Getting sober is hard work – it is! Anyone who says otherwise is either lucky or lying.
Of course everyone’s story is different but it is probably fair to say that there is a big amount of work that everyone needs to do in the early stages of recovery to re-frame their identity.
During the early days without booze most of us think loads of thoughts that intensify the whole process making it seem scary as all hell…
* Am I still that fun/funny/entertaining/relaxed version of myself now that I no longer drink alcohol?
*Does everyone think I’m boring/straight/geeky/uptight now that I don’t drink alcohol?
*Will I be able to sleep/dance/open up/relax/have fun now that I don’t drink alcohol?
*How am I going to cope with Christmas/Mothers Day/that party/wedding/BBQ now that I don’t drink alcohol?
*How am I going to deal with my depression/anxiety/insomnia/diet/difficult relationships now that I don’t drink alcohol?
WHO AM I? WHAT AM I? WHAT DOES EVERYONE THINK OF ME? WHAT DO I THINK OF ME? HOW THE HELL AM I GOING TO LIVE WITHOUT BOOZE???????!!!!!!!!!!!
To all of you newly sober people feeling this fear, our beloved community member @prudence has a message for you. She wrote it in the Members Feed some weeks ago and I’ve been saving it to share more widely here in a blog post (with her permission). Enjoy.
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For all of you struggling through your first week, or weeks … hold on.
Just hold on.
Tough it out, dig deep to find that powerful inner strength within you when the going gets tough.
Remember why you are doing this, and if you cave in you are only going to get real pissed off at yourselves afterwards, and have to start again with possibly less faith in yourselves than you have right in your struggling moment.
The struggle is worth it. Forget everyone else. It’s about YOU and it is also very much about how you are starting to feel about this new strong amazing you.
Self respect is such a brilliant feeling and the possibilites that open up once you’ve done the first hard yards are just endless.
That first real happy genuine grin at yourself in the mirror is priceless. You become your own best friend.
I WANT these feelings for all of you. Keep up the good fight.
You are all hero’s just for being here. Winners. That’s what you are!!
Just hold on.
xoxox
Thanks Prudence,I’m starting day 1,and this has inspired me for the day, one day at a time.
That is very encouraging. I am only on day 5 and TBH it is terrifying. But I have also felt really good, and pretty proud – but it is a day by day thing. I will hang on!
Hold on…it gets easier. The thoughts of drinking come less and are fleeting. They
Come and Go and you begin to think NO WAY!! IT’S NOT WORTH IT! As time goes on your loved ones relax and begin to trust again. I never want to disappoint my children (who are adults now) ever again. Their pain was intense and ongoing and I’m proud to say with God’s help and blogs like this…I can be the Mom they remember again! 🙂
Our children are a tremendous reason for becoming the best versions of ourselves we can be. xoxo
Great post. It seems such a big change in ones life I am feeling and feel like my life is completely changing only after a few days of not drinking. Almost feel in no mans land. Has anyone else felt like this?
Yes. And you know what it is? It is because you KNOW you are really doing it. Not much time has passed for you yet but the big thing is you have really decided, and that is why you feel such a change. You are amazing, wise and brave. Go well xo
So much wisdom and warmth here – great to read. It ‘s tough at the beginning but sobriety is worth every ‘white knuckle’ moment along the way. We just have to believe that it’s possible and that we can do it… and we can. I didn’t actually want to give up alcohol, I just wanted to lose the consequences. Then I realised that I didn’t have to want to do it, I just had to be willing to do it … that willingness is what made the difference. xx
Nicely put. It is good living without the consequences, that’s for sure. To be willing, yes, that’s a winner xo
So so very true.I have never respected any decision in my life as much as my decision to stay sober…and therefore free.Thanks @Prudence You are so very very wise xx
It’s a beautiful thing to lose the secret shame and guilt, and the longing to be who you know you could and should be. It’s wonderful to watch your sober life unfolding. You are doing mighty fine, and you are very generous to others. xo
Repost to every new member. .. and everyone who finds themselves back at day 1
They might all get a bit sick of me if I did that Rosie xo
So true. Thankyou Prudence xx
Awww thanks Janabel xo
Love these words, certainly describes a place I want to and will get too xx
Yes, you will, and you will love it. And you will love the process of getting there too, it is priceless having those lightbulb moments when you realise yet another benefit of being sober. Grin. there’s so many xo
Wise words from a wise amazing Lady xxx
Thank you our Kerris, looking forward ot seeing you here in Christchurch again soon xo
I love this xx
Well I think you are fabulous and I’m so looking forward ot meeting you soon xo