• abcat posted a new activity comment 7 months, 3 weeks ago

    Welcome @reborn2019 😀 check in to this site often, it helps so much to know there are folk out there also on a sober journey! Ive just clicked over to one year AF, and this site has helped enormously – life will always throw challenges, but it certainly gets easier to deal with, day by day, week by week; a clear head is a blessing! sending you the very best!

  • abcat posted an update 9 months, 3 weeks ago

    Hi there; managed my first wedding, was pretty good but started to get a bit tired near the end, folk were getting drunk and im a quiet person, so felt left out. Brother in law can be super inconsiderate at times, had to really bite my tongue and not spoil anything; didnt drink tho πŸ™‚ looking forward to going home on monday, see my cats! Day 307 x

    • Good for you biting your tongue, @abcat! – I had to manage some very poor alcohol-related behaviour at a wedding recently. Told myself it’s about the bride and groom so keep it quiet. Being the sober adult can be a pain. Say hi to the Cats!

    • Great job @islandOne and @abcat for making it through the weddings. I prefer to leave when people get sloppy drunk but we can’t do that in every situation. Sometimes we need a different plan, go for a walk, change tables, dance or take a timeout in the bathroom. Good on both of you!

  • abcat posted a new activity comment 1 year, 2 months ago

    Thanks libertynow! Totally agree with you on dealing with challenges rather than go all ostrich-head-in-the-sand; soberlife πŸ™‚ happy 154 to you too; well done! Looking forward to walking with you on day 155 and beyond! x

  • abcat posted an update 1 year, 2 months ago

    Hi there, day 154 still rolling along. Officially past my longest sober stint which was 6yrs ago when I quit alcohols best buddy – smoking. Lots of positives observed, skin is no longer grey and puffy, Im sleeping really well most nights, and leaving work at work, where it should stay! Emotions still up and down tho, and all the things that come with dealing with life more clearly; hubby was in hospital for a few days, 3rd time in 18 months for a reoccurring problem; I was all over the place for a couple of days and then realised I was actually living thru it rather than numbing it out as i had done the last two times; quite an eye opener, all these raw feelings! Definetly aware that its something I need to work on, and continue to build on my coping strategies. Overall tho, im feeling a bit stronger, not so overwelmed, and hubbys home and doing much better; onwards and upwards

    • Yay for Day 154! Same here! So glad hubby is doing a whole lot better. Despite the raw emotions these challenges are far better to face sober than by numbing them out. Repressed feelings have a way of rising up and biting us anyway…or add to that overwhelming anxiety. Don’t miss that feeling one bit. You are doing fantastically well, huge congratulations to you xxx

      • Thanks libertynow! Totally agree with you on dealing with challenges rather than go all ostrich-head-in-the-sand; soberlife πŸ™‚ happy 154 to you too; well done! Looking forward to walking with you on day 155 and beyond! x

    • 154 days is amazing!!! Well done.
      And hoping your hubby makes a speedy recovery, that must have been scary for both of you πŸ™
      xoxoxo

      It is weird and uncomfortable at first to do and feel it all sober…isn’t it?! And then….after a while….it’s the best thing ever…..not that it’s ever fun to go through some storms in life, but…it suddenly makes sense to be present, raw, and feel it all.

      oxoxox

      Lots to be proud of right there!

  • abcat posted a new activity comment 1 year, 5 months ago

    Thanks heaps @Cinderella and @TipsyToeGal πŸ™‚ not drinking is giving me clarity – not missing that fog at all – and it’s been an interesting journey (84 days) so far. Those feelings hey. Onwards and upwards!!! X

  • abcat posted an update 1 year, 5 months ago

    Hi everyone πŸ™‚ had a major trigger last nite, BUT didn’t drink; my mother-in-law will, on occasion, throw in a comment relating to how disappointed she is that we haven’t provided grandchildren. I call them ‘stealth bombs’, as you never know when they might drop (eg: Convo about Fleetwood Mac – ‘poor Stevie Nicks – she didn’t have any children’ : What???? Where does this even come from??? Silent internal scream). It was a difficult, yet extremely considered decision by my partner and I, and every time she makes an off hand comment, it brings up all sorts of doubt and worry about whether we made the right choice. I’m full of awe for those who become parents, it’s a beautiful thing, but it’s not for everyone. After the comment last nite, i went quiet and ended the conversation as quickly as i could. I was pretty calm afterwards but i have been ruminating on it a fair bit since. At some point i hope to have enough sober muscles to be able to be honest with her, and let her know gently that it hurts when she says these things. Wow, the memories of the hangovers usually created in the aftermath – just horrific. Years of keeping it to myself rather than causing upset within the family. Anyways, hangover free this morning so that’s a win!

    • Congrats @abcat for not letting MIL comment trigger a call to drink. Tell you what tho, not that I’m defending your mum in law because it’s really obviously a serious issue with her. But can I just say that us oldies can be notoriously inappropriate with what we say at the best of times without realizing the depth of what we’ve said. I’ve been there done that with my own daughter. Although they were ‘able’ to have one child I would still talk about other peoples grandchildren as though I hadn’t considered their position. Even worse when you’ve had a few drinks. In fact much worse. OMG. Understand where your coming from xox

    • @abcat. So sorry those vibes are coming your way! What I hear so clearly from you is that your unsettledness is not from you and your partner deciding not to have kids but rather… from HOW to let MIL know to knock it the fluck off! It is disrespectful what she is doing to you. I am so very sure it was an intense decision to make but you do not owe ANYONE an explanation. And nobody has the right to poop on you (however “subtle”) for it!!
      So glad you didn’t decide to drink. Stand tall and firm in your decisions for your life and let NO one make you feel bad for it!

      • Thanks heaps @Cinderella and @TipsyToeGal πŸ™‚ not drinking is giving me clarity – not missing that fog at all – and it’s been an interesting journey (84 days) so far. Those feelings hey. Onwards and upwards!!! X

  • abcat posted an update 1 year, 5 months ago

    Hidehi πŸ™‚ day 64. Just got back from a new experience – a sober holiday. Had a few days in Australia, and instead of crawling back even more exhausted than when i left due to the continuous daily drinking, Im actually feeling refreshed and recharged! Revelation! Ate plenty of amazing food, and they were good food choices, not awful hangover rubbish. Hoped it would be a lovely trip, and it was

  • abcat posted an update 1 year, 6 months ago

    Hey there πŸ™‚ into day 32, feeling pretty good physically, but mentally – all over the place! been really snappy at folk at work, which I feel bad about; having a quiet 10 mins away to regroup. Was expecting emotions to be a bit up and down, just got to take some deep breaths, I’m sure with time ill get a handle on feeling more of the feels rather than dumming them down with drink!

    • Good choice taking a breather. I’ve found that doing something helpful or nice for another person helps me rise above these kinds of snappish moods. When I remember to do it, that is.

    • 32!!! Lots of amazing 30’s today here. I love it!
      The feelings are indeed their own little thing. I am at almost 300 days and still learning almost daily how un-evolved my emotional life is, how self-care is a hit/miss learning curve, and how everything.is.do.damn.new.and.odd.when.sober.

      Wouldn’t wanna have it any other way, but it’s an adventure for sure!

      oxoxxoxo

  • abcat became a registered member 1 year, 7 months ago