• Agirl posted a new activity comment 12 hours, 58 minutes ago

    Ha great strategy- love it!

  • Agirl posted a new activity comment 12 hours, 59 minutes ago

    You’re a trooper @janus2.

  • Agirl posted a new activity comment 13 hours, 1 minute ago

    Lucy that’s so great. You are doing so well! How wonderful that your employer is so supportive. Keep going!

  • Agirl posted a new activity comment 13 hours, 4 minutes ago

    Nice to hear from you Buckeye! You have a great sober day too.

  • Agirl posted a new activity comment 22 hours, 30 minutes ago

    But you have so much to offer! I hear ya with not needing the bs though. Sounds like a great idea to sleep on it.

  • Agirl posted a new activity comment 22 hours, 32 minutes ago

    Welcome @mopar!

  • Agirl posted a new activity comment 22 hours, 32 minutes ago

    Oh wow Shez well done that’s fantastic!!!

  • Agirl posted a new activity comment 2 days ago

    Thanks @mari135! Seem a this anti low mood thing is a constant active process. Onward!

  • Agirl posted an update 2 days, 12 hours ago

    Morena all. Im determined that winter is not going to sit on me anymore. Low thoughts are not allowed in my brain, not even one. I can nip them in the bud, I just have to actually do it. On that note, my focus for this week is loving kindness. One of the things that happens when my mood gets low is that I’m quick to anger and don’t like humanity very much. Actually I despise it, which makes me spiral down down down. So I’m flipping it- causing myself to feel love and warmth for everyone around me. It works – bizarre!!!
    I do feel like I’m growing up very very late. This is the kind of stuff I could have worked out years ago if I hadn’t been in a convenient avoidant drunken/ hungover fog.
    So my lovely sober whanau- I hope you have a good day/ evening. You are one group I always feel warmth for – we’re in this together and we are going to be ok. Loving kindness!
    Arohanui all xxxxxxx

    • Oh goodness, how I needed to hear that today as I just got done doing a DailyMail junk news round and….I am yet again reminded to be less online and more in the real world…because people are mostly good. It’s just when the worst of the worst is shoved into your face every day (like when I consume news) that I get low.
      You have my compassion for those winter blues waves. I dread them every year and get into a lower point when I first adjust to winter.
      It’s June here so it can only go uphill for you guys down there now!!!! Longer days every day after June 26, I believe, or even sooner.

      You got this.

      oxoxoxoxox
      We will walk through that wee second half of winter alongside each other, anytime you need a place to share.

    • Love your post and “flipping your thinking.”

  • Agirl posted a new activity comment 2 days, 12 hours ago

    Funny how the world seems to send us these lessons every now and then isn’t it. Enjoy the rest of your weekend!

  • Agirl posted a new activity comment 3 days, 12 hours ago

    Awwwww so lovely @jo14 !

  • Agirl posted a new activity comment 3 days, 12 hours ago

    Lovely post, thank you @aprilsfool.

  • Agirl posted a new activity comment 3 days, 12 hours ago

    You do have a lot of your mind, plus it can take time to wind down after such a busy time. Sending warmth and comfort to you @jm. This to shall pass 🐝

  • Agirl posted a new activity comment 3 days, 22 hours ago

    A fun sober life is a real thing- it’s fantastic ! In fact so much better than the boozy version. It’s the best kept secret. Welcome!

  • Agirl posted a new activity comment 3 days, 22 hours ago

    Have you tried soda water (or fizzy water) with a dash (or several) of a yummy syrup? A bit less sugar and you get that lovely tang. Or- just pat yourself on the back for not drinking alcohol!

    • I do drink fizzy water and like the flavored ones. But I see, to need that sugar kick to replace my wine. I’ve lost my day count so not sure where I’m at. Thinking around 32 if I don’t count my one slip so yes ….feeling good about that

  • Agirl posted a new activity comment 3 days, 22 hours ago

    Ooh la la go you! And yay for the interview! Will be thinking of you on Monday.

  • Agirl posted a new activity comment 3 days, 22 hours ago

    Welcome @sarahp. Lots of support and wisdom here.

  • Agirl posted a new activity comment 3 days, 22 hours ago

    Oh @ro. Just a baby. Too too sore. Take care sweet lady.

  • Agirl posted a new activity comment 3 days, 22 hours ago

    Great work ignoring that “not good enough” voice. So cool,that you didn’t buy into it, just ignored it. Genius!

  • Agirl posted a new activity comment 1 week, 1 day ago

    I feel like I have just read your post properly @liberty. Thank you. Beautiful words. “Whatever we tell ourselves gets strength but is not necessarily a truth.” Absolutely. Thank you.

  • Agirl posted a new activity comment 1 week, 1 day ago

    Yes I just need to STOP that Mari. But it’s like a terrible fascination- watching the world self-destruct. No wonder I get a bit down! And it’s tricky because Facebook just presents it to me and in I go… No more!

  • Agirl posted a new activity comment 1 week, 1 day ago

    Well good news @gage– it’s worked really well for me today! How are you getting on? It seems happiness breeds happiness ☺️

  • Agirl posted a new activity comment 1 week, 1 day ago

    Oh that sucks @sober4real, I’m sad you’re feeling sad. Are you doing your madly busy burning the candle at both ends thing super person? Jeepers we are so hard on ourselves aren’t we. Kia kaha buddy. Arohanui my sober friend.

  • Agirl posted a new activity comment 1 week, 1 day ago

    Yes there’s nothing I can do about the state the world is in and moping about it certainly doesn’t help. I’m always aware of this, but for some reason when things get black for me it suddenly seems a disaster that becomes insurmountable. Actually it probably is insurmountable, but I can’t let that stop me from functioning and being there for my family. So the feelings have to go on the back burner. It works most of the time.

  • Agirl posted a new activity comment 1 week, 1 day ago

    So true! I’ve made my self laugh more today and it has become more and more genuine as the day went on. Downright cackling by 3pm!!!

  • Agirl posted a new activity comment 1 week, 1 day ago

    I think it’s coming Lars. Maybe not in the next 10 years but soon. Drinking will be the new smoking- totally socially unacceptable and with lots of known health risks. Then coffee after that, and any form of diet control!

  • Agirl posted a new activity comment 1 week, 1 day ago

    Fantastically brave of you Prudence! I’m impressed. I love it there too, so also really jealous. Venice is my favourite for some reason. Then Florence then Rome. Pompeii is bizarre and I found very eerie. Actually love it all. Enjoy and soak it up for lots of fantastic memories!

  • Agirl posted an update 1 week, 2 days ago

    Right that’s enough. Today’s theme is humour. Last night I went to visit my friend who is caring for her mum who has a terminal illness. My friend was smiling and hilarious. Crazy lady 😆. So no more wallowing for me. If my friend can be upbeat while her darling mum is dying under her roof then I can be upbeat while absolutely nothing is wrong in my life at all. Other than the usual first world shit which doesn’t even rate a mention.
    One of the reasons I need to sort this is it could lead me back to drinking. And that is somewhere I do not want to be lead. A few strategies: no reading doom and gloom “the planet is doomed” stuff on fb. Continue to exercise. Daily light box. Fuel myself with filling and nutritious food regularly. Yoga 👌. Play with the cats. Cuddle my children when I can catch them. Take workmates out for coffee. Iron supplements ( apparently I am a smidgen low in this, not much. Everything else is fine.) Do something good and kind for someone else as often as I can possibly manage. Laugh!!!!!!
    Jeeze I’m a saint😉. Oh and I’m not going to berate myself if I don’t manage to do any or all of these things. I feel a Monty Python ditty coming on 😆😆😆. “Always…”
    Have a good day wherever you are on the planet lovely people. For those of you in the early days of sobriety- stick with it! Wow, it’s amazing. Even the crap bits of life are better sober than drunk.
    Kia kaha!

    • Absolutely! Laughter is the best medicine. I’m laughing a lot more. Feels great.

      • So true! I’ve made my self laugh more today and it has become more and more genuine as the day went on. Downright cackling by 3pm!!!

    • Tricky aye, @agirl.
      It can almost feel like I’m being fake, being happy with all the s**t going on in the world. Or being a flake, unable to face ‘the truth’. But reality is I just can’t carry it all. I just can’t. Anyway, what is ‘the truth’. Whatever we tell ourselves gets strength, but is not necessarily a truth. I think maybe lightness of heart, joy, laughter, they are medicine we need for survival….and for thriving. It seems that way anyway. They give me strength to carry the sadness. How to nourish it. xxx

      • Yes there’s nothing I can do about the state the world is in and moping about it certainly doesn’t help. I’m always aware of this, but for some reason when things get black for me it suddenly seems a disaster that becomes insurmountable. Actually it probably is insurmountable, but I can’t let that stop me from functioning and being there for my family. So the feelings have to go on the back burner. It works most of the time.

      • Wow @Liberty! I bow down to your superior wordsmithing skills. Nice thread @Agirl.

      • I feel like I have just read your post properly @liberty. Thank you. Beautiful words. “Whatever we tell ourselves gets strength but is not necessarily a truth.” Absolutely. Thank you.

    • @agirl I needed to hear these strategies today. Having a really rough time at the moment and even realized I was thinking about relapse which would of course never solve any of my problems. xoxoxo

      • Oh that sucks @sober4real, I’m sad you’re feeling sad. Are you doing your madly busy burning the candle at both ends thing super person? Jeepers we are so hard on ourselves aren’t we. Kia kaha buddy. Arohanui my sober friend.

    • @agirl Thanks I also will adopt this happy strategy for today.

      • Well good news @gage– it’s worked really well for me today! How are you getting on? It seems happiness breeds happiness ☺️

    • oxoxox
      You gave me lots of motivation there…especially that doom-gloom stuff….I spend too much time on newspaper sites and Facebook…even though for well over a year I have been wanting to do less of that.
      Thanks so much for sharing this!!!

      • Yes I just need to STOP that Mari. But it’s like a terrible fascination- watching the world self-destruct. No wonder I get a bit down! And it’s tricky because Facebook just presents it to me and in I go… No more!

  • Agirl posted a new activity comment 1 week, 2 days ago

    Gosh those are great ponderings Teazy! Awesome strategies! Sounds a bit like the “play it forward” idea where you fast forward in your mind to the hideous feeling of hangover that is the reality. Just the truth really. You are doing so well!!!

  • Agirl posted a new activity comment 1 week, 3 days ago

    A great day here in the Waikato! A great day to be sober and actually able to appreciate it. Have a good one @andIan!

  • Agirl posted a new activity comment 1 week, 3 days ago

    OOoooo happy anniversary you guys!

  • Agirl posted a new activity comment 1 week, 3 days ago

    Oh really not nice at all! How odd. Your tea sounds delicious!

  • Agirl posted a new activity comment 1 week, 3 days ago

    Welcome here @gemm73. I hope you enjoy this safe and supportive place.

  • Agirl posted a new activity comment 1 week, 3 days ago

    Beaming some virtual strength to you @teenbroncho!

  • Agirl posted a new activity comment 1 week, 3 days ago

    It sounds like your body is really enjoying being AF. Scary and hard and exciting- so true. Also doable. You can do this, and it’s worth it. Sounds like you are also getting to know “you”? Massive congrats on day 21!

  • Agirl posted a new activity comment 1 week, 3 days ago

    I’m sure you’re right @morgan. Nothing except the weather has changed for me. So rediculous!

  • Agirl posted a new activity comment 1 week, 3 days ago

    I certainly won’t do anything silly @shez. My (adult) children are my reason for being. I wouldn’t do anything to upset them. Thank you xx

  • Agirl posted a new activity comment 1 week, 4 days ago

    Buying sweets is always better than buying wine :D. Great choice!

  • Agirl posted a new activity comment 1 week, 4 days ago

    Oh that wine witch is so bloody sneaky!!! I have had this happen previously- I didn’t even mean to drink and then wa-o. Day 8 though- nice work you have to give yourself credit for that!

  • Agirl posted a new activity comment 1 week, 4 days ago

    That’s a mighty fine number you have there Kitten! No wonder your brain is working so well. I love your observations on plaids, herringbone and lots of dots!

  • Agirl posted a new activity comment 1 week, 4 days ago

    Thanks so much for your replies @saoirse, @timidwarrior, @kitten, @morgan, @k1w1, @shez, @jm. So much wisdom. I went and had bloods done- we’ll see if there’s anything to be done there. I need to get this sorted, I feel I can’t face another winter like this. You know it’s getting bad when existence seems pointless and there is no joy in anything…
    I’ve definitely got a bad case of (in Tara’s words) “something is missing, something is wrong”. I’m so glad to be able to separate myself from it to a degree and not buy into it as reality, well not completely anyway.
    Hope you guys are all well! xxxxxxx And thank you.

    • Well done, if they all come back normal then find a really good naturopath, I have just added in B12 and it seems to be making a difference

    • That is no good at all. You will have to keep exploring. Hopefully just lacking in something vital. Iron ok?
      I am a great believer in check all physical options b4 any psychological delving as our chemistry can do us in big time. Mine does. Then the crazy, depressive stories my mind makes up- ridiculous, but so real and overwhelming

    • One day at a time @agirl!! Do not do anything irrational, take a deep breath or 10 to ground yourself!! X

      • I certainly won’t do anything silly @shez. My (adult) children are my reason for being. I wouldn’t do anything to upset them. Thank you xx

    • I am not saying it is or isnt anything – we are such complex beings. As the saying so truly goes, the more I learn, the less i know.
      Just watching Heal, a doco on Netflix. Very interesting. Have you seen it? Not too ott

  • Agirl posted a new activity comment 1 week, 5 days ago

    Hi and welcome @amandaallen!

  • Agirl posted a new activity comment 1 week, 5 days ago

    It IS good to feel isn’t it Seni. Challenging but good.

  • Agirl posted a new activity comment 1 week, 5 days ago

    Awwwww Winner that is sooooo awesome well done! We really are doing this- yay us! You have a gray day too 💐💐💐💐

  • Agirl posted a new activity comment 1 week, 5 days ago

    Nice work Happymoods. I think it’s a great idea to post daily, it helps to keep the focus. Also we like to hear from you and it gives us an opportunity to say nice things!!! Have a lovely day!

  • Agirl posted a new activity comment 1 week, 5 days ago

    Welcome here @jopeart. I hope you find inspiration and support with us here.

  • Agirl posted an update 1 week, 5 days ago

    i have to confess the winter blues are here. Dammit!!!!!! I had sooooo hoped sobriety (and my light box, yoga and exercise) would fend it off. But bloody no. Ah well. I’m also angry inside, and sometimes it’s welling up and coming out. I feel so embarrassed 😥.
    But onward. Last night I did a RAIN meditation with Tara Brach. It really helped. It involves Recognising what is going on, Allowing it to be there, Investigating it with interest and care and then Nurturing with self-compassion. I was able to identify that one of my anger sessions was about my utter intolerance of injustice between human beings. It REALLY gets me going. And you know- that’s me and I think that’s a good thing! So I was able to turn a puzzling uncomfortable experience of anger into something I recognise as a legitimate part of me. And now I’m not angry-wow! I am actually more able to address the injustice because I’m not internally stomping around harrumphing and letting out the occasional sheepish display of ineffective anger.
    Clever lady, that Tara Brach.

    • @agirl, sounds to me you had every right to for being angry!!! But I must look into this Tara Brach, cause I’m feeling pretty frustrated with a lot of things (mainly work related), and seem to speak my mind a bit too much that I care for!!! Have a good day!!

    • Hi @Agirl! I’m glad you’re feeling better, because you’re a feeling, kind person, that’s why you were angry. Interesting that so many of us listen to Tara Brach, I find she’s a weekly staple in my routine. So helpful. I also had a bit of a hell week, and it seems a little bewildering – like I’m doing all the right things, so why does life suck so much right now? But the feeling passes, the sunny feeling returns. I find that a key thing to do is self-compassion – Kristen Neff has a great guided meditation on Sharon Salzberg’s site. x

    • Well done, have you tried vit D for winter? I had my levels checked and the were okay, but the bone density scan showed low density so doc put me on once a month high dose vit D.wow it helps my moods but towards the end of the month my mood went down. I took the punt and ordered some higher than NZ dose of iherb and was lucky it came through. Makes a big difference for me plus eating keto

    • I think Tara, along with St Johns wort and a few other helpful supplements (Tumeric!) has really helped rebuild my neural pathways into more constructive peaceful ones – yes @k1w1, D is essential and for so much of our healthy functioning, and iron. Did the Dr not give you the one-a-month all winter one?
      Stephen Pinker has also helped my horror at the injustice and crap in the world – and I have sort of dealt with my guilt that I am not doing enough … we can really bring ourselves dooowwwn that is for sure, and so can our chemistry 🙁

    • @agirl, love it, RAIN. never had that explained to me, thank you. hope you feel better. i have the same problem in the winter. we are moving into summer here and it is a great boost of sunshine here lately. BUT of course, i just came from my fuck its stage. be well.

    • Hi @agirl sure know what you mean by Winter blues, hate this time of year but thankfully so far not been down in the dumps. Managed another walk up the Hakarimatas yesterday which made me feel great and I have done a bit of sorting out paperwork mainly court stuff and bills and feel more in control plus I use the Winter to save for Summer and was looking on the net for some new togs!!!!! just to keep the mood sunny😄

    • Thanks so much for your replies @saoirse, @timidwarrior, @kitten, @morgan, @k1w1, @shez, @jm. So much wisdom. I went and had bloods done- we’ll see if there’s anything to be done there. I need to get this sorted, I feel I can’t face another winter like this. You know it’s getting bad when existence seems pointless and there is no joy in anything…
      I’ve definitely got a bad case of (in Tara’s words) “something is missing, something is wrong”. I’m so glad to be able to separate myself from it to a degree and not buy into it as reality, well not completely anyway.
      Hope you guys are all well! xxxxxxx And thank you.

      • Well done, if they all come back normal then find a really good naturopath, I have just added in B12 and it seems to be making a difference

      • That is no good at all. You will have to keep exploring. Hopefully just lacking in something vital. Iron ok?
        I am a great believer in check all physical options b4 any psychological delving as our chemistry can do us in big time. Mine does. Then the crazy, depressive stories my mind makes up- ridiculous, but so real and overwhelming

      • One day at a time @agirl!! Do not do anything irrational, take a deep breath or 10 to ground yourself!! X

        • I certainly won’t do anything silly @shez. My (adult) children are my reason for being. I wouldn’t do anything to upset them. Thank you xx

      • I am not saying it is or isnt anything – we are such complex beings. As the saying so truly goes, the more I learn, the less i know.
        Just watching Heal, a doco on Netflix. Very interesting. Have you seen it? Not too ott

  • Agirl posted a new activity comment 1 week, 6 days ago

    Nice to hear from you! I’m so glad things have settled for you(I seem to remember a lot of house moving at one stage), and your grand daughter sounds beautiful. How completely wonderful to be able to enjoy her sober!

  • Agirl posted a new activity comment 2 weeks ago

    Oh my Waking owl. This journey is turning out to be such a beautiful thing. I feel so happy and tearful reading your post. So happy for you.

  • Agirl posted a new activity comment 2 weeks, 1 day ago

    Here’s to another fabulous summer for you Jocord!

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