This guest post was written as an update in the Members Feed by member @dirb, and I thought it was so powerful and succinct it was worth sharing here.
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@dirb: Thank you for this space, this foundation to my day. Every word from everyone is gold, a true gift for all of us here. The good, the bad, the ugly, the triumps, the failures, the bravery to share the raw stories, the constant incoming tide of love, support and empathy. This place is what has made the difference for me, this time, you have made the difference for me.
The first couple of weeks were the hardest, so easy to put it in the "too hard, why bother" basket. Stop, start, reset, forgive. Stop, start, reset, forgive. So the first couple of weeks, on repeat actually, so maybe turns into months, for an unspecified number of times.
Eventually, a subtle change occurred for me, which allowed me to look at myself, regardless of all the “reasons”, “excuses”, “shitfull life events with their bucketloads of justification for drinking”, and I got bored of the my same old story. The shit will still happen – lightbulb moment – drinking doesn’t make it magically disappear, become invisible or enable me to learn, change, adapt improve my life. It just fucks it up more for me and puts the stuff that matters on hold.
I know it is a part of my life now, to be vigilant, not to think “sorted”. I know for sure, I cannot moderate my drinking. No need for any more experiments on that front.
Sometimes it pisses me off, as I love a cold beer on a hot day. That little voice, sometime shouting voice, has had to be flicked of like, a fucken annoying mosquito – first I had to hear it, then see it, then smash it – so far Mosquito 0, Me 100.
It pisses me off that this happens, but then I pop onto this site and that truly is so recentering. I draw a deep breath, have a long drink of chilled water and fresh lemon and am so grateful for the resulting peace and sense of achievement in my head and heart.
I have an investment in myself now, in the sober time so far and the scales have tipped toward a “well I don’t want to fuck this up and start again”, because I know I would have to start again, as I couldn’t maintain a drinking regime and be ok.
Love and strength from me to each of you.
Kia kaha.
I found your post so insightful and it gave me an even greater sense of connection to the members of this incredible group. This site is my safe place, a comfort, a resource, a listening ear, advice, kindness…..I am certain I wouldn’t have got through the past 10 months without this support. Thanks everyone. Keep on keeping on x
Thank you very much. Today is my first day on this forum. I am sober 6 days. I have tried stopping completely too many times to count. Always in denial. But there is something inside of me that badly wants to change. The more I learn the stronger I’m getting. Thank you for having me. It’s wonderful to be here.
Love reading your post. Really goes to the heart of it, for me it is easy to underestimate how brutal the stop start process is until i am in it, thinking just this once. I like your ‘ investment in myself’ and that speaks to me and a reminder – in those times alone for stretches of time where i think there is no consequence, it will be ok, no one will know. I will say this is my investment in me and i have momentum here and now
Love reading your post. Really goes to the heart of it, for me it is easy to underestimate how brutal the stop start process is until i am in it, thinking just this once. I like your ‘ investment in myself’ and that speaks to me and a reminder – in those times alone for stretches of time where i think there is no consequence, it will be ok, no one will know.
You’ve been reading my mind. Unfortunately months have turned into years and while I thought I was moderating with many free days, I continue until the bottle is finished or I’m so tired I need to sleep. How many quarter bottles of wine have I tipped down the sink the next day I’d hate to think. I love this site for so many reasons and your post resonates. Thank you.
Inspiring post….I keep on getting a good few days under my belt, then, bam, straight back down the snake again….I’m sick of this stop, start, stop, start. This piece is raw, its honest…thank you for posting
I am feeling the same way – I hope to someday see the light.
Perfectly stated. Thank you for writing @dirb and thank you Mrs. D for posting.
Great post. Can relate to pretty much all you said..
What a good positive read, I can relate so well to all you say. I have no problems at home which is unbelievably good but just kept thinking I want to celebrate with friends or family when something exciting or good happens 🧐But then that to passes, so good to hear of others and their victories.
Kia Kaha @dirb
I love this piece as well. Such a great way to look at it: invest in yourself. Some of us worry about our retirement accounts, we check on not daily, etc., yet we pollute our body daily or several days a week with alcohol, not worrying too much on the investment on ourselves and our body. Pretty eye opening. I’m on Day 9 right now. I’ve had many Day 9’s before, but I like to feel this time it’s different. I know there will be temptations along the way, and they may never go away, but I can say I’ve had temptations in other facets of my 58 years, and I’ve never acted on them. Why not keep this gift too and watch the investment grow. Yes, this investment does need to be watched every day, one day at a time. Great post and thanks for posting for everyone to read.
I totally agree with everything you posted here. Thanks
Thank you for this inspiring piece. 55 days in and I thought “I’ve got this”……and last night came close to giving in , again, tried to justify “just one” but came on this site instead to vent my frustration and got thru the moment . Grateful to you all.
I like this a lot. Thank you
Amazing. Thank-you so much for this Dirb, and for posting it Mrs. D. It is hard to say how much this site has changed my life, but I do know I am a more positive person and being sober and being on this site has helped with this. Love back to you @dirb.