Happy Sober Reality!

Oh wow everyone … how utterly incredible you all are for sharing those brutal truths. Really, really, really, really, really brave and amazing. The truth will set us free.

I often say that one of the hardest things for me when I was stuck in the depth of my addiction was how miserable and alone I felt. Everywhere around me there were nothing but shiny images of wonderful alcohol and all the magical things it does to our lives… but for me the reality was just shitty and awful. And lonely. But now we can see that we are not alone. Our stories are unique but also so similar. Thanks everyone who added their own ‘Fast Forward’.. I really mean that.. this site is going from strength to strength because of all of you.

And now we need to cheer up!!!!!! So here are some examples of my Happy Sober Reality!!

Happy Sober Reality 1: I’m going to a wedding, this is probably my 5th sober wedding now and I know how to approach it. I make sure I feel good in my outfit and I even match my lipstick to my nail varnish! I concentrate on all the lovely friends I’m catching up with, I notice how delighted the bride and groom are, I sample all the delicious nibbles and treat myself to a Red Bull at dinner. I have loads of fun in the photo booth trying on funny hats and when the 80’s DJ starts to play I have a WILD and CRAZY time on the dance floor – seriously the best dance I’ve had in years!!!!!!! It’s an awesome, awesome night and I am so happy driving everyone home at 1am.

Happy Sober Reality 2: I’m heading to Mr D’s work Christmas party, something I’d usually be quite nervous about (not my gang) but I’ve got my sober boots on (so to speak) and feel buoyed along by the online community that has started building up around my blog. Everyone at the party is cutting loose but I feel quietly calm and it’s not a bad thing. I’m just watching and chatting and feel quite grounded. I end up sitting off to the side chatting to a lovely couple who I wouldn’t normally bother with (because they’re not boozing and I would have considered them ‘boring’). They’re actually far from boring and we have a great, stimulating conversation. I’m so happy driving home at 11pm and climbing into bed to read a few chapters of my book before crashing out and sleeping soundly till dawn. No embarrassing myself tonight.

Happy Sober Reality 3: We’re hosting a pizza / disco party for some neighborhood friends. I’m getting all ‘Martha Stewart’ on it and am trying out fancy pizza toppings. We get some silly pop tunes going for the kids and us adults are also grooving around in the kitchen while preparing food and chatting. It’s a warm and comfortable vibe and we’re all having a lovely time! I realise I’m not missing wines at all and this low-key social event is totally fun without booze. After everyone leaves I tidy up the kitchen and watch some late night tele with a cup of herbal tea. I feel unbelievably happy to be sober and very content.

Now share some of your own Happy Sober Realities! And if you haven’t experienced any yet feel free to make one up…. visualize yourself as the happy, calm sober person you want to be and play out a scene as you would like it to occur.

And occur it will.. because after you are through the trickiness of early sobriety all of these social occasions become very lovely and easy and fun. No booze required at all…..

40 Comments

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  1. Bette 4 years ago

    No drinking high is worth how waking up sober feels!!! Waking up today- feeling fit, healthy, alive and grateful, then to take my beautiful dog for a nice long walk with a clear head. No regrets or anxiety from the night before. I am excited for many more to come

  2. Kazza 4 years ago

    Third that from me also, I am on this site every day when I get a bit of quiet time. It is almost like my treat to me! Still have not told any one else about the online community but it is a life saver. I am convinced that this is the only reason I am doing this now! Reading everyone stories and comments is almost like being in a therapy session altogether!!!!! Was just having a moan about socialising sober and saw Mrs D’s blog the weddings etc which has given me a kick up the bum to just get on with it! No more arse up in the roses, no more horrific hangovers that floor me for 2 days, no going back!
    Thank you to everyone, especially Mrs D, together we are all strong!!!!!!!
    K xxx

  3. funtimesahead 4 years ago

    Happy Sober Reality: 1st skiing holiday sans alcohol. I loved waking up early each morning rearing to hit the slopes.

  4. SueK 4 years ago

    Happy sober cooking reality: Now that I’m not wining as I cook, I have had zero cut fingers and zero burns, which is a huge improvement over my old battle wounds. AND food tastes so much better with a clean palate. AND life is just generally 1000% better. At least.

  5. Alongtimeoverdue 4 years ago

    Just purchased a box of BARKERS (Geraldine) Freshly Squeezed Lime with Elderflower. 12 bottles for $96. Cheaper than a box of wine and will last me an infinite time longer with soda, mint and a slice of lime/lemon. And some ice in the summer. My new party accessory.

  6. oneday 4 years ago

    Only a couple of days in but took my daughter and 3 of her friends away for her 16th birthday. Was able to be a responsible adult and make sure the girls enjoyed themselves and were safe. Feel so happy to have put my daughter first instead of wine.

    • ifreedom 4 years ago

      So many times already I have gotten calls to rescue those in of a ride and I do rescue cuz I am sober. also so many things i have put off doing are now getting done. It’s a holiday weekend in VA and I haven’t wanted to drink until today but I will not drink! I have been loving herbal tea and calming alone times with myself. I have told my family I stopped drinking and I finally told my mother. She said she was proud of me! My mother and I really don’t hit it off and probably never will. I respectfully phone her to check on her at least I don’t feel like I have to have wines before I call her. she will no longer gossip to my siblings about me having been drunk or assume I was drunk and tell them things that gives me that give me a bad reputation ever again. Happy Sober Me! is all she will be able to say about me. ox

  7. captainB 4 years ago

    I’m really pleased you’ve cracked this. I must be honest and say I am still struggling. At one point about 5 months ago I thought the penny had finally dropped and I felt something inside that said being AF was OK. Not drinking was OK and I was just different because I didn’t drink. But I didn’t go to any events/parties etc that had booze around especially where people would expect the old me to get ratted! I used to walk around supermarkets feeling smug as I ignored the booze aisles with a little voice in my head counting how much money I’d saved. Then one Friday out of the blue for no particular reason the old me turned up and now I can’t shrug it off! I’m going to get Mrs D’s book she is brilliant. I want to like myself again and just feel and experience reality as it is. Greening to you all from the mountains of Wales , UK.

    • Squizzi 4 years ago

      Welcome welcome!

  8. Lori K 4 years ago

    Happy Sober Reality: day 94 today…first sober long drive with the husband this afternoon….last week: first sober birthday (49th), first day at the beach, and first vacation, all sparkly sober for the first time in 30+ years. Thanks Mrs D for this awesome forum, thanks to all of you out there in the soberverse! Wishing you all peace, strength & success!

  9. Smellymelly2 4 years ago

    For having the best night sleeps ever and waking up fresh.

  10. MrsH 4 years ago

    My happy sober reality is the ability to reinvent myself now that I’m in a new job. The new people don’t know (or remember) my past, they don’t have that expectation that I’ll be “up for it”, they won’t know that I’m the party girl, first to arrive (although will still do that because I think it’s good manners), last to leave. They’ll just know me as the naturally hilarious person who doesn’t drink. That’s my best sober reality so far and I think I kinda like it.

  11. Seizetheday 4 years ago

    I kiss my children goodnight and their last interaction with their mum for the day doesn’t reek of alcohol

  12. FinallyDawned 4 years ago

    Looking at the calendar and not having to write off in advance any Saturdays or Sundays following dinners out/ friends round etc. Feels liberating!

    • Alongtimeoverdue 4 years ago

      We need that LIKE button!

  13. Gilbert 4 years ago

    Happy sober reality.Reading this in bed at 10pm and being able to see and type straight.Knowing when I do shut my eyes I will have 8 hours calm sleep without needing to pee or to guzzle water.No headache,heart thumping,sweats,guilt or crazy voice beating me up.No sour taste in my mouth,no dizziness no nausea no mystery pain in my side. No worries and no remorse.Such a massive relief,

  14. Squizzi 4 years ago

    Wanting to buy a new piece of furniture for the new house and thinking it’s too extravagant and we can’t stretch the budget only to find there is extra money in the account and realised that I have probably saved in excess of over $1000 over the last 11 weeks. Holy shitballs 11 weeks! I’d just been looking at the days. Man it goes fast. So in another 10 weeks that will be another $1000… hmmmm… what am I going to spend that on?? So many option! New cutlery, new towels, new duvet?

  15. Squizzi 4 years ago

    When I was 2 weeks into sobriety, it was a Saturday night and my husband had been working at our new house site (we are renting at the mom) and it had become dark and he still wasn’t home. I received a call to come and get him as his vehicle had shat itself big time! It was 6.30 at night on a Saturday and I was stone cold sober! I have never been so delighted to receive a call. Normally I would have started a bit earlier being a Saturday arvo and would have downed a bottle already and no way could I drive. How bad would that have been! How humiliating having to tell your husband that you can’t drive cos you have been at home guzzling while he is working his arse off for his family. I happily jumped into my ugg boots and coat and went and retrieved my very tired, relieved, husband. Yah….

  16. Bee13 4 years ago

    Being able to engage with my children without looking through wine-goggles

    • Persevering 4 years ago

      Me too 🙂

  17. cherie 4 years ago

    Happy sober reality for me is sitting (like I am now) in my pjs (7.45 pm), having made dinner, cleaned up and folded and put all the washing away. The house is calm, the kids are happy doing their things, the dogs are sitting at my feet and I know that I am going to go to bed sober. I am sitting on the couch with hubby while the TV is on in the background. We go off to bed happily. The phone rings at 11pm and my middle child (who always likes to go out on a Saturday) and asks if I can pick her up because something has happened and she would rather come home. I don’t have to wake hubby and can go and get her and bring her home and know that I am sober. She is grateful that I am sober and happy that I came (she loves hubby but she loves it more when I go and get her and I am sober). We have popcorn and a chat and she happily toddles off to bed. This sounds like what a normal person would do and that is what I want all my evenings from now on to be like. (Except picking up child at 11pm everynight).

    There are many others but I want to start with the basic ones first.

  18. Lucy 4 years ago

    Last night we went for a meal, was lovely to get ready sober and feel good with what I was wearing.. made an effort with my make up and hair. ( was usually rushed cause couldn’t wait to get out and get more pissed). The man and I laughed and chatted all the way to the country pub, where I had a tonic and lime and a meal I can remember eating and not wearing!! We laughed all the way home where we sat and watched tele and ate chocolate.. and no hangover this morning so am a very happy lady. xxx

  19. RunningMum 4 years ago

    I’m still getting there but I have loved being able to drive kids around at night and pick them up late. Love love going to bed sober. I also have this feeling that I am truly looking after me – that’s pretty big as I spend so much time looking after everyone else! I was reading Mrs D’s book tonight and there was mention of choice. So I made a choice not to go to a party tonight as I am feeling a little vulnerable and need to ensure I don’t grab a wine! I wouldn’t have done that before – in the past I would have had almost a bottle before I even left home! Choice is ours.

  20. tothefuture 4 years ago

    I am only on day 6, but it feels great to not have to rely on my partner if our teenage son wants a lift anywhere after 4pm, really engage with my children after the hour of 4pm, not have stink alcohol breath at night even after scrubbing like mad and mouth washing. Hey, it even feels great to just feed the chickens, not teeter out there half cut, on autopilot and feed the little dears.

  21. Switchedon 4 years ago

    My happy sober reality is that I can rely on myself to be sober no matter what the event. I don’t have to worry if I am going to talk too much, not enough, remember what I said, reveal something to someone I don’t really want to. Tonight I am going out and I will be the happy sober driver.

    This in turn, makes me like myself sooo much more, I am proud of my sober, reliable self. Wow, there it’s out there – not the kind of self-talk I usually have!!

  22. Prudence 4 years ago

    Well I am back in the hotel room after doing a 15 k hike with Mr Normal to get up close and personal with Mt Cook and a gorgeous frozen lake below. Yesterday a long walk beside Lake Tekapo then some fun in some man made snow. Beautiful meals in the restaurant each night, relaxed and feeling so fine. This is my first sober holiday ever and I am truly loving it. And I bought heaps of books but all I do is read all of your posts. Best reading ever. Feel so connected and everything feels so right. Thank you Mrs D and all of your wonderful deciples xo

    • Gilbert 4 years ago

      Sounds fab 🙂

    • Colourful1 4 years ago

      Oh this so wonderful, so happy for you @Prudence xx

    • Prudence 4 years ago

      Thanks stacey. Hope you have an awesome time at the concert x

    • Stacey 4 years ago

      Sounds beautiful. Lake Tekapo is one of my favourite places in New Zealand. I love sober holidays, they are just so crystal clear. I’m looking forward to my mini holiday next week. I’m off up to Auckland for the Queen concert. Enjoy the rest of your holiday. You can put your feet up now after your big walk and read one of your new book. Enjoy!

  23. janabel 4 years ago

    Geting the most out of my saturdays. Actually having breakfast (coffee and toast), reading in bed. Having a wander round the shops. Making house nice and tidy. Reading my book in the spa (with gingerbeer and tonic water. That took some getting used to, i always used to have wine in the spa. Helping my husband get a really yummy dinner going. Actually eating dinner. Maybe watching a movie with a nice fire going. Looking after myself (moisturising, nails etc). And having a talk with my kids. Just little things really. BUT…remembering it all and waking up to a sober sunday. Hooooray!!!!

    • Lucy 4 years ago

      I love that.. waking up to a sober day is the best. x

  24. WillyWonka 4 years ago

    Um.. not really been sober long enough or been anywhere to have a great story, but just going to bed with my wife every night, and reading my grandson his bedtime story sober, and the money Ive saved… I can tell there’s gonna be a great story coming 😉

    • tothefuture 4 years ago

      Great post @WillyWonka ! These small things, I think, are the best!

  25. Stacey 4 years ago

    Happy Sober Reality: Being able to drive teenage son to and from parties in the evening, because I can. Love it.

  26. Sylvie 4 years ago

    My daughters 21st – full on party at home, hubby and me doing the catering, marquee, jukebox, great party. Dancing with the young people, not embarrassing my family by being arse up in the rose bed as has happened, being a good host, making sure the young people were comfy, fed, watered, remembering everything. Best of all, big hugs from both my girls for being sober and in charge. I even got to wear the tiara for a while!

    • Lucy 4 years ago

      that is great.. I’ve been arse up many a time too.. not anymore though… long live tonic water. x

  27. hetiheti 4 years ago

    just reading how alone you felt when you started your journey – and thanks to you we do not have to go thru that same loneliness and for that – and i speak on behalf of all of us – thank you from the bottom of our hearts ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥

    • Nina 4 years ago

      2nd that too

    • WillyWonka 4 years ago

      yeah -x-

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