• AprilsFool posted a new activity comment 16 hours, 14 minutes ago

    Mornin @mari135! Love your ramblings and happy to get caught up on all your thoughts. I’m a college admin too – long career working with all kinds of students from vocational to graduate level. It’s great work. Never any 2 days alike. The fact that your boss sought you out says a lot. No need to worry – and for Pete’s sake (!!) you are more than ‘good enough’. Your posts tell me you’re the perfect person for the job! What kind of work will it be? Advising? Admissions? Recruitment? Support? Very different than teaching but similar too. It’s all great fun as I’m sure you already know. Interacting with people all looking to better themselves and their futures. No different than what you’ve done and are doing yourself right now. Making yourself and your future better, bigger and brighter.

    Always enjoy your posts. Thinking of you today. Be kind to yourself. You sound like a real gem. The world’s a better place because of people like you.

  • AprilsFool posted a new activity comment 1 day, 14 hours ago

    Oh my goodness – you have a lot on your hands and a lot going on in your head that needs to be addressed. I totally agree with @Mandles. You absolutely MUST make taking care of yourself and your mental health first. The complexity of the situation and the things that are now surfacing in your psyche about your past and current life are extremely powerful. You sound like an extremely insightful person whose life is turning a big corner. A lot happening at once. Is it possible for you to reach out to a professional in your community who can help you to sort it out a bit? Whatever course of action you choose, you sound like you’re in a good place to make healthy decisions. Good luck! Sending strength and good thoughts your way.

  • AprilsFool posted a new activity comment 1 day, 14 hours ago

    Hi @dennyd … Clap clap clap …. bravo!!!! 3 full weeks!! Isn’t it marvelous?? Once you get past the first shitty days – the world just opens up! And it even starts dumping money in your piggy bank! In my experience, the best is yet to come. Don’t think about the money wasted – look forward to the happy treats to come. Happy week 3!

  • AprilsFool posted a new activity comment 1 day, 14 hours ago

    Happy happy birthday! I totally agree with you 100%. Attitude is everything. The joy in your post is proof of that. Wishing you an exceptional day – and a perfect cake.

  • AprilsFool posted a new activity comment 2 days ago

    That sounds like a perfect way to spend a day! Good for you. Happy birthday.

  • AprilsFool posted a new activity comment 2 days ago

    Hi @Lars. Good decision! A sucky time for you now – but you’re going to feel soooooo great in the morning!

  • AprilsFool posted a new activity comment 2 days ago

    You sound so joyful I just can’t help smiling when I read your posts. I love Tenn. Nashville in particular. What a beautiful city and the people are wonderful. So glad that you’re enjoying your summer. School starts soon for me too – but not quite yet. Keep enjoying every minute of your time and your family.

    • Ahhh…I thank you @Aprilsfool😀
      We are about 40 min from Nashville. My love works near base and our home is in beautiful country. But only 5 miles from civilization (lol) Best of both worlds….he built us a pond amo at our cedar tree forest. Little frogs “moved in” 😀 The sound of nature and frogs ..especially at night…on our porch swing…is so serene and just beautiful.
      Ahhhhhhh

  • AprilsFool posted a new activity comment 2 days ago

    Wow!!! That’s freaking incredible! What an awesome experience that must have been. You should feel on top of the world. Seven years of pen-paling and to finally meet PLUS navigating the cultural and language differences. Seriously … that’s awesome! Definitely a PJ day for you. You deserve it. Well done!!

  • AprilsFool posted a new activity comment 2 days, 11 hours ago

    Way to play it @jmtn! 25 days and you knocked it down! Good for you!

  • AprilsFool posted a new activity comment 2 days, 14 hours ago

    Wow! Good fun happy exciting decisions to think about. Living vicariously here … Good luck to you! Let us know how it goes.

  • AprilsFool posted a new activity comment 2 days, 14 hours ago

    For me moderation is off the table. Not in my personality. Not in my DNA. All or nothing at all. Full speed or stopped. Made the deals. Played the games. Lost every freaking time.

    I’m at day 138 and I’m determined not to look back. That’s not the direction I’m going. I’ve never ever wanted one drink – always 10. So no reason to think it would be any different now. I got part 1 out of the way – quit drinking. Now I’m dedicated to keeping up the really hard part – staying quit. Alcohol is a fuse. I know it. One drink lights it. And soon as that happens, my life will explode (again). Nope. No way I want to start all over again. So don’t play the game. Don’t toy with the ‘what ifs’ There is no such thing as ‘normal’ drinking. There’s just drinking. Look ahead. It’s bright up there and guaranteed to always be better than behind you.

  • AprilsFool posted a new activity comment 2 days, 14 hours ago

    LIFE IS GOOD!!! 65 days! You got this and a whole new future ahead of you. Good for you. I never thought I could heal after drinking as long and as hard as I did. But it’s happening. I can feel it. You will too. Good for you! Good luck. Run with it. You got this.

  • AprilsFool posted a new activity comment 2 days, 14 hours ago

    Yes yes to everything everyone said before me. Tired, felt crappy to my core, emotional roller coaster. The whole shabbang. It take a while for the body to adjust – but boy oh boy – when it does it’s like a little party happens in there. Sleep – blissful sleep! Clear head and eyes (who knew that mine are actually blue when they’re fully open?!) A whole better outlook. Hang in there. You’re marching through the thick of it now – but it DOES get better. And you’re gonna start to notice it more and more really soon. Good luck!

  • AprilsFool posted a new activity comment 2 days, 15 hours ago

    YYaaa you. Wish I could have been as open with my husband. He knows, but no real conversation about it. No real ‘atta a girl’ going on here. Good for you! Sounds like you really got this. Enjoy your day!

  • AprilsFool posted a new activity comment 2 days, 15 hours ago

    20 days is awesome! And I wouldn’t discount any of your aches and pains. Your body goes through a lot of adjusting in those 1st few weeks. You’re probably more tense than you actually know you are. I took lots of hot soaks in Epsom salts in the beginning and was EXTRA kind to myself. Seriously – flowers, foods, naps. It really paid off.

    20 days!! One more to 3 weeks! You’re gonna turn a corner. Hang in there. It’s really worth it. It’ll happen. You’ll see. Good luck!

    • Thanks! That’s lovely to read. I have been doing all the self care things and am lucky I have time to rest at the moment so making the most of that. But crikey it’s sore and tiring! I guess tanking the wine for all these years has taken its toll!

  • AprilsFool posted a new activity comment 2 days, 15 hours ago

    I hate Muriel! I suggest slamming her head in a drawer – my personal favorite. Hand in there. She loses steam after a little while and life gets calmer. Keep looking forward – that’s where you’re headed. Good luck.

  • AprilsFool posted a new activity comment 2 days, 15 hours ago

    Hi @Lucy. Yyyaaa. A light heart and a clear headed Saturday morning! What a great way to start a weekend. Thinking of you. Know that it only gets better. Enjoy your AF day. Xxx

    • Hi and thank you.. still struggled a bit today but nearly bedtime so I’ve pushed through.. x

  • AprilsFool posted a new activity comment 2 days, 15 hours ago

    Good morning @ChardaNO and greetings from New York. I’m sorry that you’re having a touch time – but I sense so much hope and promise in your post. I’m thinking of retirement too – very daunting thought – empty hands with nothing but time. Holding off for now. Sounds like you have enough to fill yours. Family and friends and a positive forward thinking mindset. Good for you. Wishing you joy and peace in your hours ahead.

  • AprilsFool posted a new activity comment 2 days, 15 hours ago

    Oh you will definitely be better off. If you stick with it, you can count on that. Counting days doesn’t work for everybody. But if I may offer a suggestion … I recommend noting your feelings and reactions instead. For me, after the initial sucky first little while, I began to notice things – feeling a bit brighter, looking better, more patient and calm. I began to really take note of them. It helped a lot. More than counting days, I was actually noting the change that was occurring in me. Instead of counting days away from alcohol, I was noting positive changes toward a whole new way of feeling. I found it fascinating – and still do. So if you’re just starting, good luck! Whatever works, works. But the end result of taking alcohol completely out of your life is awesome.

    • I really like that suggestion, thank you x

    • I like that…”days AWAY from alcohol” instead of “this many days Not having alcohol”

    • I agree 100% with @AprilsFool. I often have to check my counter to remember what day I’m actually on because that piece isn’t as important to me as the changes I see happening. I have become keenly (sometimes painfully) aware of my thoughts and feelings because I spend so much less time thinking about “what time is it? Is it too early to start drinking? Do I have enough beers? Do I have some change to run to the store with? Will I want more than two? ” on and on and on. Now, there is so much more SPACE in my brain. My body feels different, and I have had a lot of time to really deeply consider booze in a way other than getting it, having it and having more of it. I can look at my entire history without because I am no longer focused on just getting to the time of day that I can start drinking. It’s scary and sometimes unbearable. It is also amazing and feels like healing. It’s going to take a long time to work through. I’m up for the challenge and I hope you will join me. 🙂

  • AprilsFool posted a new activity comment 2 days, 15 hours ago

    Good for you! Of course you must absolutely focus on your health right now. It’s everything. And it’s unfortunate to have to turn down an opportunity – but how very affirming it is that you are doing it on your terms. They wanted you but the timing is not right. It will be in the future. Good luck. I’ll be thinking of you.

  • AprilsFool posted a new activity comment 2 days, 23 hours ago

    Hi @Lucy. I”m so glad. Keep going. Hang in there you’re doing great. Every day forward is another day sober. Good luck!

  • AprilsFool posted a new activity comment 2 days, 23 hours ago

    Hi @connilynn. That is a very kind and sweet thing to say. Thank you. You really nailed it for me … JOY. That’s exactly what I feel. Thank you.

    Yes. I decided that I will not drink again – ever – 138 days ago. And I have not regretted it even one time – not even on my shittiest days. Easy? No freaking way! It sucked ALOt in the beginning, but way better than the alternative ever was. I know that alcohol is fuse for me. One spark and it will explode all over again. There’s no in between – no ‘I’ll just have this one.’ Tried that, did that, failed that. ENOUGH OF THAT. So yeah. Even on my shitty days I feel joy. And you DEFINITELY will too – a little more every day. Guaranteed! Good luck my friend. Hang in. Reach out. Keep going. ENJOY!

  • Good morning my dear worldly sober warriors. And so the world continues to turn on day 138.

    Got home from the beach last night after a grueling 5 hour drive – mostly through torrential driving rain. Just crawled along staying out of trouble – but much calmer despite it all not suffering the usual anxiety I always felt when making that drive. It’s usually a 4 hour trip – but almost always much longer because of traffic. In the past I’ve always felt like I just couldn’t get there fast enough. It’s a feeling I’ve always had in other parts of my life as well. Wherever I was, whatever I was doing, I always felt like I was supposed to be someplace else, doing something else. It sucked. I just never felt at peace anywhere. I’m noticing that that feeling is dissipating. When it happens now, I stop and feel it. I think about it and let it pass. I’m learning to calm myself and slow the hell down! What’s the rush and where the hell am i going anyway??

    Lots of catch up things to do today. Food, phone calls, normal non-alchy kinds of things. So much easier without a foggy head. Still loving that the absolute most. I can actually remember where I left my glasses AND my shoes at the same time! Amazing stuff. So much more time in my day now not wasted being wasted, then wasting more looking for stuff I lost when I was wasted. Damn. Alcohol sure complicates everything.

    So, enough rambling. Back to work on Monday for another week – then more time off. Got a boatload of time in my vacation bank and finally getting to the ‘thinking about retiring’ stage of my career. If I do, I’m definitely not leaving any paid time behind – so taking lots this summer. And not wasting (there’s that word again) a second of it! Enjoying every minute – even the sucky ones (I mean, just cuz I don’t drink doesn’t mean I live in sunshineville) but I’m loving it all the more being sober. This is good stuff – can’t recommend it highly enough.

    To all you newcomers out there – I send st…[Read more]

    • Wow, I can relate to that whole “wishing I was someplace else” thing! Never content to just sit and BE where I am. Thanks for the reminder to focus on that. Enjoy your weekend.

    • Are you “only” 138 days sober, or is that when you joined this forum? So often it seems like the good stuff is reported by the years-sober crew. I would love to think I could find a portion of your joy in 119 more days!

      • Hi @connilynn. That is a very kind and sweet thing to say. Thank you. You really nailed it for me … JOY. That’s exactly what I feel. Thank you.

        Yes. I decided that I will not drink again – ever – 138 days ago. And I have not regretted it even one time – not even on my shittiest days. Easy? No freaking way! It sucked ALOt in the beginning, but way better than the alternative ever was. I know that alcohol is fuse for me. One spark and it will explode all over again. There’s no in between – no ‘I’ll just have this one.’ Tried that, did that, failed that. ENOUGH OF THAT. So yeah. Even on my shitty days I feel joy. And you DEFINITELY will too – a little more every day. Guaranteed! Good luck my friend. Hang in. Reach out. Keep going. ENJOY!

    • Love your post!! Truly an inspiration and motivation to soldier on. Thank you for sharing your thoughts!

    • Your post has cheered me up @aprilsfool.. I’m feeling low today and my alchy brain is doing somersaults, thank you will hang on in there .

    • What an absolute inspiring post , can relate so much 💙

  • AprilsFool posted a new activity comment 3 days, 15 hours ago

    Way to go! Good for you! 40 days and nights. And big changes coming down.

    If I may … I’d like to say that I worked in a similar kind of high profile profession for a bit and my husband was a huge asset to me doing my job (not that he isn’t an asset to my life as being my hubby – but professionally, I mean) as I’m pretty damned sure you are to your husband – personally, of course – but professionally too. Being classy and articulate as you surely sound – you’re being present while he’s DJ-ing raises the bar on the entertainment – the coolness factor – of the whole gig. You’re spot on when you say ‘you don’t need to enhance yourself through an alcohol lens.’ You really don’t. You are THE GIRL. You’re the person everyone wants to be friends with – not the other way around. So wrap yourself up in your sober coolness girl and enjoy! Happy dancing. I’ll be here dancing with you.

  • AprilsFool posted a new activity comment 3 days, 15 hours ago

    Excellent awesome and all the way around pretty freaking good work!! Love that HALT tool. Works for me every time. Things started to settle for me around where you are now. Hang in – things keep changing for the better every day. You’re doing great!

  • AprilsFool posted a new activity comment 3 days, 15 hours ago

    Oh it’s coming. You just wait and see. Then the nights and the mornings all become one glorious thing. Restful sleep and clear guilt-free awakenings. Pure and absolute bliss 🙂

  • AprilsFool posted a new activity comment 4 days, 1 hour ago

    777!!! And you’re still on your feet moving at the speed of light in spite of it all. Epic!! Pure rock star material. I’m so sorry that you’re having a hard time of it – that sucks! But please pat yourself on the back a bit. You’re handling it all – sober and clear headed and with all the love that only a mother can bring to the situation. Sending good thoughts your way.

  • AprilsFool posted a new activity comment 4 days, 1 hour ago

    Good for you!!! Sounds like you’re turning a corner there. My new summertime favorite noncocktail is diet lime tonic over ice with a good splash of pineapple juice in a tall glass. Could drop a piece of fruit or a cherry in it to dress it up a bit if you want. Just sweet enough but still thirst quenching. Happy weekend!

  • AprilsFool posted a new activity comment 4 days, 1 hour ago

    Wow! You’re almost there! I’m with you. Go get’em!

  • AprilsFool posted a new activity comment 4 days, 1 hour ago

    Hi @connilyn. I had a bunch of mysterious aches and pains for about the first month or two. It’s kind of like everything inside me needed to reboot once the alcohol stopped flowing. I think the headache is probably connected to the stress of the dreams you’re having. Grinding your teeth maybe? Even just tensing up in your sleep. I think it was my body getting even with me for drowning it in wine for so long. Keep going. You’re doing great!!

    • Thanks @aprilsfool. I am a teeth grinder. I can’t wait to experience some of the wonderful sleep the af folks talk about. Not there yet.

      • Oh it’s coming. You just wait and see. Then the nights and the mornings all become one glorious thing. Restful sleep and clear guilt-free awakenings. Pure and absolute bliss 🙂

  • Good morning my sober sunshiners. The sun is shining on day 137 here. I’m wrapping up my first sober solo vacation at the beach. Quite a different experience from the many times I’ve come before, with my case of wine safely tucked in the trunk of my car and plenty of morning after meds on hand for all the inevitable “fun” I was sure to have.

    This time was entirely different. This time I was in a different place in my head. There was no berating … no beating myself up … no hating myself … no reliving every single stupid thing I had ever done in my drunken lifetime going on in there. Just quiet … blissful peace and quiet. No time wasted being wasted. No morning afters. No forgotten nights before.

    Instead I walked the beach in the morning, before all the sun worshippers and beach umbrellas and kids covered the sands, trying to keep pace with the dolphins swimming past on their daily travels. I shopped till I dropped. I ate huge salads (love salad!) and piles of peanut butter ice cream. I watched reruns of silly sitcoms and read lots and lots of sober blogs and books, wrapping myself in the joy of finally landing here.

    I had planned to write. To put down in words my experiences and feelings. But I just didn’t. Instead I took emotional snapshots. I thought deeply about how I was feeling, what I was thinking. I was quiet. I enjoyed. I relaxed. I lived. I just let it all be.

    Last year at this time I was painfully – desperately – searching for a way out. I knew I had a problem – a big ugly deadly one. But I just couldn’t figure out how to make it better. How to even begin to heal myself. I was terrified. I was alone and living in my own head. Continually feeding my own misery night after night. Till I realized that the only way through all this is through it. The only way to end it is to stop. And the only one who could make that happen is me.

    I continue to be inspired by the support and kindness so freely given here straight fr…[Read more]

    • What a beautiful post @aprilsfool – I’m so glad you got a chance to spend some time alone to rewrite your story at the beach. It sounds like such a restorative, peaceful, and healing vacation. Happy sober indeed! xo

    • You inspire me to take a vacation in solitude! I love how rich your experience has been, how you describe every sense, how calmly and securely you’re centered. Brava!

    • What a great sounding holiday at the beach! Fabulous 🙂

    • Wonderful post xx

    • Fabulous to read xx

    • The thing I love the absolute most about sober travel is waking up very early in the morning before everyone else and soaking in the peace and quiet and seeing the place I am in before it gets peopled up! I love your post and have the same feelings about this community, only thirteen days in. I am so glad I found this place and you all – I am so happy for the peace and contentment you have found!

    • hello, @aprilsfool – what a wonderful, peaceful, calm, post. A great way to look at the beach, the mornings, the solitude, the not drinking, thank you for sharing.

    • Beautiful post!! I love how you describe the quiet magic of sobriety. It’s the little things like waking up fresh and having the beach to yourself for quiet walks, breathing in the quiet moments, feeling proud, and regaining self respect that maybe was drowned out by gallons and gallons of white wine (in my case)! So very happy for you!

  • AprilsFool posted a new activity comment 5 days, 15 hours ago

    What a lovely lovely post. So happy for you.

  • AprilsFool posted a new activity comment 5 days, 15 hours ago

    Balance is and has been a real issue for me for 45 years due to Meneire’s Disease. – 20+ of them drinking. Since I’ve stopped I noticed that I’m beginning to feel steadier on my feet. After my last surgery I read that alcohol affects a specific area of the inner ear – which in my case was probably already pickled. So hang in there. Like everything else in the body that begins to heal once we stop pouring alcohol on it, my bet is that it will get much better over time. I know for certain that everything else will!

  • AprilsFool posted a new activity comment 5 days, 15 hours ago

    I also agree with@Dorothy. The days will be up and down for a while, but the realizations that happen during the ups are real. You DO feel great. And you will feel better and better with each passing urge that you ride out and let go. You’ll get stronger. Go with it and know that it only gets better. Good for you day 4. Day 5 is right around the corner and looking up already.

  • AprilsFool posted a new activity comment 5 days, 15 hours ago

    Good points – all of them! Have a great day.

  • AprilsFool posted a new activity comment 6 days, 7 hours ago

    Thats very good information @jmtn! In my case with the leg pains, it occurred to me that I was drinking extraordinary amounts of water – and therefore peeing all the time. One of the first signs of low potassium is leg cramps … duh! I immediately began upping my potassium via my diet. I’m sure that did the trick. Just as I’m sure the B will help your fatigue. Damn! Alcohol sure wrecks havoc! So glad you found that out. It will make being sober even happier.

  • AprilsFool posted a new activity comment 6 days, 12 hours ago

    ‘Didn’t drink today’ That’s about all that matters. Good for you. You didn’t drink today also means you will have no hangover tomorrow. That’s where the real payoff is. Wrap yourself up in the clearheadedness and inner peace. Great stuff that!!

  • AprilsFool posted a new activity comment 6 days, 12 hours ago

    Good for you. Reevaluate when you get your dry July under your belt. You’ve done this before so you have a point of reference on how good it feels without alcohol in your life – and absolutely shitty it can be when it is. Make an informed decision. Speaking purely for myself – I don’t plan to go back. Life’s too good where I am now. Good luck!

  • AprilsFool posted a new activity comment 6 days, 12 hours ago

    3 full weeks! Such a good place to be. Keep looking forward.. It gets better and better. Have a wonderful day.

  • AprilsFool posted a new activity comment 6 days, 12 hours ago

    Yes. That happened to me too for the first couple of weeks. I also had a mysterious bout of excruciating muscle pains in the lower part of both of my legs. From my knees to my feet just ached constantly! So very strange I actually consulted a cardiologist thinking that perhaps a developed blood clots. Thankfully got the all clear. So took lots of hot baths and got lots of rest and after about a week or so they disappeared just as they came. I think alcohol just screws with everything in your body – evidently from the head to the feet! :-).

    Be extra kind to yourself. You’re going through a lot – more that I think we really realize – but it’s worth it once you come out the other side. Have a wonderful day.

  • AprilsFool posted a new activity comment 6 days, 12 hours ago

    Good for you @Turquoiseandteal. Day 134 here and loving it. I wouldn’t describe myself as shy necessarily, but since I’ve become sober I listen much more than I speak. Alcohol made me a boorish know it all who actually knew very little about a great many things. Yes. I certainly experienced my share of everything mentioned by everyone else who replied to your post – embarrassment, stupid actions, dangerous activities, unhealthy lifestyle, the whole thing. From stupid drunken blunders to full out black outs. I’m so happy to finally put all that behind me and begin to actually ‘be’ the person I really am inside. Good luck to you. Come here often. It’s a Godsend. Every single day that you move forward gets you farther from where you were. Sending good wishes for you today.

  • AprilsFool posted a new activity comment 6 days, 13 hours ago

    Sounds like an excellent sober strategy to me. Good luck!

  • AprilsFool posted a new activity comment 6 days, 13 hours ago

    Yes!! Day 10. Well done.

  • AprilsFool posted a new activity comment 6 days, 13 hours ago

    Hi there @gage. Greetings from your neighbor here at day 135. Sounds like you had a real suck of a day – but a win for you not falling for that wine trap. Definitely would have made a bad situation a lot worse. I still have 4 full bottles left over from the last case I bought back in February when I boarded this train – but thankfully no desire to crack and open. I hope you’re feeling better. Good work pushing ahead – I’m following in your wake.

    • Hi neighbour @aprilsfool. I have to confess I’ve put my 3/4 of a bottle of red at the back of the pantry so psychologically I feel it’s out of reach. I’m thinking, or maybe hoping, the bad days help train our mind into the understanding that we can manage without the alcohol crutch – mind you I fell so hard I thought for a minute I might need a real crutch! Thanks for the kind words. Let’s stay strong.

  • AprilsFool posted a new activity comment 1 week, 2 days ago

    Rock that 400!!!

  • AprilsFool posted a new activity comment 1 week, 2 days ago

    Thank you @dorothyparker. Maybe someday, if I can work through all stuff in my past, I’ll put it down on paper. I appreciate your support and wouldn’t be here without it – and everyone else’s.

  • AprilsFool posted a new activity comment 1 week, 2 days ago

    Thank you @getclear. Your words mean more to me than I can express.

  • AprilsFool posted a new activity comment 1 week, 2 days ago

    248 awesome, empowering, monumental, ever better days! Time given back for all the wonderful things you state. Love it!! Wrap yourself up in it – kiss your wife and kids 🙂

  • Good morning my brave fellow warriors. Starting day 132 with a clear head and hopeful spirit.

    Vacation day 3 here and enjoying my solitude at the beach. I lay in bed this morning contemplating my day ahead and thinking back to one morning last summer when I was here alone. I remember waking up, afraid to move for fear the rumblings in my stomach and the banging in my head would materialize on the floor. Judging from the empties in the sink, I had been particularly thirsty the night before. I don’t remember the night – but I do remember that morning. Lying there, berating myself, hating every cell, feeling like absolute shit physically and emotionally and thinking – knowing in my core – I’ve got to do something about this. I laid there searching sites for hours, reading about addiction and recovery and different options and online supports and all kinds of things. And feeling very afraid. How do I do this? … Can I do this? … How long will it take … which of course over time turned into – Do I really need to do this? Am I really this bad?

    As the day progressed, morning became late afternoon, and I began to emerge from my alcohol induced fog. The inevitable dealmaking started in my head … I won’t drink tonight. Then … I”ll just have one…. And finally….Well, I may as well just finish this bottle … You know the drill. Wash, rinse, repeat. But looking back this morning, I realize the seed was planted.

    It took me six more months to finally say ENOUGH. I don’t know what it was about that particular cold February Monday morning, but it stuck. I got up and washed my bloated red eyed face, dragged my foggy head to work looking like a dishrag, where I drank copious amounts of water in an effort to put the fire out, just like I had done a thousand times before. But that morning something was different. I decided – ‘Today is the day I wrap up my final hangover. No more of this shit!’ The realization hit me hard. If I want to feel better,…[Read more]

    • @aprilsfool….great post. I for sure can relate and hope I have the strength this time to keep going. Congrats on your AF time! Wonderful! I want today to be my last hangover and will think about you as inspiration!

    • @aprilsfool you’re an inspiration. And such a great writer. I want more. Is your memoir in the works??

      • Thank you @dorothyparker. Maybe someday, if I can work through all stuff in my past, I’ll put it down on paper. I appreciate your support and wouldn’t be here without it – and everyone else’s.

    • Awesome inspiring post❤️❤️

    • @aprilsfool I cried this morning reading this. I cried for many reasons. The first being that I am visiting places and having the flashbacks of my past behaviours and working through and past those emotions.
      Secondly because I know how hard it is to give up something so entrenched in ourselves and the constant negotiating.
      And thirdly , like you I know my journey of sobriety would have been much more difficult without this community 🙏🏾 Thank you for your post & congratulations for your 120 days!!!!

    • AprilsFool you’re a bloody legend xxxxx

      @prosecco AprilsFool is talking about the “bullshit moderation argument” here.

      • Yes I get it and have been there so many times.. would love to not have to have that dialogue ever again!

    • You are DOING it! Yes! 😊

    • Love your post thanks x

  • AprilsFool posted a new activity comment 1 week, 2 days ago

    Love your post – especially being sober doesn’t make bad things worse. Really good point that. 100 days is a real achievement. Every day gets clearer and better. Even a crappy day is more tolerable when not dragging around a bag of alcohol induced lead. Happy day to you!

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