze. But the reality is you CAN. You really can. Hunker down, stay close here, be kind to yourself, read blogs, listen to podcasts. The more you do that, the more you reinforce all the great stuff that comes from ditching the booze. It’s so worth it!!
Welcome @authentic, we have all had our rock bottom and the only way is up. Stick with us, check in as many times a day as you need, there is always someone to help. Alcohol dictated how I lived for over 40 years, if I can do it ,with the help of the support here I have been sober coming up 4 years, you can too. Be kind to yourself, take time for yourself and ditch the piss, as our dear Prudence spwould say. Xoxo
Hi authentic. freedom1025 has pretty much covered most things but just try and breath and stay calm. Take one day at a time. The world will look much different tomorrow. I gather you are a young woman with your life ahead of you. Please don’t let the booze beat you or one day you will be looking back with regrets. I am not trying to lecture you but I have been thinking that I could drink for over 40 years. I am now trying to get it out of my life as I look back at the missed opportunities, wasted money and broken relationships over all that time. Problem is I don’t have many years left to enjoy sobriety. You have a whole life. I am sure you can do it. I will be cheering for you every step of the way.
big hugs to you, great you are here. One day you will look back on this rock bottom and be thankful (I am very thankful for my rock bottom as it got me to change and get that shit wine out of my life). Hugs x
Oh wow you are in the RIGHT place! We know all about rock bottoms. We know all about sobbing uncontrollably. We know all about thinking we could drink but shouldn’t. We know all about asking for help. I’m so glad you’ve done that. Let us be here for you xo
Yep this community is amazing. Yep I thought I could drink.. I stop, then slip back thinking moderation is me. It is not. , then come back here again and people are so kind and supportive, no judgement. I am again at Day 8 and I check in every day until I feel I can go a week. It keeps me on track . Ask for as much help as you need.