• Aria posted a new activity comment 14 hours, 24 minutes ago

    Well done. Keep up the good work. We all deserve a life free of the mind numbing s#!

  • Aria posted a new activity comment 14 hours, 29 minutes ago

    Well done on not buying the booze. I chose to stay well away from that temptation for some weeks

  • Aria posted a new activity comment 14 hours, 33 minutes ago

    Learning to relax without using alcohol was a challenge for me. The booze became synonymous with sitting down, doing nothing and the downside “becoming nothing”
    Counselling where I learnt self compassion, self care. Mindfulness classes and choosing drinks that I had not tried before such as different teas and sodas to sit down with all helped me to learn another way to relax in a healthy way. Take care I know it is hard to relax with young children. Can you all watch a movie together with some treats after they help you do some chores?

  • Aria posted a new activity comment 2 days, 9 hours ago

    Thank you @Mari135 for your understanding.

  • Aria posted a new activity comment 2 days, 16 hours ago

    You are so right. Alcohol is not the answer. Being sleep deprived does not help. I wonder how you can reduce your stress?
    I enjoy listening to insight timer before I go to sleep. A free app with a variety of talks and meditation. Taking time for self care has helped reduce my stress and regular exercise. Have you any support with your parenting? Take care and well done on remaining alcohol free.

    • My husband is a good help, it’s a pity he can’t breastfeed though 😂. Hopefully once I get used to being back to work things will ease. I’ll look into that app, thanks for the tip x

  • Aria posted a new activity comment 2 days, 16 hours ago

    Thank you @dennyd. They were a motivational factor in my achieving sobriety. I adore them.

  • Aria posted a new activity comment 2 days, 16 hours ago

    Thank you @liberty for your feedback. Yes I can continue to foster my relationship with my grandchildren as I remain AF. I had not thought of the significance my honest caring and sober relationship has for my grandchildren.

  • Aria posted a new activity comment 2 days, 17 hours ago

    I am glad you are able to talk about the issues coming to the fore for you. Take care.

  • Aria posted an update 2 days, 17 hours ago

    My grandchild told me he was scared and embarrassed when his dad was drinking lots of beer and play fighting his mates at the weekend. I feel so sad my grandchildren are being exposed to this behaviour as I know the long term implications for them. I had hoped my own journey of sobriety would make a difference to others in my family, however I am sad to say that is not happening. I wish I had the power to change the behaviour of others. So sad.

    • I hear it’s not the difference you hoped for.But it is making a difference-your grandchild can talk to you about it & you don’t dismiss or minimise it. Having at least one adult that child can be honest with is significant.

      • Thank you @liberty for your feedback. Yes I can continue to foster my relationship with my grandchildren as I remain AF. I had not thought of the significance my honest caring and sober relationship has for my grandchildren.

    • I agree with liberty. How lucky your grandchildren are to know that you will always be sober and available to them. That is one of my biggest motivations…i do not want to be drunk or boozy Nana

    • Aria, that is sad indeed. 🙁 And they are so lucky to have you as a sober role model in their lives!!!
      I always said I’d rather have kids say they trust me and feel safe around me in whatever context than being scared of me.
      oxoxo
      Go you!

  • Aria posted a new activity comment 4 days, 8 hours ago

    @shells7 well done on joining us here. Asking for help is a great place to start. Can you talk to your doctor to ask for support. There are meds available that may help you. Remove all alcohol from your home and stay away from any places you can purchase it. Have access to non alcoholic drinks. Read and learn about addiction. There are recommendations on this site and just don’t drink today. Use this site often. Take care you are worth the effort it takes to change and there is help available.

  • Aria posted a new activity comment 4 days, 9 hours ago

    @timetobesober as a adult child of an alcoholic I can relate to the turmoil you are feeling. Alcoholism is a complex disease and one of the learnings for me was having some insight into the concept of co dependence in my family. Please don’t blame yourself you have made so many changes and have reflected on what is happening for you in a way that shows so much growth. I agree taking care of yourself is very important and professional support to make sense of what is happening could be really beneficial for you. Take care. You are doing so well staying away from the booze.

    • Thank you @aria, it is good to know that i am not alone. It is not a new situation either but I am still amazed why I have not seen certain things sooner… Although I guess it is all related anyway and I am likely to be looking at it the right way round for the first time in my life. I will continue to look for support, professional or otherwise, because I do think I need help. I don’t want to do anything rash but knowing me I am not trusting myself with this added emotional strain…. I love my family and I love harmony, but I can no longer kid myself that all is well. Things need to change but I am terrified to speak about it. I know the likely reaction and it brings me out in a rash just thinking about it!

  • Aria posted a new activity comment 2 weeks, 3 days ago

    I understand @mari123. I felt a real connection with those who supported me in the early days. The wisdom and acceptance from others when I was feeling so vulnerable has made an indelible mark on my psyche and I often seek out those names and relish the communication I have with them, even if it is only reading a post.

  • Aria posted a new activity comment 3 weeks, 2 days ago

    Awesome achievement

  • Aria posted a new activity comment 3 weeks, 2 days ago

    Sounds like big changes for you all. Transitioning happens throughout life and moving into a early childhood centre is a big transition. Lots of love and understanding for your little one. I hope he can find a teacher he can relate to and be comforted by. It takes time to develop a sense of trust in a new environment. Take note of your intuition. Are you happy with the feel of the centre? Are you respected and listened to?
    Are the children engaged in play? Are they listened to and spoken to with kindness? Is there a good teacher/ child ratio? If you are in NZ have you read their ERO report? Well done on dealing with the stress without booze. Excellent response.

    • Hiya, yes to all those questions. Pretty confident it is good and he is settling well😀 just the self-doubt and undermining relative that makes it harder!!!

  • Aria posted an update 3 weeks, 2 days ago

    730 days AF. Another milestone reached. It has been so worth it. A short few months struggle in the beginning but getting stronger every day without alcohol. My life is calmer, I am less reactive, I have made clear decisions about my life and where I want to be. If you are struggling just know it will get better. Keep going it is so worth the challenge to be free from the clutches of alcohol

  • Aria posted a new activity comment 4 weeks ago

    A couple did matter for me and that was what I needed to remember. A couple and then some more and so on. It was so much easier to know I won’t be drinking. I gave myself permission for very nice food and enjoyed waking up with energy after a alcohol free evening. Keep well and enjoy your holiday XX

  • Aria posted a new activity comment 4 weeks ago

    Great effort with an awesome outcome.

  • Aria posted a new activity comment 1 month ago

    So sorry to hear this @ro

  • Aria posted a new activity comment 1 month, 1 week ago

    Hi @ro. You sound busy. I felt very stupid today. I had organised to stay with my daughter and her partner in another town as I had a ticket to see a ballet. I got all dressed up and off I went. The venue was very empty I checked it was the right place. It was but it was the wrong weekend! I feel my retirement has made me forgetful. I don’t know what day is what. I was very embarrassed! Have a good day at work. Xx

  • Aria posted a new activity comment 1 month, 2 weeks ago

    Awesome effort.

  • Aria posted a new activity comment 1 month, 2 weeks ago

    Sorry to hear your dad has died. Well done on remaining AF throughout a stressful situation. Best wishes for your self care and your new job @rise2015

  • Aria posted a new activity comment 1 month, 3 weeks ago

    Congratulations e hoa. I am trailing just behind you @Ro. You have been an inspiration to me.

  • Aria posted a new activity comment 1 month, 3 weeks ago

    I am sorry you are suffering in your relationship @craftygirl. Are you getting some help or support through counselling for yourself?
    Loneliness in a close relationship is so hard and it is easy to think about solace in a bottle.
    Never works though in my experience it just keeps us stuck.
    I hope you can find some joy. I needed help when I gave up booze to plan my life and what I wanted from my partner and for myself. Thinking of you. Xx

  • Aria posted a new activity comment 1 month, 4 weeks ago

    Excellent idea to throw it down the sink. Well done on knowing what is best for you.

  • Aria posted a new activity comment 1 month, 4 weeks ago

    She was a false friend. Don’t let her trick you again. We are your real friends.

  • Aria posted a new activity comment 1 month, 4 weeks ago

    Yes I can relate to using alcohol as a reward for completing a stressful week, then a stressful day! I began to rely heavily on booze to numb and cope with the stress.
    I used counselling to help me deal with stress and to learn new skills and discover real rewards that involved self compassion. I have enjoyed Thai massage and the support here in this group. Keep close.

  • Aria posted an update 1 month, 4 weeks ago

    A day filled with activities that did not involve booze. Water jogging and lunch with my sister, watched a movie together that I downloaded last night then both of us off to watch granddaughter at netball then watch other granddaughter at ballet, brought her back home for dinner and then returned her to her home.
    Two years AF almost completed has given me a healthy retirement.

  • Aria posted a new activity comment 2 months ago

    Awesome achievement

  • Aria posted a new activity comment 2 months ago

    Zostrix is the cream @Ro. Use a glove to apply it so you don’t get it in your eyes or mouth. It is made from red hot chilli peppers! My Gp said to use it regularly and there is less risks of side effects. You only need a pea sized amount. It has been very helpful to me.

  • Aria posted a new activity comment 2 months ago

    Hi @Ro. I am feeling much healthier after giving up work. Water jogging each day and helping with the grandkids and grand dog.
    Have had very sore knees GP says it’s arthritis and gave me a cream made out of red hot chilli peppers. It has been working very well and I have less pain. It works on the pain receptors. Stay well @Ro.

  • Aria posted a new activity comment 2 months ago

    I hope that Euc stays upright @Ro. Be warm and cosy.

    • Ro replied 2 months ago

      I can’t see out the window yet but didn’t have a crash in the night so that’s promising. Hope you are well @aria 🙂

      • Hi @Ro. I am feeling much healthier after giving up work. Water jogging each day and helping with the grandkids and grand dog.
        Have had very sore knees GP says it’s arthritis and gave me a cream made out of red hot chilli peppers. It has been working very well and I have less pain. It works on the pain receptors. Stay well @Ro.

      • Ro replied 2 months ago

        How lovely your ankle to help with the moko. I have wonderful memories of my Nan looking after me – special times. That cream sounds like the schiz. Can you tell me the name? I have acges and pains that could use something like that….. @aria 😊

      • Zostrix is the cream @Ro. Use a glove to apply it so you don’t get it in your eyes or mouth. It is made from red hot chilli peppers! My Gp said to use it regularly and there is less risks of side effects. You only need a pea sized amount. It has been very helpful to me.

  • Aria posted a new activity comment 2 months, 1 week ago

    Hi @Marnilee. You have made a good choice to join us here for support.
    I planned my days making certain I had non alcoholic drink available and no wine in the house. My husband drinks the occasional beer. I don’t like beer do that was not a problem. I also visited a counsellor who gave me enormous support.
    I was motivated to become healthy for myself and so I could enjoy my grandchildren and remain independent as long as I could. Booze damages our bodies I particularly don’t want dementia caused by alcohol.
    You can become alcohol free. Stay close and make a plan

  • Aria posted a new activity comment 2 months, 1 week ago

    So sorry @Lars to hear your pet is so sick. We become so attached to them in our lives. Take care. Xx

    • Massive hugs. I am a cat lover as well and they are our fur children. Never easy decisions. Sleep on it and have good cuddles with kitty x

  • Aria posted an update 2 months, 1 week ago

    I have been on a seminar about anxiety today. One of the things I came away with was anxiety and courage go together. We can’t be anxious if we aren’t brave and try new things or do things that worry us. The other learning that interested me was our reptile brain our amygdala needs to be awake to learn and make changes. It needs to feel some anxiety in order to rewire our thinking.
    No wonder we feel anxiety when we give up booze and that’s part of our healing.

    • @aria – interesting! Thank you for sharing! Change is always comes with some anxiety and we are doing big awesome changes. LOVE!

    • That’s a super interesting topic, Aria, thanks for sharing that! xoox
      I’ve read a bit about PTSD, the classics Peter Levine, Bessel van der Kolk etc. and the polyvagal theory where they talk about “flipping the lid” and our reptilian brain taking over. None of the books cured it for me of course but it helps knowing what is going on.
      I also like the idea of anxiety being useful and we do need it at times.

      Maybe since I started boozing so young, that prevented me from learning how to live with anxiety. It certainly felt like once I put the glass down it came at me in strong waves, over and over and over again.

      oxoxox

      Much better now.

  • Aria posted a new activity comment 2 months, 1 week ago

    @gglover well done on day 4. Every day AF is closer to growing your sobriety. How can you distract yourself? Maybe a very early dinner and early bedtime. These days are the hardest but you can get through them with a plan. Just don’t pick up the booze. I had none in the house and I did not go anywhere I could purchase booze until it felt safe to do so. Internet food shopping and definitely no going to the supermarket where I used to buy wine. You may feel you ‘need’ a drink. You don’t.

  • Aria posted a new activity comment 2 months, 1 week ago

    Thank you @malibustacey.

  • Aria posted an update 2 months, 1 week ago

    I have just stayed with my daughter and daughter in law for the weekend. I got up at 5am trudged to a high point to watch the meteor shower on Sunday morning. I was so happy I saw a meteor. Would not have done that if I had been drinking!
    My knees are very sore. I am worried they may need surgery. Using water jogging to exercise as walking any distance is painful.
    I love being retired. So grateful to be able to spend time with my family and have less stress in my life.

  • Aria posted an update 2 months, 2 weeks ago

    @tim thinking of you. How’s it going?

  • Aria posted a new activity comment 2 months, 2 weeks ago

    Yes I am so grateful I made this change to becoming AF. With my retirement I would have been drinking every night. Not good in so many levels.

  • Aria posted an update 2 months, 2 weeks ago

    I went to watch my 7 year old granddaughter at her trapeze classes at the gym this evening. So proud of her competent, positive and happy attitude. I am learning about joyfulness in life as I watch her grow. Being AF means no planning around booze, I can drive the car at the drop of a hat! My world has become wider. many doors have opened and I can choose where I go. So much freedom to make my own choices and really engage with all the opportunities that arise. My daughters dog is very sick. I could listen to her crying on the phone, really listen would not have happened after a bottle of wine! I am grateful for all I have learnt from others on here Thankyou

    • It is the best! I am so incredibly grateful the busy ness and driving with my children made me a constrained drinker, and with the thought of them leaving, I was so afraid of the freedom to drink more, I realised stopping completely was the only way. Now I will be prepared for the grandchildren days should they arrive … and am always alert and with it for the crying calls

      • Yes I am so grateful I made this change to becoming AF. With my retirement I would have been drinking every night. Not good in so many levels.

  • Aria posted a new activity comment 2 months, 2 weeks ago

    Sounds delicious @Ro. Have a good work day.

  • Aria posted a new activity comment 2 months, 3 weeks ago

    Wow, you are an angel. I would like to acknowledge your effort in such difficult circumstances. Support workers are under valued and it is hard work without the contact and support of colleagues. A very unhealthy and disempowered work culture. I hope you can rest now and enjoy some sleep. Xx

  • Aria posted a new activity comment 2 months, 3 weeks ago

    Brene Browns has spent considerable time researching her particular area of expertise. I look forward to your views @janus maybe in a TEDx talk.

  • Aria posted a new activity comment 2 months, 3 weeks ago

    Good thinking. Sobriety is not negotiable. You have made such good inroads with 2 weeks AF. It gets easier with each day of sobriety. Protect that with all your might. Xx

  • Aria posted a new activity comment 2 months, 3 weeks ago

    Kia ora @treehugger. I was thinking of you and wondering how you were getting on. Nice to hear from you

  • Aria posted a new activity comment 2 months, 3 weeks ago

    Awesome achievement.

  • Aria posted an update 2 months, 3 weeks ago

    I enjoyed watching Brene Brown on Netflix. Her view that having courage and being vulnerable are necessary in order to feel joy really resonated with me. So often I miss joy by waiting for something bad to happen. She also reiterated the importance of gratitude in our lives.

  • Aria posted a new activity comment 2 months, 3 weeks ago

    In my experience alcohol and parenting are partners from hell. Being a child around my drunk dad has left me with scars and later when I drank around my kids I quickly became angry and self absorbed. Life was full of dramas that were in reality not a drama at all. @izzy you have my compassion parenting is not easy but alcohol is not at all helpful.
    What play can you do today that will bring you and the kids joy?

  • Aria posted an update 2 months, 4 weeks ago

    I have had a busy week supporting my family with childcare and another family who needed care for their children. I had a strong craving on Friday night for a drink. Told my daughter in law how I felt then walked outside to watch the beautiful moon and had dinner. So no booze but stress and fatigue certainly a trigger. I was telling myself I deserved a drink. I need to think of another mantra!
    Alcohol is not a reward I want or need in my life that is for certain.

    • Every time you choose not to drink is a milestone . So bravo to you . Do you know about HALT ? I found it helpful , these feelings are triggers for drinking : Hungry , Angry , Lonely , Tired .

    • HALT was the first best thing I learned when I began this journey. I now pay very very careful attention to how I feel and where I am in my day and check in on those 4 triggers whenever I feel tempted. It’s helped a lot! (Along with all the exceptional support and advice I’ve gotten from all of the kind people on this site:-)

    • Exactly, alcohol is not a reward. It’s a serious physical punishment for our amazing bodies. It’s so bad our bodies want to get rid of it asap and suffer each time we ingest it. Jason Vale’s book was pretty good for changing my mindset about booze. It takes a bit to warm up to as his writing style is a bit different, but I am so glad I read it in my early sober days. oxoxoxo

    • Glad you got through that craving. Sneaky little feelings that creep up when you last expect it 👎

  • Aria posted a new activity comment 3 months ago

    My grandchildren were a motivating factor in my becoming AF. I did not want to develop alcohol induced dementia and I wanted to be there for my grandkids for as long as I can.

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