Every day you make a single choice…

I love our Living Sober community. I just love it. There is so much warmth and kindness going on in the Members Feed – not to mention grit and determination.

I especially love how new members are instantly welcomed in the moment they join…! Often a new member registers and instantly they get hit with lovely welcome notes from the old-timers. They say things like ‘Great to have you here, you’re in the right place’ and ‘lots of warmth and support to be found here – welcome’.

Sometimes a member has only been registered for a day before they start welcoming in other newcomers! It’s such a brilliant sense of ownership that Living Sober members have over this site. Yes! Own it people! It’s all of ours. OURS! US – the big amorphous swirling group of addicts.

I feel very keenly that I am in a gang – always have. From very early in my blogging days I have felt surrounded by a gang of like-minded people who were just like me, understood what it was like to be trapped and addicted, and wanted to help.

I kept my ‘gang’ very close to mind when I was ‘coming out’ on the TV and with my book etc.. and I keep my ‘gang’ very close to mind even now whenever I’m hit with some negative feedback or a tricky Mrs D situation. I always think to myself ‘I’ll take this hit for the team’.

The team.

All of us people who struggle to control alcohol and need to learn how to live without it are on a team. We are united, and here at Living Sober that unity is displayed so openly and brilliantly. And all you have to do to join the team is self-identify as being someone who struggles to control alcohol.. that’s it!! Then you’re one of us.

One of our team members @nugget is off on holiday today – a well deserved trip overseas purchased with the money he has saved by not necking crap-loads of wine over the past few months. He sent me a message at 4.30 am from the airport (!) with a note to share a picture with all of you. His exact words were “this is a very good pic which would be great to share with the group.”

I love that. I love that @nugget was thinking of us at 4.30am at the airport heading away on holiday. I love that he called us ‘the group’. I love that we are a group, a gang, a team.

Lurkers, if you haven’t already, join us now. All you have to do is self-identify as being someone who struggles to control alcohol. No big decisions need to be made at this point. Just register, pop into the Members Feed and see what happens. I promise you won’t regret it.

Choice bus

  1. Halfastepbehind 7 years ago

    I’m really scared. I’ve woken up today with such a bad hangover. I have no energy to even move. I know I must stop drinking but I’m scared that I’ll get through today somehow, and that tomorrow I’ll forget just how bad I feel now. I won’t have anything positive to recall from today so hitting the bottle as soon as I come home from work will be too tempting. I just feel I have no life…. Everything revolves around wine and how I can drink just enough to get me out of my head but not too much which would mean I can’t drive the following morning. Weekends are the worst. Nothing to stop me… I was stumbling and slurring last night. I started drinking at 3pm and had drunk a bottle of wine before we even went out. This morning I’m depressed, anxious, regretful. I want to get on with life.

    • Sandy 7 years ago

      Hey Halfastepbehind – you need to give yourself a massive pat on the back because you have just come out and admitted to your problem – that is a huge step forward and takes a lot of courage and is the first step forward – well done and you will have heaps of support from this group!

    • Author
      Mrs D 7 years ago

      Hey @Halfastepbehind .. I echo what @Freshstart says… wow what a wonderful comment! Just go very gently and stay in touch.. you are not alone, I know it sounds like a cliche but it’s true. You are not alone.. there are so many of us who know exactly what it’s like to be trapped in a boozy hell-hole… you can climb out of it.. you can xxxx

    • Freshstart 7 years ago

      Hi there halfastepbehind. We all know exactly how you feel. The first day I was on here I was shaking and my hands were clammy, I could hardly type and couldn’t believe I was about to interact with anyone regarding my wine-drinking, let alone admit my problem to myself. Most of us have been where you are now.
      And looking back now on nearly two months sobriety, I would NEVER have thought that possible. It’s been the knowledge that things need to change, that there’s a community out there backing me all the way, and the “tools” (one day – often one minute – at a time) that makes it do-able and, believe it or not, bearable. and even enjoyable
      I had even talked myself into thinking there was no point in trying to go sober as there was nothing much more life had to offer me (I don’t mean I was contemplating anything bad, just there didn’t seem much positive to look forward to). What a joke! That shows how much I was in the grip of the alcohol and listening to its rubbish talk. I’m enjoying looking at things a whole new way now.
      Stay close, with this great community here to support you, you can do anything. We’re here for you.

  2. Kazza 7 years ago

    I would also like to say an enormous thank you to everyone, I felt very nervous about getting on board at first, especially as I am not all that good at internet stuff!! But, after my first blog I received replies which made me feel so ecstatic, included, listened to, understood…. Too many adjectives to go on!!!!!
    I am on here every day, sometimes just reading, having a look at what you are all up to, enjoying being a part of a group that I have never met but yet feel very close to! This has without a doubt made me the better person I am now and I feel like I could pop sometimes with happiness because I am so relieved to be out of that sh** that used to swallow me up night and day like a relentless nightmare.
    So thank you, thank you everyone, for being there all the time, especially mrs D- thanks for the camping tip- not sure about internet in Coral Bay, WA so may take a big diary to rant in and have to type it all in when we get back, or could stand on very tall ladder on top of caravan with metal coat hanger in one hand and iPhone in the other to try and get signal!!
    Where there’s a will there’s a way!!!!!
    Keep well all, stay on the right side of the bus……
    Kazza xxxxx

    • Author
      Mrs D 7 years ago

      Oh boy do I remember when I left my first comment on a blog (Mr Sponsorpants).. boy was I nervous!!!!!!!! I was shaking.. and now look at me blah-ing on left, right and centre all over the internet…! Great to have you here @Kazza xxx

    • AlexP 7 years ago

      @kazza – love the idea of coat hanger and iPhone – could just imagine it – LOL! And wholeheartedly agree with your comments at the top re: listened to etc.
      I feel ‘BELONGING” – (v bad grammar but heh, its a new word)

  3. Jamie 7 years ago

    I am a ‘lurker’ for the most part on here, but I receive so much strength and inspiration from all of you. Your courage and determination help me make the choose to stay AF every day. I have to admit that I have not felt better in a very long time. Thank you all.

    • Author
      Mrs D 7 years ago

      Wonderful @Jamie! I love it when the lurkers pop out for a quick ‘chat’… so great that you are getting sober… xxx

  4. DaisyB 7 years ago

    I loved your post @Mrs D. The picture you posted is so true. This morning I woke up and looked out the window to a lovely day watching my son running around outside with our puppy. So serene! Two Saturdays ago I woke up after lunch and just wanted to die. The sun was shining outside but I just wanted I stay in bed with my head under the covers in the dark.
    I think it’s so amazing that we hung out all those years ago, and if I remember rightly, we got quite pissed a couple of times. Now 26 years later, I find you again, on TV and sober after going on a similar drunken path as myself. Seeing you on TV and following you has been awesome as I am now proud to be sober for 13 days and counting.
    Thanks for supporting me and everyone else on this site 🙂 next time I’m up north I’d love to take you for coffee xxx

    • Author
      Mrs D 7 years ago

      Hi @DaisyB .. I know you had a tricky night last night. Don’t beat yourself up too much.. call it ‘further research’!! and press on. Form a very clear image in your mind of the person you want to be – sober and calm and content.. you can be her…! Stay in touch with us, we love having you here xxxx

  5. takingcontrol 7 years ago

    Thank you Mrs D for this post. I was one of those lurkers who decided to finally join the “gang” a week ago and was instantly welcomed by an existing member. It was a hard decision for me to put it out there that my drinking was a problem but my fears were immediately put at ease. I knew then that I had made a positive decision in the battle against the booze!! Today is day 23 of being sober and I am taking it one day at a time with all of your help. Even if I don’t post I know that there is support should I need it. Thank you Mrs D and all Living Sober Members for creating such a safe environment to speak out and for inspiring me to reach out xx

    • Author
      Mrs D 7 years ago

      what a totally cool comment and yay! Great to have you here @takingcontrol xxx

  6. freebreezi 7 years ago

    I love this site, I love the diversity of it’s members and I love that I can share when I am doing anxious or am struggling and I love that I can share my triumphs, however big or not so big they maybe. This site is full of hope and courage and belief and faith and even though it’s a cyber support there is no denying the strength in any support given and it’s very real.

    • Author
      Mrs D 7 years ago

      yeah totally @freebreezi it is real… that’s the thing.. you think because it’s on the internet the human connection is somehow diminished but I don’t feel that way at all.. it feels very tangible and real to me, always has..

      And PS if you are lurking and want to stay lurking that is fine too!!!!!! I think lurking is an extremely important first step in getting sober (if that’s what you lurkers might need to do.. who knows..?) I’ve always been very encouraging of lurkers .. so you lurker.. if you want to stay lurking.. lurk away!!! xxxx

      and ps isn’t the word lurk super-cool..! lurk lurk lurk… it’s the ‘k’ at the end that I like.. ok I think I need to stop typing now….

  7. grannie 7 years ago

    Sounds like we need a get together might need a few buses though to fit soooo many members In whoo hooo nearly 1000 🙂

  8. Megs 7 years ago

    Great post Mrs D. I so love this group even though I’m not the most frequent commenter, always been a bit quiet in a crowd 😛 Just had to say, its day 74 for me today. I had to drop my 13 year old off to camp out past Upper Hutt tonight. There was a massive police check point on the way, and no- one was getting through without being breath tested! Just fantastic! I’ve never been so excited to be stopped by the police. Felt very pleased with myself as I pulled away…It’s funny what makes me happy these days. Love Megs x

    • Author
      Mrs D 7 years ago

      Hi @Megs.. it is lovely to hear from you, especially if you don’t comment much…! I have been DESPERATE to be breathalised ever since I got sober and it’s never happened!! I’m so jealous…. xxx

    • Megs 7 years ago

      Btw, must sort a photo!

  9. SueK 7 years ago

    Great post Mrs D. It’s very cool to have this gang to hang out with. Sometimes it feels a tiny bit subversive… like right now, I’m at the kitchen table, the hubs is on his computer at the opposite end checking baseball scores, reading the online newspapers, having a wine. My sister is making us dinner and having a wine. And I’m hanging with my sober peeps online, having a soda water and lime. Bottoms Up. So glad you’re all here.

    • Author
      Mrs D 7 years ago

      Cheers @suek .. and to you @morganfollowsMrsD and @Dolly as well… happy Saturday’s to you all xxxx

    • Dolly 7 years ago

      I love this site hugely and all you lovely determined people.
      My long awaited family holiday was enhanced 100% by checking in each day for encouragement, advice and good old fashioned kindness. So much decency, honesty and caring from a bunch of big hearted people who I really feel are my friends. No judgement here. We have all been there, got the tee shirt and have jumped or are trying to jump off the booze wagon. Some days are easy some are bloody hard, but the desire to succeed is there and we will do it chums….TOGETHER!
      Love you Guys
      Dolly x

    • MorganfollowsMrsD 7 years ago

      It was such a wonderful post 🙂 love the picture you paint of your evening Suek. I am loving having a simple dinner in a wonderful little place with a friend I usually drink plenty with. We both had delicious raspberry mocktails, she very impressed with my THREE weeks of & the way I am handling yet another high stress situation. Glow 🙂 She is the amazing trojan woman who comes through hell smiling, so a huge compliment. Off to drive the teens later – sooo proud & happy. Thank you Lotta, thank you ‘tribe’.

  10. Seizetheday 7 years ago

    I love that we are all starting to see that awesome view through sober eyes – go us!

  11. Colourful1 7 years ago

    I love this! And miss you @nugget – but enjoy your well deserved break! 🙂

  12. Anonymous 7 years ago

    I agree, but I found that I posted something and another member suggested I keep it to myself and rather patronisingly suggested I just continue to enjoy the threads. Wasn’t happy.

    • DaisyB 7 years ago

      That really sux anonymous. Not fair at all. I post all sorts of stuff and am always ranting about my shit. Everyone here has been so supportive of me and I hope you get the same support in the future 🙂

    • grannie 7 years ago

      This is the groups site so post what ever you are feeling I know how supportive everyone is take care and enjoy your night

    • Anonymous 7 years ago

      Thanks Mrs D, its not a massive deal. I was just surprised at the response as everybody has been incredibly supportive of everyone else, even those that fall off etc. We are all on our own journey and I love this site for all its diversity 🙂

    • Author
      Mrs D 7 years ago

      Oh Nooooooooo I’m sorry that happened anonymous person.. you are very very very welcome here and unless your post was nasty or mean or judgmental (which I’m sure it wasn’t) then you shouldn’t have received a snippy reply. I have been watching out for any interactions which aren’t kind and didn’t spot this one you are referring to but please don’t be put off.. and please stay with us if you need our community. Sometimes it’s hard with things being written rather than spoken to detect ‘tone’ and there is the potential for things to be taken the wrong way – which is why I am always very big on making it VERY clear that I am using kind tone .. apologies if another member didn’t manage to achieve that for you. xxxx

  13. jo14 7 years ago

    Great post Mrs. D and great photo from Nugget. 🙂
    Our Living Sober community is the best thing to belong too…it is my extended family. And your right…the welcome was instantly there…I walked on that welcome mat into the most beautiful community. So much love, support and acceptance…and the welcome mat is always there…xoxo

    • Author
      Mrs D 7 years ago

      yes it is @jo14 .. and btw have I said how great your avatar is..? I love it! Great to ‘see’ you xxx

  14. Watergirl 7 years ago

    @Mrs D. Thank you for the excellent post and to @nugget for inspiring you. I love knowing I can come on here, and talk to this big family and know I’m one of the group. The support and friendship is humbling.
    @nugget , thank you for the picture, it is a straight forward simple reminder. I’m printing that out to put on my kitchen wall. Have an awesome sober fun holiday my friend. :-)x

  15. Noelle 7 years ago

    By the way does anyone know how to save the pic so I can put it on my iPad as a reminder?

    • Author
      Mrs D 7 years ago

      Hey @Noelle…! If you right click the image you should be able to select ‘copy image’ or if you google ‘Every day you make a choice’ the image will show up on google and you can right click and copy it from there. Good luck! xx

  16. Noelle 7 years ago

    Thanks Mrs D for the great post and to @nugget for the pic! I love it.

  17. Lydia727 7 years ago

    To me, this group is my TRIBE! 🙂 Lovely post Mrs. D. You started this ball rolling and inadvertently assembled this wonderful team. Having never met any of you, especially since I am in the US, I immediately felt a bond and friendship with everyone. I get so much love and support and even laughs, and I have never encountered that connection with so many, so quickly. Maybe we can all some day have a big ole family reunion – or UNION!
    Thank to you Mrs. D for creating this lovely, safe place for us!!

    • Squizzi 7 years ago

      Yes I agree maybe when you come out on ur trip to nz those who are keen could have a little get together?

    • MorganfollowsMrsD 7 years ago

      Are you inviting us lydia? Lol

    • Author
      Mrs D 7 years ago

      I love your interactions on here @Lydia727 ..! It’s great to have you here xxxx

  18. Prudence 7 years ago

    Great positive start to the day thanks nugget and Mrs D. I must say it is great to feel so awake and alive each day, and one of the things I rather perversely enjoy is seeing others all slumpy and jaded after a big night out, just like the guy on the bus. Have fun gorgeous happy holiday Nugget, you are a winner.
    I love being part of the gang. Yo Gangsters!! Have an excellent Friday xo

    • Author
      Mrs D 7 years ago

      Hey @prudence! Hope you are doing well…and yes, nothing wrong with a big of sober-smugness every now and again xxxx

  19. Scared 7 years ago

    I couldn’t be so strong and focused without this site and the gang. Thanks @nugget and enjoy your week-deserved holiday xx

    • Author
      Mrs D 7 years ago

      Great you are here @scared (I’ve said that before and I’ll say it again and again…!).. my boys first school visit this morning.. only 10 days until he starts..! What a milestone.. but not as big as the getting-sober milestone, the very best thing you could do for your kids, your family.. but most of all YOURSELF. Hope you have some lovely sober treats planned for the weekend.. go very gently and stay in touch on here.. you are brave and amazing… xxxx

    • Scared 7 years ago

      Grr auto correct, *well deserved

  20. CharlieGilbert 7 years ago

    We all know what side of the bus our gang is sitting on.Thanks Nugget.

    • Author
      Mrs D 7 years ago

      If we’re not careful we’ll topple the bus over the cliff with our smiling faces all on the one side…..! Hope you are feeling sober-tastic with your nice new slimline body @gilbert xxxx

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