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  • AndIan posted an update 3 days, 19 hours ago

    Part of my cathartic process, prose cum poem, to get me past my anger and bitterness.

    Memories of a Dear Dad.

    I struggle to see beyond my last few memories
    Of the great times we had,
    Of your generosity and happiness
    And great fathership.

    I cannot erase;
    Your glazed watery eyes
    Your bulbous orange peel nose
    Your florid complexion
    Your huge belly
    Blackened legs, ankles and feet
    Eczema hands, body and arms
    The slurred speech
    The falling blackouts,
    Helping you to bed,
    The vomiting and incontinence,
    The plastic bottle and straw, housing the gin,
    Right to the bitter end,
    Your only sustenance in the last 5 weeks,
    The vicious delirium
    The morphine
    Our complicity in maintaining a semblance of normality
    The silent denial by all of the reality.

    I invited the masses
    To drink to your health at your wake,
    Alone, I did not……
    Your legacy is my alcoholism
    Thanks for all the memories.

    I battle against the same mistakes.

    • My heart goes out to you. Stay strong.

      • Thanks. I am pretty good just a tad angry and bitter. However expressing that and saying I am an alcoholic has been my most difficult hurdle. Thank you x.

    • Tearing up at this. For me it’s my Mum. Still here but totally lost to the drink. We too ignore the reality. At least you have chosen another path. It hurts I know. Great poem.

      • It has taken me a long time to say those things and to admit I am an alcoholic. It has been pent up inside and there is huge relief saying it. I can only say it now he has passed. I was part of the cover up just the same as everyone. Although I was the only person ever to mention it and my mother will still not admit it. She says he liked a drink but it was never excessive. His quality of life at the end was awful. I would not wish it on anyone. I wish you well with your own battle and that of your mothers. It’s one hell of a road. Just love the clarity of sobriety. Let me know if I can help more. Take care thinking of you x

    • For me,it was my mom and brother.💙💙💙.

    • Wow! You are a talented writer!
      Im sorry you lost your dad, I hope peace finds you and your family soon x

    • You are putting in the tough work and clearly reaping the benefit of processing your experiences. Sending positive thoughts your way that you maintain the peace and clarity you deserve <3

      • Thank you so much. I am sure I can feel it across the world. I have truly relaxed since writing that. One of the most soul exposing moments of my alcohol career and a real marker in the sand. Take care.

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